A Dream I Dream . . .

Welcome to Nishi's Journal, part of her personal page, A Dream I Dream.

Nishi is a 26 year old Indian American who graduated from law school, passed the New York State Bar Exam and practiced as an attorney in Manhattan. She wishes to become a full-time singer/song-writer and work for human rights and peace policy. She's an avid Japanese anime and manga fan who collects Ribon and Nakayoshi and is a web designer as well. Her major sites include: UsagiandMamoru.com, MiakaandTamahome.com, and TooyaandAya.com. She also collects anime goodies, see her Treasures. Sometimes she has items for sale or almost ALWAYS on Ebay Auctions.

This journal is a place for me to vent, to share,
and to catch up with friends. Come see the world
through my eyes.

- Nishi

Sunday, September 14, 2003
11:54 p.m.
Friday I was up early helping my folks get the house cleaned and ready for the party. It was sheer TERROR the way my mom was on my back about decorating our wall units with photos and how to arrange flowers - after I arranged them perfectly she went on about how she could have done a better job - dangit then DO IT!! Later that afternoon, I picked up Mekha and Mili (Nithi would be coming Saturday morning after her exams) and once my sisters started rolling in I had lots more fun :) They understand how my mom gets stressed to the umpteenth degree and gets all crabby and irrational and just impossible to deal with ;) Nithi went shopping wit her for just ONE HOUR for groceries and came back talking about how mummy should just RELAX! ;) Poor mummy - she gets so stressed whenever we have guests coming over. Yeesh.

Mummy pulled me aside this morning though before I dropped my sisters back and gave me a big hug and said I love you :) She's so great :) Those words always make me forget the crazy stressed way she behaves ;)

Friday night was spent mopping all the hardwood floors and tiles ang gosspiing with the twins. Saturday morning, we cleaned the bathrooms and Nithi came home and we made mad dashes to the store in the rain and jumped in the shower to get ready. Guests began arriving early - party was to be at 5 - they started coming at 4. About 100 people in all showed up throughout the night - we actually thought there would be a lot more - my cousin Mat came as did a bunch of my other cousins I love and lots of family friends I adore. My poor sisters and I were playing the perfect hostesses until midnight. WHEW. We had so much delicous FOOD! From samosas to cutlets to chicken tikka masala to naan and perota (however that's spelled - i can barely pronounce it right) and yummy other stuff. I had stashed the Mini-Baileys and Masson's Chocolate Hazelnut in my dresser drawer so none of the guests took it by accident from my sister Nithi who was playing bartender all night ;) Upstairs in my room I shared it with some church friends who shall remain anonymous ;) One of the guy's moms called him downstairs cause she suspected he had been drinking even before he came to the party. LOL! Was so funny :)

My folks gave us the god-forsaken job of cleaning out our old fridge which had been left ynplugged in the basement and was covered inside with green-blue smelly bacteria. My sisters and I gaggingly cleaned it for an hour wondering what the hell we'd done to deserve that before we finally got to sleep at 1am ;)

One of my fave uncles from Texas was visiting for the party this weekend - Pop and I had gone to Laguardia to pick him up late Friday night and it was so great to see him. he and my dad are so similar in their actions = he woke Nithi who was sleeping with me this morning with his video camera - she got all mad and was telling him to go away. It was funny :) he and my dad went fishing in the huge lake behind our house while I drove my twin sisters mekha and Mili back to Hofstra. Mekha was SUPPOSED to take me to the train station so I could go to Chinese class in Chinatown but at the last minute - after I bought my ticket - she begged me with her adorable 19 year old face and puppy dog eyes if I could stay and hang out with her and come to her dance practice. I swear, as a big sister, I spoil my little sisters all the time.

So I got back in the car and I saw her and the other 6-7 members rehearse an Indian classical dance. Some of the girls looked like natural dancers. Being with them reminded me of college days when I rehearsed for Indian dances. I felt kind of out of my element with them - maybe I was too conscious of being 26 and them being all 19-22? It's weird at first hanging out with other Indians you don't know very well - you get odd feelings even though you know everybody's nice and cool - the feeling is like everyone's guard is up for some reason - must be some kind of desi thing - whatever! The girls were all so sweet and I can't wait to see their dance next December (or is it January?). They're doing the dance to the Pardeesi something-something song - can't remember the name but know how it goes.

Mekha and I went to the "Witches' Brew" for hot cocoa and the BEST ROUND-BROWNIE-PERFECTION with ice cream on the side. Seriously worth the $4.

Dana hahaha :) not that GOOD - I wish ;) But it was nice :) *HUG* Lady *big hugs* thank you! I hope you enjoyed your weekend! Carochan I know right? I'm doing my best to keep up with the news now ;) Crazy freakin bills and laws they're passing these days - I'm glad I'm able to help keep u up with things ;) LOL! Adrianne Is Edwards as cute in person as on tv? :) That must've been a fun meet and greet! :) Rachel that sounds like a great video you watched! Looks like this is what elementary classes from these years on forward will be watching on Sept. 11....wow when I was in 2nd and 3rd grades we were watching black and white documentaries on the building of the Statute of Liberty - did you guys know it was a gift from France? It was to represent the United States' openness to the world.

I'm out now but before I go - I found these great beauty mask recipies and added them to my Beauty section of A Dream I Dream. The masks are all great and so far I used the Sensitive Skin one (even though I don't have sensitive skin) and it was GREAT! It was the only one I actually had all the ingredients for so that's why! ;) Enjoy and night :)

MASKS FOR YOUR FACE

Biore's Nose Strips

A Vitamin C Mask for Sensitive Skin

Oatmeal, Honey and Almonds Mask for Dry Skin

Toning and Deepcleaning Mask for OILY Skin

- Nishi

Monday, September 15, 2003
02:37 p.m.
our party yesterday was great :) so much happened! Friday was nuts - my parents stressing so much but in the end it was worth it :) my sisters and I had lots of fun. I'm with my sisters now in Long Island - I'll write tonight :)

- Nishi

Thursday, September 11, 2003
10:23 p.m.
I worked tonight on employers - I'll be applying to a total of 577 employers located throughout NYC, New Rochelle, and Los Angeles in areas such as civil rights, international law, trusts and estates as well as government and nonprofit and charitable organizations. 577...whew.....

I watched today's coverage of 9/11 ceremony - I cried and everything - it was so sad :( my heart goes out to everyone :( The ceremony was beautifully done - I wish I could've gone down there. Later, I caught CSPAN-2's (normally boring) Tuesday run of the Democractic Candidate Debates and it was SO GOOD! I'm leaning towards Dean and Edwards - although Kucinich is great I don't think he'll win the democratic nomination. Gephardt and Graham both supported the war in Iraq and I can't vote for someone who supported that. Kerry I'm unsure about - his stance on issues on the middle east and Iraq aren't 100% clear from what I could find - he seems to support U.S. actions as long as they're with the UN - which is fine by me. International unity in actions against a country is better than the U.S. going alone. I need to read more and hear more before I make up my mind completely but as handsome as Edwards is (and he IS so gosh darn cute) I may support Dean instead as his views most closely mirror my own. Lieberman although he seems sound seems to be too pro-Israel and may not be even-handed in dealing with Palestine and Israel. I want someone who knows both Israel and Palestine are guilty of a great many thing and great concessions are needed from both sides - I don't want someone who's swayed by our 1/2 a century plus support of Israel's democratic state - so much so that justice and fair + equal treatment are decidedly biased in Israel's favor.

Speaking of Israel - what is UP with this "exiling Arafat"?? Don't they know this will just create collossal bloodshed? We're all angry about Tuesday's new suicide bombings and the repeated back and forth actions - especially by Palestinian militants but all of Palestine is ready to defend Arafat now if Israel does anything to try and take Arafat. Insane. So much for the roadmap to peace.

My friend Elizabeth IMed me last night about the RIAA's lawsuits against civilians who had over 1000 MP3s on their computers. I feel the same as Chuck D of Public Enemy who said "Lawsuits on 12-year-old kids for downloading music, duping a mother into paying a $2,000 settlement for her kid? Those scare tactics are pure Gestapo." The music industry should learn from Apple's I-store and offer music for download as well - I'd pay 99cents to listen to music on my computer and heck I always buy the cds of artists I love after hearing certain songs I like in hopes that they have even more great music on the cd.

By the way - this is a great article on Bush's speech this past Sunday night - Bush's Speech: The War in Iraq is Not Over and Neither Are the Lies to Justify It by Stephen Zunes - the passages about how the U.S. supported Iraq when it had supported terror in the 80's, how Iraq complied with the UN when the U.S. invaded and how many other countries are in defiance of UN Council resolutions but the U.S. doesn't do anything about them but actually supports them with money....

I was reading about the Patriot Act and learned something interesting: Two scathing internal Justice Department reviews have revealed abuses of power, beatings and harassment of those arrested under the Patriot Act's authority. The full extent of the abuse is unclear, for detainees are held unconstitutionally incommunicado without access to lawyers.

The original Patriot Act enables the Bush administration to subpoena library records, search homes without informing residents, monitor telephone and Internet traffic without notification and detain foreigners indefinitely. It even created a new bogeyman, the domestic terrorist: Anyone who carries out an act that "appears to be intended to intimidate or coerce a civilian population [or] to influence the policy of government by intimidation or coercion." The term is so broadly defined that peaceful protest and civil disobedience could be labeled as terrorism.

The newly proposed Patriot Act II would expand domestic intelligence gathering even more, further erode the role of the courts in governmental oversight, allow secret arrests, create a DNA databank of those suspected of associating with "terrorists" and even yank the citizenship away from Americans who support groups the government would rather not deal with. It sounds like something out of Germany, circa 1938 (when Hitler's regime pulverized citizens' rights).

The above info was from today's edition of the San Francisco Chronicle and written by Kevin Danaher. I, for one, am definitely against the Patriot Act. It's a way to abuse our civil rights and as a woman of Indian descent, I'm fearful of seeing such tactics used against myself and those I love because of the color of our skin or origin.

Lasltly I was reading about this plane that was delayed because these Marines from Iraq were returning home :) I have so much respect for veterans and those people fighting in Iraq. Although I'll never agree with our reasons for being in Iraq and continually believe that any lost lives in Iraq - American or Iraqi are all on Bush's adminsitration's heads, I do support our troops - they're our fellow citizens and brothers and sisters in this country - they're risking their lives for something this country's started - whether what they're fighting for is right or not I don't want their fighting and their deaths to go unsung - they need our support and good will.

It's after midnight as I finish writing this. I love being off/unemployed :) I can stay up and read news and not worry that "oh no I gotta get up at 6am for work tomorrow." I really want to make a creative life for myself with my music - as impossible as it may seem - so that I can devote my life to music, writing, and my beliefs in peace and human rights and never have to work a day ever again as an attorney for small things. For right now though, I hope I do get a position at a civil rights firm as at least working as a lawyer there will be towards something I believe in even though BEING a lawyer is not what I truly want. I wish there was a direct path for lawyers or law students who don't want to practice as attorneys but who want to put their smarts and legal know-how to use in other ways - such as in foreign or domestic policy - no direct path exists - for everything you've got to suffer some years as an attorney before anyone will even consider giving you a chance at what you really want to sink your teeth into. That sucks.

I pick up my sisters tomorrow night so no get together for me tomorrow. We'll be preparing all day for the party on Saturday. I have chinese class sunday and I'll be spending all next week mailing out resumes and working on my songs - I'll have the house most days to myself so I can sing my heart out and finish songs and make others perfect.

Lately my dreams have all been about songs. I dream songs and the second I wake up I write whatever it was I was singing down and try to keep humming the tune contantly so I remember it. Ironically, once I devote my brain creatively to writing (song writing or fiction) I don't dream about those things - I guess when I don't do those things in real life for a while my brain compensates by dreaming them.

I'm off to dream now. Night everyone!

- Nishi

Wednesday, September 10, 2003
10:12 p.m.
DISCLAIMER: what you read here in this entry are just my fledgling and amateur formative views on a range of topics I am NOT an authority on. Do not attribute views to me other than what I have expressly written. I support the U.S. and George Bush but retain my constitutional rights to speak out freely about and in criticism of government actions.

I was reading about Isreal and Palestine - every day seems to bring more bloodshed there with no end in sight. I remembered something I read once in a letter Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis wrote to Russia's President Khrushchev after JFK's death - she wrote something about little men, not big men, starting wars and that big men knew how to control themselves but little men were moved by fear and pride and that big men had to make the little men talk things out before they fought. I think she was 100% right. I never agreed with the U.S.'s preemptory(sp?) strike actions with Iraq or with this country's retaliation against Afghanistan and wasteful search for bin Laden - those to me seemed like the U.S. acting like a little man - hurt and lashing out - but the U.S. is a big power and cannot afford to act little - we have a responsibility as a big man in this world....not to police it but to heal it. There's a famous expression - with great power comes great responsibility - we've made in the middle east and from what I'm reading, we're not doing a godo job of fixing things and then there's the destructive Israel-Palestine relations - I don't know what but something's got to be done before World War III breaks out. The only solution I can think of is to have an independent entity take the reigns toward peace - the U.S. is viewed as too biased - as too pro-Israel and the people here have been showing many bad signs after 9/11 - racist and horrible acts towards foreigners - especially arabs, sikhs, muslims, heck even Indians like me and we had nothing to with any of it. I want the United Nations to do something but even THEY are truly powerless in the grand scheme of things and with the exception of France and some other countries, seems to be U.S.-biased. If the big people in this world don't get their acts together and focus on the best interest of humanity as a whole and stop focusing on their own country's economic and political gains - the little people in this world - with their ideologies born from strife and hardship - they're going to start something we may not win.

Agh...anywayz...3 of my boxes filled with collectibles and valuable items are missing. They were moved here with my sisters a while back and have since disappeared. They contained my Anastasia Imperial Music Box, my PQ Angels and Kamikaze kaito Jeanne collectibles, framed pictures of Ricky and me and my sister Nithi - as well as 2 jewelery boxes with gold jewlery my mom gave me and silver jewlery - a silver locket bracelet from Red Enevelope that Ricky gave me - so many other precious things. I hope I find them.

I'm catching up on so much world news and events - so much has happened this summer that I didn't even know about......it's funny when I watch American news programs how so much of the news is U.S. focused and of course middle-east too along with stuff on Jennifer Lopez and Ben and Brad and Jenn - we always want to know what's going on right here in our own country with stars etc - but there's so little actual world news - I can hardly find any news programs devoted to the entire world's news - stuff going on in South Africa, Bengal, Malaysia, South Korea and the Phillipines.....this stuff matters! A world power like the U.S. should have a highly educated population which is aware of world events, world views and should be concerned about what the U.S. is doing or isn't doing with regards to other nations. We should be as concerned about dying populations in Africa as we are about JLo's and Ben's wedding this coming weekend or is it next week?

Even if we are a vast nation isolated from so much of the world physically that doesn't stop us when we want to promote economic ties - we seem to get in every country's face with our power and superiority in technology and warfare yet we as a whole don't know a thing about other countries - their histories, their problems or even whether we fit into their world. In the past 50 years we've butted in (vietnam) where we shouldn't have and butted out (afghanistan after 1st gulf conflict) when we should have done something. I don't know enough about policy to really criticize but I know enough to see that our country right now, at least with the current administration, isn't helping to make things any better. I had more confidence when Clinton was in office. Now there was a brilliant man who knew how to better America's relations with the world and who had sound policies and views on global issues such as the environment and political and cultural strife. Nothing against George Bush Jr - he's a good guy - but he and his admin I think are progressively WORSENING our position in the world.....at least that's what it looks like from all the news stories and opinions of people from so many countries.....not good......

While I'm off and before i get a new job, I want to spend these next few weeks really studying world events since 9/11 and what our social, global and political policies are these days.

DISCLAIMER: what you read here in this entry are just my fledgling and amateur formative views on a range of topics I am NOT an authority on. Do not attribute views to me other than what I have expressly written. I support the U.S. and George Bush but retain my constitutional rights to speak out freely about and in criticism of government policies and actions.

Who knows what crazy people might read this journal or in the future and think weird things about me. A disclaimer is necessary ;)

I'vw got one of those Biore nose strips on and am giving myself a facial. Feels good :) Gonna have a brownie and some hot cocoa and read a book and talk to ricky and have a good night! I spent all day with the house again and helping mummy and papa move all night. I'm beat!

- Nishi

Tuesday, September 9, 2003
10:31 p.m.
I drove papa all over upstate NY today. He wasn't feeling too well last night after mowing the lawn and helping to lift packed boxes into the car last night at our old house so I agreed to drive him to his appointments today. We went to Newburgh and I thought I'd be throughly bored but it turned out there's a small mall there - The Newburgh Mall - boasting of a Sears, an Old Navy, a Radio Shack and some other boutiques - I spent almost 2 hours there at this little mall while papa was at his office and found 2 WONDERFUL STORES owned by the same owner - they were called CARD CAROUSEL but the one I really fell in love with was one devoted entirely to CANDLES and CANDLE HOLDERS!!!! I love candle holders - I've got an assortment I never use - I walked out of there with some beautiful halloweeny and autumn-themed candle holders. Even if it IS all the way in Newburgh, I'll go back there again. They even had this really cool haunted house large light up candle holder that was $75! It made noises and everything and had mummies spinning ;)

Anywayz, after pop was finished we hit this huge wine store - I mean HUGE - I got him to get me some mini Bailey's Irish Creme and a small bottle of Paul Masson's Chocolate Hazelnut Creme liquer. He kept chiding me and saying "why do I got to drink? not a good habit" - this from the man who drinks a glass of Black Label every night ;) I told him how I don't drink really - only on occasion when with family and friends and in social gatherings. I don't have the liquor parlor like my dad does although it'd be cool :)

It was SUCH a freakin gorgeous day! Low 70's all day - sunny and warm - no humidity whatsoever - reminded me of L.A. - I love this weather. Too bad it only lasts like a week before fall really starts. *sigh*

Good news! :) I got a return phonecall from an employer today :) I need to call him back tomorrow to set up an interview :D They do environmental law so this may be cool!

I talked to one of my friends today who I THOUGHT had been happily married - she shocked me with "I'm getting a divorce" - she was arranged married (happily at the time) to this guy who turned out to have lied about everything - he was a college drop out, bankrupt and $10,000 in debt and his parents treated her like crap. She didn't know any of this when she and her family entered into it and now she was married to him almost a YEAR.....don't get me wrong - arranged marriages are actually very good things when they're entered into honestly and with the best intentions on both sides - but sometimes....they go horribly wrong...this looks like that. Wow......the family is bankrupt it turns out and won't give her back her dowry and when my friend tried to confront her husband about his life - he got violent and actually threatened her - even threatened to KILL her - what the HELL??? It's just sick. At least she's out of it now and is back with her parents. I feel so awful for her :(

Again arranged marriages can be great! I fully approve of them but only when the children wish for it and want it completely. If I hadn't met Ricky or anyone else I fell in love with, I'd want my folks to arrange marry me but that's because my parents are great and have my best intentions in mind and won't make me marry anyone I don't want to.

Callie-chan I tried to check ur auctions link but the link doesn't work. Can you paste it in again or try to email me once again?

- Nishi

Monday, September 8, 2003
10:40 p.m.

I'm Christian you idiot.

Anywayz, I got stitches removed today from a surgery I had a couple weeks back. Afterwards, my folks and I spent the day moving more boxes and packing more things - so exhausted. We're getting ready for the huge party we're having this Saturday and this house is going to have at least 100 people I think in it. I'm thinking again of moving out and getting my own place.....really going to search Los Angeles jobs with an agency soon.

callie I'll check ur auctions either tonight or tomorrow :) Nishi I've received lots of messages from both Japanese and Indian people named Nishi since I made this blog :) My folks named me after some north indian actress who my parents liked at the time - since then i've learned the name means night or darkness in malayalam (native tongue) and west in japanese :) It's nice to meet you :) Ingrid one of my closest friends in college was named Ingrid :) I have Time Stranger Kyoko but an unable to send it. You can download it from http://www.gatchaman.com I think. Seraph then I'll say really good prayers for you :) *HUGGGGG* Mystikwave thanks :) I tend to be optimistic :) *HUG*

I'm planning a get-together with 4 of my friends - hopefully for this Friday night as my sisters now wanna be picked up on Saturday for the party. We wanna go drinking and have dinner and just catch up since we're never able to hang out anymore. I haven't seen 2 of them in a YEAR since my graduation party last summer - Sashi works at KPMG and is amazingly busy traveling to locations all over for her job, Neils busy now teaching and he fences and luckily now Winie no longer works and is studying for her boards so she and I will get to hang out more :) Brian is still in med school but I'll see him with Winie soon.

I spent the evening on the phone with some old friends from college - Kelly, Missy, and Michelle I MISS YOU GUYS!!!!! They were flipping out about me getting laid off from my job and the whole office finding out about my journal ;) I laughed so much with each of them. In college during summers there we'd all hang out driving around at night all over Binghamton - cause there really wasn't much to do up there. But we had so much fun.......*sigh* the one thing I hate most about graduating college is that I hardly see my best friends any more. We're all over the place and so many have moved out of New York and I myself want to move out to L.A. When I think about other dear friends like Ingrid and Esther and Ayna and so many others I haven't spoken to in years it just sucks. I hate when things change so much that you lose touch with people who mattered most to you at one time.

Anyway......I have to be ready by 9am tomorrow to drive my dad to Newburgh for his appointments and prolly won't be home till late. So much for plans to unpack. Night everyone!

- Nishi

Sunday, September 7, 2003
11:47 p.m.
I had my first day of chinese class today and it was good! It should've been easy but was actually hard because I was in a mixed class of 50% advanced and 50% beginners. They didn't tell us when we signed up that the morning and afternoon sunday classes would be like this - they just told us they were the same for beginners. I took the afternoon class in case I went to church with my family on sunday mornings but now i'm thinking of switching to the morning class on the days I don't go to church and attending the afternoon when I do go to church. I met really interesting people :) Chinatown is one of my most fave places - I already put some of the chinese I learned today into practice! :)

After class I went to Barnes and Nobles and Kinokuniya and picked up WILD ACT 2, KARE KANO 5 and KODOCHA #9. :) Gonna have fun reading. The following are the manga a.k.a. graphic novels translated by Tokyopop or VIZ that I recommend you guys read: Sailor Moon (of course!! ;)), Kodocha, Marmalade Boy, Fushigi Yuugi, Ayashi no Ceres, Kare Kano, Basara, Love Hina, Vampire Game, Wild Act, Planet Ladder, Miracle Girls, Saint Tail - and anything that isn't depressing by CLAMP ;)

I'd forgotten what it was like to be living with my parents every day as the only daughter in the house. It's so hard! Adult children really can't live 24/7 with their parents - we need our space.

Living in a fancy house is no fun. In our home of 16+ years everything was nice and neat and great but it still looked like a family lived there - we had pictures on the fridge and normal furniture and carpeting and heck we could eat in our rooms. Now in this fancy house we have fancy furniture and can only eat in the dining room and hell my mom won't let me put even my $200 art paintings on the walls of my room cause it'll mess up the $20,000 painting job. SHEESH. I always wanted to live in a mansion - something really fancy but if I ever do I'll have my fancy library and parlor etc etc but I'll have down to earth rooms too where you can get it messed up and not worry! Always worrying about people coming to see the house and keeping it perfect drives me nuts - you can't be just normal then.

The funny thing about chinese class - the school is the chinese public school and everyone from kindergarten kids to adults are being taught there on sundays and we ALL have to wait for the bell to ring at the end of the class before we can leave and we ALL have to line up in ONE STRAIGHT LINE led by the teacher to exit the building. All the adults and I in the class were muttering how we felt like we were in elementary school again ;) LOL! It was fun :)

One day I want to teach - I can never be a kid again but I want to be in a young, vibrant, academic environment where people are learning and are there to truly learn cause they want to. Once I've achieved something and made something of myself I'll go back and teach - maybe college, maybe high school - I don't know - I think the job of teacher is one of the best in the world - you yourself are always learning and it's amazing when you can teach a child something and help them grow into better people.

1) Singing/song-writing/performing all of my songs and sharing them with the world

2) Writing and publsihing my stories that I've been working on since age 14

3) Social Policy/Human Rights Advocacy - creating or helping a human rights organization

4) Teaching children and college students

I'll keep those 4 things in mind always.

Night guys :)

- Nishi

Sunday, September 7, 2003
01:53 a.m.
I LOVE Miracle Girls manga! I finished all 9 volumes tonight! I wish it could've kept going. Kare Kano, Vampire Game, Wild Act and Kodocha will all have the newest issues out this month so hit Barnes and Nobles or Kinokuniya! :) I definitely will.

Today mummy drove me insane. My mom is the best, most wonderful mom, so loving and sweet but there are 2 things which turn her into "banshee mummy" - preparing for parties and cleaning. We have a double whammy in that we've moved into the new home and my mom is crazily wanting everything to be perfect and in the right place - not resting and stressing herself out and since I'm the only oh so lucky daughter staying home with the 'rents, I get the brunt of all her stress. Even after sweeping upstairs and downstairs - all the dang hardwood floors, washing dishes, and cutting up a huge block of beef and washing it, my quick-tongued mom shot assaults such as "26 years old and she couldn't wipe the mats for me which were sitting right there on the dining table" or "I have to do everything myself when Nishi you could have done this or that" - AY YI YIIIIIIIIIIII - it went like this almost all day except for when my folks went to the ONAM party. I took all of this silently knowing my mom gets like this when she's stressed. Doesn't help that her father (my grandfather in India) isn't doing well - he had cancer in the mouth and had surgery which removed everything except 1 lympnode was positive and from this it spread and now he's probably in his last couple months. So I let my mom get rid of her stressed and finally while I hid out in my room reading Miracle Girls she came in and kissed me good night and I gave her a big hug. Hopefully Bandshee mummy's gone and my normal sweet mom is back ;)

I should've gone to the ONAM party - ONAM is a festival in southern india based on an old legend of a GREAT King who was ruler of all the world and universe. he was such a great and generous king that if someone asked something of him, he'd give it to them. The kings name was Mabeli I think. I don't remember the whole story except some jealous evil guy took advantage of the King and the King in his generosity wound up sacrificng his life BUT each year on this date he returns to see that his people are happy and prosperous and so the people in south india celebrate on that day in his honour so that he sees they are happy. Something like that. I've never been to an ONAM party or celebrated ONAM but maybe I will next year. I didn't go this year cause I thought it would be boring as lots of mallu things are ;) But my mom talked so much of the great performances and of a group doing a GREAT dance to the DEVDAS movie soundtrack. Ah well.

Janeen-chan well people judge others all the time based on limited knowledge right? Looks, clothes, the way we talk, the way we project ourselves in front of others, the different sides we show to different people. Online viewers read online journals and blogs and think they KNOW the writer not realizing that the writer only writes what he she wants to at a given time and it's just their thoughts at that moment - what they write doesn't define who they are or what they're really about - they're just writing to vent or figure things out - to an outside reader they could judge the person as "indecisive, slow, dumb" etc when in fact they could be completely different people from what you would deduce from their writings.

What's really ironic is that we writers can change our minds completely the next moment after we've written something and not bother to change what we wrote cause hell it's our journal - we know what we thought and were thinking - why change it to correct or justify others? If people judge you or me based on our online journals or anything that we *choose* to share on our websites they're first of all judging another human being whom they haven't known their whole life and judging based on limited information which we chose to share - we may have not shared everything and in fact we never do!

Every human being is so complex and we all have so many sides and facets to our personality - I think it's wrong to judge anyone period - we're not God and He's the only one who TRULY knows us and can say what we really are. Everyone else is just concluding things based on their understanding which is imperfect. Holy heck why I am I philosophizing so much at almost 2am.

Anywayz, of course I mind if people judge me cause they don't really know me and they don't understand everything that may be running through my head - they may only understand what I, MYSELF, was TRYING to understand by writing it all down and figuring things out. A lot of online journals are made because as inviduals we're growing every day and journals helps people learn more about themselves, helps them deal with things, and MOST OF ALL it's an emotional release and HEALING to write. It gets out a lot of things that bothered us. For someone to judge us based on all of that - it's not right. They can try to understand us and see where we're going - but judge and draw conclusions as to who and what we really are all about? NUH UH. You're not God - even the most gifted, genius-psychologist or whomever could never know another human being like that.

Miyu-chan spring?? are u kidding? phooey. we live in the same gosh darn state. :( that's ok but then you definitely owe me one free karate lesson ;) deal? Callie I know - I realized today I'd forgotten! Sept 2nd was the 5 year anniversary. With so much happening I forgot all about it. I'll make up for it sometime soon! :)

Tomorrow I have my 1st chinese class! :) Monday I have to go to the doctors to get stitches removed. Even though it's almost 2am I'm gonna go eat something - too hungry. Good night guys :)

- Nishi

Friday, September 5, 2003
11:21 p.m.
I'm going to start this year's UM.com charity run and pick out which possible charities to start getting the committee fundraising for. I also want to do the scholarship grant before the end of this year. We've done Make a Wish Foundation, Juvenile Diabetes, the Humane Society, another one I forget now but it was for 9/11 and we raised a lot of money for them. I want to focus on a charity for hunger now - any suggestions? Can't wait till I get the cable modem connection up in the new house cause then I can put up all the updates to UsagiandMamoru, MT.com, the fic archive, and every other domain.

Ricky's going to San Francisco definitely for the project and is there for 3 weeks! The best thing is that his company will fly anyone up there to be with him! I can go for a week or a weekend - whatever! And this is the case wherever he gets projected. I hope he gets projected in Hawaii ;)

I spoke to a bunch of friends today on the phone - I have weddings and bridal showers to prepare for now ;) My friend Robin from law school is getting married in October and my friend Winie is getting married as well and these are in addition to my cousin Mat's wedding in November. I got an email from another friend who is pretty religious and spiritual and she wrote something that motivated me - she believed that God had better things in store for me and that where I had been was not the right place for me. She's really great.

I'm looking to get a manager in 2-3 months if I have a finished professional demo tape by then. I worked on some more songs this evening before I went out with my mom for a 50 minute walk/jog around the neighborhood. Felt so good to work out and was even better since I'm really happy with the finished songs - I'll record them for Neil to listen to soon and maybe then we can pick out the best songs to put on the tape.

Lastly, I got in touch with 2 attorneys today, sent out 4 resumes and 1 email with resume to a public policy position. I'll be doing much more next week.

Sanoj don't worry about it but thank you for caring :) *HUG* and nooooo I've been missing the debates! I'll see if I can read up on them. Tell Eddy and Rachel I said hi :) I see Eddy only once in a while on AIM. Binu you're more than welcome :) and thanks! :) Hope you got my email! Rachel hahaha :) My friend Eddy is in Texas and he married his long-time girlfriend (whose name is Rachel) a while back and I haven't spoken to him in forever since I took the bar and was back home and then working. Anywayz :) Miyu-chan gas is freakin expensive these days isn't it? I think it was just last wekend I saw prices WELL over $2 - insane!

I'm out :) We have an ONAM party possibly to go to tomorrow but it might be boring so I may opt out. Sunday I have my 1st Chinese class!!! :) Can't wait :)

- Nishi

Thursday, September 4, 2003
11:17 p.m.
Miyu-chan hey I got lots of free time now - how about we go in your truck now for a road trip? ;) You can teach me a little karate finally ;) and I agree 100% with your comment :) *big hugs* :)

Anywayz, today my mom and I spent the morning in White Plains for her dental appointment and afterwards packed up more of the house and moved it to the New Rochelle home. Mummy kept saying over and over that if she hadn't pushed and booked movers we'd still be living upstate until October or later but the only problem is our home in New Rochelle still isn't complete. There are workers here every day! The basement isn't finished which will house a 2nd kitchen and my dad's office and gym(?) I think and the outside and patio still need work and they're just fixing up the fireplace and fixed the electrical outlets. Lord it'll be a miracle if we can completely move in this month. ;)

I'm drinking decaffeinated green tea - very soothing. My dad talked to the mayor of a town here in Westchester and the mayor told my dad to have me give him 10 copies of my resume in order to help place me somewhere new. WOW. My dad's great :) I found a lot of interesting positions last night - some in Los Angeles and others all in NYC. Majority were interesting environmental attorney and civil rights attorney positions which I'll apply for but the best one is this "Director of Public Policy" position at this organization here in NYC which pays amazing and that I'm actually fully qualified for so I'm going to throw my hat in there as well - they do exactly what I want - analysis of legal policy and research on policy issues affecting civil rights. Cool huh?

I spoke to my friend Neil last night online and he told me he listened to my songs :) He said he came up with a lot of good ideas and had tunes in his head. :) I can't wait to work with him and really finally put music to my songs. I'm just afraid that the music I have in my head may clash with how he sees it. He's really cool and one of my oldest friends and I'm afraid of clashing with him on music.

We're gonna be spending a lot of tomorrow packing and unpacking and moving as well - heck it'll be this story all weekend and next week cause next Saturday we're having a huge party as a housewarming. Ugh - that means load of cleaning before the party and loads of cleaning after. Cleaning sucks.

Good night guys :)

- Nishi

Wednesday, September 3, 2003
09:24 p.m.
I want to write and sing full-time and pursue that dream but for the time being, I'll make a living with my law degree in a law job in civil rights/human rights and environemental, trusts and estates, and employment law.

Seraph *HUG* thank you so very much. How've things been with you? When will you get your results? I'll say a prayer for you :) Rachel definitely see if you can get it! If any trouble, visit Tokyopop.com and check to see which of its dealers (probably rightstuf.com) are selling the volumes. RMN LOL! I don't think any of that's true cause he's a good person and I trust him and people are human beings ya know? We're not perfect.

Anywayz, I'll write again tomorrow. Night everyone.

- Nishi

Wednesday, September 3, 2003
02:34 p.m.
I'm putting all this job loss and the firm behind me and I'll find something else and keep moving forward with my dreams. I'll leave this part of my life in the past and move on. I'm at the new house now unpacking a bunch of stuff in the kitchen. I go back with papa tonight to finish packing everything at home. Hopefully we'll have everything in by this weekend. It's weird to be back in New Rochelle after so many years. We come here every Sunday for church but I haven't lived here since I was in 4th grade. I went to Trinity Elementary and I have the best memories from that school. I wonder if any of those old friends still live here. To Jamie, Memory, Rachel, Janeen, Lady, Callie, Miyu-chan, Carochan, Reena, RMN, Mistikwave and anyone else I forgot, thank you for your support and friendship :) Jamie you always have such sound advice thank you :) *HUG* (please see the message for you in the post below). Memory and Rachel and Callie you guys cheer me up so :) The way you guys talk reminds me of my best friends Caralyn and Sashi. Anywayz, if you guys haven't already, read this manga called "MIRACLE GIRLS" - about twins with psychic powers - it's really addicting and a great read. RameoG wow it HAS been forever. Agh life's been a rollercoaster, how's it on your end? :) I've been bad about keeping up and reading everyone's journals but I'll check yours tonight :) Camille always happy to meet another Usagi and Mamoru fan :) The fiction should be up within the next 2 months so check back then :) I've gotta finish unpacking the kitchen so I'll see you guys later :)

- Nishi

Tuesday, September 2, 2003
11:58 p.m.
hey everyone :) *HUGGGGGGG* thank you so much. When I saw Ricky on Friday he gave me a huge hug and when I told him about being laid off from work he told me it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I was like "ur kidding right?" but he said he wasn't and that I'd get something much better after this and on the bright side, on Tuesday I get to stay home and sleep late while everyone else goes back to work ;) What upsets me though is that they didn't give me any notice and just let me go with no severance pay at all.

I was really depressed and upset for 24 hours after being laid off. Ricky told me not to worry about telling my parents because this wasn't my fault. I got laid off, they were downsizing, and like the partner said - it was hard because I didn't do anything wrong, I was a good worker and a good attorney but it was costing too much to keep me because I'm a new attorney and they're a small firm and they have too many expenses.....

My parents were great. My dad thinks this was a great lesson for me and is now pushing me to go into real estate law and do closings which is what he wanted me to do from the start - BLECH - real estate? closings? well it DOES make a lot of money - one closing alone generates at least $1000 in attorney fees my dad said. Maybe I'll do something like that for now, who knows. After showering and stuff on Friday and with Ricky in my room so I could be alone with just my sisters and parents I told them I had bad news and mummy goes "oh no what happened to the car" - jeez....I say everything's FINE with the car....I got laid off from work.....and they both took it very well and understood :) I couldn't believe it but was happy :)

Friday night was spent with Ricky and my sisters and parents. Ricky and my family get along great. And I got BIG NEWS We're moving to our new home in New Rochelle, Ironic isn't it? I get laid off from work just when we get to move closer to the city. My folks spent Saturday moving a ton of our things to the new house while my sisters moved into Hofstra, and Ricky and I went and spent the day in the city. We went to Chinatown where I confirmed my registration for chinese classes which start this Sunday, Sept 7. I had already registered and it was nonrefundable $130 - oh well so I'll go ahead and follow through. We ate at SWEET & TARTS which has gotta be one of my very FAVE places to eat on Mott Street - if you guys go there order the coconut milk with pearl thingies in it - cold "tong shui" or something like it. Afterwards, we went around the whole city and we saw SEABISCUIT (the movie) at night and ate and drank margaritas at Chevys. I had a good cry with Ricky on Saturday about my job - all of my anger and frustration and sadness came out - how could they just do that to me? I had been working and trying so hard - and htey just do this out of the blue with no warning. I wound up writing a song about it on the train - instead of it being literally about being laid off from the job I personified it into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship - the song is called "NOTHING TO ME." :)

Sunday we had a house blessing so my sisters all drove down, Nithi too from UCONN, and we spent all day at the new house preparing it to be blessed. At night we went to NEW ROCK CITY and played pool and went to the arcade where we played laser tag and rode on this CRAZY ride called SPACE SHOT which you sit down and they countdown from 10 to 1 and you go WHOOSH in 1 second up to the top out above the building and there's nothing but sky! Mekha was like "look I can see our house!" LOL! :D It was SOOOOOOO freaking terrifying but in a good way :) Definitely worth the money :)

Monday was also spent moving and unpacking and I sadly drove Ricky to JFK. :( I miss him like crazy. He may be stationed for a project in San Francisco for 4-5 weeks. Today I was going to call work about the severance pay and picking up my framed diplomas and paintings from my office but moving to the new house took up all the time and I get NO CELLPHONE RECEPTION at the new house. I have to call sprint and have them do something about this. I'll be at the new house full-time by the middle to end of this week,

This was a good weekend because I worked through my anger and hurt over being laid off from my 1st real job and it kept me busy with my family and Ricky and now with the house move, keeps me busy. I have to look for a new job in the next couple days. I'm seriously thinking about Los Angeles but also thinking of right here in New Rochelle or White Plains and still, of course, in NYC.

As much as it hurt, I feel much stronger and better for it. I'll make sure I go up from here.

Everyone, thank you for all your caring and thoughtful messages. I wasn't able to sign on all weekend after that last post so seeing what you guys wrote now....literally brought tears to my eyes. :) Jamie thank you :) unemployment benefits? ok - ricky had told me of that but does that adversely affect your credit at all? I'll look up how to obtain them. Reena thank you! *HUG* back. I do feel better. :) Rachel you're such a sweetheart - thank you for what you said - you've no idea how much that cheered me up now :) Much love to you as well. *big big tremendous hugs* :) Mistikwave :) really? what were you inspired to do? and thank you so very much. :) I'll be fine. *HUG* Caroline *HUGGGGGGG* you know what they say carochan - when you hit the bottom, no where to go but up, right? ;) Memory I'm ok :) And I agree with Lady too - this might be a blessing *HUGGGGG* If you know of any attorneys in Westchester County, NY or NYC or Los Angeles County in California hiring lemme know ;) Callie I'm sorry about DoubleDave's Pizza Calliechan. The economy does suck huh? *HUG* thank you for your prayers sweetie. RMN thank you for your prayers as well *HUGGG* :) I do feel much stronger and I know that for every sadness in life, something happy is waiting around the corner. Janeen-chan LOL! :) u made me smile with that **shocked** message :) *HUGGGGGGG* Believe me, I was pretty shocked too ;) Miyu-chan I love your hugs :) *HUGGGGG* back :) Lady I love your best wishes :) Things went great with my parents and Ricky and I believe you're right. I think something great will come after this - whether it's next month or a year from now.

Off to bed now. Night everyone.

- Nishi

Friday, August 29, 2003
01:24 p.m.
Today I was let go from my job because they were downsizing. WHen I got back from court, one of the partners sat down with me and told me they were downsizing and all this other stuff, since I was the one with the least experience I was being let go. I cried in his office. I feel like such a fool. How will I tell my parents? Ricky is coming today and I was to meet him.....I'll have to tell him. I've never lost a job in my life......I gotta hold in my tears....till I get out of here....hold it in......

Thursday, August 28, 2003
10:30 a.m.
I worked on my song "Story" last night. It's coming along really well :) I began reading Love Hina and am on Book 8 in the series - it's a good series :) I just wish that the author wouldn't make the story drag and Keitaro so stupid - how many times can this guy fail an exam? He actually falls asleep and wakes up with only 5 minutes? Readers just WANT to see him pass already cause they're TIRED of him failing for stupid reasons and then the author makes THAT happen. JEEZ. Good series but I swear the constant failing and stupidity gets annoying ;) Still, I'm going to read all of it cause I like it that much :) Wild Act is a GREAT manga!! GO GET IT!!! The next chapter of Wild Act, Basara et all is supposed to come out September 9 and September 15 or 19th I think. Can't WAIT!

I'm not as busy at work as I used to be and it's worrying me. I'm not getting new files anymore....further worrying me.....I actually asked one of the partners for something else and he said to finish up the 2 files I was doing work on first ........................ granted I don't want to be a lawyer forever but I like being employed and working on tasks.....no one likes to be bored.....so I've been dutifully doing everything possible on all my files.

Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment and afterwards since it got done by 6pm, my sisters and I went and saw UPTOWN GIRLS. It's SUCH a good movie :) GO SEE IT!! :) Plus on Tuesday night my sisters and had gone out to Friendly's for dinner after I got back from work and after yummy fajitas and ice cream rented What a Girl Wants - it was a cute movie and everyone acted very well but it was sterotypical in a lot of ways and the story could have been told so much better....it was missing a lot of elements that would have made it stand out as a great movie and included too many "same old" elements that made it lame and predictable in places. Still, very well acted and a cute movie :)

I'm knee deep in deposition transcripts now - working on a case that I will be doing a motion for summary judgment on. I brought my walkman to work last week and this week and listening to the music helps me get the work done nicely :) Only 10:30 though and I'm hungry ;) Can't wait to eat something good for lunch today.

I'll update later today.

Sarah H hi there :) it HAS been forever! I'm glad you're well! Life HAS been busy but we're both hittin those curve balls right? :) *HUGS* thank you for your prayers! *BIG BIG HUG* Janeen YES! KKJ translated would be awesome :) I actually didn't like the way the anime went....it butchered the story in the manga too much. memory thank you :) you're always full of words of encouragement :) *HUGGG* I'm glad I can count on you :) Phone Booth was a great movie :) And I'll check out your pics one night soon!

Gotta get back to work now.

- Nishi

Monday, August 25, 2003
11:16 a.m.
I feel majorly depressed. Everything is changing. My sisters are leaving this weekend and I'm going to be so lonely at home without them. Even a move to New Rochelle and all won't help stem that. This weekend Ricky is visiting so he'll give me some company after my sisters leave on Saturday. But then he leaves on Labor Day (next Monday).....and it's so cold in the mornings...although it gets nice and warm during the day....but I hate that it's the end of August, end of summer, start of cold....the worst thing is how much I want to be in L.A. but now Ricky tells me he's SICK of L.A. and doesn't want to live there anymore. I LOVE L.A. so much but it would be lonely there without Ricky. A whole wrench has been thrown in to my plans on that level. His whole life is changing - he'll get staffed on a project for Accenture somewhere he said where he travels a lot and if that's the case he's going to leave his apartment and probably move in with his cousin and from there he'll work on getting an apartment if he stays in California or not get an apartment at all. He loves travelling and wants to get out of L.A. so he's happy. *sigh* makes me unhappy cause I love going to L.A., staying with him and being so free there. I so badly wanted to go back to L.A. and back to Laughlin, Nevada like we did for Ricky's birthday this year where Ricky and I spent a Saturday jetskiing on the Colorado River. At first he and I were like "you go first" on getting on the jetski but I decided now was the time for me to stop always being so scared so I got on and it was SO MUCH FUN. I love jetskiing. But now who knows when I'll ever get to do that again - I may never even be able to visit L.A. the same again. *sigh* I miss the days when he was at USC and we'd be in his apartment and be able to come and go freely. Where he lives now is ok but it's got a lot of problems. Everything's just changing in ways I don't like and my life is the same as always. I really, really hope something happens with my music, my songs.....I hope I change my life cause if things stay like this I'm just gonna be miserable.

Saturday, August 23, 2003
10:33 p.m.
I finished the first 5 volumes of Planet Ladder by Yuri Narushima - a new manga being published in english by Tokyopop! IT'S AWESOME! It's about this girl named Kaguya who was orphaned on Earth as a little girl - she has no memories before she was 4 and was raised by her Japanese parents but one day, everything changes. A gorgeous guy from another world comes to take her away and she finds out she is a Princess who is the one who will decide which world will survive the great end of the universe. She is on a quest to ensure that all lives can be saved but along the way - many secrets are uncovered and the story gets better and better with each chapter and volume! I can't tell more than that without ruining all the beauty and intricacy of the story - it's VERY good - intelligent storyline, beautiful artwork, lovable characters - the latest volume 6 came out in Japan last month and Volume 7 they say is supposed to come out in 2004 and is supposed to be the last book in the saga. Tokyopop probably won't have volume 6 translated until 2004 but I'll keep waiting!

I can't wait to get the new issues of that, Basara and Vampire Game, not to mention Kare Kano and Kodocha. Now if only Tokyopop would translate Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne and GALS! and Full Moon wo Sagashite and my favorite Delicious! :D

is anyone else getting spammed over quota nonstop like I am? That stupid new virus I heard about on the new must've gotten my email accounts from somebody's computer who opened up the virus attachment because I'm getting TONS OF SPAM and apparently my email is being used to SEND spam too! Both of my computers at home though are virus-free so I'm not the one sending it. I hope they destroy this virus. Freakin losers who make up viruses all day to attack computers - get a life dammit!

I rented PHONE BOOTH with Colin Farrell (sp?). I wasn't too fond of this guy because of his crazy affairs with women including Britney Spears but then I read more about him in Esquire and in US Weekly and now I don't think he's so bad. Mek and Mil and I will watch it tomorrow night. Anywayz, I'm working on a new song called "Pages" - it's got a haunting tune.....need to look up prices on tickets for Ricky...he might be able to come up next weekend :D not much else to write about....off to sleep after I search so night :)

- Nishi

Friday, August 22, 2003
10:02 p.m.
I had a doctor's appointment today - it went well :) Today was so humid and hot and stuffy in the house....I read Basara and loved it - 1st graphic novel by tokypop had come out for it and I'm going to enjoy it a lot :) Man of Many Faces was nice but it ended too soon and I think Clamp could have done a lot better with it and made it much more than it was. Finished CardCaptor Sakura and it was nice too but again I think Clamp could have made it so much better - so much of the manga was spent finding the cards and then you find out why and I loved how it ended but that's IT? THAT is the great cardcaptor sakura series I heard so much about? The storyline was so......small......Vampire Game and Planet Ladder though are both GREAT! And the CHIDORI book of Ayashi no Ceres is EXCELLENT! I don't like it that Yuuhi likes Aya - I want him and Chidori to go together - they're soooo much cuter and fun than Aya with Yuuhi - I'm glad Aya loves Tooya :) I also got Wild Act and Miracle Girls so can't wait to read those

I finished making a copy for myself of my recordings before I give it to my friend to listen to. I'm nervous because some of them I sung well and others I sang so poorly and I'm afraid the ones I sang poorly he'll hate. *sigh* anyway Rachel thank you :) I'm so glad you understand! *HUG* Nishi you'll be surprised how many Nishis I've met because I have this journal - most are Japanese and any indian Nishi I've met is a guy ;) If you're a girl cool! Most girls I know are named Nisha so I pride myself on being Nishi ;) As for similar looks it'd be really weird to have a look-a-like named Nishi - feels like some of your individuality and what makes you, YOU, is taken away ;)

I'm tired and off to bed. Night!

- Nishi

Thursday, August 21, 2003
02:00 p.m.
Updated at 10:20 p.m. BELOW
oohh my feet are tired....I was at Bronx Supreme and Civil today for a motion and I didn't get out until sometime close to 12 and didn't get back into the city till 12:30ish. I went to Kinokuniya to pick up PLANET LADDER (they're getting me books 1-4 but I got #5 for now) and CLAMP SCHOOL DETECTIVES as well as MAN OF MANY FACES. Letcha know how that goes. Rachel I've been inundated with spam lately - no idea why - so much so my email went over quota so I didn't see your email to me. I'll check again today.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow......and to cheer myself up a bit I went to the expensive japanese pastry shop next to Kinokuniya on 49th Street. I got this shinchidaifuku which I didn't like at all and I haven't tried the other stuff yet. I'd been meaning to go into that place for a while and try their pastries - hope I like the other stuff better. I also called up New York's Japan Society and they told me Japanese classes start the last week of September and are held in the evening for 1 weeks - I can go once or twice a week and I'm thinking of doing both Japanese during the week and Chinese on saturdays! I'll think it over.

There are these huge rats - plastic ones - on 5th avenue on the corner of 49th and all these protestors. I have no idea what they're protesting but they say "save us from the rats". Got me!

I think I'll treat myself to some thai iced tea. Miyu-chan *BIG HUGS* and hahahaha sorrryy I kinda like the snow effect ;)

Updated at 10:20 p.m. BELOW
Dana yeah I think it'd be confusing but so far no one has told me I couldn't do it. I'll see :)

I was listening to my cd player which is also a dual radio and I always listen to Z100 (have since I was like 11) and the songs were just....filling me and running through my SKIN. I never knew I loved music this much. All I wanted to do was start writing lyrics and dream up new songs but I focused on my interrogatories and letters and everything I had to do at work. Once on the train home though I started composing new music.

I had read my childhood diaries earlier this week and was amazed at how much I used to love music but never realized it - the diaries were FILLED with songs and poems I had converted into songs and my attempts at writing songs for my sisters and I to sing at church for christmas and easter and stuff. I had totally forgotten this stuff - I even wrote when I was 14 that I wanted to grow up to be a singer. Wow. I wrote how I wished I could be like Madonna singing "Who's that Girl" - I forgot all this - I used to dance to all these 80's and early 90's songs and pretend I was performing them live.....I thought I only got into singing and performing at age 18....and even then it was just a start....and I was AWFUL I think.....agh well.......but today....more than ever I realized I want to be in the studio and actively creating music to share with the world......I want to make music that people love to listen to - that makes them turn up the volume....that makes them say "ohh i love this" and really moves them because something in what I say rings true on some level with them.....I so badly want to sing and share my songs and music.....I never knew how much till it overwhelmed me.....I'm so amazed. Amazed that I truly deeply want to spend the next phase of my life wrapped up in music......

I guess you might think "duh, I thought she knew that" or "why's it such a big deal" but if you've ever had something like an epiphany...or...some realization on a level that wasn't there before then maybe you'll understand. ONE of the worst feelings in the world is when you feel like you have no control over your life and its direction - but the opposite - knowing what you want and working as HELL HARD to make it come true....makes you feel great. I feel full of purpose and motivation now. My life has something it's been missing since I couldn't web design anymore due to no time....I'm back to song writing and singing and it feels....WONDERFUL :D

- Nishi

Tuesday, August 19, 2003
10:34 p.m.
I played 22 of my songs for my sister Mekha today and she's highly critical so her opinion is important to me. I'm very happy to say that she said honestly I had she was really amazed and impressed that I could sing the way I did and she loved all but 3 of the songs and for those 3 she needed to hear the music to really judge it after I sang one song she thought she didn't like acapella and then with music to a japanese anime tune and she liked it a lot with the music :) YAAAY :)

I was in Middletown - WAAYY upstate NY today for the deposition of 4 witnesses needed for an employment discrimination case. I really enjoyed it. I got to depose 2 of the witnesses by myself and it was great! I really like employment law better than insurance defense I think.

While in Middletown I went to this pastry shop called CARMINE's and bought so much pastry - eclairs, this blueberry thing and these chocolate cookie-like things - mmmmmmm :) so good :) I wound up hitting 100mph on the drive back - whew! Felt so good to be free and driving on the road. Commuting every day makes me forget how much fun and free it is to hit the open road and just drive!

I worked out both yesterday and tonight - 100 crunches, a ton of lower ab exercises, 80 push ups, tons of thigh exercises, bicep curls, tricep extensions and a whole slew of waist exercises and jogged about 3 miles each time on the treadmill too. I feel really good! Hope I can keep it up.

I'm off to sleep. Night everyone!

- Nishi

Sunday, August 17, 2003
09:51 p.m.
I'm learning everything I can about training and caring for my vocal chords. This is a great site: http://www.voicelesson.com/html/lessons/free_lessons.htm and http://www.newmannotes.com/teacher/ORFS.html as is http://members.cox.net/hrwright61/voice.htm and http://members.cox.net/hrwright61/voiceTrain.htm. It's so easy to begin training your voice and hit high notes but also very easy to strain your voice when you force your voice to hit high notes it can't or isn't flexible yet for. I've been doing that and using my facial and neck muscles too - shouldn't be and better be more careful. I'm so conscious about my voice and lungs and throat now....it's really good I think - makes you that much more healthy.

Memory I got your email :) Rachel I didn't get your email though :( I'm off to sleep. Night!

- Nishi

Sunday, August 17, 2003
02:52 p.m.
I finished recording 21 songs. :) well over my 7-10 goal :) hahaha :) I've written over 60 at least but a lot of them (from back 1996-1999) are old and these 21 are the most recent from 2000-2003. I feel better now :) I still am not really happy with how I recorded the songs and I could have sung many of them MUCH better if I was standing up with a mic and with no limitations from either having to be quiet cause my family was sleeping, or from sitting hunched over the radio or from my voice growing hoarse or being tight in the morning and better after I drank tea but I'm so tired now that I gave up and for now, those recordings are good enough till I can get to the post office and mail it to Neil. Not all of them are complete...at least 6-9 songs still need to be worked on heavily and revised but I'm happy I finished the 1st recording.

After that I lit a candle and said a prayer to God. I told Him how thankful I was for the blessings in my life - my family, ricky, my voice and the ability to try and change my life and I pled with Him asking him to make my dreams come true....to make these songs real...to happen....to be out there performing....."please God I'm looking up to you".....anywayz....mummy and papa told me we're going to start packing to prepare for when we finally move to the new house. Enough of the house is complete to allow us to move all our stuff in storage there so we're going to spend the rest of this weekend, this week, and coming 2-3 weeks packing everything we don't need and moving it. It'll be weird to be still living here without a lot of things I'm used to but it'll save on work later after my sisters go back to college and everything.

I'm starving - time to eat! Hope you guys all had a great weekend! Janeen I'm so glad you got the plush! :) I'm heading to ur journal now to see what stuff happened! :) Memory thanks :) I do have a lot of passion but I want my voice to be perfect so I can sing every key, every beat perfectly..... :) Hope you're well :)

Oh and I broke up the entry below into 3 entries - it was too long going from wanting to record, to being depressed, to being inspired ;)

- Nishi

Sunday, August 17, 2003
12:49 a.m.
Whenever I'm down I write.....either in this journal or my real journal and it'll be prose, songs, or poems or all three......and after being depressed with how my recording of my songs was going below I went to my personal page to the BE section at http://www.miakaandtamahome.com/nishi/be.html and I saw in the title graphic image I made "I will be all I seek to be" and I became inspired and changed the page to give myself advice when I feel down like I did tonight. This is what I wrote:

For myself to read when I lose hope or motivation

When it looks like you're not a queen, when it looks like your dreams aren't coming true, when it looks like everything you've worked towards, believed in, hoped for is all a mess....when you doubt yourself....fear and cry.....DON'T. You are so strong and have overcome so much. You ARE talented and bright - you can do anything you put your mind to. Work harder.....give it your all....DON'T GIVE UP. Everytime you pushed yourself you did something amazing. When it gets tough....when you think you can't do it....that's when you HAVE to or you'll never get anywhere. Smile and cheer up. You can do it. Because you love yourself and believe in yourself and want to make your dreams come true. Because you want to BE all you seek to be. So DO IT. BE IT. You can do it. - myself on 8-16-2003

I feel so much better. I even made a new layout for this journal page ;) I'm getting bored with the goddesses above and want to go back to Neo Queen Serenity. I'll put it up some time later when I finish it.

I feel better. I'm going to sleep and wake up early and record well. I'm going to give it my all. Night everyone.

- Nishi

Saturday, August 16, 2003
11:11 p.m.
I hate how my voice sounds on the tape. I am making a rough recording of about 20 of my songs using a tape deck player that's old. I sat on the dining room floor and sang into it - it sounds like crap to begin with but then.....the voice that's on the tape isn't the voice I hear come out of myself when i sing.....I don't like it. I kept rehearsing the songs so much that when I finally began recording i was a little hoarse. I couldn't get as high and clear on certain notes....I think I did a sucky job and that my friend neil is going to tell me I can't sing. In fact, I let Ricky listen to one of my songs I taped over the phone just now and he said it was alright - which means he didn't like it - in fact, in the chorus to one of the songs - a chorus I love - he hated it....I'm smarting and hurt.....I love Ricky and share everything with him but I prolly shouldn't have shared this recording with him so soon as I was unhappy with it to begin with because he's one of the most critical men I know so after I was all hurt, I told him I didn't want to share my songs with him again until I had recorded them perfectly and gotten them down pat. I sound so YOUNG in certain songs singing....Ricky told me before on the phone that I have a youthful voice and it's suitable more to some songs than others.......I didn't see all this.....I just want to sing the songs I wrote and sing them well and I can't seem to DO that....I'm starting to wonder if I've only convinced myself from people's stupid praises that I can sing - maybe I really can't....maybe I've been deluded all along. It hurts so much. I want to do such a good job and I honestly feel like I'm doing it shitty. I'm so disappointed in myself. Please don't anyone comment on any of this I just want to vent and get this out of me. I'm not going to church tomorrow but my folks are and my sisters are in Long Island so I'll have the morning to myself. I'm going to re-double my efforts and sing as best I can tomorrow. I pride myself on doing a good job in everything....and I'm not proud now...not at all.

- Nishi

All about singing
Saturday, August 16, 2003
11:40 a.m.
I am not allowed to strain my voice. Crap. If I strain my voice as I have been all my life by yelling like a normal person does at her boyfriend, sisters, and when mad at her parents I'd have a stronger voice. Crap. And I'm drinking so much tea now to loosen up my vocal chords LOL!

This is kinda ironic and funny. Now if I get mad at my sisters I have to remind myself "don't strain my voice" and have to control my voice so it's nice and even which defeats the purpose of being mad! DAMN! Conserving your voice to sing takes so much of the fun out ;) LOL! S'ok :) I don't want any more damage to happen to my voice.....I can already tell that songs I sang 1-2 years ago I can't sing as perfectly right from the top cause I've mistreated my voice and yelled and talked loudly so much - now I have to sing it a couple times to get the vocals right. Phooey - wish I'd kept this in mind.

oh wait - a friend named beijin just told me that if my songs are mostly pop/alternative I don't have to worry too much about voice - it's not like opera sining apparently LOL! I can still yell back! WOO HOOOOOO!

Ok - goal is to record 4-10 songs this weekend and right now my whole family is out of the house so I have privacy to sing as loudly as I can. I am so freaking shy. My sister Mekha keeps asking me to sing my songs to her but I'm so shy and scared that I'll sing it badly or mess up and that she won't like how it sounds so i refuse and tell her to listen to my tape when I finish. Singers are supposed to have more confidence aren't they? I wish I did but I'll only have confidence in my songs once I've sang them over and over and over again so that I can eliminate any of the imperfections and the way my voice changes the tune sometimes. Gooddddddddddd.....I hope I can do this.......

- Nishi

All about the day the power went out all over Manhattan and East Coast!
Friday, August 15, 2003
1:05 p.m.
yesterday was SO MUCH FUN! It was awesome to be in the city when something this crazy happened! I was still at work when around 4 the power started flickering and went out. The other associates and secretaries and I were having fun waiting to find out what was happening and we heard on the radio that there was a "brown out" all over the city and eastern seaboard all the way to Detroit! I was like - whoopeee we get to go home early! We had to evacuate the building by 4:30 cause the power was going to be completely out in an hour.

Heading down Madison or 5th Avenue to Grand Central Terminal (where you catch the trains) was CRAZY! It felt like EVERYONE in the WORLD was on the streets! Every building was being emptied and everyone was coming out of Grand Central - all the trains were being shut down - people were stuck in subways - it was total chaos! Nobody's cellphones worked! Lines to use payphones and get on buses were out the wazoo and people were nigh near killing themselves to board a bus - running alongside it. I found people who were gong to New Rochelle which I figured was best for me to get to cause papa might be there supervising the new house being built or I could stay with family friends - one lady I met who lived near there was named Suzy and she and I and 2-3 others in our group kept each other company till 6:30/7pm as we waited to figure out what was going to happen - whether the trains would start working or if we could somehow get a bus to the Bronx and from there a cab to New Rochelle. YEESH. I think we got filmed by WB11 news which is located right around the corner on Lexington Avenue and 42nd. I waited on a payphone line to call my folks and she and the other lady went to find a bathroom and we somehow lost each other - I hope they made it home safe. I told my dad when i finally got ahold of him that I'd try to find a hotel and if that didn't work, try to get a bus to the bronx and then New Ro and stay with friends there.

It was complete madhouse on the streets - people walking everywhere - trying to find a way OUT of the city or people who LIVED in the city they knew. Cars and buses and cabs and NO LIGHTS working on the streets....MADHOUSE I tell you. IT WAS FUN :) SOOOOOO exciting :) I know the city really well now so I knew to try hotels on Park and Madison avenues between 42nd and 36th streets.

I tried 3 hotels before I found the KITANO on the corner of 38th and Park Avenue RIGHT near where I work! It's a japanese hotel I LOVE and will go back to again! They were amazing! I was put on the waiting list for a room and stayed in their cool lobby munching away on stuff I overpaid for at the convenience store and read my manga Vampire Game and Marmalade Boy etc. VAMPIRE GAME IS GOOD! GET IT! I got in touch with my sweetheart Ricky who told me it was the Niagra grid in way upstate NY that had caused this whole mess. WHEW! You'd THINK when something like this happens the city would have a back up resource! What a way for terrorists to attack our country - hit our electricity and we're in chaos! Supposedly Mayor Bloomberg was going to give a press conference at 8pm but I never heard it.

I finally got a room on the 16th floor at 10pm and lemme tell you - climbing 16 floors once was a TRIAL but I climbed it 3 times - the poor bellboys came with me each time cause they had the keycards for the door. I went back down the 16 flights to call home and tell them I got a room and when I climbed back up, I was so wiped and found out I didn't have the keycard and had to go back down and get a bellboy and climb the 16 flights a THIRD time. I burned enough calories for the week climbing those damn steps. I spent the night reading before taking a cool shower and sleeping. I slept like a log! I LOVED being able to sleep in NYC! How nice it would have been to have an apartment after all in the city.....ah well....I will one day.

The hotel's single room will cost me anywhere from $460-$575 *sob* and this morning when I finally got back to Madison and 44th or 45th by the Roosevelt Hotel I found a car service which cost me $200 to get back upstate to home. *sigh* One good thing - I took the bathrobe from Kitano :) hahaha I knowwww but the hole damn thing cost so much and the robe looked so freaking nice on me and it fit perfectly and I have never found a bathrobe that fit me and never owned one so HELL - they'll prolly charge me for it on the bill anyway so I took it. My mom says I did good by taking it since I spent at least $700 total for this state emergency.

Now that I'm back home I'm actually worried about the people in the city - they still don't have power. Just last week I had been thinking how nothing exciting ever happens and voila! Blackout! :) Of course, I thought it was fun because I was lucky and found a room and way to get home but I'm sure a lot of people had it really bad - when I walked up Madison I saw that some guy had collapsed on the street and the medics were trying to revive him.

My sisters, I found out, had an adventure. They got inside our home through a window! Can you believe it??? I can't wait for them to come home so we can exchange stories. My parents had run out of gas almost before getting home and NO gas station could give gas! My mom is home now so I told her everything - they had been worried but I was fine. I'm thinking of getting a car soon - nothing fancy - just something simple I can use to drive around the city or anywhere I want. If I drove a car to work it'd be easy to drive to and from home and I want to know how to drive in the city. Yesterday (and today) made me realize NYC is really one of my homes and dear to my heart :) I still wanna live in L.A. but I think if I ever get rich, I'll get an apartment in NYC as a 2nd home too.

Hope you guys were all safe! I'm off to rest and eat! *HUGS* to Adrianne, Miyu, Rachel, Jay, memory, Ailinon, Janeen, Lady, Caroline, Rebecca and everyone else!

- Nishi

Thursday, August 14, 2003
02:19 p.m.
I went to Barnes & Nobles today during my lunch hour and they actually had more new manga than Kinokuniya! I got Marmalade Boy #8 and Cardcaptor Sakura Master of the Clow #5, Ceres Celestial Legend #4 (Chidori) and a new manga I never heard of called Vampire Game, vols 1 and 2. I went to my fave chinese noodle shop and got some shrimp chow mein and it burned my tongue but was so good. I love bookstores...I coulda spent forever at B&N....love the smell of books, smell of money, smell of toast, smell of freshly mowed grass and the world after it rains.....anywayz, I'll write more tonight and respond to messages then. :)

- Nishi

Tuesday, August 12, 2003
07:22 p.m.
I had a doctor's appointment today so I had to leave work early - I grabbed a quick lunch from this place on 49th street I love and while there stopped by Kinokuniya to grab Marmalade Boy #8 but they didn't have it! What the heck? So I wound up buying CardCaptor Sakura volumes 1-6 and I REALLY like it so far :) It's not yet there on my favorites list but it's good :)

I won this Marmalade Boy combination manga poster and sticker sheet - cute neh? (down below) :)

I'm going to work on my songs tonight.....Ricky's in St. Charles now (near chicago) for 2 weeks - part of his training at Accenture and BOY is he having fun ;) He called me up last night at 1am because he'd lost poker and the penalty was the loser had to call up their significant other and tell them they had cheated on them with someone they knew - HAHAAH I laughed when he tried to tell me "something happened" and was like "right ur just trying to wake me up" and "you couldn't pull it off" ;) I heard the people in the back laughing :) And the night before that he was out till 12:30 playing pool ;) I'm glad he's having fun - he deserves it :) He better behave though or I'll throttle him ;)

Shashi thanks :) right back atcha ;) Miyu ahh the thing about ex's...they're all full of sh-t ;) except mine of course ;) and heck you with ur truck - WHEN are you going to drive down and visit me huh? I'll take you to all the best japanese places and take you to anime heaven in chinatown :D memory *HUGS* noo thank YOU :) *HUGGGG* how goes it on your end? what're you upto? Do you have a journal? And ooh a job as an attorney in Santa Monica would ROCK! If your sister has any leads lemme know :) Jay modeling and acting? WOW! Got any glossy 8x10s up? I have single friends and younger sisters who are 19-22 and very cute! ;) and as for male dancers...I dunno...most are GORGEOUS - I knew some in college and law school and wowza ;) and I hope you've seen my actual personal page and my other domains I've designed :) My personal page is at A Dream I Dream :)

ok I'm gonna go read Cardcaptor Sakura :D *HUGS* to all and see you tomorrow :)

- Nishi

Monday, August 11, 2003
02:21 p.m.
Jay, Memory and Rachel wow....I'm like half-tearful and half-blushing right now...thank you :) I printed out your comments and am putting them in my real journal tonight. What you guys said made me feel so....good....you have no idea.... :) I was feeling so down and like this was an uphill struggle and I didn't think I had it in me to get to the top and you guys just encouraged me....it meant a lot. I found out today that L.A. and NYC are THE best places to get my songs recorded and OUT there.....I'm going to work hard on making a demo tape and perfecting my songs......memory I'll take your words to heart....I'll try not to let every day life get me down and view it as preparation for something greater. I'll get it out there :D *HUG* Jay I wanna wish you so much luck in performing arts! Are you a dancer? Your words were amazing....I'll read them everytime I'm down. As for L.A. I may have to seriously think about it now as I turned down the interview I went to today at the NYC Law Dept. They do insurance defense litigation like the firm I work for now but they are 100times WORSE - where I work on 1 case at court (2-3 occasionally on a busy day) they would have me in court from morning till evening on probably 20+ cases - arguing them and they said the key words I didn't wanna hear "this is not a 9-5 job" - hell, that's the whole reason I wanted it. So I said thank you but it wasn't what I was looking for. WOW - for the first time I actually turned DOWN a job HAHAHAHA I shouldn't gloat...this other poor girl was interviewing for some other position and telling me how bad the job market still was - I haven't felt since I've been employed for the past 7 months. I think I should seriously look to moving to L.A......I'm going to start putting feelers out there for jobs.....and hey, if any of you guys out there know of any Los Angeles attorneys or legal-related employers looking for someone with a law degree and half a year's work experience as an attorney lemme know ;) Caroline wasn't it awesome :) *HUGS* I may come to L.A. Labor Day weekend if Ricky doesn't come here to NY, if I do I wanna see you! What're you doing that weekend? I'll see you guys later and I hope Jay and Memory and Rachel stay in touch! .

- Nishi

where do I go from here....what do I do.........
Sunday, August 10, 2003
08:39 p.m.
I was going through my song book now of everything I've written and I have written such beautiful songs, filled with all my emotions...songs that I so badly want to sing and perform and have people hear but then I was so overwhelmed by how hard it is to get your songs recorded and heard let alone to have a song become a success. I don't know what to do. My interview is tomorrow....I hope I get it as it'll be better for me (being 9-5) and better for the firm I currenly work at since committment to being an attorney isn't what I can truly give for more than *JUST NOW* but the only prob with where I'm interviewing is they require a 3-year committment and even if I don't stick to a 3-yr committment it still means staying here in NYC...and I want to be in L.A. with Ricky....I want to find a job in L.A. but if I do that will I still be able to record my songs and get it out there for people to hear? I don't know for sure but I thought that getting your name out in NY would be better for a music career. But everytime Ricky talks about driving down the 105, 101, 10, the 405...I ache to be in L.A........but GOD....1st I'd need to ensure I CAN record a music album there (you'd think so - it being the entertainment capital right?) and 2nd that I have a full-time job there so I'm financially stable. I'm so confused. I want to be a successful singer/song-writer....it's almost impossible to make that dream come true....I want to live in L.A. and work there for the time being until I make it with my music and if I don't, find a job as a human rights advocate I love in L.A. but I'd only be happy with that if I could at least get my songs on a CD...sitting in my songbook without music to them....without even the possibility of sharing how they sound with my friends and loved ones sucks.....I think I'm suffering from PMS/DURING MS WHATEVER. I think I'm gonna pray and figure this out and rest some more. I got cramps today...ugh....spent the day sleeping, watching Kodocha, helping my folks, and generally just waiting for the cramps to go away.....it sucks to be a woman when this happens......ANYWAYZ.....gonna pray. Miyu-chan KODOCHA was definitely made with cels :) Haven't read or seen anything to say otherwise (sorry about your ex!) *HUGS* memory you'll really like it :) tell me when you go see it ok? :)

- Nishi

Saturday, August 9, 2003
1:25 p.m.
Updated at 10:00 p.m. DOWN BELOW
I'm stuck home today. Sisters are at work with the car, mummy and papa both at work with the car, and I'm left washing dishes and cleaning the tub and waiting for a house appraiser. Phooey. I hope this girl who emailed me about mailing out her prize for the UM.com V-day entry she won doesn't get mad since there's no way for me to get to the post office and I promised I'd have it done I think 2-3 weeks ago....honestly it's always beyond my control. Next week my sisters are going to Long Island I think which means they'll have the car again and I'll have to hope mummy's off so I can have the car. Dangit - I need my own car...a nice new Jaguar ;)

I began watching Kodomo no Omocha again - god I love the series and the books so much! I wish I could find more cels from it but the ones I have found are either sold or have Naozumi or other characters in them which I don't care for. I had read somewhere it was because collectors hoarded them but then I found a site which said there were so few cels because of a lack of an official studio release. Still....dangit....I want more cels of Sana and Akito Hayama!!!! Oh by the way - I decided a while ago that one of my future daughter's names is going to be "Sana" cause I think it's such a pretty name.

Speaking of Kodocha, I found out what 2 of the merchandise goods I own from the series are! One is the Nori Nori Sana-chan Raps toy in which Sana-chan would sing into during the series and it would repeat what she says (1st image shown below) and the second is a PEN/RECORDER which records and plays back what you say as well as being a real pen :) My dad gave me a CTX Mortgage pen like this - I LOVE these kind of pens and am ecstatic I have a kodocha one :)

To see the other rare Kodomo no Omocha items I've managed to collect see Nishi's A Dream I Dream - Selenity's Treasures - Kodomo no Omocha Anime Goods / Merchandise Collectibles

I recorded the new FOX series THE OC so I'm going to watch now! Newport Beach! :) I can't wait to move to L.A. one day! I wouldn't wanna live in Orange County though - ideally, I'd want to be in Santa Monica or downtown L.A. Katrina hi and thank you! I checked out your journal and you have a lovely layout! Congrats on getting a paid livejournal! Although I love my pitas cause it's free :D Arun hi there and you too! memory I'm glad you understand :) It's not so much a utopian or fantasy life I want as the ability to live life the way I wish I could....well I'm still working on making my dreams come true and you should too! ;) *HUGS*

See ya guys lata ;)

Updated at 10:00 p.m.
OH MY GOD - ORLANDO BLOOM! ORLANDO BLOOM! I want to dream about both him and my boyfriend Ricky tonight. WOW. I thought he was cute and all as elfboy in LORD OF THE RINGS but I just saw PIRATES OF THE CARRIBBEAN tonight and WOW WOW WOW. Johnny Depp was amazing too - he's got to be one of the best actors out there - the way he was able to keep up that drunk act the whole way through but still be conniving and intelligent and skillful and FUNNY - he's hot. The movie was FUNNY and fun! :) I think I'm genetically inclined towards dark-haired guys cause I thought Orlando Bloom was very cute in LOTR but I found ARAGORN hotter but now I see PIRATES and Orlando with dark hair....mmmmmmmm.........yummy :D

My sisters and I just got back from FRIENDLY'S after the movie. I'm not as bummed now as I would've been if we hadn't done anything fun tonight cause it was one of my friend's from law school's birthday party tonight in the city but it was to be at 9pm in the city which meant living as far away as I do I wouldn't get back until like after 1am or even 2am which isn't safe at the station I come back to. I gotta call her tomorrow as well as a couple of my other friends tomorrow. See ya guys tomorrow.

- Nishi

Friday, August 8, 2003
12:55 p.m.
I can't tell you guys how MUCH I love Chinatown!!! After court today, I decided to take my lunch hour and intended to just get something to drink and eat but passed this store on canal street right after Baxter called "KAM MAN FOOD PRODUCTS" (200 Canal St. if you guys wanna go) and inside is an awesome market full of chinese goods and wares on the ground floor and 1st floor. I bought myself some "dieter's green tea" and "jasmine tea" and bought a wooden chopstick case to hold all my pretty chopsticks and got a GORGEOUS 5-piece tea set (4 cups and 1 tea kettle thing). GREAT STORE!!!!! I'm gonna drink tea tea tea! It's a fact that green tea is very good for your health but it also supposedly helps you lose weight (I dunno about that) - I'm gonna make my sisters stay up with me tonight (whether we go to see Pirates of the Carribean or not) and make them drink tea with me! :D I was re-reading Kodocha, right, and in Volume 3, one of the side drawings shows Sana-chan holding a stuffed cheetah-akito plush doll - OH MY GOD I WANT a custom doll like that! I found out why there are so few good Kodomo no Omocha cels - apparently collectors who love the show as much as I do have grabbed all the cels and are hoarding it and won't sell them unless you're insane and willing to give up thousands of dollars. I'm not that insane....YET...... ;) Reading Kodocha...I was so caught up in it....lost in it actually that it was like a rude awakening to stop and re-focus on the reality of being in court. I so want to just live in my own little fantasy world of manga, anime, collecting, singing, song-writing and creative writing - what I'd give to just spend my days singing and writing and reading manga and working on or helping a human rights organization. Reality/law/job/work.....blech....no wonder so many New Yorkers are unhappy. Ok I have to go back to the work - see ya guys later!

- Nishi

Wednesday, August 6, 2003
03:24 p.m.
FOR SALE: I'm auctioning on ebay my Tooya Cel, my Marmalade Boy Plush Keychains of Meiko, Ginta, Arimi, Satoshi and the Robot, a YUU LARGE PLUSH DOLL, a CHIBI USA CERAMIC DOLL/FIGURINE, and an ANASTASIA IMPERIAL HIGHNESS DOLL - FROM FOX'S MOVIE all on ebay at SelenitynoMegami's Auctions. GOOD LUCK!

Even though I was sick with stomach upset or some stomach virus on Monday, I went to work on Tuesday but felt crappy all morning. I kept turning away from the motion I was working on to spit something up into the garbage can. Finally it got pretty bad around 11:30 when I kept getting the nauseous feeling and twice spit up a bunch of clear liquid which is probably the tea and water I had for breakfast cause I couldn't hold anything else down. I was feeling awful and had my face continually over the garbage can so finally I talked to Simone and the paralegals who all advised to go home but I felt nervous asking the partner if it was ok to go home early for not feeling well after he had said that whole thing about committment last week. Finally I talked to another associate at work who said it was best to go home and let what I had run its course and then I went and asked the partners who of course said it was fine. But I still felt really nervous asking and wanted to be assigned to go to court today but the paralegals wouldn't give me anything because they saw how out of it and sick I was. Feeling guilty I went home where one of my sisters got me from the station and drove me home. I was starving so I had eaten this italian bread thing - thankfully, it didn't come up and I was able to sleep a bit but I couldn't eat anything else the rest of the night.

FInally this morning I got up at 6:30 to try and go to work but I was too weak to even finish getting ready since I'd barely eaten anything and from throwing up so much. Mummy told me I needed to get my energy back so I called in sick.....GOD....I hope the partners don't see me calling in sick as lack of committment. I'm definitely going to work tomorrow.

I slept most of the morning, drank black tea with lemon and ate a little toast. I feel better now so I'm eating rice in boiled water. I started re-reading Kodocha. Ugh. I hate being sick.

I've been thinking so much about law...practicing law and how I know I don't want to be doing this for a living forever.....I can't stay at the firm I'm at now because I can't give the partners the committment to being a lawyer they need......the only true area of law I want to work in is human rights and I want to work for it on a large, country-wide scale. I'm working as a lawyer now because I have debts to pay off and loans like crazy, but I'm also working as a lawyer because I want to eventually work on human rights. Working for human rights though would be both during and after I had recorded my demo tape and hopefully made something of myself as a singer/song-writer. I know now for sure that working full-time as an attorney is not what I want out of life in the long-run and that achieving my dream of making my songs hits is what I really want. I need to have a life where I can combine my desire to be creative in writing and songs with my desire to change the world for the better via human rights and peace policy. God please help me. I HATE to disappoint the people who I work with now because I really adore them....they gave me a job and a safe place to work when I needed it and still need it but I can't lie to them and tell them being a lawyer is what I want! It's not! I have to leave and find a new job (NYC Law Dept?) and not be a burden on them.....I work at a small firm and their salary of $52K could go to someone better deserving who truly wishes to be a lawyer - esp. at insurance defense litigation which is what they do. I'll instead work for the time being as an attorney and work to make my singing/song-writing and writing my novels dreams all come true, and work towards a human rights career as well.

Seraph *HUG* thank you! And you're welcome :) Rachel thank you too! *big hugs* back :) Ailinon-chan don't get me wrong - I LOVE rain! Especially thunderstorms! It's just that instead of JUST being a nice rain here it's very very hot and humid so all this rain doesn't feel good. I like those rains that are cool or that come after an awfully hot day like in the summer thunderstorms and leave the world all cool :) If I had to choose, I'd pick sunny weather over rainy but I really like them equally so long as it's not TOO HOT and so long as it's not a hot humid rainy climate. I'd love to visit Poland! Would you show me around if I visited? Memory thank you too :) *HUG*

I'm going to rest now and pray. See you guys later.

- Nishi

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Name: Nishi
Age: 26
Where: New York
Faith: Christian
Sign: Aquarius
AIM: SelenityHime
ICQ: 21380169
Email: be83398@yahoo.com

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My Websites
A Dream I Dream
My personal page with pictures of me and everything I love!

TooyaandAya.com
Devoted to Touya/Tooya and Aya of Ayashi no Ceres!

UsagiandMamoru.com
My favorite and best couple ever! Sailor Moon's Usagi and Mamoru (Serena and Darien)

MiakaandTamahome.com
My tribute to Fushigi Yuugi's main couple who always have my heart, Miaka and Tamahome!

Nishi Selenity's Treasures
My collection anime and manga collectibles and merchandise - dolls, posters, everything!

Nishi's Anime Cel Gallery at Rubberslug
Displays my anime cel collection from series such as Sailor Moon, Marmalade Boy and more!

My Ebay Auctions | FOR SALE
Things I'm selling or on auction

Anime Mailing Lists I Run and Own
Usagi and Mamoru ML
My most popular ML devoted to Usagi / Serena and Mamoru / Darien of Sailor Moon

Usagi and Mamoru Fan Fiction ML
Just for Usa Mamo fan fics!!

Naoko Takeuchi ML
Devoted to Naoko-sensei and all her works! Has latest news on her life and sailormoon news!

Tooya and Aya ML
For Ayashi no Ceres Celestial Legend Aya and Tooya / Touya

Maron and Chiaki ML
Devoted to Maron and Chiaki / Jeanne + Sindbad of Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne

Yuu and Miki of Marmalade Boy
Everything on this great couple!!!

Emeraude and Zagato
List for Magic Knight Rayearth's lovers Princess Emeraude and Zagato

Kodocha - Sana and Akito Hayama
For Sana-chan and Akito of Kodomo no Omocha!

Saint Tail - Asuka Jr. and Meimi ML!
For Asuka Jr. and Meimi of Kaito St. Tail!

Kare Kano Love
A Miyazwa and Arima ML - discuss everything Kare Kano here!

Personality Quizzes I Made
The Royalty Quiz
The Woman of Beauty Quiz
Woman of Legend Quiz

Archived Entries
1/1 - 2/21 | 3/5 - 3/30 | 3/31 - 4/18 | 4/19 - 5/10 | 5/13 - 6/22 | 6/22 - 7/29 | | 7/30 - 9/13 | 9/14 - 10/11 | 10/12 - 11/12 | 11/13 - 12/18 | 12/19 - 2/5 | 2/6 - 3/17 | 3/17 - 4/21 | 4/24 - 6/19 | 6/20 - 8/4 |

Friend's Journals

Lydia
Rence
SarahBeth
Natsuki
Diana
Ailinon
Eowyn
Wind-chan
Manda

Caroline
Rebecca
Kris-chan
Miyu-chan
MoonKlutz
Zbet
Adrianne
RameoG
Louise
Leanna

Laurelchan
Aisha
Janeen
Danielle
Jenna
Hemal
Callie
Reena
Crystal
Lady

Fun Blogs I Found!
Barbie

Favorite Actresses
Nicole Kidman
Demi Moore
Gwyneth Paltrow
Reese Witherspoon
Kate Hudson
Julia Roberts

Magazines etc I read:
Vogue
Cosmopolitan
Jane
Shape
Fitness
Allure
US Weekly
The Economist
Discover
National Geographic
Time
New York Times
Commondreams.org

Things I Support

The Chibi Usagi & Mamoru emoticons used in my journal are used with specific permission of these webmasters. Do not take or use without their permission.

Favorite Manga and Anime
most everything in Ribon and Nakayoshi!
Ayashi no Ceres/Ceres Celestial Legend
Basara
Delicious! (Yui Ayumi)
Fruits Basket
Full Moon wo Sagashite
Fushigi Yuugi
Gals / Super Gals!
Kamikaze Kaito Jeanne
Kare Kano
Kodomo no Omocha
Magic Knights Rayearth
Maria (Naoko Takeuchi)
Marmalade Boy
Max Lovely
Mint No Bokura
Miracle Girls
Random Walk
SailorMoon
Saint Tail / St. Tail
Tokyo Mew Mew
Vampire Game
Wild Act

MY WISH LIST
If anyone's thinking of getting me a gift for my birthday or christmas or whenevr ;)

Saint Tail Plush Keychain of St. Tail

Kodocha TokyoPop translated english manga vol 10

Kare Kano TokyoPop Translated Manga vol 6 and on!

Delicious! manga volumes 2 + 3

Ceres Celestial Legend 5+

Vampire Game Vol 3+

Basara Vol 2+

Wild Act Vol 3+

Nakayoshi / Nakayosi manga issues:

December 1987 and January 1998
December 1989 - May 1990

Ribon Manga issues

November 1998 - August 1999

My Adoptees
Shown are adoptees from Sailor Moon, Full Moon wo Sagashite, Star Wars Attack of the Clones, Lord of the Rings, and Emeraude from Magic Knights Rayearth, X-Files, the child-like empress from the Neverending Story, St. Tail!, The Labyrinth, Satine from Moulin Rouge, and HARRY POTTER!

My Desktops

Words I live by:
Man is never so tall as when he kneels before God - never so great as when he humbles himself before God. And the man who kneels to God can stand up to anything. -Louis H. Evans

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. - Eleanor Roosevelt