Nishi's A Dream I Dream's Pitas Page

Welcome to Nishi's Journal part of A Dream I Dream. Nishi is a 27 year old Indian American who is working as an attorney in Manhattan. She is also a singer/songwriter who is signed with an independent record label and working on her 1st album. She dreams of bringing her songs to the world and pursuing international human rights. Nishi is an avid Japanese anime and manga fan & is a web designer too. See her major anime/manga websites listed below. She also collects anime goodies, see her Treasures.				This journal is a place for me to vent, to share, and to catch up with friends. Strangers are welcome to see the world through my eyes but respect me and my writings. Add Entry \| Login \| Edit \|

Monday, May 3, 2004
11:59 p.m.

Today I felt like that guy Joel in 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' (a good movie but one that I didn't love cause of the disturbing-something about it) anywayz so in the movie I felt like Joel when his gf Clementine gets all mad about something stupid Joel had to stupidly say and then she starts getting totally raving mad and he's like walking fast and can't wait for that memory to be over so he doesn't have to listen to her tirade - that's what I felt like today - walking fast to get out of earshot of the tirade. Only 2 differences: I didn't say something stupid, and he wasn't bonkers but just upset and mad.

Then tonight.....after not speaking for the rest of the day

Cell phone rings....his number flashes

Me: Hello?

Him: Hi! :) <-- in a smiley happy voice

Me: err...hi?

Him: Hi! How are you?

Me: umm...good?

Him: good! how was boxing?

Me: I didn't have boxing I had my class

Him: oh! how was it?

Me: gooooddddd.....(weirded out)

Him: ok why are you talking like that?

Me: cause you're acting like nothing happened this afternoon?

Him: well yeah I gotta do something to break the ice ;) and he laughs

Me: a smile peaks on my lips and I let out a feeble laugh

Me: hi :)

Him: hi :) how're u?

Me: I'm better now :)

hahah :) he knows how to get back in my good graces and make up with me - he knows how to make me laugh. And we have a happy ending for now :)

Thus goes the story of my life.

So on the train home I wrote a poem - rough draft - it's not very good at ALL but just putting it up here to record it.

Be My Angel

He is beauty manifold
when he smiles at me.

He is love personified
when his warmth envelopes me.

He is like child, brother, father,
friend and lover, in one.

And over me does he spread his wings.

But when the dark clouds gather and the rain falls
my sweet angel is filled with pain, and from it,
pours forth his sadness, anger and hurt

No one knows of angels who speak with anger, but I do
No one knows of angels who speak with pain, but I do
No one knows of angels who lash out with their hurt, I do.

He is my angel, and for him I would take near anything
All his anger, all his pain, all his hurt,

Near, almost....
save but that,

I will not take
what is not justified.
I will not take
that which you speak untrue
I will not take
that which you reason wrong

My angel, who calls me his angel.

I will not take
that which you say to me - vile and cruel

I cannot love if you say things in hate
I cannot be yours if you make me cry.

angel..
You are still human
but be my angel
and I will be yours until I die.

See? not very good. I'll re-work it.

BELOW: wrote another poem the other night...

DARK EYES UNDO ME

Dark eyes like ocean pools
I could be lost in them forever
a smile I barely resist
you pull me with ease
magnetic....
I'm afraid of you, sometimes,
because I could like you -
if I ever gave in.
Dark eyes keep calling,
and that ready smile
will undo me.

Midnight - need to go to sleep.

- Nishi

Sunday, May 2, 2004
11:42 p.m.

hahaha I got an email from a fan who said my erotic poetry turned them on! LOLLLLLLL! Thank you! But the stuff u saw here is not my best work at all! They're just drafts and spontaneous scribblings. If you saw the stuff I'm *proud* of and worked long and hard on, I'd love to hear what you think but I don't wanna post stuff I'm really proud of for fear someone will steal the good stuff. The mediocre stuff is what I put up here.

Alex I'll check out those links when I get some free time next weekend *HUGS* I'm amazed you actually read my whole entry even to the part about the gerrymandering paper! :) Thank you :)

So some of you guys know how I've always been madly in love with the Arthurian Legends, Merlin etc etc? It started when I was 8 with my copy of Pyle's large illustrated 'King Arthur' and from there ignited a life-long passionate interest in everything Celtic, Irish, Welsh, Scottish and to medieval Britain. The Celts and the Irish are by far, along with the Maya and the Inca, the civilizations I'm most drawn to. The Celts and the Irish have long fascinated me because of their legends, mythology, their beautiful songs and in case you didn't know the Irish ARE Celts (as are the Welsh, Scottish, the people of Brittany in France too and they still speak a Celtic language there too), but I'm distnguishing between the modern Welsh, Irish etc as opposed to the ancient Celts because a lot of their culture was annihilated by Rome and its Julius Ceasar who is *one* of the men in history I hate most and who if I was given the chance to become one person in history and change what they did in life - I would become him and prevent the atrocious killings of Celts and other massacres of nations and cultures, families, he committed!

My own Indian origins I wish I knew more of but I couldn't find much on Indian history and the ancestry and civilizations of Indians at Barnes and Nobles and anything I did find pertained to the Northern portion of India and my Indian roots are supposedly in the south.

I want to go one day to the western fringes of Ireland, Wales and Scotland, learn to speak the various Celtic languages still spoken and visit some of the museums that carry their artifacts. And if I ever become rich I'd produce a movie about the history of the Celts - their heroes and history is just AMAZING. There's one event recorded where Ceasar finally defeated a Celtic chief Vercingetorix who decimated a Roman army when it tried to the a Celtic town and this was a huge victory for the Celts after havng lost to Ceasar for 7 years now, but Ceasar exacted his revenge. Vercingetorix was going to finally unite the Celts as one (their tribal/clan-oriented with each type of Celt owing allegiance to his King or chief and to no other but with Rome slowly killing off the great nations of Celts, they finally started seeing that they had to be unified). So Vercingetorix, about 50 years or so before Christ was born, had a huge battle with Cesar in a place called Alesia and he had stockpiled enough food to last him, the city and its soldiers 30 days, but Cesear devised these siege traps that made sure that no one in the city could escape for food once they ran out, and so that no one could enter in to the city to help. When the food ran out, and people were dying trying to get food, facing his people's starvation, Vercingetorix accepted responsibility for the failed revolt and told his people he did this for national liberty and told them they could make amends to the Romans by killing him or surrendering him alive (recorded from Witnesses by Ceasar himself because the Celts didn't record any of their history so who knows how biased Ceasar made it) - anywayz, the people surrendered Verc alive and the gates opened and he rode tall and proud on his horse (the Celts were reknown for their horsemanship and use of war horses) and he was wearing realy fine celtic clothing, silver etc and he descended the hill of his beautiful cit and made a ritual sunwise circle around the dais where Ceasar sat surrounded by his generals and when he dismounted, he threw aside his weapons and offered himself to Ceasar. What awaited him was being chained and dragged through the streets of Rome and only 6 years LATER after Ceasar's named Dictator for Life of Rome, Ceasar exhibits the noble Verc in the Forum then has him strannged.

If you gus thought Braveheart was awesome, you'd love the amazing stories and history of the Celts and Irish etc.

Anywayz, it's getting late and I have work in the morning. See ya guys later :)

- Nishi

Friday, April 30, 2004
11:45 p.m. EST

THE FOLLOWING WRITINGS ARE COPYRIGHT NISHI RAJAN APRIL 30, 2004 AND THEY MAY NOT BE COPIED, PRINTED, DISTRIBUTED, TAKEN OR USED FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER VIA ANY FORMAT INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO PAPER, FAX OR E-MAIL AND MAY NOT BE MADE RENDERINGS OF IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM, AND MAY NOT BE COPIED AND PASTED VIA ANY MESSENGER SERVICES INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO AOL INSTANT MESSENGER, YAHOO OR ICQ BY ANY OTHER PERSON OTHER THAN NISHI RAJAN AND THOSE WHOM SHE GIVES EXPRESS SIGNED WRITTEN PERMISSION TO.

THOSE WHO DISREGARD THIS COPYRIGHT NOTICE WILL BURN IN HELL AND HAVE WORMS EAT THEIR SOULS. BWAHAHAHAHA. SERIOUSLY, HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR THE WORKS OF A GIRL WHO POURS HER LIFE AND HEART INTO HER WRITINGS AND DON'T STEAL HER STUFF. IT'S COPYRIGHTED HEREWITH ANYWAY.

I wrote these tonight......

Give In - Copyright Nishi Rajan April 30, 2004

I'm in trouble
I've developed a crush
Somehow you're managing to catch me
without even trying
How am I letting you get so far?
This is not like me...
This hasn't happened - in forever
It's throwing me off kilter
I want to grab you
and kiss you
devour you
and ravage you

make

you

mine

I want you to give in to me
Give in to me
I promise I won't hurt you
I just want to have you
& then give you back
none the wiser....
None the wiser
Give in to me
Give in.

Miscellanrous erotic prose - Copyright Nishi Rajan April 30, 2004

I want to sink my teeth
into your flesh
I want to lose myself
in your hands

When you make love to me
I want you to be gentle
I am scared of getting hurt

But when I make love to you
I want to let go and be a little rough
I would never hurt you
but I want you to be able
to handle a little of my animal-like lust.

I was in an extremely creative mood tonight. Been writing prose and poetry and song-writing all night. After work, Stephanie and I looked at some manga before heading over to my usual haunt, the Barnes & Noble Cafe at Union Square (I'm there almost every weekend) where we read, and I sat and drew and wrote. But I couldn't really write with Stephanie there I guess and when i got on the train home, the words started to flow.....

What's written above is everything I wrote on the train tonight. I'm not going to explain anything. It's all private thoughts and personal but I want to record it on here in case I lose the book I wrote them in.

DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT I WROTE. I WILL NOT ANSWER THEM.

I'm going back to B&N's this weekend to write more and study more because I'm working on some papers to win an award and 2 grants. My newest paper is one about the redistricting the Republicans did in Texas - called gerrymandering and how it's unconstitutional and akin to the racial redistricting that was outlawed. I have a lot of reading, research and writing to do on this so I'm going to use the "time off" I have from recording and working on the music to work on this this weekend. I'm still working on the mythology papers and the human rights violations paper too. I love Union Square and love the B&N cafe. :)

I thought I had a wedding to go to this weekend but turns out it's 2 weeks away which is good cause I hadn't bought a gift yet! LOL!

Anywayz....if it doesn't rain Sunday instead of B&N's I'll go meet friends for the Cherry Blossom Festival here in NY. My very first! Hope it doesn't rain but fear it will.

Lady *HUGS* and *sends you lots of my energy* :D hahaha thank you for the prayer for my dad and mom. I don't know how I keep up with everything that I do! Honestly it somehow manages to find a time and place to fit in on its own so I can do it. However I do only get 6-7 hours of sleep a night now as opposed to the 8-9 or possibly 10 I really need. So there's your answer I guess ;) Miyu-chan I love Juline! :) I bought SHaolin Sisters thinking it was a continuation of Juline but it's completely different! Why?

I'm gonna be up for a while working on stuff. See you guys tomorrow or later this weekend or next week. *HUGS*

- Nishi

Thursday, April 29, 2004
11:59 p.m.

Today was so gorgeous 70-something and sunny - my friend Stephanie and I picked up chinese food for lunch and also went to Midtown Comics where I picked up JULINE (one of my fave series) and DEMON DIARY (a new fave series - it's soooo funny) - I'm already almost finished.

Just got out of a nice, long and hot shower - felt good on my muscles which were worked very hard at tonight's boxing class (2 hours). Getting ready to eat some of my mummy's yummy home cookin' and watch my taped episode of tonight's Friends! :D

Too much chinese food - took Larise and Mark from work to a new chinese place that opened up near work on Tuesday too - those 2 are so funny and cool.

Alex cd is on hold right now because of personal things with my family - I'll update when it's on the roll again.

It's the funniest thing - normally when I walk around in the city and especially around where I work, I get hit on by a million skeevy guys. Today when I had my wrists wrapped and carried my boxing gloves to the class and back to the office at night afterwards - no guys hit on me! They took one look at the gloves and thought better! HAHAHA or maybe I looked repulsive in my I love NY t-shirt and hair all messy and sweaty. Point being I think I've found a successful deterrent to unwanted attention! Look messy and carry boxing gloves :) heheh I'm such a cheeseball.

Class was over at 8 and I made it back to work to change and get ready to go home. So surprised by how late people stay there working. The cute attorney (the one who got his hair shaved close to his head I mentioned before) was there too working late ;) A nice surprise cause he's got such a sweet smile ;) Still a temptation ;) hhahaha :)

Only one guy EVER made me almost give in to "temptation" and got through my "wall" of defenses that prevent guys, even ones I'm drawn to, from getting to me, and it was during the very 1st month when S and I were broken up the 1st time (we only ever broke up twice - the 2nd time stuck). The temptation, was a friend in one of my classes in college at the time, really cute north-indian, and he got through the wall because we were just friends and kept it at that level until he started hinting at thinking more of me which threw me off balance because until then it was only *I* who had thought I was somewhat drawn to him....I'd never imagined he'd feel something like that too and that's what started weakening the wall - nothing hits me more than when someone I'm friends with, whom I deem worthy enough to be drawn to, actually shows small signs of interest back - I remember once we were just talking and he laughed and I told him he had such a nice laugh and he laughed again and said thanks and then he let 15 seconds pass when he then said in a certain confidential like he was sharing a secret with me voice, "I think YOU have a great laugh." And he just looked at me briefly before leaving and that look and the way he said what he did clued me in that he was hinting at something more. That threw warning signs everywhere at me and of course I instantly drew all my defenses and made sure it stayed still as friends because I was positive S and I would get back together, but it was...delicious - knowing something was there but NOT pushing the envelope...I didn't let on to him that I thought something more of him, in fact I made it clear that I was still crazy about S. so as to deter cute Indian Temptation, but we kept on back and forth having subtle and more obvious hints at something more though never coming out with it....I was still puting up a wall....until I went out with friends this one night to a party and he was there and I was upset about the breakup with S and he finally went and hugged me and kissed the side of my head outdoors, at night while we sat on the front door steps of the house the party was at. I *almost* gave in.....he was so gorgeous, North-Indian and he was playing with my hair which melts my heart.....but back then S. was all whom I thought about and so that's when I decided to say I couldn't return his feelings, even though I was drawn. Now that I look back on it and see how S. and I turned out, maybe I should've seen where it would've gone with the Indian Temptation....he and I lost touch years ago though and I think he's married now? But yeah that's the only guy who made me give into temptation and really only because I was broken up with S. I never told S. about that I dont think - when he and I got back together I was back to eyes only for him.

Suffice it to say that I have to be going through a very hard and rocky time with the one I love and it has to look like it's almost or close to being over or in fact be over for me to give in to feelings for a guy I'm drawn to. Until then, I push away guys I'm drawn to and who might show interest (even though inside I'm elated ;)) and make sure I'm just good friends with them and nothing more. Besides that I already have really high standards for guys I'm drawn to anyway so temptations are *very few* and FAR between. There's only 1 guy friend and the 1 same cute attorney I work with who I'd deem right now to be biggest temptations if I was ever weak - and I won't be weak. No matter how many cute smiles...even if they're very very cute smiles.....or even if he smells really nice.....gosh darnit he really DID smell nice tonight! Something about tea tree oil shampoo? hahahahahah no I won't be weak :)

Anywayz, I'm really tired - don't think I'll watch Friends afterall (I know *gasp* - abomination, blasphemy - not watch Friends? - shut up already ;)) - I'll watch it tomorrow - lo and behold - my Rickers just called - he's in Orlando to go with his family to his sister's graduation. We're finally in the same time zone!! (He lives out in L.A., California - we've been long distance all these 3 years and see each other every 2-3 months, sometimes as long as 6 months. I just told him how much I loved him. I don't know who I'll end up with, don't know if Ricky and I will make it, but I do know I love him, and that I'll always love him - I don't think it's possible for me to lose love for those whom I have loved. I know I'll always love S., and should Ricky and I end and I fall for someone new, I'll still always love Ricky too.

Good lord what's made me ramble on and on tonight? Time to sleep. Night everybody!

- Nishi

Tuesday, April 27, 2004
11:53 p.m.

thanks guys *HUUUUGGGGGGGS* I love you :) my dad came home today and he seemed fine at first - was back on the phone talking to clients etc when I came home at 9:30pm but when he and mummy got ready to sleep around 10:30 (which is very late for them ;)) he just looked so tired and when I asked how he felt he said he didn't know! :( 3 stents...and "Veli Papa" - my oldest uncle who was my dad's oldest brother - died some years ago from a heart attack....it's scary to think papa now has heart-related troubles.....

And mummy too....both of them not the robut, energetic people they were a year ago in mummy's case and 2+ years in Papa's......I'm so worried about them.....worrying about them plagues my mind and gives me little peace.

Anywayz, I'm gonna pray to God in a lil bit and that always helps. I trust in Him infinitely.

I took 2 hours of boxing/kickboxing/san shou tonight....heavybag work too.....my arms got worked like crazy.....I'm going to have sleek toned arms in a very short time, I can feel it. Today's class made us do several "rounds" (typical in boxing where you duke it out for a certain number of rounds) and I was partnered up with a really tall guy and kicked, punches, jabbed, left hooked and everything at him and then him to me....kneed and kicked.....this went on for the full hour with heavy pads and the boxing gloves. There's also a real boxing ring in the center of the boxing gym that's used for the sparring and advanced "san da" boxing classes. I'll move up to that eventually. 2 hours was tough but I handled it well! I feel achy already and know I'll be sore as heck tomorrow.

I had my telescope class last night - was super interesting. I found out the name of the telescope I'm going to one day have built - a cassegrain telescope with an equatorial wedge so that the telescope is parrallel to the earth's tilt. Next Monday night we're going outside to view the night sky in the city with telescopes.

Tomorrow night I have my last Stars and Constellations class which is sad cause I LOVE the class. It's so freakin peaceful to sit there in the planetarium and stare up at the stars and hear about their legends in mythologies around the world etc etc......And none of the upcoming classes I've seen so far scheduled look interesting. Maybe they'll have more up once May starts.

it's almost midnight - way past my bedtime so must sleep. EVERYONE THANK YOU for your thoughts, prayers and well wishes - it meant a lot to me to see your msgs. *BIG HUGS* See you guys tomorrow night :)

- Nishi

Sunday, April 25, 2004
09:39 p.m.

oh my goodness....I just saw Starbucks' Nutrition Information - Calories in their White Chocolate Mocha etc....oh good god it's high - their whipped cream adds 100 extra calories - didn't they hear of 10-calorie whip cream?? ;) My usual White Chocholate mocha's 260 calories, 340 with whip cream in the winters, and when it's hot, I opt for the frappuccino version which is 240 calories and 340 with whip cream.......and their raisin oatmeal cookie which I had the other day - GOOD GOD - it's 390 calories!!! No wonder even though I've been eating healthy (for the most part) and working out, I haven't lost anything. Too many trips to Starbucks is bad for my waist line - not to mention horrible on my wallet.

I have more semi-bad news...my dad is going for another angiogram tomorrow...he might stay overnight at the hospital - he still gets weird chest pains and pains in shoulders and stuff...am worried about him :( I don't wanna talk about stuff to do with my folks though so I try to keep personal stuff like that out of this journal.....anywayz....

I think I am going to swear off fattening beverages and stick to water and low calorie water-like beverages like my fave Lipton Raspberry Iced-Tea....although Starbucks' caramel machiato iced is ONLY 140 calories so I can have that :) hehehe :D An iced caffe latte by the way is only 70 calories - how much caffeine is in that though?

I just finished reading this article in this month's Discover Magazine about eggs, sperms, reproduction etc etc - and how the qualities of eggs etc are affected 3 months before they even met up with sperms. Which means if I was looking to get pregnant - I'd have to abstain from alcohol and anything toxic or unhealthy from my body for at least 3 months before trying to conceive to make sure my eggs were of the best & healthiest quality genetically possible for me. And for men (women too) - cigarette smokers and weed smokers etc etc - are not only killing their lung tissues, cells and bodies, but also harming their sperm (eggs for women) and the future children they may have - scientists don't know till a child is born how - even if an egg appears to be a normal egg, and a normal zygote (fertilized egg) - how the zygoe/kid eventually is affected by poor conditions the parents were under when they conceived him/her - you might not know till the kid's in school - and even then many years later - that your kid's not as smart, physically tall or attractive or whatever because of genetic abnormalities that are a cause of the qualities of the sperm and egg. Of course, it can also be because of genetics alone, even if you had perfect sperms and eggs. The point is - take care of yourselves & your bodies.....you have only one life, only one body, and if you don't take care of yourself - not only are you affected but potentially your kids.

I think I'm going to make a conscious decision to no longer drink alcohol except very rarely - which is the case now anyway - I drink only if I go out with friends for lunch or dinner which itself is a rare occurrence these days. I'm not that *big* a fan of alcohol anyway - although I do enjoy drinks in moderation and at social gatherings - I like margaritas and amaretto sours but really, the 1/2 heavy, 1/2 light-headedness, dryness of the mouth etc that results always feels unhealthy....but that's probably because I've drunk more than I should and not enough water with it. But to know that not only is my body being damaged by it but that my eggs etc are affected...thus my future kids....makes me think a lot harder about what & how much I'm putting in my body.........this goes for caffeine too....

Speaking of kids and stuff....I'm looking forward to being a mother in 3-4 years (between age 30-31)......I've been planning the design of my future "mansion" ;) And it makes me think of my future family a lot....I want them to have as perfect genes as possible. My biggest fault is that I'm short. I'd love to give my kids tall genes - which I possibly have but the short genes took over ;) Ricky's gorgeous so the kids'd be great looking - but he has poor eyesight. I have 20-20 vision - or I did until I turned 21 anyway - I'm now 20/30 - my vision in my right eye is weaker. So Ricky said the kids should get his height and my eyes. Fair deal I say ;)

KARI hi there! I remember meeting you at the cels table! Nice to see you again :) We're both fans of Cathy! hahaha yaaay :D Memory u've never been to the MET? I forget but where exactly do you live again? *HUGS* Adrianne *HUGS* we should do a movie night one day M_JADE good luck with ur exams and that summer job!!! Indian wedding? North Indian or South? DANA I love carpet too but hardwood and stone and tile too..... :D *HUGS*

Night everyone!

- Nishi

Saturday, April 24, 2004
11:38 a.m.

I got a haircut! A FABULOUS haircut! So much better than what that horrible man did to my hair last October. I went to my regular hairdresser on the East side of Manhattan after work yesterday and told her I wanted my regular long layers etc etc and it came out gorgeous :D SOO HAPPY :D Ricky's getting a haircut too - I'm always worried when he goes for a haircut cause he jokes how he'll shave his head bald and I go ballistic cause I don't like his hair really shaved close - he looks amazing with that nice hair of his a lil thick. Speaking of haircuts and shaved heads - that cute attorney at work I told you guys about - he came in yesterday with a haircut too - hair shaved totally close to the head and I take it back, he's not cute - HE'S HOT!!!!! I was just all 'wow' - some guys can really pull it off - he even looked all muscular and stuff. ANDREW if ur reading this don't laugh! hahahah he was cute and adorable before but now he's hot with that haircut ;) Don't tell him I ever thought so though cause I don't want to embarrass him!

In other news - Cathy's engaged! The comic strip Cathy! The one I read since I was a little kid Cathy! HOLY MOLY! That's cool! Wonder how many years they'll stretch the engagement plot line hahaha :D

I'm soooooo happy because I got my Yahoo! Japan clippings and furoku of Yui Ayumi's nakayoshi manga DELICIOUS! - I've managed, I think, to collect all the color pages and even the bento box and chop sticks! I'll put pictures up later. I need to head to a kinkos or beg my folks to get me a scanner as a belated birthday present so I can scan this stuff for my Yui Ayumi's Delicious! Manga website. The Marmalade Boy color clippings arrived too and I found SOOO many images I'd never seen before in the artbook! I hope one day they put out an ERIKA KURAHASHI artbook! ;) Would love to have all the MAX Lovely images!

Helping my folks today, going to the city to shop for a bag, and generally just BE. No recording today cause I haven't been able to get in touch with Mike or Tyga. I've got to call Tyga today and find out what's up and what we're doing. Mike, I think, is probably not my friend anymore cause he won't return any of my calls and didn't even answer my emails. Last time he and I talked, we were cool so I don't know what happened since. If you're reading this Mike - CALL ME gosh darnit! We should talk and if something's bothering you, we should work it out! Friends don't just cut each other off - if something I said or did bugged you - tell me! I'll do what I can to make up for it.

Ok mum's calling and I gotta go wash dishes and help clean. *HUGS* to all and see you later.

- Nishi

Thursday, April 22, 2004
11:15 p.m.

I lloooooovvvveeeeeeeee my boxing class I started tonight. It's boxing/kickboxing in martial arts format. I'm learning San Shou Boxing/Kickboxing and also doing 'Fitness Kickboxing' - I got my gloves today - they're huge and the long wrist band tie thing you wrap around ur hands and wrist befor eu put ur hand in the gloves. I spent the first half hour of class doing intense cardio and the latter 30 minutes doing punching bag work with kicks, punches etc and it was also intense - great way to get rid of stress - and LORD do my arms feel great :) I'll have amazing arms after 2-3 months of this. At the end, the instructor made us do 50 full sit-ups with punches across to our partner's hands so we worked out obliques. I think my stomach may feel it tomorrow ;)

I used my Ricky's Barnes and Nobles card to get free order of "Vampire Game, Volume 6", "Wild Act, Volume 6", "Psychic Academy Volume 2" and "Kare Kano, Volume 9" hehehe should be arriving next week - before anyone gets it in the stores :) BWAHAHAH I feel all VIP ;) Just go and order if rom BN.com so you don't have to wait at the stores forever.

The Asimov Debate yesterday - agh I'll write on it later sometime - maybe not ;)

I wrote something earlier about my 1st true love...small poem....prose...free style...whatever....it's nothing....

The Test of Time
years have passed since we last loved
we two - who would have given all the world to be together
it's sad how things came to pass
sad that even years later, the memories make me cry
I wish they hadn't ended the way they did
It was our love that first taught us how to love
Our love which taught us so many things about life and each other
Your love gave me songs, tears, smiles and laughter
It brought me my greatest and my worst times
Once I thought it would have been better to never have loved you at all
Sometimes, when the pain is great, I still think so
But other times, I can't imagine not having loved you
Not having been loved by you
You made me the happiest girl in the world
and for a while, I made you the happiest man
Days, Weeks, Months and Years passed....
We became one of those couples we used to talk about
the ones who just, for whatever reason, didn't make it
Where we once thought we were invincible and were in some ways so much better than other couples
We were shown wrong...
Now my songs sing my pain...all the pain still buried inside
As I watch you move on with your life
Our love and our past just a chapter in the story of your life
I wish things had been easier.....
Would things have been different? Changed?
Probably not - neither of us would be who we are today if things had been different...
And you...for whatever reasons you gave, which I don't believe any to be right....
Given what we had against us....all that distance and time...
Your decision was probably inevitible.
We didn't know then what we know now
But that makes all the difference - because you made your decision despite that - despite us....and it was conscious
And because of that, I realized....
Some things do not pass the test of time
Not even you and your love....which was the dearest thing I'd ever had
We failed it...or it failed us.
And for that reason, I will always cry.

....anywayz....I'm going to talk to my Ricky now....who is the man I love with all my heart now.....and through whose love, helped heal a lot of the above pain....even though I don't think I'll ever really heal.....stupid ain't I? To still be hurt by an old love? Maybe not stupid...but it sure feels stupid to get upset and cry about it.....I don't know....

For anyone out there who is going through or went through what I did, pray - a lot....God helped me.....and truly KNOW that you will love again and be loved again - in the case of a first love - nothing could ever be like that again - but what follows can be different and just as beautiful - not better, not worse....but beautiful and special in its own separate and wonderful way. My two loves - S. and Ricky.....my love for them is for so many different reasons........I can't compare them at all and if *I* who didn't think it possible to love someone again the way I loved S. CAN and DID love again - so can you. Trust me on that and pray to God fervently. He doesn't want us to be unhappy and his gift of Love will be given to us many, many times through Him and through people he sends to us. You'll probably net get over that person you love/d so much......and that's ok....they can stay in your heart....but you HAVE to move on.....there's a great big beautiful world out there....amazing things to see, do, try, eat! :D Love will be there for you again just how it was there for you in the past relationship.....you were meant to love and be loved.....

- Nishi <-- who's gonna get off her soap box now ;)

Wednesday, April 21, 2004
11:39 p.m.

The Isaac Asimov Memorial Debate tonight at the Hayden Planetarium about dark matter, dark energy etc etc was AWESOME. It was absolutely fascinating! I should go to more of these kinds of things - it was so cool to be in a huge auditorium packed (it was sold out) with people just like me who were either very interested or curious about all this stuff....I just got home now at 11pm and am exhausted and need to sleep now for work tomorrow. I'll write more on it tomorrow.

Hope you're all having a wonderful night. Tomorrow night's a NEW EPISODE OF FRIENDS! Only 3 more to go *sob* I have my VCR set to record!

M_Jade I'll respond to ur msg tomorrow *HUGS*

- Nishi

Tuesday, April 20, 2004
10:10 p.m.

Eddy and Rachel thanks for caring guys and I appreciate it very much but really I don't want advice on these matters ok? *HUGS* I know you guys only want my best interest and ur msgs showed a lot of affection and care, and I am thankful and *greatful* for that but I'm fine and quite capable of handling this :) The entry was meant merely for me to vent at that moment and I'm definitely over the sadness I felt that night. However, just for future note, when I write on things like that, other than msgs to let me know u came by and are there for me, don't discuss my entry. I should've put an after-note such as 'no responses to this entry in the message box please' but I didn't think to that night.

Anywayz *HUGS* to you both and thank you! I am truly glad you guys were there with your support :)

M_Jade & Lady *hugs* to you two as well :) thank you very, very much :) M_Jade how's everything on your end? LADY - I need to stop by your journal sometime soon - I've been so busy haven't bloghopped in a while.

As for my 1st true love (God I loved him so) - I know in my heart I still love him very much (or who knows, maybe the memories of how he was while we were together, who he was with me that I still love) and have just buried it all very deep so I could move on.....I think if he was reading this now he'd be angry that I talk about this stuff....I guess my mistake has always been that I talk too much about things I should leave private but I can't help it - it's my nature to express, write, to get things out and the reason to do so on this online journal, as opposed to my multitude of hardcover journals, is that I know my friends and even a few strangers might be reading this who might somehow share in my happiness and sorrow and to know they are there sharing in my sad times and good times makes me feel not alone. It could be a very bad thing to let people into one's life like this - to open yourself to outside interpretations, outisde opinions, to let other people think they know anything about you when they really don't just cause they read your entries, to let anyone think they have enough knowledge to talk to you about what you write - no matter how much you try to limit and control it, but at the same time, to NOT do it....is stifling...is.....at least in my eyes...to stay closed up and not let people in and that's very lonely. For me, writing, sharing and talking about myself with friends, in my real life and through this journal, has always helped me. Combining the writing and sharing with friends in this journal is great. Anything that is really too private or that in retrospect I feel is private I either don't write or edit out later.

By the way, to my friends in real life who read this and whom I see on a daily, or even once in a blue moon, basis, or on AIM: don't talk to me about this journal and what I write unless I bring it up with you k? This is a not-so-private outlet but I still want you to respect the fact that although I have no problem with anyone reading what I write, i do have a problem with people thinking they can actually TALK to me about anything I write. Respect that please and don't talk to me about my stuff cause if you do, I will get very angry and probably scream at you and tell you to piss off and then I won't talk to you :) heheheh yeah. I got my dad's temper.

SO ANYWAYZ!!!!! :D I love Mermaid Melody Pichi Pichi Pitch but I can't find ANYONE FANSUBBING IT ON VHS! No dvd player yet (I know, I know ;)) and I can't download any episodes onto my computer cause I still use Windows95 here (I know, I know! ;)) and I'm running out of space and need to get a new computer when I have some spending cash which will be in like 2007 ;) It's suchhhhhhh a good manga and I can't wait to watch the anime version of it.

Tomorrow night's the ASIMOV DEBATE at the Hayden Planetarium - discussing Dark Matter, Dark Energy, Black Holes and all things dark and mysterious in our universe. You might think it sounds nerdy and boring but trust me, this stuff blows your mind! It's fascinating and fun. I love astronomy.

Anywayz, I need to sleep and read another chapter of a new book I'm reading: "The Golden Ratio" all about the number I started being fascinated by in 'The DaVinci Code' - the number PHI - 1.618 (Not pi which is 3.14 etc etc) - PHI is the magic number by which our whole universe is designed, including our human body. I'll talk more about it another night. Good night one and all.

- Nishi

Sunday, April 18, 2004
10:29 p.m.

I should be going to sleep right now but I have to write. My 1st true love IMed me tonight...I thought he just wanted to catch up as we sometimes, once in a blue moon, do, but after catching up turns out he wanted to ask me to send back all the pictures he ever sent me - we were in love for 4.5 years long distance. Of course I was like bright and smiley, sure sure, but after a few seconds it hit me hard. He's getting married so of course he'd want all those pics back. But some of them were meant just for my eyes...I haven't looked at them since Feb. of 2002, but I always thought I'd just get to keep them, untouched. Now it's like...one of the very last things I have to remember him by - the way I used to love him anyway - are going to be gone. I'm crying so hard right now....I loved him so much....so much.....why am I crying...dammit.....it really hurts....

Sunday, April 18, 2004
10:09 a.m.

I went jogging last night and it was so nice to see the daylight last past 7:30. Took mummy walking for a half hour. She was telling me how her muscles get achy and tired after any stressful activity like the other day when she was cleaning her bathroom and floor she felt sore the next day. I'm worried about how she might be in 20 years. My mom is so freaking gorgeous - she's 52 and yet she looks 35 and she and papa went to this event near home yesterday afternoon and she dressed up in a pretty sari and she just looked wow. I'm praying that whatever is making my mom sick goes away and leaves her back the way she was in September before it made her sick.

Gonna go jogging again now....another beautiful day! 70-something again.....tomorrow's supposed to be 84? And 73 again on Tuesday before we go back to 60's and rain on Wednesday. I don't wanna waste this beautiful day in-doors.

I'm going to get all philosophical for a moment.....whenever I studied astronomy in the past, and moreso now since I'm taking active participation in classes now, I've always been disturbed by the fact that scientists talk about the fate of our planet, the universe etc. How our sun is destined to expand and eat up the planets, Earth included, within its radiation, how life on Earth will be impossible millions of years from now, how the sun will explode changing into (I forget) something else, and as I'm learning all this....I got really sad and this is where I'm going to sound all weird and stuff but hell it's my journal and I can talk weird on it. I love this Earth....it's so amazing....the fact we have so many creatures, birds, oceans, amazing mountains, forests, rainbows, everything is an awe-filled and wonderful creation - the most amazing be us humans......when I think about this beautiful day...the sun shining, the lake outside, the beach and just LIFE as we know it, and then the vast universe outside....stars being born, exploding, dying, planets forming, existing for millions of years then burning out when their core no longer produces anything, or being bounced around by other galaxies.....even though we'll all probably be dead and humanity may not even exist when all this happens....it's just "foundation-shattering" to think that something you know, love, and take for granted, like the Earth could not be here one day....that everything the way we know it - our delicate ecosystem and balance of atmosphere, nature, sun - all of it - might collapse and be no more. When I think about all that and realize how short our time is on this planet....you and I could die tomorrow, 5 years from now, 10 years - what the hell are we doing with our lives on this planet? If I knew I was gong to die 5 years from now, I'd do so many things....change so much.....what's stopping me from doing that now? The only thought that I have lots of time. What if that's just not true......and I want to keep this planet safe and cared for for my children and their children.....

Stuff like this makes you re-evaluate what you're doing in life, how you're doing things......you realize that the trivial day to day things and even the major life things can be taken in stride - that compared to the magnitude and magnificence of LIFE and all that it implies, the world and the stars, heavens, all the universe......you realize you can't fear, you can't run away from things, you can't put things off. Life is here, today, now....take it, grab it, live it. Don't miss a second. Make things happen in your life. Make it what you want it to be, cause nobody else is going to do it for you. Don't take avantage of what you have - make the most of it. And always, always tell the people close to you how much you love them, because when life runs out, all that matters is them.

End of my philosophical stuff. ;)

ok I'm out now.

Rachel that;s true! you can read all day! LOL! I envy you! I'd love to just read all day at a job ;) I hope you get it!

- Nishi

Saturday, April 17, 2004
12:08 p.m.

oh my god it's a freakin beautiful day! 70-something, bright warm and sunny! I woke up and opened all the windows in my room and the sounds of ducks, birds and everything out on the lake and in the woods came back at me :) A good way to wake up especially after this disturbing dream I had - but it's probably cause I was reading this new manga called ORORON or The Demon Ororon which Tokyopop just published - go get it and read!!! The dream I had was probably off it cause in the dream there was this weird baby/child who kept going to this dangerous area where I knew evil stuff was and I rescued it and it/she/he(?) looked at me and said that it would bring me to the brink of hell and I was like "No! I'll save you!" and I brought it back up to where it was safe. Lots more in that dream but don't feel like writing it. The Ororon series is all about angels and demons and heaven and hell which is why I think the dream was as a result of reading this before I went to sleep ;)

Spending this gorgeous day mopping the floors for mummy and cleaning the bathroom - fun fun I know. But hopefully I'll get done in another hour or so and can rest with her outside in the sun. Maybe go for a jog.

sunny days have a way of making everything look good......

Anywayz, Crystal thank you :) *HUGS* you always cheer me up - I adore you! Rachel a job at the library sounds awesome! I never worked at a library but now that I think about it, probably working near books would be peaceful - but what if it's boring? You don't do anything except help people with books all day - but mmmm I love the smell of books....and money...love the smell of a crisp new dollar bill....and freshly mowed grass....and toast...and cinnabuns....I'm hungry.....

I'm gonna go eat.

- Nishi

Thursday, April 15, 2004
06:17 p.m.

It's 6:07 and I'm hanging out at work (can you believe I'm actually hanging out at work and having fun?! :) hahaha) waiting to meet a friend for a quick dinner tonight. Seraph *HUG* thank you very much! Lots of things were bothering me but I trust in Him too :) *HUUGGG*

my dad and I got into a huge fight this morning - the details of which I won't write here but it was really awful.....just basically him blowing up at me for not agreeing with the way he sees something to do with my bank and getting paper statements as opposed to online statments (I choose the latter) and it just blew all out of proportion.

I know that as children age, no matter how old we get (and I'm 27 now) that parents never stop seeing us as children and wanting to guide us and "control" our decisions in finances and many other areas - at least until we get married anyway. Once you get married, you're suddenly no longer under their thumb, so to speak.....

Hey Andrew if you see this *HUGS* you're mediocre at best at playing ball ;) hahaha kidding :) I'm so glad you IMed me last night! It was a lot of fun talking to you although I was going nuts trying to figure out who you were :) See you on IM tonight or at work tomorrow.

Anywayz, I need to get going and I will see you all later. Hope you're all having a great week. Sarah Beth if you're reading this I am very sorry for not having called you yet to wish you congratulations. *big hugs* will call tonight or tomorrow. LOVE YOU!

- Nishi

Wednesday, April 14, 2004
05:38 p.m.

Updated at 10pm BELOW
I'm writing from work waiting till 6 so I can go to my class tonight. Stephanie from work took me to a great chinese pastry shop that sold the raisin twists and chinese chocolate cakes and other pastries I love which AREN'T fattening or so bad for u ;)

I have things on my mind...plaguing me....can't get any peace.....*sigh* God give me peace and keep me, loved ones, and our lives safe......please make sure no one is doing us harm - in any way.

I really wanna write or sing right now....no time really.....just hold it in till I get home tonight.....

Rachel don't worry about it! :) Just glad you still drop by now and then :)

too much....so much on my mind....and I'm not feeling too good either - think the weather is making me a lil sick....

Updated at 10pm
I love my friend Neil! I left work today a bit upset from everything on my mind but feeling a lot better after a call to Neil and talking all my worries and things out with him. He's one of my oldest college friends who I'm still in touch with and I'm so greatful for that - he managed to make me feel centered and back on track again, even though I did burst into tears on him - and at work too! ;) but it's ok cause it was 6pm and work had been over for an hour and only the people I like best were there anyway to see or hear my blubbering and they're so cool they act like they didn't hear or see anything :) I work with awesome people.

Neil if you see this *HUGGGG* I am so glad you're my friend. Thank you :)

I went to my astro class today and loved every minute of it. As soon as I stepped into it and the room filled with stars I felt at peace. How can one worry about their day to day affairs when faced with the magnitude and wonder of the universe above you? I got lost in stories and education about the southern hemisphere which I'm ashamed to say that until now I never bothered to study or learn more about ;) But it's a very boring sky hemisphere in my opinion with only a few really cool legends and only a few really encaptivating constellations like the Cross/Crux and the ship & centaur......I brought my binoculars with me and was able to see the deep sky objects they pointed out that the people without binocs couldn't see - was really cool.

I keep meaning to bring a camera with me to take pictures of the "fossils" they constructed along the subway wall when you go downtown from the Hayden Planetarium's 79th street subway entrance - the "fossils" are really cool and there're so much detail and thought put into the design and decoration of the subway station there that I really want to take the time to photograph it - it's too easy to walk by and simply gaze and smile and then forget about it - I wanna remember it.

Speaking about the subway - usually New Yorkers are cool but every once in a while you meet the weird characters which make up all those crazy stories you hear about the NY subway - tonight for instance some crazy woman got on the C train with me downtown from the planetrium and she's mouthing off about something or other - on cue - everyone of us in the car of the train avert our eyes and look ANYWHERE but at the crazy woman cause we know that if we somehow look at her she might start screaming at us and God knows what else might happen. Lesson to visitors to NY - don't look or talk to crazy ppl! ;)

New Yorkers are too mistrustful I think - USA in general is too mistrustful and fearful of everyone around them - we all think the person to the left or right of us might be out to get us, steal our wallets, harm our children. We tend to forget that majority of people are just like us - normal, decent, kind people. We forget that fact amongst all the news and experiences of A$$holes and thieves and wackos.

I just got home now at 10pm and am aching to sleep. Need to wash my face and deep moisturize - haven't been taking care of my skin since I started working almost 3 weeks ago and I really need to. Hope you're all having a good night and staying dry in this horrid NY rain or wherever u are. *HUGS* to all.

- Nishi

Tuesday, April 13, 2004
08:51 p.m.

my poor rickers *MWAH* he got to work at 5am PST because he had to "work with" India today - he's a consultant for one of the top consulting firms in the nation - he wasn't able to call me almost all day and when he did I missed his call :( So he's been busy all day....long distance sucks but even if he were here he'd be busy working all day too.....I miss him :( I miss his hugs....most of all I miss the way he touches my hair......I turn into a puppy in his hands ;) LOL!

Anyway......my mom got laid off from her job officially (she's a nurse) because the county medical center she was working on is bankrupt and they're laying off tons of nurses and staff. It's so sad. My mom - because of her sickness this last fall - hasn't worked since this Sept/Oct. She's better now but the second she has to stress herself physically, she relapses - gets all weak and tired :(

When she told me this on the train all I could think in my head is "I have to make it - not just for myself, but for my parents." My folks worked SO HARD their whole life to make a good living for my sisters and I......they went through hell over and over....and now, they're both 52 and they deserve a good life - worry-free, I want to give them that. They shouldn't have to work hard for their money anymore. I HAVE TO MAKE IT with my music. I just have to. I want to be able to make so much money that my parents never have to worry about money again.

I love them a whole lot and they and my sisters mean everything to me.

My music can do it...those songs...my heart and my life are in them.......I want so badly for the world to hear the songs, to hear the words...to be moved.....and any success from it will help give my folks the life they've sacrificed a lot to try and achieve. It's what I owe them after they gave me all my education, and all their love.

Work was nice today...I got my computer to use at work and wow is it nice! Only hitch is no internet! Rats! Everyday I meet more characters at work - they all crack me up :) For instance this one guy was telling me about his pet cat and how when he goes home, it's there waiting for him and then he tells me a REALLY weird thing - he thinks his cat is possibly someone he knew in a past life. @.@ <--- eyes bugging out. James is another character whose whole personality is pure entertainment - he's a sweetheart and I wish I could find a girl just right for him. And John and Sean are 2 other characters who I love to talk to - they're both so much fun and funny as heck - somehow we got onto the topic of men who date younger women and women who date younger men and all which that topic can engender and it was too funny :) My feeling on it? If you're 25 & over and emotionally & mentally mature, date people 25 and over - men, women, bisexual whatever! If you're going to date someone 18-24, make sure the girl/guy is mature enough to be with you - unless it's just supposed to be a fling in which case anything goes EXCEPT ILLEGAL BELOW 18! That's just never right.

lord ;) Anywayz, must spend time with the parental units. See ya guys later :) AlfaTrion hahahah I don't have time either but I try to make time always :) Thank you and nice to meet u :)

- Nishi

Monday, April 12, 2004
06:18 p.m.

Updated at 9:00pm BELOW
oh godddddddd my feet hurt!! I wore these high heel stilettos (or however u spell it) for this dinner tonight and aghhhhhhhh I'm in pain! I'm here at work late earning overtime as I wait to go.

Miyu-chan way too expensive. I'll tell you on IM when I see you next. Memory thank you sweetie! You too!! :) Lee hahaha :) thanks babe but SHHH don't say stuff like that ;)

Can't wait to go home tonight and finally sleep! My sisters won't be home anymore so it'll be sad :( Easter was fun with them here - we shopped, talked, did all the sisterly things we usually do - I helped them with their cover letters and resumes - Mek and Mil got a new apartment in Long Island - only 1 bedroom but they're happy about it :).....anywayz, time to go soon - see ya guys later :)

Updated at 9:00pm
Ok that was at 6-something - the dinner got cancelled! Which sucks cause I got dressed up, wore these painful shoes, and even stayed at work till 6:42pm! But it's alright cause I was really gosh darn tired and I'm glad to be home. For church yesterday (Easter Sunday) we got up at 5:30am so I'm looking fwd to sleep tonight :)

House is so empty without my sisters :( We're all really close and loving - touchy feely too. I used to think it was just me who was touchy feely with friends and family but I saw it in my sisters too so I'm normal - it's genetic ;)

Rainy and windy night out tonight....even though it's night, I have the blinds in front of my desk here open and I'm looking out the window at the lake with the rain falling - it's so pretty......once when I was probably 11 or 12 I went out at I think 10:30pm really late at night at the old house (in the middle of the woods) while it was drizzling softly and it was the eeriest thing....there were almost no animals anywhere except for the occasional bird or squirrel and even they were tucked away in the trees....I was standing on my deck with an umbrella hoping my parents wouldn't wake up and I walked around the backyard....kind of spooked cause I've always been scared of ghosts and demons and stuff like that but at the same time I just felt like doing that at that moment.....it feels like that right now outside....like I could go outside here in the new home and be like when I was at 11/12.......

I am so inspired that I just finished writing this short story. Hope you guys enjoy :) It's nothing big so don't go expecting much! Just some dribble that I wanted to get out.

The Mothers and Fathers of Earth

Silly isn't it? But agh I just wanted to write. I'm tired now. Going to dress in something muy comfortable for work tomorrow - you feel so much more tired and drained when your feet are sore or in pain. Good night everybody and see u tomorrow.

- Nishi

Friday, April 9, 2004
11:16 p.m. EST

wow what a DAY. I just got off the phone with a friend who was upset about a misunderstanding or something of the sort and I think we cleared everything straight but not sure....things feel weird still...I hope they get better.

my ricky's sick and is coughing and stuff. *MWAH* sweetiepea - I hope you feel better! Church was longgggggg and when I got home I curled up in bed and slept for 3 hours....weird dreams though.......I can't get over one of the dreams I had.......maybe it has something to do with the wednesday's astronomy class......I was in the middle of the universe....everything was black with cloudy white light emanating from the stars and I was looking out from the sun - actually I think i was sitting ON the sun or inside the sun - and I was figuring something out...something about how we as humans have a skewed view of the universe.....that we look out and see the planets and stars....but if you look out from the sun you see something else....and I can't remember what it WAS - it was like EUREKA! One of those lightning struck me and now I know the meaning of E=MC2 etc etc, and now I forgot it. It was scary though cause I didn't think i could get out of the center of space now that i was there and I couldn't return back home to reality. Freakin weird dream.

We only had a 1/2 day at work today which was cool :) I changed into my salvar there and was able to rush out and catch the train in time. People are so sweet at work. Yesterday, I was staying late cause I had to wait to take a train home so my folks could pick me up from the train station for church again.

Just finished praying to God - I needed strength and guidance in a lot of things. I feel closer to God when I pray straight to Him from my heart, here alone in my room. I wouldn't describe myself as religious but more a believer in God and devout worshipper of God alone.

Even though I slept I'm still sleepy. Have church early again tomorrow morning. Hope you're all having a great weekend and if I don't write again this weekend have a Happy Easter!!

Miyu-chan I might not take the aikido class I saw this week - it's way more expensive than i thought and I wasn't excited by what I was seeing - I'd rather take formal karate classes instead. But miyu-chan ur the karate expert - you're even going to teach! Move down here and be closer to me and teach!!! Yes that's an order! :) *HUGS* we still need to do that road trip thing ya know? Crystal *HUGS* you counted stars with your grandpa? That's so adorable! I've been fascinated by the stars and the sky for as long as I can remember. There's this one photo of me when I was 3 or so back in New Delhi wearing this pretty dress and it's night time and I'm pointing up at the stars. So you could say I've been in love with the stars since I was 3 ;) Wish I coulda done something like that with one of my grandfathers - that's really cool *HUGS*

ok gnight people. Sweet dreams.

- Nishi

Wednesday, April 7, 2004
10:24 p.m.

I love my astronomy classes at the planetarium - I can identify over 50 different northern and southern constellations in the sky now :) I observed the moon and stars with my binoculars the other night when the moon was gorgeously almost full - I actually saw so much detail than ever before and it was really amazing....to see something you never saw before on the moon....go get binoculars or a telescope and look for yourself! You'll see what I mean!

I just got home now at 10pm-ish and mummy had set out for me a plate of food with cungi (boiled rice in boiled water - flavored to taste good!) with her special green beans and this sweet raisin appam (uppam?) and even a glass of water - she thought of everything :) I love my papa and mummy :)

My 3 younger sisters are all coming home tomorrow and Friday!!! YAAAY! Easter baskets - gotta buy them for us all and easter egg coloring! We're gonna have fun dangitall! I wanna get the people I know best at work something for easter too but not sure what or where to go for it. Maybe tomorrow night....

so sleepy....eyes closing......g'night!

- Nishi

Monday, April 5, 2004
08:06 p.m.

mmmm I'm homeeee :) hot cocoa, my mom's yummy food, I'm happy :) I have news - starting next week, I'll be studying the martial art form(?) "Aikido" - it even teaches weapons too one day a week. There's a special discount and other things at the place I'm taking the class so I'm not paying a lot (thank goodness since with this job's salary you don't get much after taxes). I'll be taking some dance and fitness classes I found out about too soon. And this is in addition to the astronomy etc courses I'm already taking for fun ;)

Work today was fun again :) I stayed late to finish up work on a motion, and so I could catch the 6:45 Aikido class, and while working I was talking to my supervising attorney - he's so so so cute! I don't know how he could be single - he's Irish I think with red hair and just this really funny, smart and cool personality....I told Ricky on the phone during my train ride home tonight that if I was single, I'd totally have a crush on him. I hope I don't already have a crush on him ;) Anywayz!!

Long day and I just got home right now so am going to eat, take a long hot shower, maybe catch some tv and finish reading my new volumes of WEDDING PEACH #5 and CYBER IDOL MINK #1 <-- already love ths series! I'm going to check out the sports/fitness classes tomorrow night to make sure it's the place I want to join so it'll be another long day tomorrow.

See ya guys later.

UPDATED 9:22pm EST

JUST FOUND OUT I WON THE GORGEOUS CEL BELOW ON YAHOO! JAPAN AUCTIONS!!!!!!!!!! It's of Usagi and Mamoru in Episode 200 of Sailor Moon! AGHHHHHHHHHH *screams with joy* mine mine mine :D heehheheheeh

- Nishi

- Nishi

Friday, April 2, 2004
09:12 p.m.

mmmm Friday! I won't be able to write again this weekend after this cause I'll be in the studio all weekend recording the next song. We have to get a LOT done in the studio this weekend....need to rehearse the next song tonight...

I was reading the entry below and thinking about my old law firm I worked at. It was also a cool place with cool people and a good environment but it just wasn't something I loved and I realized WHY today for 2 reasons:

(1) the difference between the job then and the job now is that at the old firm, law and being lawyers was a HUGE part of the people's lives there, and at this new job - law is just a 9-5 job for almost everyone here & is a daytime career and we have other careers we want to make come true. At the old firm they truly enjoyed being lawyers in insurance defense litigation and THAT was their career, their priority although all of them also had lives and other things they did after work. It wasn't mine and that's why I love the new job better...it suits me better cause I can relax...I don't have to worry that I'm not putting law as a career with the firm as a priority....only so much as it fits the 9-5 calling.
(2) Plus, back then, all I felt like was a lawyer - I didn't have time for anything else...even though I left at 5, I didn't get home till 7/7:30, I was tired by 9, asleep 10/11 and then got up at 6am to catch the 7:19 train in again - law just felt like my LIFE back then and that's why I was so unhappy. Now, with the shorter commute, and only a 9-5 requirement, I'm MUCH more happier.

The people at my old law firm were great and cool people just like my current one. The 2 partners were super cool father-figures to me who were young fun guys. I feel sad that it ended like it did cause I would've liked to stay close. After them there was an of-counsel attorney whom I adored - if they were father-figures, he was "favorite grandfather-figure" :) After him came the senior attorneys, (no names to protect their privacy) but the male attorney "T" was this cool yet fiery guy who was funny and witty (attractive too but no ladies he's happily married ;)); he'd graduated from St. John's too and when I think of him "litigator" completely comes to mind - he's a born lawyer and a great one at that too. After him was this amazing girl "S" who when I think of her, the words "polished" and "glamorous" come to mind cause she always looked so poised, perfect and together - always knew her stuff, her cases, had gorgeous complexion, nails, hair. After her was "J" who has THE MOST GORGEOUS EYES! Hazel or green? I can't remember - she was funny and smart and just one of those talkative people who always has great stories and entertaining things to tell you - really cool. There was "P" who left the firm last summer after marriage and moved to Connecticut - I adored her and missed her a lot cause she was like a sister-figure to me there. Then there was the new attorney early last summer "S" who I also adored like crazy - she's SUPER funny and fun to talk to and just an amazingly warm and kind person - miss her a lot too. I loved the secretaries and paralegals there too! They were all just AWESOME - they were each funny and sweet people. I love my new job and everyone here but I feel sad about the old job and I guess all I can do now is just pray for them and pray for their best in life.

Anywayz, I've been writing way too long and need to rehearse tomorrow's song I'm recording and working the music on. I got the new FRUITS BASKET 2 yesterday and the new SEVEN OF SEVEN today with my friend Stephanie from work - she introduced me to OTAKUDEN on 8th street opposite Waverly Place in downtown Manhattan. They have tons of dvds of anime.

I'm out folks - see you guys on Monday I'm thinking.

- Nishi

Thursday, April 1, 2004
09:17 p.m.

every morning I notice the people on the train doing the daily NY commute...they look somber, absorbed in their newspapers and magazines or they're nodding off, some with their mouths hanging open...some, like me, gaze out the window at the cities and countryside passing by. I saw another train go by this morning and saw the same exact scenario in there...."like sardines in a can" came to mind but it was more than that....everybody looked so.....weird...lifeless....like this going to work and daily grind thing was so awful......I remember feeling like that last summer....but not anymore!!!! :) I'm still tired and sleepy and gaze out the window, but I love work :) Today I finished 2 motions to compel and began work on a motion to vacate a default judgment and throughout the whole day - it didn't feel like I was stressful working at all! So many people in the office make the work day fun - constantly joking, talking, I've never been at a place where although people were working, and working hard, they were also having fun with each other at the same exact time. I bought beautiful purple roses and potted pink tulips yesterday morning for my cubicle - everyone there works in cubicles, which at first I was like "umm cubicles?" but now I LOVE cause it keeps everyone right there and keeps things fun. I'm the kinda person who when I have to work, I focus and work but I like being able to come out of it and have people right there to chat with.

Anywayz, so lemme tell ya guys about the people at work a lil (no names of course to protect their privacy) but at the law firm there are 30+ attorneys in various departments (I'm in motions) and there's also discovery, EBTs, the regular court attorneys (I'll be going to court too when they need someone), and a ton more of paralegals and other employees......my supervisor is this really hysterically funny and very cute guy who's irish - has red hair - he's young, only 36 or so? Such a cutie! Next to him is this girl who has the best smile and a gorgeous figure to match - she also went to St. John's Law School and graduated a year before me, she's gettting married in 3 weeks! She's so cool! Then comes me, and after me is this pretty african american girl who told me about Bikram Yoga - where you do yoga in 100-degree heat! She's really cool too :) After her is another hysterical guy who sounds to me like he should be on stage performing cause he's that entertaining ;) After that is these 3 wonderful women and 1 other man who all just help make me feel good being there! They're a lot of fun to talk to and just really great people! After that are my anime and manga friends - lord can they draw! There's this other guy across from me who's a friendly flirt but he's really a good guy and he's just one of those guy who flirts as part of his personality - I'm kinda like that too - I don't encourage ANY guy but I mildly flirt and cajole just in the spirit of fun and nothing more. If I were single and had a crush on someone, it would be reallllllly hard for me to come out with it cause I'm too shy about my heart so the guy would always have to be the one to venture forward ;)

I can't wait for Easter! Sisters are coming home - I'm going to make them make Easter baskets with me! I wish Ricky could come for it - he'd have so much fun with us - he's never had a real Easter celebration western-style. I'm going to spend a little time studying my Japanese and chinese tonight. So behind on so much stuff. Oh - I forgot to write yesterday, but I took Ricky to see the CLOISTERS up at Ft. Triton Park above 190th Street in NYC. It's SOOOOO freaking gorgeous. Saw tons of things that I'd wished I could do to my house but never saw in real life anywhere - and I finally saw it there!

I think I might be recording this entire weekend. We HAVE to finish another song!!!! We're SOOOOO freakin behind!

AIIIISHAAAAA *HUGS* HAH! I wish I was staying fit - since Ricky came last Thursday night I haven't jogged - although I've been doing a lot of walking but I haven't done the abs or hips workout in a week and I never feel like I've worked out unless I've jogged or worked out like crazy for an hour. I'm glad ur back to blogging - I'll hop on over and check it out. Memory-chan *HUGS* how're u doing? Law? for real? are u sure???? REALLY SURE?????? ok........ :) Karine thank u so very much! I think u're really cool too!! :D Anime Lover good luck with your blog! Can't wait to see it and I KNOW it'll be gorgeous!

I'm off to read, study my languages, and SLEEP. GOD I NEED SLEEP. And pray....I really wanna pray to Him tonight.

- Nishi

Wednesday, March 31, 2004
10:59 p.m.

oh my god I didn't write since last Tuesday????????? holy heck here comes a huge recap:

I stayed up all night both Tuesday and Wednesday nights and all day Thursday working on my sites - the galleries on UsagiandMamoru.com are finished! :D

THURSDAY NIGHT AT MIDNIGHT - I PICKED RICKY UP!!!!! :) He visited my family and me for the weekend and we had SUCH a wonderful time!!! We spent Thursday and Friday in the city - took Ricky to the METROPLITAN MUSEUM again where we saw the Byzantine exhibit, and we sketched and drew lots of architectural things I was inspired by in designing my future house/mansion ;) We saw 'ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND' - GREAT MOVIE - though disturbing for me at places and I wished the ending would've been a little more fulfilling but REALLY GOOD!

We ate at yummy 'Singapore' restaurant in chinatown - Curry Mee noodle soup is YUMMY! :) We also saw the movie 'TAKING LIVES' Angelina Jolie was spectacular as always - only thing I didn't like was the french guy slapping/hitting her across the face and her saying 'it's alright' - it's NOT alright! Just because she fell for the guy - EVERYONE thought he was innocent - doesn't mean she gets a slap in the face - and the obligatory 'sorry, I never hit a girl' doesn't cut it - it's not a good example for audience members - especially men who are predisposed to violence towards women - it makes it look like it was ok to hit Angelina there - it's NOT!

Sunday Ricky came to the studyio with me and witnessed my reording and music session with Tyga and Crystal. He loved every minute of it. It was a lot of fun! :) Took Ricky back early Monday morning before I started my 1st day of the job. I miss him like CRAZY and we are SOOOOO in love :) We go through a lot he and I - we're different in a lot of ways and we sometimes fight and argue a lot but the love we share is healing and beautiful.

SO THE JOB - I LOVE MY JOB! I LOVE WORK! This job is a MILLION TIMES BETTER than my previous job! The people are AWESOME - everybody is just so much fun to be around - there are so MANY people - literally hundreds - and there are 3 friends I made who are anime and manga fans too and talented fan artists at that as well! I just LOVE the people in my motions department and my whole legal section. I can't believe I'm so happy with work - THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!! The only downside is that it doesn't pay as high as my previous job thought it pays well - and it IS still being an attorney that only does motions and court appearances on cases related to auto accidents etc etc etc - not the human rights and policy work I love - so as much as I love the people and the job itself - it still keeps me motivated to make my dreams of making it big on the pop charts, finish my album, and make ALL my dreams come true. HELP ME GOD PLEASE. I have faith and I will trust in Him.

I'd write a LOT more but I'm just exhausted! Had my class tonight after work and I haven't slept much at all in like 2 weeks. Tonight's first night I'm hoping to get a solid 8 hours, but considering it's like 2-3 minutes to 11 and I still need my Ricky-talk, who knows.

Nishi - my fellow name-holder hi! I have 3 sisters: Nithi, Mekha and Mili - the 2 Ms are the twins. RENCE-CHANNNNNNNN *HUGGGGGGGG* I'll see you online or on ur blog as SOON as I can! ANONYMOUSE hey you! 2 years huh? wow - you musta saw me through at least 3 blog-layouts ;) Weird how someone has read and known so much about me for 2 years but I know nothing about them ;) This one-way blog reading's no fair - I wanna know about YOU TOO! :)

Sorry if I forgot to write back to anyone who left a msg on my blog. Tomorrow night! PROMISE I'll write back then.

*HUGS* to all and night.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz - Nishi

Tuesday, March 23, 2004
06:50 p.m.

Evening folks :) The past 2 days I've been doing my normal 4-mile run and afterwards I put in the 8min Abs, 8min Buns, 8min-legs/thighs workout and I AM SO FREAKING SORE. These videos are a great investment! I'm gonna have rock hard abs and buns in no time ;) and once I add 'Hips & Thighs of Steel 2000' to the workout I'll never complain about my thighs again ;) LOL!

I stayed up till 5am once again last night working on Revolution: A Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne Shrine - the manga by Arina Tanemura - it has scanlations of the manga :D Go read!! I'm really happy with the layouts I came up with for the shrine and its inside pages - they're displayed below. Click on the link or the layouts below to go to the shrine and start reading the romantic, wonderful, gorgeous manga that is Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne!

I woke up only at 12:30, and after cherinding the coconut and washing dishes, spent a lil time online getting information on how to contact TOKYOPOP to get them to re-print the SAILORMOON MANGA in original right-to-left format and with all the original names, -chan and -san endings and wrote them a long letter telling them how happy SM fans like me would be to see new editions of SM manga, instead of seeing them selling out, going out of print, and not being restocked.

IF YOU'RE A SAILORMOON FAN and WANT TO SEE NEW EDITIONS OF SM MANGA do the following and request this:

Original right-to-left format
Original names, Chibi Usa instead of Rini, Usagi and Mamoru etc
No americanization ex: it was originally V-chan, not V-babe

Send emails and/or letters to all of the following:

TOKYOPOP
5900 Wilshire Blvd., Ste. 2000
Los Angeles, CA 90036-5020
E-mail: info@tokyopop.com

TOKYOPOP (Japan)
Aoyama Tajimaya Bldg., 8th Floor
Kita Aoyama 2-7-11, Minato-ku
Tokyo 107-0061 JAPAN
E-mail: kiyomif@tokyopop.com

Marketing Inquiries:
John Powers, Vice President, Marketing
E-mail: johnpp@tokyopop.com

Development Inquiries:
Steve Galloway, Executive Director of Development
E-mail: steveg@tokyopop.com

This is the letter I sent to them. Don't copy this letter but you may use it as a reference to help you write your own personal letters to them.

Hopefully one of them writes me back.

- Nishi

Monday, March 22, 2004
04:45 p.m.

what a weekend and day I had! Saturday night 8pmish I was at the studio where we worked all night till 6:12 a.m. Sunday morning on Hush. I slept there and Ish's girlfriend Keyshawn made breakfast for all of us - she's so cool and she has cool kids - esp. the girl Nora who's only 8 but boy can she talk! Ish is Tyga's cousin (short for Ishmael) and the song is 97% done - it needs thunder, wind, a certain beat in the chorus and to be mastered, remastered and it's done! We'll be fixing all that next Sunday. The song sounds great but it'll still not quite what I heard in my head when I wrote it and came up with the music..I'm hoping we can perfect it next Sunday.

I didn't come back home till after 8 last night. So exhausted, I slept till almost noon today. I went for my 4 mile jog this afternoon - so cold outside - it felt great although my knees are starting to hurt - I need new sneakers I think. Everytime my knees start to hurt it means the sneakers have gotten worn out. After that, I put in 8min. Abs, 8min. Buns with 8min Legs and worked out to that. Ricky got them for me per my request as belated birthday presents. 8min abs was really hard - my abs are in bad shape, 8min buns was medium-hard and the legs was really easy so it's a good thing Ricky got me "Hips & Thighs of Steel 2000" to I can make sure to get a good workout on those areas. You're supposed to do the 8min workouts every day and I definitely will.

I got the formal offer today for the job! :) I'm making less than I was before at my last attorney position but considering it's only 9-5 - I think it's a sweet deal for any attorney. I start next Monday 9am - personal injury law - since a lot of it's auto cases, it'll be similar to the auto stuff I did as an insurance defense lawyer.

My Law of Physics class is tonight in the city at 7:30 so I'm gonna stretch, shower, eat lunch/dinner and go catch the train. *HUGS* to Memory and Nescase it's pretty artwork isn't it? I'm glad you like A Dream I Dream :) M_Jade *HUGS* hahaha devotion ;) I'm jst passionate about the stuff I love and want to share what I love with everyone else and get them to love it too! PrincessIshtar.com works great now and when I'm officially done with it - it'll be a great shrine to Judal's VAMPIRE GAME :)

- Nishi

Friday, March 19, 2004
02:08 p.m.

Up till 5am again last night and why? Because I got a new domain (3 actually) - it'll be up tonight or tomorrow morning: Princess Ishtar .com - a Vampire Game Shrine - the manga by Judal.

New Site PrincessIshtar.com will be working tonight or tomorrow morning:

I finished writing up ACT 1 of the manga and am spending today finishing up all of volume 1 and hopefully by next week will have all 5 volumes currently out done!

I got to the studio tomorrow! YAAAY been looking fwd to it all week!

Anywayz, it's still snowing here. Been snowing all week it feels like and ground's still covered. Back to design work I go. See ya guys later.

- Nishi

Thursday, March 18, 2004
01:13 p.m.

I stayed up till 4am each of the 2 past nights working on the Victory ROse Boutique - the store at Usagi and Mamoru .com - I am so BEAT but it still needs a lil more work, then it's on to the galleries, then the informational shrines and whew onto the other domains gawdd I hope i get everything done before I go back to work in another week. I'm literally eating, sleeping and breathing web design right now - good way to spend these past 2 snowy days. Today's weather sucks too and I can't get out of the house so it's web design again.

I ordered WILD ACT #5, PSYCHIC ACADEMY #1, and a slew of other manga titles from VIZ which were not available through Amazon or Barnes and Nobles. I got all the 1st editions I could find of Fushigi Yuugi from VIZ and ordered the newest Ayashi no Ceres and Alice19th manga volumes too! :) I'm in manga heaven!

As I was working on the store last night, I realized I was making the store into a 'Nishi's Favorite Anime and Manga' kinda place ;) Before I had products from series such as Tenchi Muyo and Gundamn Wing which I didn't really care about, but I got rid of everything and decided to focus only on products I, myself, would run to order. So if you're interested in manga visit The Victory Rose Boutique and order from there? Whatever profit I make as an associate of Amazon.com goes back into the hosting costs of all my domains.

Ok must work on the store and the galleries now unless I wanna be up till 4a.m. for the 3rd night in a row.

- Nishi

Monday, March 15, 2004
08:26 p.m.

my mom is really cool and really amazing. As much as she and I get upset with each other we have a great bond and a great love. Today we were talking about Ricky visiting next weekend and how we're observing Lent and not eating any meat, and then we somehow got into the topic of her childhood with her grandmother, "ammah" (my great grandmother). Mummy is the 2nd born of 8 children - 4 born each to 2 wives my uppachen (grandfather) had - mummy's mom (my grandmother) died giving birth to what would've been the 5th child who was stillborn :( Anywayz, so mummy has 3 siblings from same mother and father and 4 half-brothers and sisters who are as same as full-blood because that's how much she loves and cherishes them, even though they've been through some very hard times. They are: Veli Ummichy (literal translation: older/bigger grandmother even though she's a sister) was the oldest daughter, then came my mummy - her name is Sosamma but everyone calls her Susy, then Kunjamon (son), Varghese (son), then came the stillborn and my gramma's death, then uppachen remarried to a wonderful new ummichy (grandmother) and had: Chinna (daughter), Elyamma (daughter) and Babu (son) and George (son) - my mom's new brothers and sisters and my really wonderful aunts and uncles. What follows it the story of my mom's childhood around Lent and what happened to her later.

When mummy was a child during Lent, before school, early in the morning probably 5am/5:30, ammah (my great-grandmother) would gently "kick" Veli Ummichy awake syaing "ennikih pidichikileh" in a loving yet angry kinda way though not really angry and tell them it was time to pray. Veli Ummichy, in turn, would say to mummy 'moleh, moleh (young girl/daughter) ennikih, prathikinam' (wake up we have to pray). Ammah was VERY strict about getting up in the morning, splashing her face with water, and then putting a shawl over her head and praying and making sure Veli Ummichy and mummy prayed with her. My other uncles and aunts at the time were too young or too stubborn and lazy to get up and pray hahaha ;) After the morning prayers, the light would JUST peek in the sky, and everyone would start getting up. Off the stone hard cold floors and cots, they waited to get their chaia (tea) and nobody would move until they had their chaia (cause everything had to be done in a certain order and time and you couldn't move onto the next thing without the chai) and when the chai came, Kunjamon Chachen (chachen=blood uncle) and Varghese Chachen and all the rest would quarrel over sugar sugar for the chaia! LOL!!! Sugar was rationed back then for them, even though they were pretty well off for that time, so sugar was a sweet luxury everyone wanted to have and bickered to get more of.

Anywayz, after that mummy would get ready and study some more - like me and my sisters, she's somewhat of a perfectionist in her studies and what she didn't finish the night before she wanted to make sure she finished in the morning) - why? Because in mummy's classes, the teacher would call on the student to stand up and answer the questions and it would go like that for a long time and if the student didn't know the answer or messed up, they were humiliated and punished by having to write the problem on the board 50 times!

So mummy remembers how every morning she'd get ready but how ummichy wouldn't have the breakfast ready cause she does things in a slow manner and wouldn't have mummy's lunch ready either. They didn't have clocks in their home so they told the time by the busses that passed by in the morning "Saint Mary's poyyo??" (did St. Mary's go already?) that meant mummy was running late cause it left at 8 or 8:15. Mummy went far away for school and usually kids were able to come back home for lunch mid-day before returning to class but mummy couldn't. Mummy would leave early and not come back till 4:30 so if she didn't have her lunch with her, she'd starve all day and that was HUGE worry and concern to both her father and family.

So she was telling me how one day she got really upset cause ummichy was always slow with the food and she was running late and her friends had already left. She had to walk a ways in order to meet her friends at a certain time and if she wasn't there, they'd have to leave without her to not be late. And the bus would've already left too. So mummy remembers she'd be so mad, sometimes crying, because she'd missed her friends and the bus and had to walk to school all alone, and on this particular day with the chore (rice) running late for breakfast and her lunch not ready she angrily left and both Ummichy and Veli Ummichy got so upset and worried that mummy would starve without lunch that they quickly got something together and Veli Ummichy (Oldest Sister/my aunt) ran across the huge field to mummy and said 'take it take it moleh veshikum! (you'll be hungry) and mummy, like a cute child, would take it in a huffy kind of way - I laughed so hard seeing her actions.

Mummy was the 1st child educated and who had drive and ambition - she wanted to get out of her small town to make something of herself and to help uppachen and her family. When she got older, uppachen had told her he wanted her to go to college and she did too. By good fortune and many applications she got into a great medical college for nursing and she was the 1st child to leave the home for it. She remembers how she lived at the hostel/dorm and how at the end of the year all the girls and she, when they get ready for their 1 month vacation back home, would ride on the train together to go shopping to buy gifts for their family back home. She came back carrying gifts and she earned a stipend there too and would send money back home to uppachen to help the family. She's amazing and she stories she told today were the first time I'd heard them!

As for Ammah, I hear she was quite a character. Even in her 70's and 80's she was still very active, but mummy would joke that by that age, (as with regards to praying in the morning) she no longer had the will or energy to yell at the kids to pray in the morning ;) Ammah died in 1975 or so mummy said - she had a really long, great and active life and like mummy's mummy, my grandmother, was a spitfire. When I hear about stories about my gradmothers and families I feel so proud - like I really descended from some great people and I'm really connected to them.

I wanted to write this in my journal right away cause I don't wanna forget it. I wanna be able to remember this so I can tell my own kids and my sisters' kids one day. Nith and Mek and Mil weren't home today so they didn't hear it and when mummy re-tells it, it won't be the same. The stories and the history HAS to survive - otherwise our future kids won't know what amazing people they're decended from. I wish I knew more about my grandmother who died. My living grandmother, papa's mummy, is a lot like me - fiery and tempramental, sharp and cool :) She and I are a lot alike.

Anywayz, I just finished hand washing some clothes and did a deep conditioning treatment for my nails and hands. I've gotten so lazy in the past couple months about taking care of my skin on my hands - they're one of the very 1st places that you see the signs of aging (the other being your neck) so you have to take great care of those areas since they're always exposed and not as well taken care of as your face.

It's gonna snow tomorrow! After 50+ degree weather today :) Be pretty to see snow for the last time before spring really hits next week. Gonna work on my sites now. See ya guys later.

- Nishi

Monday, March 15, 2004
12:14 p.m.

'Just Right' cereal is yummy :) having breakfast - woke up an hour ago (hehehehe :)) and getting ready to mop the hardwood floors and clean the bathrooms. I wanted to take my mom to the local park since the weather outside is sunny and in the 50's but she came back from her walk saying it's so windy out. She lowered her dosage of Lopressor from 2 doses of 25mg a day to 1 dose. I'm looking up info to make sure that's ok for her to do.

I started going through UsagiandMamoru.com and lord is that site in need of updates. It hasn't been updated since I graduated law school in June 2002! Going to fix all the galleries, going to finish all the content, make everything beautiful again.

I can't wait to get back in the studio and record the songs we've been working on. I'll be REALLY happy if we can get 1/2 the album done by end of April.

Okie dokes folks, I am out. And DANA what're u talkin about? I've been a proud Barnes & Nobles member for what seems like ever! :) Got that card as soon as I started shopping there. :) Don't leave home without it! Now if only Kinokuniya offered a membership card to get discounts ;)

- Nishi

Sunday, March 14, 2004
10:41 p.m.

ooooooghhhhhhh I am so mad right now! I found out ____ is possibly back with her ex-boyfriend who CHEATED ON HER - the @#@#$#$$#%^%$^% - what IS IT with girls who are weak when it comes to love???? HOW CAN YOU TAKE BACK A GUY WHO WAS SCREWING ANOTHER GIRL AND LYING TO YOU??????? Makes me SO MAD! I wrote her a lengthy email telling her she needs to be strong and cut him out for GOOD or he'll just take advantage of her again. I HATE THAT GUY!!! If I EVER EVER see him near her I'll tear him limb from limb!

Anywayz! I hate the series 'Paradise Kiss' - it ended horribly. How can Yukari not end up with George??? What is WRONG with that manga-ka???? How could she author such a horrible ending? Why was George so twisted anyway? There was such little plot resolution and explanation, so many things thrown in and never really explained - it started out as such a great series and when I finished Volume 5 I wanted to throw it in the trash.

I love WEDDING PEACH manga though :) Didn't like the anime that much, too copy-cattyish of Sailor Moon but if you look past that it was good. THE MANGA IS WAY BETTER :) I like shoujo romance - hate mecca and android and space stuff.

Going to be recording all day Satuday and possibly late into Sunday morning next weekend.

I'm out.

- Nishi

Saturday, March 13, 2004
09:36 p.m.

idily and sambar - yummy! :D eating dinner now - just got back home from the city. I to Union Square's Barnes and Noble to relax at the stabucks cafe there - I read the 1st volume of PARADISE KISS and my new NEWTYPE anime magazine. Why hasn't 'WILD ACT #5' been at Barnes & Nobles or Kinokuniya so far? Keep waiting for it to show up.

Anywayz, am back in the recording studio tomorrow afternoon.

I had my physical yesterday as part of the hiring process for the new in-house law firm I'll be working for in another 1-2 weeks. My vision's 20/30 - this sucks - I was able to read every line back wen I was 18 and was 20/20. I think college and law school and my computer addiction/web design addiction did my right eye in - the vision in my left eye is still perfect - it's weird how only my right eye got worse but s'ok cause my left eye's dominant.

Anywayz, I'm really exhausted and am just gonna eat, tinker around online a bit and then go to sleep. Hope you guys are having a great weekend so far. *HUGS* to M_JADE and hi to Chelbie! :) And very, very *BIG HUGS* to LADY, CAROLINE and ALEX - you guys put a smile on my face - bless your hearts! :)

- Nishi

Friday, March 12, 2004
02:13 a.m.

2am and all's well ;) I finished updating MiakaandTamahome.com - all the image galleries work, and there are NO broken images anywhere on the site. PLUS I finished making Aishiteru - A Tamahome Shrine! Right now just the gallery section works. MT.com will be finished and complete by next week I hope - only the adoption, fan art gallery, fan fiction database and Webring need to be fixed. Below is the new shrine for Tamahome I made - check it out and tell me what you think? :)

I am going to get some well-deserved sleep now. I'll respond to msgs tomorrow night. *HUGS*

- Nishi

Wednesday, March 10, 2004
1:20 p.m.

I got the job :) hahaha :) I got it! :D :D :D There's just a physical/check-up I have to do on Friday and then they make their formal offer after those results are in (just a technicality you have to go through) but I got it :D The 2nd interview yesterday was over an hour long and the HR manager asked me a TON of difficult questions but I answered them honestly and easily and it was a lot of fun :) WHEEEEEEEEE :D I think I'll be starting in another week and a half or maybe 2.5 weeks? dunno. So Eddy you can keep or retire from your job but I really like the one I'm taking ;) *HUGS*

SARAH BETH!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! Don't you have my cellphone number??? I'll call you this afternoon or evening!!!!!! PAT PROPOSED!!!!!!! AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! *HUG* *HUG* *HUG*

My friend Sarah Beth is one of my oldest friends - she and I've been friends for I think 5 or 6 years now? Something like that and she and her boyfriend (now fiance!!), Pat, are like peanutbutter and jelly! They go together perfectly! I am so freaking happy for her!!

Now about MY honey - Ricky's coming to visit NY at the end of March! YAAAAY! We're gonna go EVERYWHERE! :) He's excited to see NYC again and we're gonna have a blast!

My 'Wonders of the Zeiss' class last night was AWESOME! When we walked into the space show area they had this movie about the Mars Rovers 'Spirit' and 'Opportunity' playing which showed, courtesy of NASA, how the rovers landed, where, what they did and saw, and it was only THEN that I realized the gravity and magnitude of what we had done - we sent things from Earth to another PLANET! To something we never ever saw before, explored before...and now these objects are bringing us never before seen images and information......I was in awe! When you see it on the news, and read about it, the whole specialness of it is trivialized. It just becomes another news event so you don't think of how amazing what we're doing really is! You don't really think for a second "hey - we sent a robot onto another planet and now we can see it!! Something we may never be able to physically see and explore in our lifetimes."

The ZEISS is the huge star projector which cost I think 2.5 million dollars for the Hayden Planetarium. It's only used for 3 minutes in each of the 2 space shows, but last night in our 'Wonders of the Zeiss' course, we saw the many other capabilities of the instrument. We saw billions of stars and saw lunar and solar eclipses. The TOTAL SOLAR ECLIPSE is something EVERYONE should see! We saw what it's like last night under the dome and WOW - I wanna see it in real life. It's this amazing event that only happens at a certain place on the world for only maybe 2 - 7 minutes - what happens during a total solar eclipse is that day becomes night. The sun gets blocked out completely and for that particular area of the world, it becomes night for 2 - 7 minutes. You see the stars and everything. It's GORGEOUS. As the instructor said last night, "It's one of the eeriest events on Earth. The animals become confused. Man becomes confused." LOL! :) The next total solar eclipse can be experienced in Africa, Turkey and Russia on MARCH 29, 2006. I'm going!!! MrEclipse.com <--- great site on everything anyone could want to know about eclipses - both lunar and solar and when all of them takes place.

The next Zeiss class is in 2 weeks. Can't wait! It's so fascinating! I wanna learn how to identify the constellations in the sky for real this time. I've been into astronomy since high school but never formally studied it. I read everything I can find on it, and watch stuff on TV but that doesn't beat real classes like these at the Planetarium.

I'm so happy I have nothing to do today!!! The past 2 weeks have been crazy hectic and busy with recording and classes and everything. Whew! I finally got to sleep in today till 11am, just finished having breakfast and as soon as papa's clients leave, am going to sweep and mop the floors, clean my room, work on my shrine to Yui Ayumi's DELICIOUS! and then spend the rest of the day reading and watching anime. MMMMM :D Better enjoy these last days where I'm off during the week before I start working. I'll be back at court almost every day but this time it'll be easier - no 1.5-2 hour commute everyday and just simple 9-5. The commute is really what did me in last time, if I coulda stayed longer it woulda been fine. Oh well. Mummy's at the doctor's now and papa's clients just left so I'm gonna get started on the mopping and cleaning. See you guys later!!!!!

- Nishi

Monday, March 8, 2004
10:41 p.m.

The interview today went FABULOUS!!!!!!! I LOVE THEM!!!!!! The reason why the firm has 9-5 hours is because they're actually an IN HOUSE LEGAL COUNSEL FIRM for a large insurance company that handles NYC's transit cases!!!! The place is HUGE with soooooooo many employees and the people I met, I loved! I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS - it's like a MIRACLE - in this totally hard job-market where I'd been looking for so long, to find an in-house counsel position is...well a miracle. THANK YOU GOD!!!!!! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED! In-house counsel positions are hard to come by I hear. What really made me happy is hearing one of the main attorneys who intervied me say "everyone here has a life after work - we have actors and directors here" and they loved that I write and sing and am working on a cd :) I go back tomorrow for a 2nd interview with the Human Resources dept of the insurance company. Once they give me approval, I'm in and I think I start work at end of the month. YAAAAAY :D I think this time, working as an attorney again will be better for me - they said specifically that everyone there works with them for a year, mayabe 2, some of them (like her) have been there for 10-15+ years, but everyone leaves as a better attorney for their time there. I'm happy about that - I *want* to be a good attorney - I want to use my license and attorney skills to do human rights foreign policy one day.

As for my music career - God help me make this dream happen too, please! Recording yesterday got cancelled cause Tyga's mom suffered another knee-injury relapse :( It's so sad - he must be so upset! I'm gonna pray for his mom again tonight. I hope she gets better and I think it's really cool that he's such a devoted son. I hope I have sons and daughters one day who're as good to me as that.

I spent sooooo much time at Barnes & Noble's cafe in Union Square these past 3 days. It's my fave place now to go relax and just spend a solid block of hours reading, writing and relaxing. When I'm home I don't get a chance to just read & write cause I'm doing chores, or working on my websites, or running errands so relaxing with starbucks cafe and B&N makes my day :)

I was reading Cosmo's March issue today (gotta remember to renew my subscription) and one of the articles in there was about "the sexy you" and how you should full-on OGLE a cute guy when you see one. I "lol'ed" cause I've always SOOOOO wanted to do that but am too shy to! I'm always scared like "what if they see me ogling them and they think 'eww yuck' about me? then I'll be mortified!!!" But as I read the magazine, I thought to myself "ok! One day I'll do it!" And it won't be just in a performance for a song or just for Ricky - I'll do it the next time I see some unbelievably gorgeous guy - do a full-stare ogle thingamajig - LOL!!! I'm more the kinda girl who, when I see someone gorgeous, acts like I *didn't* see them or could care less and, instead, steal secret looks at them anyway. However, if it was obvious I noticed them, I get really embarrassed which causes me to smile which then makes me even more embarassed causing me look away quickly waaay too much which then makes THEM smile cause then it looks like I like them and then I try to recover lost ground by reading whatever I got in front of me very closely. I'm such a dork! hahahah :D The only times I am able to get over my shyness is when I will myself to act a certain way (a.k.a. "seductress nishi" LOL!) because I really want to, or because I have to as part of an act/performance. A lot of my songs are aggressive and very sexual - creatively and expressively I bring out that side of me - but in real life, when you're ineracting with real people who are affected by how you behave towards them - I'm more careful and cautious - you gotta wonder how they'll react and if you'll be able to walk into B&N's cafe ever again after that ;)

m_jade I never saw Kal Ho na Ho but I'll ask my dad to bring it next time he goes to the indian deli. I went to ur page though and love it! I love your old desktop wallpaper :) Mitsukai sorry I don't know any quiz like that.

Ok am gonna grab a late dinner and go to sleep. My 2nd interview at the law firm's at 11am tomorrow! Night everyone!

- Nishi

Saturday, March 6, 2004
10:02 p.m.

no anony-mouse, I'm the lucky one to have Ricky. I had a long day today. I went to Kinokuniya and Barnes & Noble on 5th Avenue and picked up KARE KANO #8 (loved it!), VAMPIRE GAME #5 (it's sooooo good) and a the 1st 2 of a series of a new manga I never heard of called 'Shichinin no Nana' or 'Seven of Seven' published by ADV Manga. So many new manga publishers bringing lots of great titles to the U.S. SOMEBODY LICENSE "DELICIOUS" by Yui Ayumi, "MAX LOVELY" by Erika Kurahashi, "GALS" by Fuji Mihona and "KAMIKAZE KAITOU JEANNE" by Arina Tanemura!

After that, I went to sit and read at Union Square's Barnes & Noble's Starbucks Cafe. While at the cafe, I saw one of THE most cutest guys (think he was Indian?), he kept moving from table to table and finally was sitting 2 tables behind me. He had MODEL looks. Wow - don't think I ever saw that good looking an Indian guy (besides Ricky of course ;)) in NY. Anywayz, I had a relaxing afternoon and met up with old dear friends from college, Winie and Brian, for vietnamese dinner over on 3rd Avenue and 29th street. They're getting married May 1st! Can't wait for the wedding! Even Eun, who finally got in touch with me today, is going. She's also one of my very old and dear friends from college. Looks like I'll run into a lot of old college buds at the wedding.

I'm recording tomorrow again - can't wait to finish the song :) So very tired though. Sleepy as heck. G'night!

- Nishi

Friday, March 5, 2004
09:41 p.m.

i haven't slept more than 4 hours and I come home after recording and mum asks me to cherindih the coconut - and she's so sweet about it and how she can't do it cause it's too hard for her - so I grumble a lil but cherindih....sho :) LOL! I haven't slept more than 4 hours because since I wrote last on Wednesday I've been in the studio recording and music making nonstop with Tyga and Crystal. My song is coming along gorgeous! It'll be finished today and Tyga started recording my voice today to it today to give me an idea of how it'll sound. I was WHOOPING with JOY cause the finished product (almost finished) sounds GREAT. The song is called 'Hush' and I came up with it in 2002 and as Tyga calls it, it's my "baby" and I actually started tearing up when I heard how the music I had always dreamed about in my head started becoming a reality - though we worked soooo slowly and perfectionistly to get it JUST right - it is AMAZING. It's my vision come true and I'm just...speechless when I hear it. I hope you guys hear it one day. It makes me so happy to finally have 1 of my songs almost finished and recorded. Just 11 more to go ;) So tired....I slept poorly past 2 nights cause I'd wake up going 'no no we have to do that line again' - I was trying to do the music in my head and was singing it and everything in my dreams....whew!

Tomorrow I have my LE and might record tomorrow too, but definitely Sunday. My interview is Monday! I won't be able to go to chinese class now until recording is over since Sundays are the only says Tyga has for me so chinese classes can wait although I'm gonna miss my friends there a lot.

I'm off to sleep. G'night everyone.

- Nishi

Wednesday, March 3, 2004
10:43 a.m.

Updated at 11:15 P.M. BELOW
I got a new interview in the city in Midtown West. I just got the email this morning. Said they were a personal injury defense and it was "this position is from M-F from 9-5" - music to my ears ;) LOL! I'm gonna call after I've spoken to Tyga and Mike today about when I'll be recording and how to work this out. My plan was to do something part-time until the recording was finished and then go full-time. That's something I could bring up at the interview.

Updated at 11:15 P.M.
Nevermind part-time! I'm gonna take this job full-time if I get it. Tyga starts work at this crazy hectic pace next Monday so his week's will be shot and no recording will get done. I'll be recording every Sunday and any Saturdays he's able to do. We got the music to 1 of my songs done today and it sounds GORGEOUS! I nearly cried hearing how beautifully they were able to pull what was in my head about the song out to the music keys and harmonize with the melody. It is SOOOO freakin beautiful. I'll have samples available in a few weeks I think - no guarantee when exactly though. My friend Neil even stopped by for a bit and he offered his help in laying the music tracks for my songs - I'll definitely take his help with the piano instrumentals if Crystal and Tyga can't get it down right.

I'm so relieved and happy. The music is going great, I have a new interview - life is PROGRESSING :D THANK YOU GOD! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! :)

- Nishi

Tuesday, March 2, 2004
09:55 p.m.

OH MY GOD! I just got major news!!!!!!! A major label which does some VERY VERY famous artists and bands is interested in the record label I'm under!!!!!!!!!! I spoke to Mike who told me he and Tyga have to put together a cd of songs from all the artists, me included, to showcase to them! Mike said 2-3 of the songs from my album we're going to record should be the ones on it. This is really great news but I'm so scared - when you hear something like this, your hopes rise and you start dreaming big, but then are horribly let down if it doesn't work out. I'm scared to let myself dream that big, too far ahead, too soon - scared if I do, then it won't happen. I hope God hears my prayers....don't let me mess anything up....don't let anything get messed up.

- Nishi

Tuesday, March 2, 2004
01:46 p.m.

i'll be in the recording studio next 3 days from 12noon onwards - can't wait to start laying tracks down again. I woke up this morning to the sound of nature. I left one of my windows open a crack and I could actually hear birds chirping. It's really almost Spring! :) It's 57 degrees out now and all week this week will be in the mid-50's, next week it drops back down tot he 40's but I'm gonna enjoy this week! I LOVE WARM WEATHER :D

papa and mummy had gone to doctor's appointments I think so I spent the morning talking to Ricky on the phone while breakfasting, then washed dishes, and have been puttering around online and drinking a steamy cup of hot cocoa. Gonna clean up this mess that is my room and then jog a little later. The phone keeps ringing with people asking about house listings and assuming I should know something - my dad's in real estate and shows houses and has his own company so we get a billion calls at home related to that and it gets muy frustrating fielding calls.

So remember how a week ago I was worried about that large lymph node bump on the back of my neck which finally went down to just a tiny dot? Now all of a sudden I have this weird hard feeling at the base of my throat...what the heck is that? My sister Nithi sometimes jokes I'm a hypochondriac but that's someone who thinks they're always sick when they're perfectly healthy - I actually have something weird going on....be good to go to the nose doctor on Thursday and ask him all this. I can feel a hard-feeling when I breathe and especially when I take deep breaths.

I'm really happy because JAMIE - the editor of the "Looking Good" newsletter I read from GopherCentral.com came back to the column after retiring from it in January. She'd been its originator and editor for 4 years and had thought in January it was time to go but she wound up missing it too much and came back! I had sent her this huge long really silly emotional letter wanting her to come back and she received thousands of the same letters so I think it all worked :D She's back! YAAAAAAAAAY and she's happy to be back too! She's hysterical! Plus, she's always got GREAT beauty tips! Below are some from today and yesterday!

The Benefits of Aspirin as a Beauty Treatment

Dissolve 3 regular aspirin in 1/2 teaspoon lemon juice. Add 1/2 teaspoon water to make a thin paste. Massage the mixture gently onto your skin in circular motions and leave on for 10 minutes. Rinse with warm water. You can do this everyday if you have problem skin or just want to give your face a great treatment. Don't forget to moisturize and use a lightweight moisturizer...

More Pimple and Dandruff beauty Treatment Tips

Interesting neh? :) I love that newsletter :) I'll try and post the really cool tips every now and then :) Right now, I'm gonna go clean lest my parents should come home and see this mess. See ya guys laterz.

- Nishi

Monday, March 1, 2004
11:47 p.m.

lots of news! lots of news! I waited too long to write! Friday night after I picked up Mili, papa and mummy had gone to some Westchester Mal. Assoc. event (which was actually broadcast on ASIANET and my cousin Joby in India saw it and was so excited on the phone with my mom the next day about it) so Mil and I went to New Roc City and ate dessert from the Cinema Cafe since our normal place, COSI, was overcrowded (they have amazing s'mores you make yourself on the table with an open flame). Dessert was great :) Saturday - woke up after 9 or 10ish, relaxed with breakfast with Mil, Nith came home soon, I got ready and went on my 4 mile jog, and then in the afternoon we all got ready to drive down to New Jersey for Mekha's dance performance with her dance group at NAYA ANDAZ - this very prominent and prestigious dance competition program. At the competition, which was helf around the corner from Rutgers New Brunswick, we saw BIPASHA BOSU (BASU?) a hindi film actress and Johnny Lever and another famous Indian film comedian whose name I forget right now. Bipasha Basu was SOOOOO tall! She had a lot of gracious words to say. The show was spectacular, with each dance performance better than the last, and with 20 performances in all (10 for junior caregory and 10 for senior), the program didn't start till after 8pm and didn't end till well after midnight! We didn't get back home till 2:30am. I wish i had studied at an indian dance school my whole life - I feel like I really missed out not having strict formal training - who knows, maybe it's not too late.

Sunday, I somehow managed to get up after just 6 hours of sleep and get ready for Chinese class. I had SOOOO much fun with Chelsea and her cousin Steve on Sunday. After class, we went to this malaysian restaurant on Baxter Street for lunch and then rode the subway up to Union Square (one of my most fave places in the city) to goto Barnes & Noble to study our chinese lessons we learned that day. Barnes & Noble's manga/graphic novel section SUCKED! I LOVE KINOKUNIYA!!! I used to complain that B&N had more english-language manga than Kino's but Kino made up for it - it now has everything in abundance *sob* I wish I coulda gone on Sunday. Anywayz, we left B&N and went to the Starbucks around the corner and drank coffees and cocoas and studied chinese till almost 6 when I had to leave to catch my train. Came back home and showered and watched the OSCARS!!!!!! YAAAAAAY FOR LORD OF THE RINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I stayed up till midnight watching the entire show. Wasn't that guy interviewing on the ABC pre-show kind of obnoxious (although humorous)? He kept comping up to the actors, actresses and directors nominated or presenting while they were seated and interrupting them or just coming across really cocky like 'hey I'm gonna interview whether u like it not so deal with it' kinda attitude - and you could tell on the celebrity's faces they didn't like it - Sandra Bullock was like 'yes you interrupted, I was talking to my friend, but that's ok, that's what you do' LOL! She rocks :) And then she exclaimed about how the guy was bending over/leaning over/pressed over ALEX BALDWIN'S head/back! Even more hilarious. But it works for them I guess - they get the ratings and people watch to see what other crazy thing the interviewer will ask or do or say with the famous celebrities.

Today I had my 1st class. Took a cab to 81st and saw parts of Central Park on the west side I'd never really seen before - loved it. The lecture was very good and I learned a LOT! Everybody in the class was at least 20 years older than me. I was the youngest person there. Why aren't more people my age into astronomy? ;)

Didn't come back home till close to 10pm, just finished having a late dinner and am studying chinese - eyes sleepy. Gonna call ricky and then go to sleep soon. I updated MAXLOVELY.COM with more manga summaries and images.

Miyu-chan my swollen lymph node went down completely as of Saturday morning. Now it's just like a tiny dot. Amazed. I'm going to a nose doctor on Thursday now. My mom's been benefitting from seeing a chriropractor too! :) Aki-chan and Sylvinir thank you both very much! I'm glad you guys enjoyed the quizzes! *HUGS* :) Memory I'm gonna take my parents to see it. I'm very religious so I think it's a great movie to see :) Worm LOL! nice nick ;) and thanks for the compliment about the site :) Crystal oh I willlll move to L.A. I WILLLLL just not right now :) Ricky and I met through a mutual friend in Florida, where Ricky's family lives. :)

- Nishi

Friday, February 27, 2004
11:32 a.m.

just got back from a doctor's appointment. I have this small swollen lymph node on the back of my neck right below my hairline I think from my stuffy nose - went to a dermatologist about it and she right away with one look said 'lymph node' and explained they get swollen like that when there's a severe ro lengthy infection - which would be this darn stuffy nose I had since October - I'm seeing a nose doctor Monday - my self-diagnosis aftr researching online is that it's "nonallergenic rhinitis" - when you have a persistant slightly stuffy nose for a long time - weeks and months that doesn't go away and is the result of some infection and if untreated could really damage the tissue in the nose - so when I read that I, as usual, got all paranoid, and am relieved I'll see a nose doctor soon.

So, aside from that, I am mucho sore from my 4 mile run yesterday outside - felt good to run outdoors again instead of on my treadmill. As I drove the car today I kept track of the mileage on my usual running course and it's exactly 2 miles around in a circle and I jog it twice. Good workout. Home now, having a snack, and then gonna do some chores around the house before I head out for today's 4 mile run. Then later I go to pick up Mili from her college cause Mekha's dance performance is tomorrow. Nithi's coming tomorrow too for it. Full house :) YAAY :)

The OSCARS are on Sunday!!! WOOO HOOO! Can't wait! Wonder what Mil and I should do tonight - maybe we'll catch a late movie at New Roc city or go for a light late dinner or rent movies - who knows. I sent out my resume to 6 places yesterday - hoping I get a call back on at least 1. Ok must get started on the bathrooms! See ya guys later!

M_Jade hi! I visited your blog and adored it (although the images weren't showing up when I visited)! Have you seen Shah Rukh in Dilwale Dilhunia le Jayenge or Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (2 of my most fave movies) - you should also see my other favorite: Chandhni (with Sri Devi and Rishi Kapoor). You love anime and manga too? Cool!!! What're your faves? :) I'm happy to meet you and glad you delurked! *HUGS*

- Nishi

Wednesday, February 25, 2004
05:20 p.m.

Back in NY. I miss Ricky and I miss L.A. Think I'll be heading into the studio either tomorrow or Friday to start recording again. I'm ready with my songs. Just need to set the music and we're good to go!

When my plane arrived in NY yesterday all of us were greeted by a rainy, dreary flurry/light-snow filled day. It was awful. To leave sunny gorgeous L.A. for yucky weather - can't believe it. Ricky and I had gotten up at 5am to check in for my flight at 6am and with a teary goodbye I boarded and managed to sleep a little, landed and got on the bus and then the train and made it home to mummy's good home-cooking! Spent the night catching up with the folks and unpacking.

Today, 1st day back and all, mummy got me to mop the whole house ;) hahahaha so I spent the day mopping and cleaning but it was alright :)

During my last day in L.A. (Monday) I had thought ricky wouldn't come back until late evening but he surprised me by coming home early from work and after lunching, we drove out to Exposition Blvd. where the Rose Garde is located and finding it closed, we walked around back to where the museum's nature exhibits are and walked around reading the quotes on the cement and writing down the quotes we most loved - was so peaceful and nice.....then we went and got Boba and drove up to Griffith Park and then drove back home so I could pack and then we went and saw 'SOMETHING's GOT TO GIVE' - Keanu Reeves was fabulous - such a cutie - the movie was good, very well acted but it didn't strike a chord in me or anything - at one point Diane Keaton's character's wails nearly drove me MAD cause they never ended, although they were funny. She's a great actress. Best thing was Keanu :) hehehe

You guys know how I'm passionate about astronomy? Well I just registered for 7 lectures at the Hayden Planetrium and Rose Center here in NYC. I'd been reading up on telescopes for a while cause I wanted to buy one but it's all so confusing - refractor or reflecting or a hybrid - I dunno - I do know I wanna take pictures. I'm hoping some real classes will make it easier to comprehend how to buy and use them. If you're in the NYC area or can get to the museum on the west side, and interested in classes like the ones below, visit http://www.amnh.org/programs/hayden/index.html to register for classes you're into! So far I'm registered for:

Stars, Constellations, and Legends: March 24, 31, April 7, 14, 28 from 6:30-8:00 p.m. - learn to locate and identify the seasonal constellations, nebulae, and galaxies, whether you are in a large city or under dark country skies. (This year, the southern sky is included.) Prepare to be enchanted by sky-related myths and legends from different cultures. The use of observational aids such as binoculars, cameras, and telescopes will also be discussed.
Using a Telescope: 4 Mondays of February 23 March 15 - 6:30 8:30 p.m. This course covers the basic functioning of telescopes including the operations of all components, locating objects in the sky, and using charts and other aids for observation.
All About Telescopes: April 26, May 3, 10, 17 - 6:30 8:30 pm Looking to purchase a telescope? Are you lost in space with the one you already own? This class will help clear away the clouds from your starry skies. Topics include basic optical designs, mountings, equipment selection and utilization, with an emphasis on observational technique.
Wonders of the Zeiss: March 9, 23 6:30 8:00 p.m. What pattern would result from plotting the Sun in the sky at the same time every day for a year? Will Polaris always be our "North Star?" What would the Galilean Moons look like from Jupiter? Learn the answers to these questions and many more through the use of the Zeiss Mark IX Universarium Star Projector the world's most sophisticated planetarium star instrument. Also witness solar and lunar eclipses, the birth of a supernova, the terrestrial planets as seen from Saturn and relive the appearance of Halley's Comet.
The Modern Solar System - Saturday, March 6 10:00 a.m. 4:00 p.m. - This course explores the origin and evolution of our Solar System, which resulted in the varied examples of gas giants, rocky worlds, and minor objects that comprise our Sun's family.
COSMIC GENESIS: How the Laws of Physics Drive the Formation of Everything in the Universe Monday, March 22 7:30 p.m. - How do the laws of physics enforce the production of our Universe and the subsequent formation of galaxies, stars, and planets, including some like our Earth? This chain of creation ultimately produces the tiny chemical structures and vast celestial landscapes necessary for life to gain a foothold. Physical laws and the complexity they generate define the kinds of biospheres that are possible from an Amazon rainforest to a frigid ocean beneath an ice sheet on a Jovian moon. In this optimistic view, life was not merely some lucky break, but rather a natural outcome of the ascending ladder of complexity supported by our Universe. How do the laws of physics create galaxies, stars, planets, and even life in our Universe?
2004 ISAAC ASIMOV MEMORIAL PANEL DEBATE: THE DARK SIDE: Wednesday, April 21 7:30 pm at the Lefrak Theater at 77th b/t CPW & Columbus - For this fourth annual Isaac Asimov debate on the frontier of the cosmos, we have invited five astrophysicists to conduct a lively discussion and debate on all that is dark and mysterious in the Universe: from super-massive black holes that lurk in the centers of galaxies to dark matter (about which we know nearly nothing) that accounts for more than eighty percent of all the gravity in the Universe to dark energy (about which we know even less) that is currently forcing our expanding Universe to accelerate. What does all this mean for our understanding of the Universe?

I'm actually late in starting the 'Using Telescopes' class but hoping I can pick it up anyway. Gonna read up on it. Am REALLY excited about the Asimov Panel Debate because in my astronomy magazines I'd been reading about dark matter and dark energy and it'll be really cool to see what these guys have to say on those subjects.

Things to do for the rest of today:

apply to new positions
combining the musical notations on 1st print outs of songs with 2nd print out
get in touch with Mike about what time to be in studio
jog for an hour
get Deb's things ready to be mailed out this week/weekend
telescope info
reading
writing

Moohy hey there! Nice to meet you! I love Shah Rukh too! :) The tag-board's not working now so I can't see what you wrote but am responding my memory. Hope you stop by again.

- Nishi

Gay Marriage and Last Day in Los Angeles
Monday, February 23, 2004
08:56 a.m.

my last day in L.A. :( Ricky left for work an hour or so ago......I hate when he leaves for work - it's so lonely here....he kissed my head, my nose and lips :) heheheh he's gonna go "oh jeez" when he reads this ;) HAHAHAHA :D Yesterday was muy fun! No quiero salir L.A.!!! *sigh* after my entry yesterday, and trying to shop unsuccessfully, we headed to one of my favorite Malaysian restaurants in L.A.: YAZMIN on E. Main Street in Alhambra. Their food is sooooo good and they have the yummiest Thai Iced Tea. Whenever you go to a malaysian restaurant make sure to order the Roti Canai appetizer - it's just like indian food - I think it's chicken curry with super-soft poori which they call Roti even though Roti is much more harder. Rick and I then left to go home and we arrived JUST in time for the SEX AND THe ciTY FINALE!!! SHE WINDS UP WITH BIG!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY! So happy for Carrie. But since I hadn't watched Sex and the City since I think the 3rd season i was lost about Charlotte marrying that bald guy and Samantha having cancer. But they all are happy in the last episode and I'm happy with that!

This Saturday's my sister Mekha's dance performance with her dance group in this competetion thing she and the group have been practicing for since last summer. Both of my other sisters and I and papa and mummy are gonna be driving out to see that - hope she does great. Oscars are Sunday! Can't wait!!! I really hope Lord of the Rings wins a ton of oscars - it deserves it so much.

Today I gotta rehearse my songs through a few more times, call up Tyga and Michael about what day I'm heading to the studio this week, and apply to some new jobs, as well as pack, maybe go for a jog at USC if the weather holds up, and research french restaurants to go to dinner tonight with Ricky.

Was just watching the news and all this hoopla about gay marriage in California and everything. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!!! I support gay marriage.

This country is denying homosexuals their equal right to marry and enjoy the same legal rights heterosexual married couples enjoy.

Why? because this country mistakenly believes that it is immoral for anyone but a man and woman to marry.

That kind of thinking is immoral. That kind of thinking is fear of the unknown and unwillingness to understand that things are and will always be different from what you wish. It is the same kind of unwillingness to understand that caused so much human grief, sorrow, suffering throughout our history.

I think it's really bigoted and discriminatory for people in this country to deny equal legal rights to the gay community and impose others' moral feelings about marriage upon them.

Since when was it EVER ok to impose others' moral values and views on things upon others who feel differently?

So the anti-gay marriage people think 'well what about a civil union' - oh come on - it's just a half-hearted concession that still is discriminatory because you're still saying 'no no only man and woman can marry' and who says that?

Aren't you really just using God and the Christian religion to argue against something that scares you and repulses you?

It is human nature to be fearful and disgusted by things we don't understand. Fear + misunderstanding of the unknown is what has caused all the horrible discriminatory and oppressive acts of humankind's existance - from fear of the Jews, fear of women, fear of other cultures, fear of blacks and colored faces cause of their different upbringings, facial features, origins. WHEN WILL THIS FEAR AND UNWILLINGNESS TO UNDERSTAND END??????

One of the main lessons of Jesus was to love each other, and do unto others as you would have them to unto you. How could a God who is LOVE himself hate gay people? Hate the love - real love - gay people have for one another? God created every thing in this world - from things ugly and lowly and dirty to things beautiful and noble and He loves all his creations!!! Why would homosexuals and their love be one thing God hates? WHY would He hate homosexuals? Religious figures and scholars try to argue "because they don't fit in with God's order for humankind." As if they KNOW what His order for humankind is. If people used religious arguments like that we'd have a lot more horrible Hitlers destroying cultures and human lives saying 'oh they don't fit with God's order.' So then they argue it's for the good of humanity: "If man-man or woman-woman love exists humanity will die out." Not true - there will ALWAYS be heterosexual people - humanity won't die out! Statistically, heterosexuality waaaaayyy outnumbers homosexuality. There is a lot in this grandiose universe we do not understand - I think it is sheer folly to assume that just because it was written in the Bible by SOMEBODY that God destoryed Soddom and Gommorah that it was in fact because of homosexuality, or that St. Paul wrote that God hates homosexuality, that God would, in fact, hate homosexuality.

This world and the universe itself is a prime example of how many forms of existance and belief exist. There is an opposite to everything in the universe - from matter to anti-matter, beautiful to ugly, heterosexual to homosexual. To deny something, to try to get rid of it, to oppress it because it is something you don't like - is wrong. I don't like cockroaches and spiders but it's evil of me if I kill them, evil of me to deny them their equal existance. And in human society and culture - it is evil to deny others of their equal humanity - humanity in freedom to BE, to live, love, marry, enjoy the same rights and freedoms of everyone else. To deny even ONE thing that ALL other humans enjoy - is wrong. IS WRONG.

People who are Christians and at least semi-religious and hold the Bible as the Word of God will cite it over and over again that homosexuality is wrong - it is hated by God - and I, myself, for a long time believed that to be the case too - but I don't see it the same anymore. The Bible, as we all know, has been edited, added to, detracted from, translated over and over again - the only thing in the Bible I can honestly and truly believe are the stories and the fact that Jesus existed, there is a God, there will be salvation and resurrection and God and Jesus will judge all. I believe that in my very heart. I believe it when I pray to God at night, believe it in every cell of my body. Nothing anyone can ever argue can convince me God doesn't exist and that there isn't a loving entity who is watching over our lives.

As for gay marriage, however, and gay love - I believe it is up to God himself to actually say what is wrong and right when it comes to that - we have lessons about Soddom and Gomorrah but who knows how much of that is fact, what was the real reason, whether God really hated homosexuality, or was it some other reason? Whether homosexuality was just an occurrence new to the Hebrew culture at that time and despised and feared and Soddom and Gomorrah used as a story to teach others that "see? look what God did - homosexuality is bad!" All we have are old accounts which have been passed down the ages through Hebrew culture, to Jesus' time, to the Dark Ages when only the monks and Church officials saw the contents of the Bible and people weren't allowed to read it for themselves.

Stories used as RELIGIOUS JUSTIFICATIONS to form a framework for society and to control behavior not approved of is ONLY ok when deviant behavior is something that is INTRINSICALLY and UNIVERSALLY BAD! Things like murder and rape - they're universally evil. But homosexuality? You can argue wrong or right for the rest of your lives. That's something for which the control of can't be justified because it's not as cut and dry an issue as murder or rape. Not everyone agrees that homosexuality is ok or not ok.

The Bible, like many many books, has been open to many many interpretations. There is so much in the Bible and so much history behind its evolution and making - so many questions about what is truth, what is fiction, what is actually INSPIRED by God, what was actually the Hand of Man - that to isolate stories and passages about homosexuality and hold it as the Law of God - is wrong. It could very well have just been the Law of Man enforced as the Law of God!!! NO HUMAN BEING CAN PROVE GOD HATES HOMOSEXUALITY. NO HUMAN BEING CAN PROVE HOMOSEXUALITY IS WRONG.

All I know is it's wrong to not love one another, wrong to not treat each and every human being with the dignity and respect and equality inherent in us all and deserving of us all - no matter what color, race, gender, creed or sexual orientation.

It really pisses me off that a country as advanced as ours still holds antiquated morals about homosexuality. For how many centuries were women oppressed, races enslaved and discriminated against, and now homosexuals again?? Homosexuals today are facing a moral enslavement by the so-called "majority" of this country. Moral enslavement on issues for which there is no real right or wrong - is itself wrong.

I will wait for God's answer on this. And until that day, I will fight on the side of gay people and fight for their equal rights. I don't know if God hates homosexuality but I know he hates people who choose to hate and people who have hatred in their hearts. I would rather err in God's eyes by loving my fellow man and wanting them to be treated equally then err by doing them wrong.

- Nishi

P.S. Dana I didn't want to use EVITE cause it was a small party but I love EVITE.com and use them for bigger parties :) MIKO hi there! I love your site too! The layout is awesome :) Rachel LOL! Obsessed with Hobbit? HAHAHAHAH *HUGS* 50 Dates was very very very good :) Asmiera I hope your dream comes true too! And don't worry, everybody has a prince or princess they were meant to love and be loved by :) And don't say you're not a pretty girl! Every human being is beautiful and you are gorgeous! *HUGS* Tracy Hi and thank you! I tried to visit your site but it didn't work. Sandra hi and thanks!!! :) *HUGS* Do you have a site too? HOBOY LOL! Hey and thanks ;) Satya hahaha thanks! I hope ur dream comes true too :) *HUGS* Ellynnz thank you very much! Years of hard work is what it took :) *HUGS* Suni thanks!! The caricatures are cute neh? I don't know what song it is....guess I'll know when I go back for Easter services this year. Phillida thank you very very much :) *HUGS* :)

Sunday, February 22, 2004
04:49 p.m.

Friday was Melrose Avenue day. After breakfast at Denny's, we went to Melrose and walked up and down the street and looked into a ton of stores for over 3 hours. Feet were so sore. I saw so many antique stores and art stores - was gorgeous. We even stepped into a store that sold ONLY Ducati motorcycles since Ricky just got his motorcycle license (he used to ride a lot on Singapore) and I LOVE the Ducati Monster motorcycles - they're just beautiful and so powerful. We found some really cool stores that day and a very nice Boba shop too which made delicious taro milk tea. Anyway, that night we went for Japanese food in Little Tokyo at...oh what was it called...they had FABULOUS FOOD...almost any of the food places there in Little Tokyo are fantastic.

On Saturday, we drove around downtown L.A. and I went to Kinokuniya and Anime Jungle and Nippon Books of which Nippon had the last copy of RIBON Original which carried MAX Lovely's special extra edition! Bought that and happy I did so! At night we went to dinner at this Ethiopian place in Little Ethiopia called 'Messob' and had really nice food and something called Honey Wine to drink which is reallllly yummy! We then went to the Grove and saw BIG FISH which is a very good movie although I had been expecting something more....

This morning we went to Cheesecake Factory to have their delicious brunch - if you ever go - order their Napoleon French Toast breakfast - it's 3 slices of french toast with bananas, apples, chantilly cream and almonds and it was WOW good :D And after that we walked around RODEO Drive and then drove to SUNSET and Hollywood and Hyland and Hollywood and Vine where I finally saw Mann's Chinese Theatre and walked on the famous Walk of Fame and saw the footprints and handprints of stars :) Was so cool! Before that though we'd gone to LACMA to see the Japanese Pavilion and the Tar Pits where in the early 1900's they found the old bones of I think mastedons or some very very large elephants and bones of other ice age era mammals who had gotten stuck and trapped in the sticky deposits of asphalt in the tar pits (which in addition to asphalt produce oil and other things from the gas fissures underground - or something like that). I was so sad for the mammals who died like that :( They had this life-like scultpures of a big elephant family of which the mother got stuck in the pit while the baby and the father looked on helplessly. I hated that cause it was just too cruel and awful.

Anywayz, before I get all sad, we're off now to ROSS to do some shopping for Ricky. Tonight's the final episode of Sex and the City! Can't wait to see it. Hope Carrie winds up with Big!

I'm leaving Tuesday morning now. Write more tomorrow and respond to msgs then. *HUGS*

- Nishi

Friday, February 20, 2004
09:44 a.m.

Happy Friday everybody :D So Wednesday night after that journal entry below Ricky and I went and saw FOG OF WAR - it's a documentary about Robert MacNamara and the Vietnam War etc etc - it was very eye opening and we learned a lot even though we were 1/2 sleepy watching it in the theatre. We hadn't planned to really eat but we wound up grabbing dinner from El Cholo - a really cool and gorgeous mexican restaurant here in L.A. - their glazed banana dessert is MMMM good :D

Thursday I rehearsed all my songs and finished ordering them the way I want them to appear on the album. Made my final cut as to the final 12 songs to have done and rehearsed them a lot. My BIG news (song-wise) is that I came up with my WEDDING SONG. I won't be getting married till either age 28 or 29 (probably the latter) but I have very concrete ideas for the wedding - I want it to be outdoors, at night, late summer evening under the stars with lots of golden light and candles and I'm going to sing the song I wrote as I walk down the aisle. The song's tune I came up with while in the car with Ricky the other day - i just started hymning some church song we sing around Easter during the Holy Qurbana - the 1st 4 syllables/notes of it are what inspired me and I grabbed the notebook and started writing lyrics and made up the rest of the tune and chorus and it became my wedding song. I "rehearsed" what it would be like to walk down the aisle singing it and wow...I was in tears. :)

After ricky came home late from work and not feeling too well we had planned to go see BIG FISH but we wouldn't make any of the movies and I, having been cooped up all day in this room since he was at work, was anxious to get out and be somewhere social so I told him he could stay here but I'd go to the RIGAZZI ROOM which is this lil coffee house/cafe around the corner and then he said he'd come so I brought all my books and songs along, entered the cute place and ordered a MILKY WAY and an APPLE BRIE PANINI sandwhich and got down to work. Ricky went and got his laptop and did his work too.

We came back home sometime after midnight (the place closes late) and I finally managed to wake ricky up and make him get up now. I woke up very early cause I didn't wanna waste one of my last 3 days sleeping late and rickers was sleeeppiing!!! Took me an hour and a half to get him up and now he's taking what seems like a 30 minute shower. RICKYYYYYYYYYYY I'm hungry and I wanna have breakfast, do laundry and go shopping on Melrose! Sheesh. Men.

Whew thank God he's done - the shower turned off. LOL! See you guys later :) OH and I'd reply to messages except the tag-board isn't showing up and I can't see if any messages were left for me so I'll respond later when I can see it.

- Nishi

Wednesday, February 18, 2004
11:51 a.m.

As promised below are images of the caricatures/paintings and art I bought. I'm thinking of making the caricature of me into a layout for this blog. Maybe. We'll see.

Last night Ricky and I went and saw Butterfly Effect. Ashton Kutcher made it onto my all-time favorite actors list. WOW - he is one amazing actor. Those critics and viewers who diss Ashton simply because of Punk'd or That 70's Show really need to see how amazing he is in THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT. Ricky walked out feeling like he'd just seen one of the best movies of his life because it made him think and think more. I was just t'ed at the ending cause I wanted more. A movie worth seeing for its thought provoking matter and sensational acting performances.

Tonight Ricky wants to see a documentary called 'Fog of War' about the Vietnam War and MacNamara....I'm like..er...ok.....I hope it's good....

The Grove is so pretty in L.A. - it has this large fountain area with jets of water spraying up in a circle - it's so beautiful and peaceful at night there.

I was just reading my HOTMAIL account's news link about Stacy Orrico calling performers who dress like Britney and Christina degrading and poor role models for women. I adore Stacy Orrico and love her music but I DISAGREE COMPLETELY with her view. First off, I love Britney and Christina as artists and think they're expressing themselves as performers perfectly and Stacy Orrico shouldn't be so quick to judge others' expression of themselves as people or artists. Secondly, if a woman chooses to dress sexy she's asserting feminine strength and confidence in her sexuality. She's embracing all aspects of her womanhood. There is NOTHING degrading about dressing in skimpy clothes as long as it's not filthy disgusting or trashy-looking. Stacy Orrico said she dresses the way she does cause she wants to be a good role model for young girls - 2 thoughts on that: 1) good for her for wanting to be a good role model and 2) bad for her because that's a lot of pressure to be under at a young age, to take on that heavy a responsibility for younger girls - especially in the public eye - when you yourself are a young girl. In my opinion, no one in the public eye who is young should ever *purposely* set out to be good role models for others and in effect be responsible for others because they're still growing up and prone to all the errors and ill-paths that life can bring. If you ever mess up, even once, there goes your role model image and countless fans you may have affected.

I've always been against those who pressure *young* men or women to be role models for younger kids - the only role models young kids should have are God (or whoever their religious headfigure is), their parents and inspirational figures who are older and wiser - not teen pop-stars or young movie idols! We're all imperfect creatures who are still growing and need to learn a lot more before we can even HOPE to hold a title as grand as a model for other people, young or old. My role models are women like Margaret Thatcher, Madeline Albright and Condoleeza Rice - older woman because they've learned and experienced a lot more, have risen far in life and each were/are extremely smart, strong and influential women in their time.

I'm off to rehearse at least 6 songs now and enjoy as much as I can of my last 5 days in L.A. till who knows when. See ya guys later :)

- Nishi

Tuesday, February 17, 2004
09:30 a.m.

morning everybody! Sunday and Monday were fantastic!! Sunday we went to Venice Beach where we shopped for hours and hours and walked sooo much. Ricky and I posed for caricatures and paintings and got painting #1 done of us together in Venice - i thought the artist did an older version of me and a bad job on ricky but was impressed by the style of art he drew in. I got a gorgeous hand-made lamp, wooden sun-mirror, wooden moon & stars box, a gorgeous painting in accompanying hand-painted frame of a fairy. I'll post scans of these later. We went and saw 50 First Dates and it was one of the best movies I've seen in a long time!!! Drew Barrymore was amazing, as was Adam Sandler as always. I cried, I laughed, I sat watching the credits which says a lot about how moved I was by the movie. Gonna buy it when it comes out. SO GOOD - GO SEE IT!!!!!!! Also on Sunday Ricky and I went for dinner at Madame Wu's Chinese Restaurant at the Grove in L.A. (3rd & Fairfax) and I loved what I ordered - Singapore something noodles I think I ordered and this delicious drink called Jade Special - yumm!

Monday (yesterday) we went for breakfast at THE PANTRY CAFE - always a line but always worth it - we found this parking meter which had a sign on it "I put coins in and the meter doesn't work" and it had the guy's # on it, so Ricky and I tried to put coins in - wasted 15 cents - and after we made sure it didn't work also put our # on the note so we could use the space validly and not get in trouble with any cops. Then after waiting only 10 minutes on line we got lucky and got pulled up for a table since we're only 2 people :) Yummy pancakes! Afterwards, we wrote a new note for the next people who might use that parking space and left a space blank for THEIR number! hahahh good karma! :) We then drove to Santa Monica, got a prize parking space, and walked out onto the beach where we read and I laid down trying to nap - the sun was nice and warm although the wind cold. After about an hour or so we went to the amusement park rides there on the pier and rode the ferris wheel - I was so scared being up that high - but got used to it. We then had caricature #2 done (not a painting this time but just a caricature) and the guy did a TERRIBLE job. He made ricky look like a cropped hair Don Johnson and me? I was just a head with angel wings and I didn't even LOOK like me. $10 down the drain ;) However, we went walking on and I saw this amazing artist painting with his thumbs and fingers on glass/mirror and he was doing the most gorgeous art pieces! I saw color art he'd done already that morning but I was really drawn to the black and white landscape he was doing right then and was sooooooo scared that someone else was going to buy it so soon as he was done I asked how much it was ($12) and said I wanna buy it really fast and I got it :D heheheheeh :D I'll provide a scan. It's GORGEOUS!!!

And then, we walked a lil bit more and I saw this other artist who used to work for Disney Animation but was let go cause they do computers now and he couldn't do that. I decided to have him paint me and it took I think 40 minutes to maybe an hour but what he painted was AMAZING. He drew me sitting in a white dress in a forest in front of a lake with a bright sun/moon with clouds around. It was supposed to be a moon but looks like the sun. The painting was beautiful - he made me look so nice i was speechless. I'm getting it framed and matted. He came up with a story for it (his name was Ernie) and the story was that I was a goddess of the forest - a nymph even ;) LOL! - and found my true love in the forest but couldn't be with him because he was a mortal human being so I begged God to no longer let me be a nymph but let me be mortal to be with him - the name of the human was 'Darios' or something like that but when I told Ernie my boyfriend's name was Ricky he was like "oh well in that case, you changed your mind about Darios, saw Ricky and chose him instead." I was like, ok!! :) Great artist, yes - storyteller? err no ;) Anywayz, after all that, we went to this Japanese restaurant in Studio City near where Ricky works at Universal Studios and had reallllllllly good food! We were an hour early from their re-opening time at 5:30 so I got a manicure and pedicure :D After dinner of Nabeyaki Udon and desserts of Mochi Ankora (rice cake with red beans) and Tempura Ice Cream (vanilla ice cream with the fried tempura over it - SOOOOOOOOO GOOD!!!) we went to Glendale to Borders where Ricky gave me $30 worth of Borders' gift certificates to use to buy books. I got a new manga called 'CALL ME PRINCESS' printed by CPMMANGA.com and I lovedddddddd the story so much. After that we had wanted to see a movie but were too tired from the whole day so just went home and slept.

Today I need to rehearse my songs, and tonight Rick and I'll go see BUTTERFLY EFFECT.

Crystal I didn't have my birthday party here in L.A. yet. Sunday was too much filled. I'm thinking maybe this Friday night instead? But I'll do my best to send you some warm weather ;) *HUGS* and I'm still thinking Cheesecake Factory for the party ;) Memory Laguna Beach? I'd love to go there! You do know how much I love art. Grad school out here would be AWESOME for you. *I* would have loved to go to school out here. Chibster hi there and thanks! :)

I'm gonna start on my day now. See ya guys later!

- Nishi

Sunday, February 15, 2004
10:55 a.m.

Happy Belated Valentine's Day to you too Reena and everyone! *HUGGGGGGGS* Thank you Reena :) Lady I had an even better time yesterday! on Friday I walked over to USC from Ricky's apartment and jogged 3 miles and ricky picked me up afterwards and we drove to Melrose in horrible traffic and found ELIXIR TEA & TONICS - cool place with a lil cafe to drink/eat in, offers reflexology and does have gorgeous tea cups and pots and books and other therapeutic things. Afterwards, we battled traffic again to go to CHEESECAKE FACTORY and I had the yummiest dish there - Chicken & Shrimp Bang Bang - WOWWW - order that the next time u go there - fabulous :D After that we battled traffic yet again (what is UP with L.A. traffic this weekend?) and went to ricky's doctor's appointment. I read a book called 'Schott's Original Miscellany' which is a book full of miscellaneous facts which are just fascinating and interesting to know. My brain is chock full of random knowledge now ;) LOL! We were so gosh darn tired we didn't see a movie and slept and woke up Valentine's Day going for breakfast in Chinatown - went to this place that advertised dim sum but didn't really offer much of it and shopped a lil there and then we headed to UNIVERSAL STUDIOS and WE DIDN'T PAY FOR ANYTHING AND GOT VIP TREATMENT!!! Since Ricky works for Universal Studios as part of Accenture's team he gets this all access pass which allows him on to the back lots - I got to see the people from the SPIDERMAN movie show at Universal in their costumes driving by in these buggies! IT WAS HYSTerical AND so so so so cool!!! I saw the guy from 2 Fast 2 Furious too signing autographs at Universal. Ricky and I got easy admission to every ride - didn't have to wait on any lines, didn't pay a cent for anything - was so awesome! :) Afterwards, we went to this vietnamese place for V-day dinner - food was so delicious. I tried to get in touch with people all day Friday and yesterday about my birthday party here in L.A. but nobody is getting back in touch with me save for Rebecca who's always on top of things and completely dependable like that. Anywayz, I'm thinking b-day party tonight at Cheesecake Factory or tomorrow night. We'll figure it out based on who emails/calls back. Okie dokie, I am out - we're going for breakfast and then driving to Venice Beach! YAHOOOOOOO! VENICEEEEEEE :D See ya guys later!!!

- Nishi

Friday, February 13, 2004
11:37 a.m.

it is 72 degrees out, sunny, warm and gorgeous!!!! Back in NY? It's a paltry 38-44 degrees. I LOVE L.A.!! I love the west coast! :) The flight was great on Tuesday - Ricky and I went to the local diner Grinder's to eat (by USC) and on Wednesday and Thursday I spent the 2 days going through my songs, rehearsing and picking out the 36 songs to spread across 12-each to 3 albums. I reallllllly hope I selected a good range of songs for the 1st album - I tried not to be too ambitious with the first album cause of cost constraints so kept the songs on the 1st album to ones we could go with a decent budget (talkin videos etc. if it ever comes to that). Wednesday night Ricky took me to dinner at BJ's in Westwood with 2 of his friends Sunithira and her husband Gilesh I think it was. They were very cool and sweet. We showed them Diddy Reese cookies and stood in the cold gobbling them down. BJ's dishes are soo yummy. Thursday night (last night) we went to Noodle Planet (love that place) in Alhambra (we always go to that particular Noodle Planet). Tonight I dunno where we're going but I SOOOOOO wanna go see 50 First Dates with Drew Barrymore and Adam sandler! I LOVE THOSE TWO!!!

Crystal thank you! :) Oh yes I know exactly how lucky I am to have Ricky. He's very very special to me. It'll be 3 years with him this May. Rebecca I'm confirming the plans today/tonight so you'll get an email/call with the details either tonight or tomorrow. Srhamor hi and thank you! Did you join KareKanoLove? :) Adrianne *HUG* thank you my dear friend! You better party with me next year alright? ;) Molly for real? This year will be great for aquarians? YAAAAAAY!!! I HOPE SO!!! God I hope this year my dreams come true. Thank you and *HUG* Crystal thank you!!! The new layout is coming! Not sure when but it's coming! :) SUNI and Callie thank you both! :) *HUGS* Tabitha hahahaha 21st ;) *wink right back* thanks babe - I only wish you coulda come to the party! Alex on your 16th? awwwww *HUG* WELL HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!! *HUGS* :) Next year it'll be on a saturday! :) Lady and Rachel and Karen, thank you all 3 of you!!! *big hugs* When're your birthdays? Caroline-chan I'll be IMing you about possibly meeting with you this Sunday in San Diego.

Like I just said Ricky and I'll prolly go to San Diego this Sunday to Sea World and meet up with CAROLINE at UC-San Diego and bring her back for my birthday party that night - I'm thinking either CHEESECAKe Factory or the CHEVY's here I love so much. Tomorrow Ricky and I are gonna get an early breakfast and go to the beach and then go for dinner and a movie and I realllly wanna cuddle with him on 3rd street Promenade in Santa Monica and listen to the live performances there since I love live music so much. Simple valentine's day huh? :)

Today as soon as he comes from work early this afternoon we're gonna head to Melrose so i can visit ELIXIR TEA & TONICS. They have amazing teas I hear and great tea pots and books and you can easily spend hours there ;) ok i'm off to go jogging. See ya guys later!

- Nishi

MY BIRTHDAY AND OFF TO Los ANGELES!!!!!!!
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
11:40 a.m.

sorry for taking sooooo long to write about my birthday!!! it was a blast!!!! except for the part where I drank too much and got a teeny tiny bit sick in my chevy's sombrero happy birthday hat....

the night started fine - met my sisters and finally met a new friend Suneet at Chevy's and we talked and just hung out ordering drinks till everyone arrived. I saw people I hadn't seen since Binghamton!! (where I went for undergrad) Nobody but us were there at 9pm. Everybody started straggling in between 9:15-9:30 and like at 9:20 the waiters start telling us that management said if the rest of our party wasn't here in the next 10-15 minutes they'd start taking tables and chairs. We had 32 guests and only about 1/2 were there by 9:20/9:30 and theys tarted taking the tables and chairs and I was like what??? I made a reservation for 32 people and they start taking chairs and tables? They started seating strangers into our room and there was no room for the rest of the guests of my party. Room was made but then a few other friends showed up and they didn't have seats either and that's when I got up and YELLED at the manager. For that, I'm not proud of but I got REALLY upset. I yelled at him how rude and unprofessional this was to promise reservations for 32 and then take their tables away cause they're not all there by a certain time AND when I wasn't even TOLD when I made the reservation that if my party wasn't all there that this would happen - had I been TOLD that when I made the reservations I woulda been fine and made sure everyone was there exactly at 9pm. But the fact they didn't tell me?? I screamed pretty good at him which is SOOO unlike me - I rarely get angry at people other than my parents, sisters and ricky and it has to be something that reallllllly upsets me to make me lose it. I'm still not proud about losing my temper but I expected better from Chevy's in NYC - the one in L.A. is FABULOUS!!!!! I LOVE THE L.A. CHEVY's and I always liked the one in NYC too but now I have serious doubts about going to the NYC one again, at least under that manager's ownership.

My sisters ordered me another Sunburn margarita which is my fave and against my better judgment and with their prodding I drank it all......all.......I'm a lightweight.....I get drunk like off 1/2 a glass of wine. So you can imagine what happened - say hello to Nishi the Giggle-mistress. I think I looked at my sister's face and started laughing and then covered it up by telling her 'she's so pretty' LOL! That's how out of it I was. At the end of the night we all split up to get in cabs and cars to go to this lounge/bar/club called FALOOKA's or something like that which has hookahs you smoke out of (GROSS!) - on the way over there the cab was making so many swift turns that at the very end of the ride I announced 'ok I'm going to be sick' and grabbed my chevy's sombrero hat they give you when they sing happy birthday to you and spit up in it. I know. GROSS! It was only a TEENY TINY BIT but it was still yuck! Can't believe that happened. When I got out of the cab I put the sombrero to rest on some side street. Happy dreams somebrero.

We then met everyone at the club and danced till about 1:30 when I decided I had enough and needed to go and rest. Went back to my friend's place where we wound up talking till 4am and then I slept till the sun woke me up and read for the rest of the morning - Astronomy magazine - check out www.slooh.com you can see *LIVE* images from outerspace right from your comp without having to use a telescope. This is a pretty big deal cause you can't normally see this stuff without having a telescope so grab this chance and go to the site and get involved in a group and start seeing things in space. I still want my own telescope though. My friend and I grabbed a Dunkin Donuts breakfast later and I was planning to go to Chinese class right after Ibought BASARA #4 and Rourouni Kenshin 1-3 at Kinokuniya's when my cousin Mat calls. Flabbergasted me cause it's so weird to get a call from him out of the blue. I thought he was calling cause maybe my dad had asked him to bring me home early?? NOT THE CASE. Juni Chati (as I call him) wanted to "grill me" ;) and find out what I was up to and after talking with my dad had taken it upon himself to see what I was doing and be of any assistance he could in guiding me. He's really cool and a great cousin and I think he got upset when I mentioned that papa woulda helped me buy an apartment in the city last spring as an investment because wasting money on rent is bad and that made sense in my eyes - I think Juni Chati woulda preferred I live completely independently maybe? Or not have my parents make any sacrifices anymore and only me make all the sacrifice - which I agree with. Sacrifice seemed to be a major theme of his convo with him and me but he doesn't know how my parents and I are and how our relationship is thus far and the sacrifices we always make for each other. In a way, I resented his talking to me about all of this cause he doesn't really know mine or my sisters' relationship's with our parents and what we've all been through - he's been in and out of our lives rarely and has an outsider's perception for a large part and sees only what the 6 of us let him see - there're stuff neither my cousins or uncles and aunts know - my folks and sisters and I are tight and there are things we all went through that brought us to where we are and when someone who hasn't been through all of that with us tries to come in and say things with all good intentions it won't work cause they don't know the whole history....there are always similar dynamics and similar things all families go through but to talk to me about sacrifice....he doesn't know how papa operates or how we all compromise on things....Juni chati has a GREAT perception of things but he was mistaken about some things but there was no way to really clear things up without saying things I really shouldn't and couldn't about personal family stuff. Anywayz, I love him like crazy and he's so cool, maybe in time it'll get clearer but for now I appreciate him a ton and took his words for what they were - good intentioned guidance and he made some great points.

Whew longggg entry. I'm getting ready now for my TRIP TO L.A.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAHOOOOOOOOOOO! I still have a lot of packing to do. Leaving at 1pm or around then. Just showered and finished mopping the floors for mum. Gotta do hair, fit in all my books and shoes and bags....MY BAGS ARGHHH how am I gonna fit all this....I took WAAAY too many clothes but yo never know WHAT you'll need to wear for WHAT occasion so I'm erring on the side of caution.

EVERYBODY THANK YOU FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY WISHES!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!! I'm 27! 27! EEEEEEEEK hahahaha :) OH! Did you guys see the Grammy's? Wasn't Beyonce amazing? SANOJ AND EDDY I KNOW you guys must love Beyonce with her being a Houston-ite and all ;)

Ok I'm off see ya guys FROM L.A.!!!! WAAHOOOOOOOOO! :D

- Nishi

Saturday, February 7, 2004
3:29 p.m..

thanks everybody who wished me well on my birthday :) My birthday was yesterday, Feb. 6th but tonight's when the fun starts! Yetsreday was I cut cake with my parents and we spent the day getting ready for my relatives from texas/houston who are visiting for the weekend. Jobin, Sonia and Tanya are SO much fun - they're just really cute and sweet and cool - they're 16, 14 and 9 respectively. I just got back from getting a manicure and pedicure - used the gift certificate my sister Nithi got me there :) Even treated myself to a massage! Whew the woman hurt but i feel no tension in my shoulders! My cousins and I went hiking in the woods this morning and threw snowballs - them moreso than me. Was fun :) then I did the make up and hair for Sonia and Tanya. More news when I get back tomorrow from my party tonight. RICKY SENT ME A DOZEN WHITE ROSES! They're gorgeous :D sitting right here on my desk! :D Gotta go now - see ya guys later!

- Nishi

Tuesday, February 3, 2004
01:16 p.m.

breakfast: egg white sandwhich on toasted cinnamon raisin bread with a cup of soy milk and an orange. Talk about healthy and I feel healthy :) I'm gonna jog today. I haven't worked out again in weeks. UGH! And after eating this greasy pork fried rice past couple days (so bad but so yummy) I feel like my thighs just grew 5 inches and don't get me started on my stomach. ;)

Miyu-chan I went to your journal to leave you a msg and I couldn't. Where's the tag board?

I created a new layout for this journal which I'll unveil Friday the 6th to welcome my birthday. It goes back to the first image I used for this journal in 2001 and I think the finished layout looks very clean and pretty - it is, of course, Selenity :)

I'm warming up my vocals to rehearse and tidying up my room. After that mass email to my lists I got so many sweet emails from people wishing me a happy birthday! From people are far away as India and Australia and New Zealand! Amazing huh? :)

- Nishi

Monday, February 2, 2004
05:20 p.m.

mmmmm hot cocoa and brownies......that's what I'm thinking of right now......I just got back from running errands and doing a lil grocery shopping for mummy. I got brownies and raisin loaf cake (or somethng like that). I also found this unique gifts shop right around the corner from the grocery store that sells gorgeous gift items - frames, jewelry boxes etc etc - really pretty stuff. It was all I could do to restrain myself from buying anything but I wound up getting a cute candle holder for $4 :) hehehehe

I wish this darn city/town I live in had a bookstore nearby! I love going to Barnes & Noble and sitting in their cafe areas and reading and drinking cocoa and eating sweets. Life is so good in those moments. The one in Union Square Chelsea took me to was HUGE - 4 floors! YA know my dad should quit the real estate and mortgage business and open a book store - I think a Barnes & Noble in New Rochelle would be a huge hit and rake in a ton of dough. My dad's got the capital - too bad he doesn't know enough about running bookstores - oh well.

I feel blimey random. Thus the 'blimey'....

I'm planning my bday party for this weekend....so far of a guest list of 26 only 14 have confirmed. I need to book a restaurant tomorrow. I'm thinkin something laid back and relaxing for everyone, including myself, like Chevy's - it'll fit everybody's budget and it's such a fun festive place! Plus those 'Sunburn Margaritas' will put me right in the bday spirit :) Aftwerwards we might hit the bars or something. Who knows. I gotta call up people tonight and hound them on who they're bringing. Good GOD I cannot believe I turn 27 this Friday. It feels SURREAL! Like 27 is this weird number...I soooo don't FEEL 27. Heck I don't even feel 26. I feel....hmm.....I feel more like 25....yeah I think I'm mentally and emotionally 25. I think you should only be as old as you feel. I'm 25 people ok? 25.

arightys then...i'm off...sayonara.....god feelin so freakin random......i think it's pms.

- Nishi

Monday, February 2, 2004
12:46 p.m.

you'll be happy to know I vacuumed the lil sucker up. UGH! YUCK! INSECTS STAY OUT OF MY ROOM! I wonder if it's a bad thing I killed it...I couldn't HELP IT - it was hideous and scared the hell out of me and was crawling on my wall - it could have been carrying infectious disease....basically I was too scared and killed it....and now I feel guilty....I always yell at people not to kill bugs because 'they're just lost, show them the way out' but in the case of COCKROACHES and COCKROACH-LIKE insects - which is what THIS bug was (not a cockroach but something in the same family is what papa said) - they're not lost - they WANT to live with u and scare your socks off and crawl all over ur carpet, and clothes and books and OH MY GOD AGHHHHHHHHHHHH - I hope cockroach loving people don't hate me - I'm SORRYYYYYYYYYY. You can come here and take them all to YOUR HOME - just get rid of them from mine!

Anywayz, I had so much fun in the city yesterday. Chinatown was celebrating its Chinese New Year so I saw people dressed up as dragons celebrating all over the streets. Was so much fun! Freakin cold - but fun! I bought those snap things which when you throw on the ground they make a huge CRACK SOUND and I LOVED IT - I felt like I was 6 years old again. SO MUCH FUN. Chelsea, Luis, Kevin, Chelsea's cousin Steve and I all went to a chinese restaurant my friend Mike recommended called 'WoHop' it was alright - it was standard chinese fare and since I've eaten at like a million chinatown food places I hate places with only the standard fare. So we were all kinda disappointed. Nevertheless I did try something I liked - SQUID - EXCEPT the ones that looked like mini-ocotupuses - those were SO GROSS LOOKING. I "laid them to rest" and covered them up with the sauce and veggies so I wouldn't see them. GOOD GOD - it's enough to make me a vegetarian - ALMOST. I talked to Mike this morning who asked 'did you go to the upstairs or downstairs of WoHop? It's the downstairs one that's good.' He said he went to the downstairs between 1am-8am one night and it was fantastic - standard fare but some of the best tasting standard chinese fare. I didn't see a downstairs so *shrug* we went upstairs I guess. He apologize for us going upstairs and tasting substandard. ;)

Chelsea took me to Union Square after where we hit Circuit City and we browsed the Barnes & Noble there. Picked up lil v-day gifts for my sisters at Grand Central's PAPYRUS and came home atfer 6:30 and spent the evening relaxing. I'm gonna finally return 'Original Sin' today - still never finished the movie - it's a week overdue at Blockbuster and they actually called me this morning to tell me it was overdue - HAHAHAH I was soooooo groggy and sleepy and like 'yup I'll return it today' oh god - blockbuster calling me - I should really join 'NETFLIX' it's that cool service that lets u order DVDs and keep them as long as u want and return whenever. Ricky uses them and loves it.

I think something I ate last night caused me to lay sleepless till well past 5am today. I think I finally fell asleep close to 6am. Need to got cut broccoli for mum and clean the bathrooms and spend some time on new employment opportunies I found, as well as rehearsing songs. Callie I know right? *HUGS* See ya guys later.

- Nishi

Saturday, January 31, 2004
12:07 p.m.

arghhhhhhhh the post office CLOSEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. THIS SUCKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. And that damn dead creepy crawly bug is still on top of my doll's head! AAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Saturday, January 31, 2004
01:04 a.m.

well here we go - 2 entries in one day - well not quite since it's now 1am right? ;) I saw Original Sin - not all of it - I think I stopped probably 1/2 an hour or so before it ends - I wound up not liking it much.....I didn't like the direction it was heading and it frustrated me - ya know those movies of which the ending makes u so mad? I sensed that this might be the case so to spare myself the frustration and angry thoughts I stopped watching.

Jamie - the author of the 'Looking Good' newsletter that I got beauty tips from for the past few years RETIRED FROM THE COLUMN! I'm SO devastated! She is SOOOOOO hysterically funny. I looked forward to reading her newsletter every day cause she's so funny and talks about her life, family and everything. Her new protege is good but it's not Jamie so it makes me sad. GOSH DAMMIT I AM REALLY AVERSE TO CHANGE!

I saw this chinese food shop around the corner from the McDonalds here in my town and I SOOOOO am craving chinese food. Mike (friend and City Brick's business end producer who brought me into the record label) and I went for Japanese last night at this place in Staten Island - it was mediocre japanese - actually it SUCKED - cause usually when I order Tempura Udon it is the most amazing experience in my life each time cause it tastes fantastic. But last night BLECH. And HE had had a bad experience with sushi the last time (3 yrs ago or something like that) when he had it so it sucks that he tasted crappy Tempura Udon since it's my favorite Japanese dish and it makes me happy when others also love a dish I love . BUT THE DESSERT WAS PHENOMENAL - tempura ice cream which is one of my fave desserts - they even put a cherry and whip cream on it - YUMM.

I wonder if I'm allergic to my home. Seriously. Since we moved into this new house - well at least a month after we moved in - I've had this stuffy nose - it's either fibers in the house, in the insulation - or the freaking crazy night insects we see magically appear late at night. I just killed one on my wall and it landed on top of my Neo Queen Selenity doll's head (the large 17" doll one) and I FREAKED THE HECK OUT! It's STILL on top of my doll's head and I can't bring myself to get rid of it. And if I ask my dad to get rid of it he'll yell that it came in my room cause I always insist on eating in my room (just breakfast and late night snacks) - HEY one never showed up BEFORE ya know! This mighta been a fluke! And it's dead now anyway. UGH! *SHIVER* maybe I can suck it up with the mini-hand-held vacuum cleaner thing........

I booked my flight for L.A. and through JetBlue - their special $79 each way - I got it!! :D Goin' on Tuesday the 10th evening and leaving the next Wednesday early morning. I can't help but think how sad I'll be to leave L.A. - I'm so happy there....

N-E-WAYZ, I should go to sleep. Post office closes at noon and I promised to have 1-2 of my auctions winners' items out tomorrow and God help me if I don't get up tomorrow in time. 10am...10am.....I found that before I go to sleep if I tell myself what time I need to wake up - I actually DO wake up at that time! I remember in college my freshman roomate told me how her best friend from back home would hit her pillow the number of times of the hour she wanted to wake up and preso chango voila - she'd wake up at that time - the power of the mind, I tell ya - it works for me!

Anybody know what the 11 dimensions are?

- Nishi

Friday, January 30, 2004
06:47 p.m.

wow was it only Tuesday that I wrote my last entry? Lots to write. So wednesday night my dad brings up the marriage/life plan thing and I'm shaking in my boots cause I don't wanna have this discussion since I'm so not ready for marriage at this time - but by Thursday I had let him know that only 2 things were on my mind right now: job and album. So he accepts that for now. Whew. Thank you to Neil and Sanoj for being there for me when I was panicking that my dad brought that question up! :) *HUGS*

Yesterday, Thursday, I rehearsed and worked on my songs all day and Tyga's teaching me the keyboard!!!! It's such a freakin gorgeous instrument. SO many sounds! He's got some cool things to give me exposure with - some parties and stuff. Very cool. It's his bday today so after Mike and I had Japanese food I picked up Tyga a bottle of Jack Daniels - hope he's having a wonderful birthday.

Today I met with the attorneys who're going to represent me musically. They're so cool! I think Sedi'll be the one doing the actual full representation but both he and Anshu were totally nice and sweet - great guys. After the lunch with them (we ate downstairs in Grand Central at...oh what's it called again - they serve mexican food - was MUY YUMMY! :), I went to Barnes & Nobles and got all these books on Irish and Celtic and Mexican and Peruvian mythology - I love world mythology so love reading about it and studying it. Nice new additions to my library.

FINALLY HOME from the freaking cold! Mummy HAD to run errands after picking me up from the train station (vegatable store and CVS - picked up the new spring KNOT magazine - a bridal magazine - cause of the gorgeous bridal gowns in them) and am drinking tea and contemplating my night. I still didn't watch Original Sin but AM GOING TO TONIGHT. Gonna wash all my bed comforters and tidy up my room and read and watch the movie. Nice Friday night.

Memory I checked out the pages you sent and I love them! I am SUCH a fan of Pre-Raphaelite and Renaissance art so am glad you sent me those sites. If you're ever in the city we should meet up and go to the MET and look at the paintings :) I own a gorgeous painting of THE ACCOLADE by Leighton - it's one of my most favorite paintings! Right now it's sitting in the attic though because papa and mummy don't want any holes in the walls of the house just yet. Miyu-chan *HUG* well I'm glad ur ok. If only it were as easy as that to go to AllPosters :) But I'm still gonna try my best to acquire it. Nishi hi there :) Nice to meet you! I think you're the 5th or 6th person named Nishi I've met since I began this journal in 2000. *HUGS* Hope you drop by again :) Mac Kelvin well nice to meet you! I don't do emails like that but feel free to stop by on this journal though! Glad to be friends with you.

- Nishi

Tuesday, January 27, 2004
08:12 p.m.

Gosh dangit, I want Lancelot Speed's painting of the Wedding of King Arthur and Guinevere but I can't find any site online that has a print of it in canvas or frameable/painting format. I already own Leighton's The Accolade and want to one day own Draper's Guinevere and Lancelot-titled painting although I can't STAND the darn Lancelot/Guinevere adultry storyline in the tale - if I had my way King Arthur and Guinevere woulda just been a faithful, totally in love couple - like Arwen and Aragorn!

I got a hold of a very rare copy of 'King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table' published by Holland with illustrations by Lancelot Speed for only $9.95! :D Now I can take the image to a shop and have the painting made one day if it comes down to that.

Spent the day of imepending-snowstorm-doom damaging my dad's laptop by spilling water on it and incurring his wrath which is quite fearsome (the internal mouse won't work right although everything else works fine) and mopping the hardwood floors in the house and running errands and working on music and pursuing intellectual endeavours. 8pm and I feel spent. Still haven't watched 'Original Sin' yet - I think I'm 2 days late returning it to Blockbuster.

Saw 'Possession' with Gwyneth Paltrow and Jeremy Northam though last Friday and it was GOOD EXCEPT whenever Gwyneth Paltrow and her blond-co-star's modern scenes came up - the movie rushed their modern romance too much and it wasn't believable at ALL. The movie is a jewel for the real story of the movie - that of Christabel La Motte and Robert Ashe - 2 poets who fell in love and the story the modern day characters uncover about them.....their romance is GORGEOUS and had me glued to the screen wanting more! If only the movie had slowed Gwyneth's and blondie's romance and not made it such a point for them to have a great over-the-top romance....it would've been fine to see them subtly and slowly falling for each other, resisting that inclination till the very, very end.

I'd recommend Possession only to the extent that you ignore Paltrow and the male-co-star-blond-cutie whose name I forget and focus on the romance of La Motte and Ashe.

Miyu-chan OH MY GOD! That's so scary! Why are u driving in such horrible weather! GET THEE INTO A HOUSE WOMAN! :) *HUGS* BE SAFE! ok? :) Eddy edda poda! Bush-lovin-texas-conservative ninny :) *HUGS* :) JK!

- Nishi

Monday, January 26, 2004
11:28 p.m.

i spent wayyyy too much time in front of the computer tonight and today.....I have that weird 'not part of the living' feeling I get when I've been looking stuff up online too long. Was reading about King Arthur discoveries and the Dead Sea Scrolls and Gnostic Gospels etc etc and also looking for books about my 2 favorite romantic poets, Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Robert Browning - although it's actually their love story that captivates me more than their work, I admit, but that fuels me to read their works.

Anywayz......such a squandered unproductive day...took mum to a doctor's appointment and ran errands for her....

Waiting for the impending snow storm.....

I'm meeting up with the 2 guys who are attorneys who'll help represent me musically this Friday for lunch at 1pm.

I got an incredible offer for a rare Neo Queen Serenity Resin Kit I own - someone offered me $1500-$1800 for it. I was like, WOW! It's an incredibly rare kit though and I don't think I'd ever give it up unless financially driven to and that price is just sooooooo tempting but thankfully I'm in good financial status so no worries. Still...almost $2000.....SO TEMPTING! If I sold it I know for a *fact* I'd never come across that resin kit again in my life. It's pictured at http://www.miakaandtamahome.com/nishi/wishdolls.html

I found that Barnes&Nobles has Ceres Celestial Legend #6, Planet Ladder #6, and Fruits Basket #1 AND Alice 19th #2 all in stock so ordered it to save myself the trip to B&N on Sunday. Can't wait to read Alice 19th's newest installment.

Slowly returning to the land of the living whew......

Gonna veg and talk on the phone and maybe watch 'Original Sin' (adore Angelina Jolie!) - night everyone!

- Nishi

Sunday, January 25, 2004
03:00 p.m.

yesterday was simply amazing. Mike came and got me at 8amish and I met his brother Anthony who's one of the members of Liha the main band under City Bricks Entertainment's record label and we drove back to Staten Island and had breakfast at IHOP before going to Tyga's home and working in the studio. I met the other Liha members - one guy named Ish (actually Ishmael) is a cool character and another named Collossas......Tyga tried to convince me I needed a "name" but I told him I wanted to be just Nishi - just me. My music was a reflection of myself and I didn't need an alias. The session wound up turning into a jam session when Tyga heard one of the songs on one of my hindi tapes I gave him and found a 10second part of it he loved and he isolated it - got the vibe of it and created his own musical inspiration out of it and it was WOW - he then asked us to start writing hooks and a song for it so I wrote this hook which had a really good melody and we layered that over Collossas' hook and used I think Tyga's or Ish's lyrics for the body of the song. I've never been in a jam session with so many creative and talented people who all were working together to write a song right away and come up with something great. And the words just FLOWED! And when I finally got to record my hook - wow - they took my voice and just made it amazing! The hook I sang and everything came out just GORGEOUS - the whole SONG is gorgeous! Either Wednesday or Thursday I go back to the studio for more 8-hour sessions of work on my own album. It's so freaking exciting to see a song take shape and form and really PLAY for people to hear.....I LOVE IT!!!!!!

Running late, Mike got me to the indian restaurant at 6:30 where we were having mum's surprise bday party at - but turns out I might as well have been there only at 7pm cause that's when everybody showed up and my sisters and folks didn't arrive till between 7:15-7:30 sheesh ;) I got to see all my relatives on my mom's side and it was fun to see them all! We all had fun :)

I just got back from dropping my sisters back to Hofstra, Nith went back to UCONN and I've finished washing dishes and am having lunch - turkey burger on toasted cinnamon raisin bread. Gonna watch 'Possession' with Gwyneth Paltrow and relax a bit before I go work out. Tomorrow's supposed to be snowy and Tuesday a wintry mix - lovely weather ahead neh?

Hope ya'll are havin a good weekend.

- Nishi

Friday, January 23, 2004
12:37 p.m.

I've been busy past couple days working on songs - going back to the studio for 8 hours Saturday - and taking my mom around to have doctor's notes and stuff filled out. I wish she'd get better already. Papa thought of something to cheer her up though - he comes into my room Wednesday night and goes 'did you check your email?' referring to the private hotmail account only friends and family can email me at but that I only check like once a week, and I'm like huh? "papa you sent me an email even though we live in the same house??" LOL! Turns out the email was about papa wanting to have a surprise party for mummy this Saturday! Mum's bday is Jan 25th (Sunday) but the party's saturday at this indian restaraunt here in New Rochelle. Just family and a couple close family friends I think. Should be nice :) Be nice for ma! Gonna go pick her up a gift today too. No idea WHAT to get her.

I have good news! A query I submitted to another journal on a small article about U.S. Human Rights Violations was accepted pending full-submission!! :) In addition to that, I'm working on another article and 1 lengthy paper for these human rights journals' contests I learned about. One of them gives out a substantial prize amount but I care more about the fact that it's a VERY amazing journal with a huge readership! Getting published there would be fantsastic. So after this weekend, I'll be working on that nonstop - I'm also going to scrap looking for a full-time position as an attorney and go towards a part-time attorney position instead I think.....we'll see....part-time might be best for me right now because I need to be in the studio so much to record and work on the music....and I can switch later from part-time back to full-time when ready.

That's the story for now. Need to get stuff done now for mum and go pick up my sisters from Hofstra later.

Suni thank you!! I can't wait for the album to be finished and out too! :) *HUGS*

- Nishi

Tuesday, January 20, 2004
09:57 p.m.

I'm gonna tone this post down now that I've reacted to the Bush State of the Union address and vented :D

Alex is that true? Whew thank goodness! I'm still not crazy about the guy though. And to answer your question from before, I believe the cd will be out in stores, not sure if BestBuy in particular, but I know it'll be available for purchase in music stores. I don't know the exact date it will hit stores - all I know is the release date for the songs/cd is April 31st or roundabout there and I'll find out what stores and when exactly :)

Crystal I understand. I just find myself missing Clinton as President now....I remember watching his address his last year in office and going "Wow...." with sparkles in my eyes that he had so many views I agreed with and could speak so eloquently - even if he was morally awful.

My favorite democratice candidates: HOWARD DEAN, DENNIS KUCINICH, and JOHN KERRY because all 3 support equal rights for gays and lesbians and support reproductive freedoms for women!

Hope one of them wins!

- Nishi

Sunday, January 18, 2004
8:28 p.m.

I finished compiling and typing the lyrics for 48 of my songs. Going to send 35-39 of them out tomorrow to be copyrighted at the library of congress depending on if I finish 4 of them tonight which just need some more stanzas to be perfect.....whew....

the other night - I think it was Wednesday or Thursday....as I was working on fine tuning some of my songs and get them to sound lyrically exactly the way I wanted I felt this all over wonderful feeling that comes when I'm being creative and exercising that ability....it's such a good feeling when you're happy with what you're creating....I never really thought of the full impact of that word.....it's really a gift to be able to create things with your hands....to write, draw, to paint or sculpt, build and construct....I think I felt the euphoria artists feel when they create something and it's a perfect creation of your will.....

Anywayz, I'm still slightly sore from a hard workout I did on Friday but gonna see if I can make myself jog again today. Ricky - as a belated christmas present - is getting me a whole bunch of abs, buns, and hips and thighs videos I wanted! Buff body here I come ;)

I think I'll work on putting up the ArwenandAragorn.com Image Gallery and Collectibles/Merchandise page tonight after my workout...shouldn't take more then oh....4-5 hours? ;) LOL! Maybe I'll just do the image gallery tonight and everything else tomorrow.

Crystal I added your new blog to my list. *HUGS* Caroline *big hugs to you too!* Thank you :) See ya guys later!

- Nishi

Saturday, January 17, 2004
08:28 p.m.

for as long as I can remember, I've always had extremely vivid dreams - I can do magic in my dreams, fly in them, do karate and manipulate them when things get scary to change the dream.......

A long time ago while still in high school I had this amazing dream of a vampire....he looks like Daniel Day Lewis looked in 'LAST OF THE MOHICANS' - gorgeous long dark hair with some of it pulled behind a la 'Elrond-style' in LOTR. Anwyayz, in the dream this vampire and I fell in love at first site - I was intoxicated by his looks....he took my hand and flew me over the roof of my house which I had never seen before and over the trees and it was AMAZING....when we landed back on the driveway, I was ready to go with him anywhere when this bedlam and havoc erupted and he had to escape but before he did - he BIT my right hand...the outside of the hand (not the inside)...and he was gone and I spent the rest of the following dreams that night searching for him and never finding him....when I woke up the next morning I looked right away at my hand but of course NOTHING was there ;) LOL! But that dream stayed with me FOREVER....

So as I thought about that dream a tune started coming from my lips....some random tune....and I sat down and started writing....am still writing.....the song is tentatively titled 'Breath of Life' and is based on this dream.....

Gonna go back to writing. Hope you guys are having a fabu weekend. I think I am eith

Thursday, January 15, 2004
07:09 p.m.

Check it out guys! ArwenandAragorn.com - the Lord of the Rings Shrine to Arwen and Aragorn is UP!!!!! :) IT'S ALIVE!!! IT WORKS! GO! Right now, only the information section is finished. The rest (hopefully) will be complete by this Monday) :)

Amanda-chan I'm sooo glad the servers are completely working now! *big hugs* please DO work on selenity.net - it's one of my fave sites!!! :) Crystal hi and welcome back!! Lemme know your new address so I can check the blog out! :) *HUGS* I hope to God I get to the point where I *can* actually make a video for that song :)

It snowed enough to cancel my ride to Staten Island today to be in the studio so I spent today working on AA.com and am now working on my songs. :) Spoke to Anshu again and we're gonna meet up for lunch sometime next week with his other friend who also does entertainment law and they might even have a job lead - who knows!

Must work now. See ya guys later.

- Nishi

Wednesday, January 14, 2004
09:47 p.m.

I went back to staten island today all day to rehearse and finish 'Rain Dance' and Mike gave me the 1st copy of the background music Tiger worked on for one of my songs - it sounds so good but all it needs is more original music and less of a loud drum beat. Mike showed me the calendar - my album deadline to be finished is March 31st and the release date will be April 31st. I'm SO EXCITED! I spoke to an attorney named Anshu who I'm going to ask if he or someone he knows can represent me as an artist with the company.

Tomorrow I go back to the studio to meet with another musician named Nate who does music and will be helping to create the background music for my songs - he'll be able to figure out the stuff I have in my head and bring it out into music - I HOPE!!!

Spending the rest of tonight working out the beginning and endings of 'Rain Dance' and working on the couple songs Tiger already had been working on. Whew!

Alex Hi :) *HUGS* I can't publish the lyrics because I want to sing them all first! :) hahahaha I've written a LOT of songs - to date now the new total is close to 90? But right now the best songs in my book total 40. My songs are inspired just from me singing something....the tune will come to me when I'm in the shower, when I'm washing dishes, and once the tune is in my head the words just come out of me depending on the feel of the tune. It's very spontaneous - I can't just sit down and say 'ok it's time to write a song' - it just has to come out of me. Right now I have enough material I'm proud of for probably 3 albums of 10-12 songs each.

I'm a lil tired and have a headache now so am gonna relax for a bit with tea or cocoa and advil :) Night :)

- Nishi

Tuesday, January 13, 2004
04:59 p.m.

Edited at 9pm BELOW
I had a dream last night.....and I can't get it out of my head.....I'm making it into a song right now cause I just have to get it out of me and share it.......it's me as a little girl (prolly from looking at the old photo albums with my sister last week) and I see myself clearly and I'm walking barefoot on the ground and it's night time and raining and i'm playing....dancing and spinning and slowly I watch myself turn from 9 years old (I think) to me right now at age 26......now I'm in her place and I'm spinning in the rain and the water droplets - it's like that water spray you see in movies and stuff....very vivid and clear.....and finally I see I'm not alone but there are a circle of people around me on all sides but I'm not afraid and it looks like I'm supposed to be dancing in the rain in front of them......finally I'm thinking in my head in the dream 'all I need is a cute guy' and voila - one of the most gorgeous guys I ever saw - he was Indian too and WOW - comes up and takes me by the waist and I danced with him like I never even knew HOW! I don't think I could dance like that in real life - somehow dreams make you do things you don't know how to......wow...I wonder if that guy really exists......hahahah he was so cute! It wasn't a version of ricky (my boyfriend whom I love) but...prolly just a fogment of my imagination....still.....

can't stop thinking about it and I wonder what the heck it means.....so I came up with a rain dance song complete with thunderstorms......the premise is I'm dancing and singing a love song to someone I loved since I was a child who I haven't seen in forever (or maybe he died?) and finally somewhere in the chorus or towards 3/4 to the end he shows up and that's where we dance and the girl's wish comes true.

I wish I could write the song here but it's not copyrighted yet. One of the best I've ever written.

Gonna keep working on it.

Edited at 9pm
The dream is going to pretty much be my video if I ever make one. I'm still working on the song.....at first I titled it 'the rain song' but now it's 'rain dance' and the song even incorporated the greek myth of Eros and Psyche (one of my most favorite stories) - but it's just a reference to Eros not to fly away once he reveals himself to me - in the myth Psyche's not allowed to see what her husband, Eros, looks like but plagued by doubts her evil sisters put in her head that her husband might be a monster, she views him at night asleep with an oil lamp and is surprised by his beauty and a drop of oil drops on him and he wakes and hurt that she broke her promise he flies away - it ends happily though. I've been in love with mythology since I was in 8th grade and used to own this huge book of greek mythology color illustrations - no clue where it went. Eros and Psyche is one of the few HAPPY ENDING love stories and is why it's one of my faves. To see ONE of the versions of the story (there are SOOOOO many versions) see: Psyche and Eros.

Back to work on the song. Thursday I go back to the recording studio! Spending tomorrow rehearsing the songs that I think we'll be recording first.

- Nishi

Monday, January 12, 2004
03:21 p.m.

Back from connecticut! was a fun weekend! I got there in the early evening and Nith and I went to dinner at Angelino's - this italian restaurant and wow - their servings are enough for like 5 people! We were stuffed after the bread and appetizers! After a run for sweets and buying a dual cassette radio with a cd player (FINALLY FROM WAL-MART!) we went home and got ready with her roomates to go to this bar/club called 'THE BRICKYARD' - fantastic place! We saw a band called 'Bottoms Up' perform various rock favorites - they were really good - Nith introduced me to Amaretto Sours - they're my new best friend :D hehehehe so sweet and yummy! After the music we were joined by this German guy and his friend and she and I and her roomates Meredith and Sean went down to the club area and danced till close to 2am - even got on the stage - Nith says they do that all the time - dance on the stage that is - it was a lot of fun! On the car ride home Ricky called and I pretended I was so drunk and that I'd found a cute guy and that Nith had pulled me away - Ricky actually believed me until I said psych and that I was only jokin ;) Can't believe tables turned - he used to mess with MY mind alllll the time when we first started going out - ha ha the pupil has overthrown the master! ;) Anywayz, the next day we tried to go for breakfast at Friendly's but they stopped serving after 11:30 - and lemme tell ya - the people at that Friendly's by UCONN are some of the most FRIENDLY AND NICEST people I've ever met working in a restaurant! They gave us directions to a country kitchen place owned by Bea where we got breakfast but still wished we coulda had more variety like at Denny's or Friendly's. After that Nith showed me around the dams there - so freaking cold - I think it was 5 degrees and we went browsing through an Antique store. We rented UNDERWORLD (good movie) and watched movies the whole night. Finally saw Wedding Planner (good) and Forces of Nature (ok) but missed Moulin Rouge (EXCELLENT) cause Nith wanted to watch from the beginning and we came in the middle. It snowed and that almost threw a wrench in my plans to leave this morning but the roads turned out fine and after Nith made me breakfast of eggs and crescent rolls and OJ we hugged and I left. Was such a nice weekend - needed that! Can't wait to visit her again. My sisters are the best.

My nose is stuffed again. Wonderful. Hope it clears up soon. Hope you guys had a great weekend. Callie cool! glad ya liked ROTK! :)

- Nishi

Saturday, January 10, 2004
12:23 p.m.

Mathew Goode - that's his name - like I said in the post below, while I was visiting 2 of my sisters in Long Island past 2 days we went and saw Chasing Liberty and it was a good movie! And Mathew Goode is my new love ;) Ricky understands ;) LOL - Mathew Goode and his british accent wow - he said a really corny line when he finally told Mandy's character he loved her but hell - when a british guy says those things, it doesn't sound corny! He's gorgeous - see the movie and try not to drool! :)

I'm getting ready now to go to UCONN to visit Nith. I have no idea what we're gonna do so I'm packing club clothes, bar clothes, and regular hangout clothes. Have a great weekend guys!

- Nishi

Friday, January 9, 2004
09:52 p.m.

not again!!! why are the servers down AGAIN? AAAAAGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I came back this evening from a night over at 2 of my sisters in Long Island. I had to take Mil to an interview at Deloitte and Touche so I left yesterday evening and met my sister Mekha at my fave place by her campus called 'The Witches' Brew' which is a cool place that's a coffee-house with the theme of well...a witchy/halloweeny kind of effect - they have some of the yummiest teas and brownies and coffees and drinks! I had a Cha Cha Chai with honey and a brownie and Mek and I gabbed. I saw Mil later and we all slept that night exhausted - Mek and Mil love the Da Vinci Code! :) GO READ IT! Today after Mil's interview she took me for breakfast where the lady at the cafeteria cash register had to make me feel insulted by asking mili if I was her younger sister - JUST CAUSE I AM SHORT DOES NOT MEAN I AM YOUNGER THAN MY BABY SISTER! Mili had to emphasize I was her oldest sister AND a lawyer. UGH! So mad. Mil said also it's cause of my height. If I was taller I wouldn't have this problem. Geez. Which reminds me, at the Witches' Brew some high school kid - big guy - almost walked back into me and of course - spry little thing I am - I dodge easily and he apologizes and then is like 'You're short' I go 'yep!' and right now I'm thinkin I shoulda said 'No shit genius!'

Me and my height. UGH.

So today I worked on rehearsing my songs and after Mek came back we went to the mall where I hopelessly tried to find a dual cassette recorder and afte rgiving up we went and saw 'CHASING LIBERTY' and GUESS WHO WAS IN THE AUDIENCE???? LINDSAY LOHAN! Ya know the girl from Freaky Friday? She was there with 2 of her friends I think and they cheered her movie when it came on and her friends shouted 'GO SEE THAT!' about Lindsay's new film and then when Hillary Duff's Cinderella movie came on her friends said 'DON'T SEE THAT' - I think it has something to do with some guy named Aaron Carter who was dating both Lindsay and hillary at the same time and they didn't know. I like both girls. Lindsay, mind you, didn't shout anything but it was her friends who did all the shouting. Speaking of Hillary - I hated her song 'So yesterday' it drove me nuts - but I like her 'Let the rain come down' song - that's nice to listen to! The lyrics are better and I like that better. The movie theatre we were at was the Westbury United Artists Theatre in Long Island. Mekha was like 'I can't believe Lindsay Lohan is in our movie theater!' LOL!

Nith called and invited me to connecticut for the weekend so I leave tomorrow afternoon to drive to UCONN! YAAAAY! Fun weekend - for those of you who don't know - I have 3 younger sisters, Nithi's 22, Mekha and Mili are twins who are 20.

I'm off. See ya guys later and have a great weekend!

- Nishi

Thursday, January 8, 2004
05:24 p.m.

hehehe today was fun! my first day in a real studio and the people I'm working with - this guy is AMAZING - 2 of my songs he is working on the music already and he's getting where I wanna go and if it doesn't turn out right then I just tell him and we go back to the drawing board. They are SOOOO well connected it's astonishing! I sang like crap cause it was morning and fresh outta the cold and this stupid nasal congestion but they liked me :D We're really gonna move fwd with this cd :) YAAAAAAAAY :)

Spent all day with my friend Michael who's the partner with this independant label I'm working with now and just got back from an early dinner with him. Waiting for rush hour to end so I can drive out to Long Island to my sisters - Mili got an interview with Deloitte & Touche so I need to drive her to it tomorrow early morning so I'm sleeping over their place.

Anywayz, I'm out *HUGS* to all Callie feel better

- Nishi

Wednesday, January 7, 2004
11:31 p.m.

I'm meeting with the people behind the music record label I'm being signed with tomorrow! I picked out my song 'Story' to sing to them since I can perform it well. It's weird....today (and past couple days) I've been feeling so.....apathetic...so down and weird....I'm positive it has to do with PMS and this weird moodiness always hits the week or 2 before but I hate when it happens - normally I'm always feeling confidant and happy and this hormonal thing just makes me feel like life is out of order - hate that feeling. But yet, right now, when I picked up my song book and started singing 'Story' it healed me - the song is about my 1st love and I cried like buckets writing it and everytime I'd sing it, would cry, but finally - if I just focus on the singing and not on the emotions behind the song - I can perform it without crying and the weirdest thing happens - it uplifts me...I feel so....healed after singing it. I'm so happy and amazed that my songs do that....the minute I sing them.....I feel renewed.....I guess that's what they mean by the therapeutic value of writing your own songs.

Anywayz, I need to be ready by 10am tomorrow when Michael picks me up to go to Staten Island - so sweet of him to come get me! Because of being sick though I couldn't re-record any of the songs! I'm just gonna have to sing 'Story' or play some of the songs from my mediocre tapes......

I read Vampire Game #4 today and finished ZODIAC PI, and also got and read 'GIRL GOT GAME' and 'WILD ACT #4' - Wild Act is getting so goooddddd - I wish they'd come out with it monthly instead of like every 2-3 months - so long to WAIT.

I also read my new Astronomy Magazine that came in the mail and it had the coolest articles about Absolute Zero - NOW DON'T LET YOUR EYES GLAZE OVER! YOU MIGHT LEARN SOMETHING! I learned that when you freeze atoms to close to absolute zero (-429.67 degrees farenheit) they stop moving (usually atoms are in a flurry of motion) and scientists thought if they could get atoms to stop moving they could then see where their position is and blah blah but something weird happened when they dropped the temp to close to ab. zero - the atoms merged together into one SUPER ATOM and became a wholly new substance that was neither solid, liquid, gas, or plasma and the weirdest thing was this new substance slowed the speed of light, even stopping it.

I also learned a gazillion things about nebulas, esp the Orion Nebula and as always I was sooooo interested in the mythology aspect of it - Orion and Zeus and Artemis and the scorpion - one day (ya know in my mansion ;)) I'm gonna commission someone to do a huge ceiling-scape of the constellations in the astrological and mythological representations. Ahh a girl can dream ;) and that's not counting the huge gardens and pools and stuff and a huge garden with enough clearing and room for a big ol telescope so I can take my own really cool pictures of the galazies and nebulas :)

I need to go to bed soon so goodnight all. Ailionon-chan HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!

- Nishi

Ponderingisms
Tuesday, January 6, 2004
04:24 p.m.

ho hum...I wish Nithi hadn't had to leave today - now it's so lonely. Today is papa's birthday and to celebrate Nith and I got food per mummy's request from the local diner (I had bacon lettuce and tomato sandwhich, Nith a turkey club and chicken parms for M&P). We drove all the way to Portchester to get cake from mummy's fave J.J. Cassone Bakery. We celebrated and it was nice :) Mum got pop a nice sweater and he loved it. Nice birthday :)

mmmmmmmm......I'm thinking of goin to visit Ricky in L.A. for a long weekend. It's been now 6 months since I was there and I can't wait to be back - sun & warmth mmmm although I hear in winter even L.A. is cold in the 50s and 60s brrr....I shoulda gone to Orlando to see him this past holiday - supposedly 75 degrees there!

I saw pictures the Nasa Mars's Spirit took! I love astronomy! The pictures showed such cool images of the land and in a day or so we'll have a full 360 degree view of things.

So cold in my room....I was watching the stars last week in the sky and I can't wait to get a telescope one day that can see like nebulas and globular clusters and stuff - to see things that far is so cool. I've seen pictures people here took with their fancy telescopes of planets as far away as Jupiter...amazing! World's so fast and infinite...so much to see...and learn.

Anywayz, so I'm still a Britney fan even though she got married and annulled it within 12 hours - crazy huh? That news even made the malayalam news on AsiaNet! LOL! I'm sitting there eating and mummy and papa are watching the malayalam news from Kerala and there's Britney spears and the anchor talking in malayalam about Britney's "thamash" marriage - I cracked up! News like that made it big even in Kerala? WHODA THUNK IT! Why would malayalees care about an American Pop Star's marriage? Guess that shows how far her music and merchandising etc has reached - or how so much of the world's obsessed with American Pop Culture - pretty amazing I think.

Anywayz, I'm out *HUGS*

- Nishi

Monday, January 5, 2004
04:41 p.m.

It's been raining past few days (today too) - dark and grey out and the trees look so foreboding.....but I had 'Zodiac P.I.' or "Catcher in the Horoscope" as it was titled in Nakayoshi by Natsumi Ando to keep me company - the series is sooooo cute! I ordered the 4th volume and can't wait to read - also ordered "Wild Act" #4, "Vampire Game" #4 and "Girl Got Game". I went to the city yesterday (missing chinese school cause I missed the train) and hit Barnes and Noble and sat for an hour on the floor going through Lord and the Rings books writing down stuff written about Aragorn and Arwen for my new domain for them. I musta looked really weird to ppl sitting crosslegged on the floor writing in my notebook ;) LOL! I picked up a gorgeous 1975 edition red hardcover complete Lord of the Rings in one volume, and also got the 3 Zodiac P.I.s, KARE KANO #7, KODOCHA #10 and AI YORI AOSHI from Kinokuniya. I was very happy with Kodocha's ending but I wished for MORE. Didn't want it to end. :( Kare Kano is finally up to date with my translations I've read about the play the girls put on. I wish they'd hurryyyyyy and translate more! The Japanese tanks are up to volume 17 aren't they?

After reading Kodocha and having some mocha frappuchino at Starbucks I met up with my friends from Chinese school for lunch in chinatown - some place on Bowery with rude waitresses. Had yummy Moo Hay Chow Mein I think (it had shrimp) :D

I was feelin a lil down this past Saturday cause Ricky told me how he heard my first love's engagement party took place that Saturday. At first I was like 'ok cool!' and then later I think it really hit me and I got upset.

Anywayz, don't wanna get into that on here.

Rence-chan *huggles you* HI! Thank you! I was just thinking of you the other day and how we haven't talked in ages. Come onlineeeeeeeee I'll even get on ICQQQQ for youuuuuu :) Serenity K-La hey sweetie *HUGS* Happy belated holidays to you too! You're in Washington? D.C or state? Heard of Shaman King - a manga? Never read it or anything though. Caro-chan thank you! you're a LOTR fan too right? :) Rachel you sent only 1 email right? I got that one :) Sorry I didn't respond to it yet! Eddy, Lady and Gillian muchas gracias :) *hugs* and happy belated New Year! I'm glad you guys like the layout - I can't wait till the shrine is fully ready!

See ya'll later.

- Nishi

Saturday, January 3, 2004
02:03 p.m.

Last night, I stayed up until 4am working on this: the new design for the new domains I bought: Arwen and Aragorn .com, .net and .org :)

Whadya guys think?

- Nishi

Thursday, January 1, 2004
06:12 p.m.

Happy New year everyone! Lots to write! I'm the now proud owner of ArwenandAragorn.com and .net and .org :) Nothing's there yet but will be in a few weeks :)

From 5pm yesterday I read 'The DaVinci Code' - finished it in about 10 hours. One of the best books I've ever read principally for the amount of knowledge I learned about Paganism and Christianity as we know it.

I love my eyebrows by the way - I've been tweezing them myself now for a long while and they look gorgeous. Even though they grow back so fast and I can never get it *as* perfectly clean as an eyebrow waxer, it's worth it when I look in the mirror and like what I see - well-shaped and clean eyebrows do wonders for the face.

Anywayz, so The DaVinci Code - I learned about the origins of the word 'pagan' - it has *NOTHING* to do with devil worship (that's just a popularized hollywood association and vicious propaganda by the Old Church), instead it's actually from the latin word paganus, meaning "country dwellers" - Pagans a.k.a. country dwellers were unindoctrinated country folk who clung to the old, rural religons of nature worship. The Church's fear was so great of these people who lived in the rural villes that the word for 'villager' - vilain - came to mean a wicked soul.

I learned how the pentacle (pentagram) was a pre-Christian symbol that related to nature worship. The ancients envisioned their world in two halves - feminine and masculine. Their gods and goddesses worked to keep a balance of power. Yin and Yang. When male and female were balanced, there was harmony. When they were unbalanced, there was chaos.

the coolest thing about how the pentagram came to be and WHY it is connected to nature worship has to do with the planet VENUS. Turns out the ancient astronomers saw that Venus traced a *perfect* pentacle/pentagram across the sky every 8 years. The ancients were so astonished at this that Venus' pentacle became the symbol of perfection, beauty and the cyclic qualities of sexual love. Also, the Greeks used Venus 8 year cycle to organize their Olympic Games and nowadays the Olympic Games follows the 4-year schedule - the 1/2 cycles of Venus' path through the sky. Few people know that the pentacle (5-pointed star) had almost become the official Olympic seal but was modified to 5 intersectings rings to better reflect the games' spirit of inclusion and harmony.

Why something about perfection, love and beauty became associated with devil worship was because of the Church. Symbols are resilient and as part of the Church's campaign to eradicate pagan religions and convert the masses to christianity, it launched a smear campaign aginst the pagan gods and goddesses, recasting their symbols as evil. This is common in times of turmoil. A newly emerging power will take over the existing symbols and degrade them over time in an attempt to erase their meaning. Poseidon's trident became the devil's putchfork, the wise crone's pointed hat became the sylbol of the witch, and Venus's pentacle became a sign of the devil. Nowdays, the U.S. military uses the pentacle as a symbol of war on all the fighter kets and on general's shoulders. "So much for the goddess of love and beauty." - From the Da Vinci Code

Interesting stuff neh?

The book is FULL of these things. I learned sooooo many things. I won't spoil the book but it's main premise is a huge secret that if it came out, would rock the foundations of the church. The book is based on fact that has to do with the Priory of Sion - a secret society - and with Jesus.

It brings up lots of facts and research and history of the christian religion, especially about the Nicean Creed which I long ago learned is one of the biggest disgraces on the church and that almost nothing about the creed it true or based on truth and fact. Even in church or at prayer functions, I never say the Nicean Creed - people were killed in order to have it enforced. I refuse to pray to God something that's vile. I learned some years ago how the Council of Nicea was ordained by Constantine and a drafted up a document purporting to say everything that Christianity was and what Jesus was. A lot of the followers of Christ's faith in that day refused to sign this document - there was a vote on the divinity of Jesus' status as Son of God and they voted by a margin and won that he is a Son of God. There were 80 gospels of Christ's life and teachings and those the powers that be then didn't like were gathered up and burned. Some survived - like the gospel of Phillip and Mary Magdalene. (Barnabas is NOT a true gospel - that's a forgery scholars say was made in the last 1000 years to look like a real gospel from Christ's time) - Anyway, people who didn't believe in the new Church's view of Christianity and Christ made a choice to reject the new Church's interpretation of things as lies and political scheming - They were committing 'heresy' literally meaning 'choice' and they were hunted down and killed - those who didn't sign.

Here's an excerpt I found very good.

"Nobody could deny the enormous GOOD the modern church did in TODAY'S troubled world, YET, the church has a deceitful and violent history. Their brutal crusade to 'reeducate' the pagan and feminine-worshipping religions spanned 3 centuries. The Catholic Inquisition published the book Malleus Maleficarum or THE WITCHES' HAMMER which indoctrinated the world to the 'dangers of freethinking women" and instructed the clergy how to locate, torture and destroy them. Those deemed witches were all female scholars, priestesses, gypsies, mystics, nature lovers, herb gatherers and any women 'suspiciously attuned to the natural world.' Midwives were also killed for their heretical practice of using medical knowledge to ease the pain of childbirth - a suffering the Church claimed was God's rightful punishment for Eve's partaking of the Apple. During 300 years of witch hunts, the Church burned at the STAKE 5,000,000 women - 5 MILLION women. The propaganda and bloodshed worked. The world is living proof. Women, once celebrated as an essential half of spiritual enlightenment, had been banished from temples. No female Orthodox rabbis, catholic priests or Islamic clerics . . . Mother Earth had become man's world and the gods of destruction and war were taking their toll. The male ego had spent 2000 years running unchecked by its female counterpart. The Priory of Sion believed that it was the obliteration of the sacred feminine in modern life that had caused what the Hopi Native Americans called 'koyanusquatsi' - LIFE OUT OF BALANCE - an unstable situation marked by testosterone-fueled wars, a plethora of misogynistic societies, and a growing disrespect for Mother Earth." - From the Da Vinci Code.

Yes indeed. Very interesting stuff.

In my heart I believe Jesus came to bring us all back to God and to save us and deliver us his promise of salvation and everlasting life to us all. I believe that nature should be respected, that man and woman are equals, complements. I believe that the Bible was horribly defaced - written by man, re-written a million times over, edited out everything, and refused to include gospels from Christ's early followers that would help us all. I believe the Bible's main message of life, redemption and salvation survives everything men with political agendas could do it. Even if they took Mary Magdalene out, even though they re-wrote things - I believe in Jesus and I believe in God - JahHavah/Jehovah/Yehovah/Iehova. I know in my heart God exists, that He hears and that Jesus will come again to rid this world of all evil. For all the wrongs mankind and church and all religions have done - I know I can trust in Him/Her - I believe God is neither man nor woman, neither He nor She but is simply an entity - both male and female - and maybe even neither male or female. Who are we to assume God's nature. You can't trust the Bible 100% as it is today - but you can trust it as it was written originally - without the revisions, without the edits. You can trust the collaborating and original Gospels not included in the Bible - taken entirely together it would give a better and more honest picture for us to study and learn about Christ and God.

Anywayz, enough of this. Gonna have dinner.

.............

Name: Nishi
Age: 27
Where: New York
Faith: Christian
Sign: Aquarius
CH-S: Fire Dragon
AIM: SelenityHime
ICQ: 21380169
Email: be83398@yahoo.com

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Devoted to Naoko-sensei and all her works! Has latest news on her life and sailormoon news!

Tooya and Aya ML
For Ayashi no Ceres Celestial Legend Aya and Tooya / Touya

Arwen and Aragorn ML
Arwen and Aragorn Mailing List with fan fiction, discussion etc!

The Max Lovely Mailing List
To discuss the manga Max Lovely by Erika Kurahashi with posts on updates to images and manga summaries / translations

Princess Ishtar - Vampire Game Mailing List
a discussion list for Judal's manga Vampire Game

Maron and Chiaki ML
Devoted to Maron and Chiaki / Jeanne + Sindbad of Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne

Yuu and Miki of Marmalade Boy
Everything on this great couple!!!

Emeraude and Zagato
List for Magic Knight Rayearth's lovers Princess Emeraude and Zagato

Kodocha - Sana and Akito Hayama
For Sana-chan and Akito of Kodomo no Omocha!

Saint Tail - Asuka Jr. and Meimi ML!
For Asuka Jr. and Meimi of Kaito St. Tail!

Kare Kano Love
A Miyazwa and Arima ML - discuss everything Kare Kano here!

Archived Entries
1/1 - 2/21 | 3/5 - 3/30 | 3/31 - 4/18 | 4/19 - 5/10 | 5/13 - 6/22 | 6/22 - 7/29 | | 7/30 - 9/13 | 9/14 - 10/11 | 10/12 - 11/12 | 11/13 - 12/18 | 12/19 - 2/5 | 2/6 - 3/17 | 3/17 - 4/21 | 4/24 - 6/19 | 6/20 - 8/4 | 8/6 - 9/14 | 9/16 - 11/3 | 11/4 - 12/31 |

Friend's Journals

Lydia
Rence
SarahBeth
Natsuki
Diana
Ailinon
Eowyn
Seby
Manda
Bonnie

Caroline
Rebecca
Kris-chan
Miyu-chan
MoonKlutz
Zbet
Adrianne
RameoG
Louise
Leanna

Laurelchan
Aisha
Janeen
Danielle
Jenna
Hemal
Callie
Reena
Crystal
Lady

Personality Quizzes I Made
The Royalty Quiz
The Woman of Beauty Quiz
Woman of Legend Quiz

Interesting Blogs I Read!

Barbie
InTheZone

ExoticSaint
Jenchan

Ashaluna
Oei
Avatrix

A Few of my Favorite Movie Actresses
Drew Barrymore
Kate Hudson
Nicole Kidman
Demi Moore
Gwyneth Paltrow
Julia Roberts
Reese Witherspoon
Renee Zellweger

A Few of my Favorite Movie Actors
George Clooney
Johnny Depp
Matthew Goode
Tom Hanks
Ashton Kutcher
Brad Pitt
Keanu Reeves
Adam Sandler
Robin Williams

Magazines etc I read:
Vogue
Cosmopolitan
Jane
Shape
Fitness
Allure
Elle
Marie Claire
In Style
US Weekly
PEOPLE
The Economist
Discover
Astronomy
Sky & Telescope
National Geographic
Time
New York Times
Commondreams.org

Things I Support

Favorite Manga and Anime
most everything in Ribon and Nakayoshi!
Ayashi no Ceres/Ceres Celestial Legend
Basara
Call Me Princess
Catcher in the Horoscope or ZODIAC P.I.
Delicious! (Yui Ayumi)
Fruits Basket
Fushigi Yuugi
Gals / Super Gals!
Kamikaze Kaito Jeanne
Kare Kano
Kodomo no Omocha
Magic Knights Rayearth
Maria (Naoko Takeuchi)
Marmalade Boy
Max Lovely
Mint No Bokura
Miracle Girls
Random Walk
SailorMoon
Saint Tail / St. Tail
Tokyo Mew Mew
Ultra Maniac
Vampire Game
Wild Act

MY WISH LIST
If anyone's thinking of getting me a gift for my birthday or christmas or whenever ;)

Saint Tail Plush Keychain of St. Tail

Kare Kano TokyoPop Translated Manga vol 8 and on!

Ceres Celestial Legend 7+

Vampire Game Vol 5+

Basara Vol 5+

Wild Act Vol 6+

Nakayoshi / Nakayosi manga issues:

December 1987 and January 1998
December 1989 - May 1990

Ribon Manga issues

November 1998 - August 1999

My Adoptees
Shown are adoptees from Sailor Moon, Full Moon wo Sagashite, Star Wars Attack of the Clones, Lord of the Rings, and Emeraude from Magic Knights Rayearth, X-Files, the child-like empress from the Neverending Story, St. Tail!, The Labyrinth, Satine from Moulin Rouge, and HARRY POTTER!

My Desktops

Words I live by:
Man is never so tall as when he kneels before God - never so great as when he humbles himself before God. And the man who kneels to God can stand up to anything. -Louis H. Evans

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. - Eleanor Roosevelt

"All human wisdom is contained in these two words: wait and hope." - The Count of Monte Cristo

"The winds of God are always blowing but it is up to you to set the sails." - UNKNOWN

"The only dream worth having, I told her, is to dream that you will live while you're alive and die only when you're dead. [Which means:] To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never to forget." - Arundhati Roy

moon phases