Nishi's A Dream I Dream's Pitas Page

Welcome to Nishi's Journal part of A Dream I Dream. Nishi is a 27 year old Indian American who is working as an attorney in Manhattan. She is also a singer/songwriter who is signed with an independent record label and working on her 1st album. She dreams of bringing her songs to the world and pursuing international human rights. Nishi is an avid Japanese anime and manga fan & is a web designer too. See her major anime/manga websites listed below. She also collects anime goodies, see her Treasures.				This journal is a place for me to vent, to share, and to catch up with friends. Strangers are welcome to see the world through my eyes but respect me and my writings. Add Entry \| Login \| Edit \|

Monday, May 3, 2004
11:59 p.m.

Today I felt like that guy Joel in 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' (a good movie but one that I didn't love cause of the disturbing-something about it) anywayz so in the movie I felt like Joel when his gf Clementine gets all mad about something stupid Joel had to stupidly say and then she starts getting totally raving mad and he's like walking fast and can't wait for that memory to be over so he doesn't have to listen to her tirade - that's what I felt like today - walking fast to get out of earshot of the tirade. Only 2 differences: I didn't say something stupid, and he wasn't bonkers but just upset and mad.

Then tonight.....after not speaking for the rest of the day

Cell phone rings....his number flashes

Me: Hello?

Him: Hi! :) <-- in a smiley happy voice

Me: err...hi?

Him: Hi! How are you?

Me: umm...good?

Him: good! how was boxing?

Me: I didn't have boxing I had my class

Him: oh! how was it?

Me: gooooddddd.....(weirded out)

Him: ok why are you talking like that?

Me: cause you're acting like nothing happened this afternoon?

Him: well yeah I gotta do something to break the ice ;) and he laughs

Me: a smile peaks on my lips and I let out a feeble laugh

Me: hi :)

Him: hi :) how're u?

Me: I'm better now :)

hahah :) he knows how to get back in my good graces and make up with me - he knows how to make me laugh. And we have a happy ending for now :)

Thus goes the story of my life.

So on the train home I wrote a poem - rough draft - it's not very good at ALL but just putting it up here to record it.

Be My Angel

He is beauty manifold
when he smiles at me.

He is love personified
when his warmth envelopes me.

He is like child, brother, father,
friend and lover, in one.

And over me does he spread his wings.

But when the dark clouds gather and the rain falls
my sweet angel is filled with pain, and from it,
pours forth his sadness, anger and hurt

No one knows of angels who speak with anger, but I do
No one knows of angels who speak with pain, but I do
No one knows of angels who lash out with their hurt, I do.

He is my angel, and for him I would take near anything
All his anger, all his pain, all his hurt,

Near, almost....
save but that,

I will not take
what is not justified.
I will not take
that which you speak untrue
I will not take
that which you reason wrong

My angel, who calls me his angel.

I will not take
that which you say to me - vile and cruel

I cannot love if you say things in hate
I cannot be yours if you make me cry.

angel..
You are still human
but be my angel
and I will be yours until I die.

See? not very good. I'll re-work it.

BELOW: wrote another poem the other night...

DARK EYES UNDO ME

Dark eyes like ocean pools
I could be lost in them forever
a smile I barely resist
you pull me with ease
magnetic....
I'm afraid of you, sometimes,
because I could like you -
if I ever gave in.
Dark eyes keep calling,
and that ready smile
will undo me.

Midnight - need to go to sleep.

- Nishi

Sunday, May 2, 2004
11:42 p.m.

hahaha I got an email from a fan who said my erotic poetry turned them on! LOLLLLLLL! Thank you! But the stuff u saw here is not my best work at all! They're just drafts and spontaneous scribblings. If you saw the stuff I'm *proud* of and worked long and hard on, I'd love to hear what you think but I don't wanna post stuff I'm really proud of for fear someone will steal the good stuff. The mediocre stuff is what I put up here.

Alex I'll check out those links when I get some free time next weekend *HUGS* I'm amazed you actually read my whole entry even to the part about the gerrymandering paper! :) Thank you :)

So some of you guys know how I've always been madly in love with the Arthurian Legends, Merlin etc etc? It started when I was 8 with my copy of Pyle's large illustrated 'King Arthur' and from there ignited a life-long passionate interest in everything Celtic, Irish, Welsh, Scottish and to medieval Britain. The Celts and the Irish are by far, along with the Maya and the Inca, the civilizations I'm most drawn to. The Celts and the Irish have long fascinated me because of their legends, mythology, their beautiful songs and in case you didn't know the Irish ARE Celts (as are the Welsh, Scottish, the people of Brittany in France too and they still speak a Celtic language there too), but I'm distnguishing between the modern Welsh, Irish etc as opposed to the ancient Celts because a lot of their culture was annihilated by Rome and its Julius Ceasar who is *one* of the men in history I hate most and who if I was given the chance to become one person in history and change what they did in life - I would become him and prevent the atrocious killings of Celts and other massacres of nations and cultures, families, he committed!

My own Indian origins I wish I knew more of but I couldn't find much on Indian history and the ancestry and civilizations of Indians at Barnes and Nobles and anything I did find pertained to the Northern portion of India and my Indian roots are supposedly in the south.

I want to go one day to the western fringes of Ireland, Wales and Scotland, learn to speak the various Celtic languages still spoken and visit some of the museums that carry their artifacts. And if I ever become rich I'd produce a movie about the history of the Celts - their heroes and history is just AMAZING. There's one event recorded where Ceasar finally defeated a Celtic chief Vercingetorix who decimated a Roman army when it tried to the a Celtic town and this was a huge victory for the Celts after havng lost to Ceasar for 7 years now, but Ceasar exacted his revenge. Vercingetorix was going to finally unite the Celts as one (their tribal/clan-oriented with each type of Celt owing allegiance to his King or chief and to no other but with Rome slowly killing off the great nations of Celts, they finally started seeing that they had to be unified). So Vercingetorix, about 50 years or so before Christ was born, had a huge battle with Cesar in a place called Alesia and he had stockpiled enough food to last him, the city and its soldiers 30 days, but Cesear devised these siege traps that made sure that no one in the city could escape for food once they ran out, and so that no one could enter in to the city to help. When the food ran out, and people were dying trying to get food, facing his people's starvation, Vercingetorix accepted responsibility for the failed revolt and told his people he did this for national liberty and told them they could make amends to the Romans by killing him or surrendering him alive (recorded from Witnesses by Ceasar himself because the Celts didn't record any of their history so who knows how biased Ceasar made it) - anywayz, the people surrendered Verc alive and the gates opened and he rode tall and proud on his horse (the Celts were reknown for their horsemanship and use of war horses) and he was wearing realy fine celtic clothing, silver etc and he descended the hill of his beautiful cit and made a ritual sunwise circle around the dais where Ceasar sat surrounded by his generals and when he dismounted, he threw aside his weapons and offered himself to Ceasar. What awaited him was being chained and dragged through the streets of Rome and only 6 years LATER after Ceasar's named Dictator for Life of Rome, Ceasar exhibits the noble Verc in the Forum then has him strannged.

If you gus thought Braveheart was awesome, you'd love the amazing stories and history of the Celts and Irish etc.

Anywayz, it's getting late and I have work in the morning. See ya guys later :)

- Nishi

Friday, April 30, 2004
11:45 p.m. EST

THE FOLLOWING WRITINGS ARE COPYRIGHT NISHI RAJAN APRIL 30, 2004 AND THEY MAY NOT BE COPIED, PRINTED, DISTRIBUTED, TAKEN OR USED FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER VIA ANY FORMAT INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO PAPER, FAX OR E-MAIL AND MAY NOT BE MADE RENDERINGS OF IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM, AND MAY NOT BE COPIED AND PASTED VIA ANY MESSENGER SERVICES INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO AOL INSTANT MESSENGER, YAHOO OR ICQ BY ANY OTHER PERSON OTHER THAN NISHI RAJAN AND THOSE WHOM SHE GIVES EXPRESS SIGNED WRITTEN PERMISSION TO.

THOSE WHO DISREGARD THIS COPYRIGHT NOTICE WILL BURN IN HELL AND HAVE WORMS EAT THEIR SOULS. BWAHAHAHAHA. SERIOUSLY, HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR THE WORKS OF A GIRL WHO POURS HER LIFE AND HEART INTO HER WRITINGS AND DON'T STEAL HER STUFF. IT'S COPYRIGHTED HEREWITH ANYWAY.

I wrote these tonight......

Give In - Copyright Nishi Rajan April 30, 2004

I'm in trouble
I've developed a crush
Somehow you're managing to catch me
without even trying
How am I letting you get so far?
This is not like me...
This hasn't happened - in forever
It's throwing me off kilter
I want to grab you
and kiss you
devour you
and ravage you

make

you

mine

I want you to give in to me
Give in to me
I promise I won't hurt you
I just want to have you
& then give you back
none the wiser....
None the wiser
Give in to me
Give in.

Miscellanrous erotic prose - Copyright Nishi Rajan April 30, 2004

I want to sink my teeth
into your flesh
I want to lose myself
in your hands

When you make love to me
I want you to be gentle
I am scared of getting hurt

But when I make love to you
I want to let go and be a little rough
I would never hurt you
but I want you to be able
to handle a little of my animal-like lust.

I was in an extremely creative mood tonight. Been writing prose and poetry and song-writing all night. After work, Stephanie and I looked at some manga before heading over to my usual haunt, the Barnes & Noble Cafe at Union Square (I'm there almost every weekend) where we read, and I sat and drew and wrote. But I couldn't really write with Stephanie there I guess and when i got on the train home, the words started to flow.....

What's written above is everything I wrote on the train tonight. I'm not going to explain anything. It's all private thoughts and personal but I want to record it on here in case I lose the book I wrote them in.

DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT I WROTE. I WILL NOT ANSWER THEM.

I'm going back to B&N's this weekend to write more and study more because I'm working on some papers to win an award and 2 grants. My newest paper is one about the redistricting the Republicans did in Texas - called gerrymandering and how it's unconstitutional and akin to the racial redistricting that was outlawed. I have a lot of reading, research and writing to do on this so I'm going to use the "time off" I have from recording and working on the music to work on this this weekend. I'm still working on the mythology papers and the human rights violations paper too. I love Union Square and love the B&N cafe. :)

I thought I had a wedding to go to this weekend but turns out it's 2 weeks away which is good cause I hadn't bought a gift yet! LOL!

Anywayz....if it doesn't rain Sunday instead of B&N's I'll go meet friends for the Cherry Blossom Festival here in NY. My very first! Hope it doesn't rain but fear it will.

Lady *HUGS* and *sends you lots of my energy* :D hahaha thank you for the prayer for my dad and mom. I don't know how I keep up with everything that I do! Honestly it somehow manages to find a time and place to fit in on its own so I can do it. However I do only get 6-7 hours of sleep a night now as opposed to the 8-9 or possibly 10 I really need. So there's your answer I guess ;) Miyu-chan I love Juline! :) I bought SHaolin Sisters thinking it was a continuation of Juline but it's completely different! Why?

I'm gonna be up for a while working on stuff. See you guys tomorrow or later this weekend or next week. *HUGS*

- Nishi

Thursday, April 29, 2004
11:59 p.m.

Today was so gorgeous 70-something and sunny - my friend Stephanie and I picked up chinese food for lunch and also went to Midtown Comics where I picked up JULINE (one of my fave series) and DEMON DIARY (a new fave series - it's soooo funny) - I'm already almost finished.

Just got out of a nice, long and hot shower - felt good on my muscles which were worked very hard at tonight's boxing class (2 hours). Getting ready to eat some of my mummy's yummy home cookin' and watch my taped episode of tonight's Friends! :D

Too much chinese food - took Larise and Mark from work to a new chinese place that opened up near work on Tuesday too - those 2 are so funny and cool.

Alex cd is on hold right now because of personal things with my family - I'll update when it's on the roll again.

It's the funniest thing - normally when I walk around in the city and especially around where I work, I get hit on by a million skeevy guys. Today when I had my wrists wrapped and carried my boxing gloves to the class and back to the office at night afterwards - no guys hit on me! They took one look at the gloves and thought better! HAHAHA or maybe I looked repulsive in my I love NY t-shirt and hair all messy and sweaty. Point being I think I've found a successful deterrent to unwanted attention! Look messy and carry boxing gloves :) heheh I'm such a cheeseball.

Class was over at 8 and I made it back to work to change and get ready to go home. So surprised by how late people stay there working. The cute attorney (the one who got his hair shaved close to his head I mentioned before) was there too working late ;) A nice surprise cause he's got such a sweet smile ;) Still a temptation ;) hhahaha :)

Only one guy EVER made me almost give in to "temptation" and got through my "wall" of defenses that prevent guys, even ones I'm drawn to, from getting to me, and it was during the very 1st month when S and I were broken up the 1st time (we only ever broke up twice - the 2nd time stuck). The temptation, was a friend in one of my classes in college at the time, really cute north-indian, and he got through the wall because we were just friends and kept it at that level until he started hinting at thinking more of me which threw me off balance because until then it was only *I* who had thought I was somewhat drawn to him....I'd never imagined he'd feel something like that too and that's what started weakening the wall - nothing hits me more than when someone I'm friends with, whom I deem worthy enough to be drawn to, actually shows small signs of interest back - I remember once we were just talking and he laughed and I told him he had such a nice laugh and he laughed again and said thanks and then he let 15 seconds pass when he then said in a certain confidential like he was sharing a secret with me voice, "I think YOU have a great laugh." And he just looked at me briefly before leaving and that look and the way he said what he did clued me in that he was hinting at something more. That threw warning signs everywhere at me and of course I instantly drew all my defenses and made sure it stayed still as friends because I was positive S and I would get back together, but it was...delicious - knowing something was there but NOT pushing the envelope...I didn't let on to him that I thought something more of him, in fact I made it clear that I was still crazy about S. so as to deter cute Indian Temptation, but we kept on back and forth having subtle and more obvious hints at something more though never coming out with it....I was still puting up a wall....until I went out with friends this one night to a party and he was there and I was upset about the breakup with S and he finally went and hugged me and kissed the side of my head outdoors, at night while we sat on the front door steps of the house the party was at. I *almost* gave in.....he was so gorgeous, North-Indian and he was playing with my hair which melts my heart.....but back then S. was all whom I thought about and so that's when I decided to say I couldn't return his feelings, even though I was drawn. Now that I look back on it and see how S. and I turned out, maybe I should've seen where it would've gone with the Indian Temptation....he and I lost touch years ago though and I think he's married now? But yeah that's the only guy who made me give into temptation and really only because I was broken up with S. I never told S. about that I dont think - when he and I got back together I was back to eyes only for him.

Suffice it to say that I have to be going through a very hard and rocky time with the one I love and it has to look like it's almost or close to being over or in fact be over for me to give in to feelings for a guy I'm drawn to. Until then, I push away guys I'm drawn to and who might show interest (even though inside I'm elated ;)) and make sure I'm just good friends with them and nothing more. Besides that I already have really high standards for guys I'm drawn to anyway so temptations are *very few* and FAR between. There's only 1 guy friend and the 1 same cute attorney I work with who I'd deem right now to be biggest temptations if I was ever weak - and I won't be weak. No matter how many cute smiles...even if they're very very cute smiles.....or even if he smells really nice.....gosh darnit he really DID smell nice tonight! Something about tea tree oil shampoo? hahahahahah no I won't be weak :)

Anywayz, I'm really tired - don't think I'll watch Friends afterall (I know *gasp* - abomination, blasphemy - not watch Friends? - shut up already ;)) - I'll watch it tomorrow - lo and behold - my Rickers just called - he's in Orlando to go with his family to his sister's graduation. We're finally in the same time zone!! (He lives out in L.A., California - we've been long distance all these 3 years and see each other every 2-3 months, sometimes as long as 6 months. I just told him how much I loved him. I don't know who I'll end up with, don't know if Ricky and I will make it, but I do know I love him, and that I'll always love him - I don't think it's possible for me to lose love for those whom I have loved. I know I'll always love S., and should Ricky and I end and I fall for someone new, I'll still always love Ricky too.

Good lord what's made me ramble on and on tonight? Time to sleep. Night everybody!

- Nishi

Tuesday, April 27, 2004
11:53 p.m.

thanks guys *HUUUUGGGGGGGS* I love you :) my dad came home today and he seemed fine at first - was back on the phone talking to clients etc when I came home at 9:30pm but when he and mummy got ready to sleep around 10:30 (which is very late for them ;)) he just looked so tired and when I asked how he felt he said he didn't know! :( 3 stents...and "Veli Papa" - my oldest uncle who was my dad's oldest brother - died some years ago from a heart attack....it's scary to think papa now has heart-related troubles.....

And mummy too....both of them not the robut, energetic people they were a year ago in mummy's case and 2+ years in Papa's......I'm so worried about them.....worrying about them plagues my mind and gives me little peace.

Anywayz, I'm gonna pray to God in a lil bit and that always helps. I trust in Him infinitely.

I took 2 hours of boxing/kickboxing/san shou tonight....heavybag work too.....my arms got worked like crazy.....I'm going to have sleek toned arms in a very short time, I can feel it. Today's class made us do several "rounds" (typical in boxing where you duke it out for a certain number of rounds) and I was partnered up with a really tall guy and kicked, punches, jabbed, left hooked and everything at him and then him to me....kneed and kicked.....this went on for the full hour with heavy pads and the boxing gloves. There's also a real boxing ring in the center of the boxing gym that's used for the sparring and advanced "san da" boxing classes. I'll move up to that eventually. 2 hours was tough but I handled it well! I feel achy already and know I'll be sore as heck tomorrow.

I had my telescope class last night - was super interesting. I found out the name of the telescope I'm going to one day have built - a cassegrain telescope with an equatorial wedge so that the telescope is parrallel to the earth's tilt. Next Monday night we're going outside to view the night sky in the city with telescopes.

Tomorrow night I have my last Stars and Constellations class which is sad cause I LOVE the class. It's so freakin peaceful to sit there in the planetarium and stare up at the stars and hear about their legends in mythologies around the world etc etc......And none of the upcoming classes I've seen so far scheduled look interesting. Maybe they'll have more up once May starts.

it's almost midnight - way past my bedtime so must sleep. EVERYONE THANK YOU for your thoughts, prayers and well wishes - it meant a lot to me to see your msgs. *BIG HUGS* See you guys tomorrow night :)

- Nishi

Sunday, April 25, 2004
09:39 p.m.

oh my goodness....I just saw Starbucks' Nutrition Information - Calories in their White Chocolate Mocha etc....oh good god it's high - their whipped cream adds 100 extra calories - didn't they hear of 10-calorie whip cream?? ;) My usual White Chocholate mocha's 260 calories, 340 with whip cream in the winters, and when it's hot, I opt for the frappuccino version which is 240 calories and 340 with whip cream.......and their raisin oatmeal cookie which I had the other day - GOOD GOD - it's 390 calories!!! No wonder even though I've been eating healthy (for the most part) and working out, I haven't lost anything. Too many trips to Starbucks is bad for my waist line - not to mention horrible on my wallet.

I have more semi-bad news...my dad is going for another angiogram tomorrow...he might stay overnight at the hospital - he still gets weird chest pains and pains in shoulders and stuff...am worried about him :( I don't wanna talk about stuff to do with my folks though so I try to keep personal stuff like that out of this journal.....anywayz....

I think I am going to swear off fattening beverages and stick to water and low calorie water-like beverages like my fave Lipton Raspberry Iced-Tea....although Starbucks' caramel machiato iced is ONLY 140 calories so I can have that :) hehehe :D An iced caffe latte by the way is only 70 calories - how much caffeine is in that though?

I just finished reading this article in this month's Discover Magazine about eggs, sperms, reproduction etc etc - and how the qualities of eggs etc are affected 3 months before they even met up with sperms. Which means if I was looking to get pregnant - I'd have to abstain from alcohol and anything toxic or unhealthy from my body for at least 3 months before trying to conceive to make sure my eggs were of the best & healthiest quality genetically possible for me. And for men (women too) - cigarette smokers and weed smokers etc etc - are not only killing their lung tissues, cells and bodies, but also harming their sperm (eggs for women) and the future children they may have - scientists don't know till a child is born how - even if an egg appears to be a normal egg, and a normal zygote (fertilized egg) - how the zygoe/kid eventually is affected by poor conditions the parents were under when they conceived him/her - you might not know till the kid's in school - and even then many years later - that your kid's not as smart, physically tall or attractive or whatever because of genetic abnormalities that are a cause of the qualities of the sperm and egg. Of course, it can also be because of genetics alone, even if you had perfect sperms and eggs. The point is - take care of yourselves & your bodies.....you have only one life, only one body, and if you don't take care of yourself - not only are you affected but potentially your kids.

I think I'm going to make a conscious decision to no longer drink alcohol except very rarely - which is the case now anyway - I drink only if I go out with friends for lunch or dinner which itself is a rare occurrence these days. I'm not that *big* a fan of alcohol anyway - although I do enjoy drinks in moderation and at social gatherings - I like margaritas and amaretto sours but really, the 1/2 heavy, 1/2 light-headedness, dryness of the mouth etc that results always feels unhealthy....but that's probably because I've drunk more than I should and not enough water with it. But to know that not only is my body being damaged by it but that my eggs etc are affected...thus my future kids....makes me think a lot harder about what & how much I'm putting in my body.........this goes for caffeine too....

Speaking of kids and stuff....I'm looking forward to being a mother in 3-4 years (between age 30-31)......I've been planning the design of my future "mansion" ;) And it makes me think of my future family a lot....I want them to have as perfect genes as possible. My biggest fault is that I'm short. I'd love to give my kids tall genes - which I possibly have but the short genes took over ;) Ricky's gorgeous so the kids'd be great looking - but he has poor eyesight. I have 20-20 vision - or I did until I turned 21 anyway - I'm now 20/30 - my vision in my right eye is weaker. So Ricky said the kids should get his height and my eyes. Fair deal I say ;)

KARI hi there! I remember meeting you at the cels table! Nice to see you again :) We're both fans of Cathy! hahaha yaaay :D Memory u've never been to the MET? I forget but where exactly do you live again? *HUGS* Adrianne *HUGS* we should do a movie night one day M_JADE good luck with ur exams and that summer job!!! Indian wedding? North Indian or South? DANA I love carpet too but hardwood and stone and tile too..... :D *HUGS*

Night everyone!

- Nishi

Saturday, April 24, 2004
11:38 a.m.

I got a haircut! A FABULOUS haircut! So much better than what that horrible man did to my hair last October. I went to my regular hairdresser on the East side of Manhattan after work yesterday and told her I wanted my regular long layers etc etc and it came out gorgeous :D SOO HAPPY :D Ricky's getting a haircut too - I'm always worried when he goes for a haircut cause he jokes how he'll shave his head bald and I go ballistic cause I don't like his hair really shaved close - he looks amazing with that nice hair of his a lil thick. Speaking of haircuts and shaved heads - that cute attorney at work I told you guys about - he came in yesterday with a haircut too - hair shaved totally close to the head and I take it back, he's not cute - HE'S HOT!!!!! I was just all 'wow' - some guys can really pull it off - he even looked all muscular and stuff. ANDREW if ur reading this don't laugh! hahahah he was cute and adorable before but now he's hot with that haircut ;) Don't tell him I ever thought so though cause I don't want to embarrass him!

In other news - Cathy's engaged! The comic strip Cathy! The one I read since I was a little kid Cathy! HOLY MOLY! That's cool! Wonder how many years they'll stretch the engagement plot line hahaha :D

I'm soooooo happy because I got my Yahoo! Japan clippings and furoku of Yui Ayumi's nakayoshi manga DELICIOUS! - I've managed, I think, to collect all the color pages and even the bento box and chop sticks! I'll put pictures up later. I need to head to a kinkos or beg my folks to get me a scanner as a belated birthday present so I can scan this stuff for my Yui Ayumi's Delicious! Manga website. The Marmalade Boy color clippings arrived too and I found SOOO many images I'd never seen before in the artbook! I hope one day they put out an ERIKA KURAHASHI artbook! ;) Would love to have all the MAX Lovely images!

Helping my folks today, going to the city to shop for a bag, and generally just BE. No recording today cause I haven't been able to get in touch with Mike or Tyga. I've got to call Tyga today and find out what's up and what we're doing. Mike, I think, is probably not my friend anymore cause he won't return any of my calls and didn't even answer my emails. Last time he and I talked, we were cool so I don't know what happened since. If you're reading this Mike - CALL ME gosh darnit! We should talk and if something's bothering you, we should work it out! Friends don't just cut each other off - if something I said or did bugged you - tell me! I'll do what I can to make up for it.

Ok mum's calling and I gotta go wash dishes and help clean. *HUGS* to all and see you later.

- Nishi

Thursday, April 22, 2004
11:15 p.m.

I lloooooovvvveeeeeeeee my boxing class I started tonight. It's boxing/kickboxing in martial arts format. I'm learning San Shou Boxing/Kickboxing and also doing 'Fitness Kickboxing' - I got my gloves today - they're huge and the long wrist band tie thing you wrap around ur hands and wrist befor eu put ur hand in the gloves. I spent the first half hour of class doing intense cardio and the latter 30 minutes doing punching bag work with kicks, punches etc and it was also intense - great way to get rid of stress - and LORD do my arms feel great :) I'll have amazing arms after 2-3 months of this. At the end, the instructor made us do 50 full sit-ups with punches across to our partner's hands so we worked out obliques. I think my stomach may feel it tomorrow ;)

I used my Ricky's Barnes and Nobles card to get free order of "Vampire Game, Volume 6", "Wild Act, Volume 6", "Psychic Academy Volume 2" and "Kare Kano, Volume 9" hehehe should be arriving next week - before anyone gets it in the stores :) BWAHAHAH I feel all VIP ;) Just go and order if rom BN.com so you don't have to wait at the stores forever.

The Asimov Debate yesterday - agh I'll write on it later sometime - maybe not ;)

I wrote something earlier about my 1st true love...small poem....prose...free style...whatever....it's nothing....

The Test of Time
years have passed since we last loved
we two - who would have given all the world to be together
it's sad how things came to pass
sad that even years later, the memories make me cry
I wish they hadn't ended the way they did
It was our love that first taught us how to love
Our love which taught us so many things about life and each other
Your love gave me songs, tears, smiles and laughter
It brought me my greatest and my worst times
Once I thought it would have been better to never have loved you at all
Sometimes, when the pain is great, I still think so
But other times, I can't imagine not having loved you
Not having been loved by you
You made me the happiest girl in the world
and for a while, I made you the happiest man
Days, Weeks, Months and Years passed....
We became one of those couples we used to talk about
the ones who just, for whatever reason, didn't make it
Where we once thought we were invincible and were in some ways so much better than other couples
We were shown wrong...
Now my songs sing my pain...all the pain still buried inside
As I watch you move on with your life
Our love and our past just a chapter in the story of your life
I wish things had been easier.....
Would things have been different? Changed?
Probably not - neither of us would be who we are today if things had been different...
And you...for whatever reasons you gave, which I don't believe any to be right....
Given what we had against us....all that distance and time...
Your decision was probably inevitible.
We didn't know then what we know now
But that makes all the difference - because you made your decision despite that - despite us....and it was conscious
And because of that, I realized....
Some things do not pass the test of time
Not even you and your love....which was the dearest thing I'd ever had
We failed it...or it failed us.
And for that reason, I will always cry.

....anywayz....I'm going to talk to my Ricky now....who is the man I love with all my heart now.....and through whose love, helped heal a lot of the above pain....even though I don't think I'll ever really heal.....stupid ain't I? To still be hurt by an old love? Maybe not stupid...but it sure feels stupid to get upset and cry about it.....I don't know....

For anyone out there who is going through or went through what I did, pray - a lot....God helped me.....and truly KNOW that you will love again and be loved again - in the case of a first love - nothing could ever be like that again - but what follows can be different and just as beautiful - not better, not worse....but beautiful and special in its own separate and wonderful way. My two loves - S. and Ricky.....my love for them is for so many different reasons........I can't compare them at all and if *I* who didn't think it possible to love someone again the way I loved S. CAN and DID love again - so can you. Trust me on that and pray to God fervently. He doesn't want us to be unhappy and his gift of Love will be given to us many, many times through Him and through people he sends to us. You'll probably net get over that person you love/d so much......and that's ok....they can stay in your heart....but you HAVE to move on.....there's a great big beautiful world out there....amazing things to see, do, try, eat! :D Love will be there for you again just how it was there for you in the past relationship.....you were meant to love and be loved.....

- Nishi <-- who's gonna get off her soap box now ;)

Wednesday, April 21, 2004
11:39 p.m.

The Isaac Asimov Memorial Debate tonight at the Hayden Planetarium about dark matter, dark energy etc etc was AWESOME. It was absolutely fascinating! I should go to more of these kinds of things - it was so cool to be in a huge auditorium packed (it was sold out) with people just like me who were either very interested or curious about all this stuff....I just got home now at 11pm and am exhausted and need to sleep now for work tomorrow. I'll write more on it tomorrow.

Hope you're all having a wonderful night. Tomorrow night's a NEW EPISODE OF FRIENDS! Only 3 more to go *sob* I have my VCR set to record!

M_Jade I'll respond to ur msg tomorrow *HUGS*

- Nishi

Tuesday, April 20, 2004
10:10 p.m.

Eddy and Rachel thanks for caring guys and I appreciate it very much but really I don't want advice on these matters ok? *HUGS* I know you guys only want my best interest and ur msgs showed a lot of affection and care, and I am thankful and *greatful* for that but I'm fine and quite capable of handling this :) The entry was meant merely for me to vent at that moment and I'm definitely over the sadness I felt that night. However, just for future note, when I write on things like that, other than msgs to let me know u came by and are there for me, don't discuss my entry. I should've put an after-note such as 'no responses to this entry in the message box please' but I didn't think to that night.

Anywayz *HUGS* to you both and thank you! I am truly glad you guys were there with your support :)

M_Jade & Lady *hugs* to you two as well :) thank you very, very much :) M_Jade how's everything on your end? LADY - I need to stop by your journal sometime soon - I've been so busy haven't bloghopped in a while.

As for my 1st true love (God I loved him so) - I know in my heart I still love him very much (or who knows, maybe the memories of how he was while we were together, who he was with me that I still love) and have just buried it all very deep so I could move on.....I think if he was reading this now he'd be angry that I talk about this stuff....I guess my mistake has always been that I talk too much about things I should leave private but I can't help it - it's my nature to express, write, to get things out and the reason to do so on this online journal, as opposed to my multitude of hardcover journals, is that I know my friends and even a few strangers might be reading this who might somehow share in my happiness and sorrow and to know they are there sharing in my sad times and good times makes me feel not alone. It could be a very bad thing to let people into one's life like this - to open yourself to outside interpretations, outisde opinions, to let other people think they know anything about you when they really don't just cause they read your entries, to let anyone think they have enough knowledge to talk to you about what you write - no matter how much you try to limit and control it, but at the same time, to NOT do it....is stifling...is.....at least in my eyes...to stay closed up and not let people in and that's very lonely. For me, writing, sharing and talking about myself with friends, in my real life and through this journal, has always helped me. Combining the writing and sharing with friends in this journal is great. Anything that is really too private or that in retrospect I feel is private I either don't write or edit out later.

By the way, to my friends in real life who read this and whom I see on a daily, or even once in a blue moon, basis, or on AIM: don't talk to me about this journal and what I write unless I bring it up with you k? This is a not-so-private outlet but I still want you to respect the fact that although I have no problem with anyone reading what I write, i do have a problem with people thinking they can actually TALK to me about anything I write. Respect that please and don't talk to me about my stuff cause if you do, I will get very angry and probably scream at you and tell you to piss off and then I won't talk to you :) heheheh yeah. I got my dad's temper.

SO ANYWAYZ!!!!! :D I love Mermaid Melody Pichi Pichi Pitch but I can't find ANYONE FANSUBBING IT ON VHS! No dvd player yet (I know, I know ;)) and I can't download any episodes onto my computer cause I still use Windows95 here (I know, I know! ;)) and I'm running out of space and need to get a new computer when I have some spending cash which will be in like 2007 ;) It's suchhhhhhh a good manga and I can't wait to watch the anime version of it.

Tomorrow night's the ASIMOV DEBATE at the Hayden Planetarium - discussing Dark Matter, Dark Energy, Black Holes and all things dark and mysterious in our universe. You might think it sounds nerdy and boring but trust me, this stuff blows your mind! It's fascinating and fun. I love astronomy.

Anywayz, I need to sleep and read another chapter of a new book I'm reading: "The Golden Ratio" all about the number I started being fascinated by in 'The DaVinci Code' - the number PHI - 1.618 (Not pi which is 3.14 etc etc) - PHI is the magic number by which our whole universe is designed, including our human body. I'll talk more about it another night. Good night one and all.

- Nishi

Sunday, April 18, 2004
10:29 p.m.

I should be going to sleep right now but I have to write. My 1st true love IMed me tonight...I thought he just wanted to catch up as we sometimes, once in a blue moon, do, but after catching up turns out he wanted to ask me to send back all the pictures he ever sent me - we were in love for 4.5 years long distance. Of course I was like bright and smiley, sure sure, but after a few seconds it hit me hard. He's getting married so of course he'd want all those pics back. But some of them were meant just for my eyes...I haven't looked at them since Feb. of 2002, but I always thought I'd just get to keep them, untouched. Now it's like...one of the very last things I have to remember him by - the way I used to love him anyway - are going to be gone. I'm crying so hard right now....I loved him so much....so much.....why am I crying...dammit.....it really hurts....

Sunday, April 18, 2004
10:09 a.m.

I went jogging last night and it was so nice to see the daylight last past 7:30. Took mummy walking for a half hour. She was telling me how her muscles get achy and tired after any stressful activity like the other day when she was cleaning her bathroom and floor she felt sore the next day. I'm worried about how she might be in 20 years. My mom is so freaking gorgeous - she's 52 and yet she looks 35 and she and papa went to this event near home yesterday afternoon and she dressed up in a pretty sari and she just looked wow. I'm praying that whatever is making my mom sick goes away and leaves her back the way she was in September before it made her sick.

Gonna go jogging again now....another beautiful day! 70-something again.....tomorrow's supposed to be 84? And 73 again on Tuesday before we go back to 60's and rain on Wednesday. I don't wanna waste this beautiful day in-doors.

I'm going to get all philosophical for a moment.....whenever I studied astronomy in the past, and moreso now since I'm taking active participation in classes now, I've always been disturbed by the fact that scientists talk about the fate of our planet, the universe etc. How our sun is destined to expand and eat up the planets, Earth included, within its radiation, how life on Earth will be impossible millions of years from now, how the sun will explode changing into (I forget) something else, and as I'm learning all this....I got really sad and this is where I'm going to sound all weird and stuff but hell it's my journal and I can talk weird on it. I love this Earth....it's so amazing....the fact we have so many creatures, birds, oceans, amazing mountains, forests, rainbows, everything is an awe-filled and wonderful creation - the most amazing be us humans......when I think about this beautiful day...the sun shining, the lake outside, the beach and just LIFE as we know it, and then the vast universe outside....stars being born, exploding, dying, planets forming, existing for millions of years then burning out when their core no longer produces anything, or being bounced around by other galaxies.....even though we'll all probably be dead and humanity may not even exist when all this happens....it's just "foundation-shattering" to think that something you know, love, and take for granted, like the Earth could not be here one day....that everything the way we know it - our delicate ecosystem and balance of atmosphere, nature, sun - all of it - might collapse and be no more. When I think about all that and realize how short our time is on this planet....you and I could die tomorrow, 5 years from now, 10 years - what the hell are we doing with our lives on this planet? If I knew I was gong to die 5 years from now, I'd do so many things....change so much.....what's stopping me from doing that now? The only thought that I have lots of time. What if that's just not true......and I want to keep this planet safe and cared for for my children and their children.....

Stuff like this makes you re-evaluate what you're doing in life, how you're doing things......you realize that the trivial day to day things and even the major life things can be taken in stride - that compared to the magnitude and magnificence of LIFE and all that it implies, the world and the stars, heavens, all the universe......you realize you can't fear, you can't run away from things, you can't put things off. Life is here, today, now....take it, grab it, live it. Don't miss a second. Make things happen in your life. Make it what you want it to be, cause nobody else is going to do it for you. Don't take avantage of what you have - make the most of it. And always, always tell the people close to you how much you love them, because when life runs out, all that matters is them.

End of my philosophical stuff. ;)

ok I'm out now.

Rachel that;s true! you can read all day! LOL! I envy you! I'd love to just read all day at a job ;) I hope you get it!

- Nishi

Saturday, April 17, 2004
12:08 p.m.

oh my god it's a freakin beautiful day! 70-something, bright warm and sunny! I woke up and opened all the windows in my room and the sounds of ducks, birds and everything out on the lake and in the woods came back at me :) A good way to wake up especially after this disturbing dream I had - but it's probably cause I was reading this new manga called ORORON or The Demon Ororon which Tokyopop just published - go get it and read!!! The dream I had was probably off it cause in the dream there was this weird baby/child who kept going to this dangerous area where I knew evil stuff was and I rescued it and it/she/he(?) looked at me and said that it would bring me to the brink of hell and I was like "No! I'll save you!" and I brought it back up to where it was safe. Lots more in that dream but don't feel like writing it. The Ororon series is all about angels and demons and heaven and hell which is why I think the dream was as a result of reading this before I went to sleep ;)

Spending this gorgeous day mopping the floors for mummy and cleaning the bathroom - fun fun I know. But hopefully I'll get done in another hour or so and can rest with her outside in the sun. Maybe go for a jog.

sunny days have a way of making everything look good......

Anywayz, Crystal thank you :) *HUGS* you always cheer me up - I adore you! Rachel a job at the library sounds awesome! I never worked at a library but now that I think about it, probably working near books would be peaceful - but what if it's boring? You don't do anything except help people with books all day - but mmmm I love the smell of books....and money...love the smell of a crisp new dollar bill....and freshly mowed grass....and toast...and cinnabuns....I'm hungry.....

I'm gonna go eat.

- Nishi

Thursday, April 15, 2004
06:17 p.m.

It's 6:07 and I'm hanging out at work (can you believe I'm actually hanging out at work and having fun?! :) hahaha) waiting to meet a friend for a quick dinner tonight. Seraph *HUG* thank you very much! Lots of things were bothering me but I trust in Him too :) *HUUGGG*

my dad and I got into a huge fight this morning - the details of which I won't write here but it was really awful.....just basically him blowing up at me for not agreeing with the way he sees something to do with my bank and getting paper statements as opposed to online statments (I choose the latter) and it just blew all out of proportion.

I know that as children age, no matter how old we get (and I'm 27 now) that parents never stop seeing us as children and wanting to guide us and "control" our decisions in finances and many other areas - at least until we get married anyway. Once you get married, you're suddenly no longer under their thumb, so to speak.....

Hey Andrew if you see this *HUGS* you're mediocre at best at playing ball ;) hahaha kidding :) I'm so glad you IMed me last night! It was a lot of fun talking to you although I was going nuts trying to figure out who you were :) See you on IM tonight or at work tomorrow.

Anywayz, I need to get going and I will see you all later. Hope you're all having a great week. Sarah Beth if you're reading this I am very sorry for not having called you yet to wish you congratulations. *big hugs* will call tonight or tomorrow. LOVE YOU!

- Nishi

Wednesday, April 14, 2004
05:38 p.m.

Updated at 10pm BELOW
I'm writing from work waiting till 6 so I can go to my class tonight. Stephanie from work took me to a great chinese pastry shop that sold the raisin twists and chinese chocolate cakes and other pastries I love which AREN'T fattening or so bad for u ;)

I have things on my mind...plaguing me....can't get any peace.....*sigh* God give me peace and keep me, loved ones, and our lives safe......please make sure no one is doing us harm - in any way.

I really wanna write or sing right now....no time really.....just hold it in till I get home tonight.....

Rachel don't worry about it! :) Just glad you still drop by now and then :)

too much....so much on my mind....and I'm not feeling too good either - think the weather is making me a lil sick....

Updated at 10pm
I love my friend Neil! I left work today a bit upset from everything on my mind but feeling a lot better after a call to Neil and talking all my worries and things out with him. He's one of my oldest college friends who I'm still in touch with and I'm so greatful for that - he managed to make me feel centered and back on track again, even though I did burst into tears on him - and at work too! ;) but it's ok cause it was 6pm and work had been over for an hour and only the people I like best were there anyway to see or hear my blubbering and they're so cool they act like they didn't hear or see anything :) I work with awesome people.

Neil if you see this *HUGGGG* I am so glad you're my friend. Thank you :)

I went to my astro class today and loved every minute of it. As soon as I stepped into it and the room filled with stars I felt at peace. How can one worry about their day to day affairs when faced with the magnitude and wonder of the universe above you? I got lost in stories and education about the southern hemisphere which I'm ashamed to say that until now I never bothered to study or learn more about ;) But it's a very boring sky hemisphere in my opinion with only a few really cool legends and only a few really encaptivating constellations like the Cross/Crux and the ship & centaur......I brought my binoculars with me and was able to see the deep sky objects they pointed out that the people without binocs couldn't see - was really cool.

I keep meaning to bring a camera with me to take pictures of the "fossils" they constructed along the subway wall when you go downtown from the Hayden Planetarium's 79th street subway entrance - the "fossils" are really cool and there're so much detail and thought put into the design and decoration of the subway station there that I really want to take the time to photograph it - it's too easy to walk by and simply gaze and smile and then forget about it - I wanna remember it.

Speaking about the subway - usually New Yorkers are cool but every once in a while you meet the weird characters which make up all those crazy stories you hear about the NY subway - tonight for instance some crazy woman got on the C train with me downtown from the planetrium and she's mouthing off about something or other - on cue - everyone of us in the car of the train avert our eyes and look ANYWHERE but at the crazy woman cause we know that if we somehow look at her she might start screaming at us and God knows what else might happen. Lesson to visitors to NY - don't look or talk to crazy ppl! ;)

New Yorkers are too mistrustful I think - USA in general is too mistrustful and fearful of everyone around them - we all think the person to the left or right of us might be out to get us, steal our wallets, harm our children. We tend to forget that majority of people are just like us - normal, decent, kind people. We forget that fact amongst all the news and experiences of A$$holes and thieves and wackos.

I just got home now at 10pm and am aching to sleep. Need to wash my face and deep moisturize - haven't been taking care of my skin since I started working almost 3 weeks ago and I really need to. Hope you're all having a good night and staying dry in this horrid NY rain or wherever u are. *HUGS* to all.

- Nishi

Tuesday, April 13, 2004
08:51 p.m.

my poor rickers *MWAH* he got to work at 5am PST because he had to "work with" India today - he's a consultant for one of the top consulting firms in the nation - he wasn't able to call me almost all day and when he did I missed his call :( So he's been busy all day....long distance sucks but even if he were here he'd be busy working all day too.....I miss him :( I miss his hugs....most of all I miss the way he touches my hair......I turn into a puppy in his hands ;) LOL!

Anyway......my mom got laid off from her job officially (she's a nurse) because the county medical center she was working on is bankrupt and they're laying off tons of nurses and staff. It's so sad. My mom - because of her sickness this last fall - hasn't worked since this Sept/Oct. She's better now but the second she has to stress herself physically, she relapses - gets all weak and tired :(

When she told me this on the train all I could think in my head is "I have to make it - not just for myself, but for my parents." My folks worked SO HARD their whole life to make a good living for my sisters and I......they went through hell over and over....and now, they're both 52 and they deserve a good life - worry-free, I want to give them that. They shouldn't have to work hard for their money anymore. I HAVE TO MAKE IT with my music. I just have to. I want to be able to make so much money that my parents never have to worry about money again.

I love them a whole lot and they and my sisters mean everything to me.

My music can do it...those songs...my heart and my life are in them.......I want so badly for the world to hear the songs, to hear the words...to be moved.....and any success from it will help give my folks the life they've sacrificed a lot to try and achieve. It's what I owe them after they gave me all my education, and all their love.

Work was nice today...I got my computer to use at work and wow is it nice! Only hitch is no internet! Rats! Everyday I meet more characters at work - they all crack me up :) For instance this one guy was telling me about his pet cat and how when he goes home, it's there waiting for him and then he tells me a REALLY weird thing - he thinks his cat is possibly someone he knew in a past life. @.@ <--- eyes bugging out. James is another character whose whole personality is pure entertainment - he's a sweetheart and I wish I could find a girl just right for him. And John and Sean are 2 other characters who I love to talk to - they're both so much fun and funny as heck - somehow we got onto the topic of men who date younger women and women who date younger men and all which that topic can engender and it was too funny :) My feeling on it? If you're 25 & over and emotionally & mentally mature, date people 25 and over - men, women, bisexual whatever! If you're going to date someone 18-24, make sure the girl/guy is mature enough to be with you - unless it's just supposed to be a fling in which case anything goes EXCEPT ILLEGAL BELOW 18! That's just never right.

lord ;) Anywayz, must spend time with the parental units. See ya guys later :) AlfaTrion hahahah I don't have time either but I try to make time always :) Thank you and nice to meet u :)

- Nishi

Monday, April 12, 2004
06:18 p.m.

Updated at 9:00pm BELOW
oh godddddddd my feet hurt!! I wore these high heel stilettos (or however u spell it) for this dinner tonight and aghhhhhhhh I'm in pain! I'm here at work late earning overtime as I wait to go.

Miyu-chan way too expensive. I'll tell you on IM when I see you next. Memory thank you sweetie! You too!! :) Lee hahaha :) thanks babe but SHHH don't say stuff like that ;)

Can't wait to go home tonight and finally sleep! My sisters won't be home anymore so it'll be sad :( Easter was fun with them here - we shopped, talked, did all the sisterly things we usually do - I helped them with their cover letters and resumes - Mek and Mil got a new apartment in Long Island - only 1 bedroom but they're happy about it :).....anywayz, time to go soon - see ya guys later :)

Updated at 9:00pm
Ok that was at 6-something - the dinner got cancelled! Which sucks cause I got dressed up, wore these painful shoes, and even stayed at work till 6:42pm! But it's alright cause I was really gosh darn tired and I'm glad to be home. For church yesterday (Easter Sunday) we got up at 5:30am so I'm looking fwd to sleep tonight :)

House is so empty without my sisters :( We're all really close and loving - touchy feely too. I used to think it was just me who was touchy feely with friends and family but I saw it in my sisters too so I'm normal - it's genetic ;)

Rainy and windy night out tonight....even though it's night, I have the blinds in front of my desk here open and I'm looking out the window at the lake with the rain falling - it's so pretty......once when I was probably 11 or 12 I went out at I think 10:30pm really late at night at the old house (in the middle of the woods) while it was drizzling softly and it was the eeriest thing....there were almost no animals anywhere except for the occasional bird or squirrel and even they were tucked away in the trees....I was standing on my deck with an umbrella hoping my parents wouldn't wake up and I walked around the backyard....kind of spooked cause I've always been scared of ghosts and demons and stuff like that but at the same time I just felt like doing that at that moment.....it feels like that right now outside....like I could go outside here in the new home and be like when I was at 11/12.......

I am so inspired that I just finished writing this short story. Hope you guys enjoy :) It's nothing big so don't go expecting much! Just some dribble that I wanted to get out.

The Mothers and Fathers of Earth

Silly isn't it? But agh I just wanted to write. I'm tired now. Going to dress in something muy comfortable for work tomorrow - you feel so much more tired and drained when your feet are sore or in pain. Good night everybody and see u tomorrow.

- Nishi

Friday, April 9, 2004
11:16 p.m. EST

wow what a DAY. I just got off the phone with a friend who was upset about a misunderstanding or something of the sort and I think we cleared everything straight but not sure....things feel weird still...I hope they get better.

my ricky's sick and is coughing and stuff. *MWAH* sweetiepea - I hope you feel better! Church was longgggggg and when I got home I curled up in bed and slept for 3 hours....weird dreams though.......I can't get over one of the dreams I had.......maybe it has something to do with the wednesday's astronomy class......I was in the middle of the universe....everything was black with cloudy white light emanating from the stars and I was looking out from the sun - actually I think i was sitting ON the sun or inside the sun - and I was figuring something out...something about how we as humans have a skewed view of the universe.....that we look out and see the planets and stars....but if you look out from the sun you see something else....and I can't remember what it WAS - it was like EUREKA! One of those lightning struck me and now I know the meaning of E=MC2 etc etc, and now I forgot it. It was scary though cause I didn't think i could get out of the center of space now that i was there and I couldn't return back home to reality. Freakin weird dream.

We only had a 1/2 day at work today which was cool :) I changed into my salvar there and was able to rush out and catch the train in time. People are so sweet at work. Yesterday, I was staying late cause I had to wait to take a train home so my folks could pick me up from the train station for church again.

Just finished praying to God - I needed strength and guidance in a lot of things. I feel closer to God when I pray straight to Him from my heart, here alone in my room. I wouldn't describe myself as religious but more a believer in God and devout worshipper of God alone.

Even though I slept I'm still sleepy. Have church early again tomorrow morning. Hope you're all having a great weekend and if I don't write again this weekend have a Happy Easter!!

Miyu-chan I might not take the aikido class I saw this week - it's way more expensive than i thought and I wasn't excited by what I was seeing - I'd rather take formal karate classes instead. But miyu-chan ur the karate expert - you're even going to teach! Move down here and be closer to me and teach!!! Yes that's an order! :) *HUGS* we still need to do that road trip thing ya know? Crystal *HUGS* you counted stars with your grandpa? That's so adorable! I've been fascinated by the stars and the sky for as long as I can remember. There's this one photo of me when I was 3 or so back in New Delhi wearing this pretty dress and it's night time and I'm pointing up at the stars. So you could say I've been in love with the stars since I was 3 ;) Wish I coulda done something like that with one of my grandfathers - that's really cool *HUGS*

ok gnight people. Sweet dreams.

- Nishi

Wednesday, April 7, 2004
10:24 p.m.

I love my astronomy classes at the planetarium - I can identify over 50 different northern and southern constellations in the sky now :) I observed the moon and stars with my binoculars the other night when the moon was gorgeously almost full - I actually saw so much detail than ever before and it was really amazing....to see something you never saw before on the moon....go get binoculars or a telescope and look for yourself! You'll see what I mean!

I just got home now at 10pm-ish and mummy had set out for me a plate of food with cungi (boiled rice in boiled water - flavored to taste good!) with her special green beans and this sweet raisin appam (uppam?) and even a glass of water - she thought of everything :) I love my papa and mummy :)

My 3 younger sisters are all coming home tomorrow and Friday!!! YAAAY! Easter baskets - gotta buy them for us all and easter egg coloring! We're gonna have fun dangitall! I wanna get the people I know best at work something for easter too but not sure what or where to go for it. Maybe tomorrow night....

so sleepy....eyes closing......g'night!

- Nishi

Monday, April 5, 2004
08:06 p.m.

mmmm I'm homeeee :) hot cocoa, my mom's yummy food, I'm happy :) I have news - starting next week, I'll be studying the martial art form(?) "Aikido" - it even teaches weapons too one day a week. There's a special discount and other things at the place I'm taking the class so I'm not paying a lot (thank goodness since with this job's salary you don't get much after taxes). I'll be taking some dance and fitness classes I found out about too soon. And this is in addition to the astronomy etc courses I'm already taking for fun ;)

Work today was fun again :) I stayed late to finish up work on a motion, and so I could catch the 6:45 Aikido class, and while working I was talking to my supervising attorney - he's so so so cute! I don't know how he could be single - he's Irish I think with red hair and just this really funny, smart and cool personality....I told Ricky on the phone during my train ride home tonight that if I was single, I'd totally have a crush on him. I hope I don't already have a crush on him ;) Anywayz!!

Long day and I just got home right now so am going to eat, take a long hot shower, maybe catch some tv and finish reading my new volumes of WEDDING PEACH #5 and CYBER IDOL MINK #1 <-- already love ths series! I'm going to check out the sports/fitness classes tomorrow night to make sure it's the place I want to join so it'll be another long day tomorrow.

See ya guys later.

UPDATED 9:22pm EST

JUST FOUND OUT I WON THE GORGEOUS CEL BELOW ON YAHOO! JAPAN AUCTIONS!!!!!!!!!! It's of Usagi and Mamoru in Episode 200 of Sailor Moon! AGHHHHHHHHHH *screams with joy* mine mine mine :D heehheheheeh

- Nishi

- Nishi

Friday, April 2, 2004
09:12 p.m.

mmmm Friday! I won't be able to write again this weekend after this cause I'll be in the studio all weekend recording the next song. We have to get a LOT done in the studio this weekend....need to rehearse the next song tonight...

I was reading the entry below and thinking about my old law firm I worked at. It was also a cool place with cool people and a good environment but it just wasn't something I loved and I realized WHY today for 2 reasons:

(1) the difference between the job then and the job now is that at the old firm, law and being lawyers was a HUGE part of the people's lives there, and at this new job - law is just a 9-5 job for almost everyone here & is a daytime career and we have other careers we want to make come true. At the old firm they truly enjoyed being lawyers in insurance defense litigation and THAT was their career, their priority although all of them also had lives and other things they did after work. It wasn't mine and that's why I love the new job better...it suits me better cause I can relax...I don't have to worry that I'm not putting law as a career with the firm as a priority....only so much as it fits the 9-5 calling.
(2) Plus, back then, all I felt like was a lawyer - I didn't have time for anything else...even though I left at 5, I didn't get home till 7/7:30, I was tired by 9, asleep 10/11 and then got up at 6am to catch the 7:19 train in again - law just felt like my LIFE back then and that's why I was so unhappy. Now, with the shorter commute, and only a 9-5 requirement, I'm MUCH more happier.

The people at my old law firm were great and cool people just like my current one. The 2 partners were super cool father-figures to me who were young fun guys. I feel sad that it ended like it did cause I would've liked to stay close. After them there was an of-counsel attorney whom I adored - if they were father-figures, he was "favorite grandfather-figure" :) After him came the senior attorneys, (no names to protect their privacy) but the male attorney "T" was this cool yet fiery guy who was funny and witty (attractive too but no ladies he's happily married ;)); he'd graduated from St. John's too and when I think of him "litigator" completely comes to mind - he's a born lawyer and a great one at that too. After him was this amazing girl "S" who when I think of her, the words "polished" and "glamorous" come to mind cause she always looked so poised, perfect and together - always knew her stuff, her cases, had gorgeous complexion, nails, hair. After her was "J" who has THE MOST GORGEOUS EYES! Hazel or green? I can't remember - she was funny and smart and just one of those talkative people who always has great stories and entertaining things to tell you - really cool. There was "P" who left the firm last summer after marriage and moved to Connecticut - I adored her and missed her a lot cause she was like a sister-figure to me there. Then there was the new attorney early last summer "S" who I also adored like crazy - she's SUPER funny and fun to talk to and just an amazingly warm and kind person - miss her a lot too. I loved the secretaries and paralegals there too! They were all just AWESOME - they were each funny and sweet people. I love my new job and everyone here but I feel sad about the old job and I guess all I can do now is just pray for them and pray for their best in life.

Anywayz, I've been writing way too long and need to rehearse tomorrow's song I'm recording and working the music on. I got the new FRUITS BASKET 2 yesterday and the new SEVEN OF SEVEN today with my friend Stephanie from work - she introduced me to OTAKUDEN on 8th street opposite Waverly Place in downtown Manhattan. They have tons of dvds of anime.

I'm out folks - see you guys on Monday I'm thinking.

- Nishi

Thursday, April 1, 2004
09:17 p.m.

every morning I notice the people on the train doing the daily NY commute...they look somber, absorbed in their newspapers and magazines or they're nodding off, some with their mouths hanging open...some, like me, gaze out the window at the cities and countryside passing by. I saw another train go by this morning and saw the same exact scenario in there...."like sardines in a can" came to mind but it was more than that....everybody looked so.....weird...lifeless....like this going to work and daily grind thing was so awful......I remember feeling like that last summer....but not anymore!!!! :) I'm still tired and sleepy and gaze out the window, but I love work :) Today I finished 2 motions to compel and began work on a motion to vacate a default judgment and throughout the whole day - it didn't feel like I was stressful working at all! So many people in the office make the work day fun - constantly joking, talking, I've never been at a place where although people were working, and working hard, they were also having fun with each other at the same exact time. I bought beautiful purple roses and potted pink tulips yesterday morning for my cubicle - everyone there works in cubicles, which at first I was like "umm cubicles?" but now I LOVE cause it keeps everyone right there and keeps things fun. I'm the kinda person who when I have to work, I focus and work but I like being able to come out of it and have people right there to chat with.

Anywayz, so lemme tell ya guys about the people at work a lil (no names of course to protect their privacy) but at the law firm there are 30+ attorneys in various departments (I'm in motions) and there's also discovery, EBTs, the regular court attorneys (I'll be going to court too when they need someone), and a ton more of paralegals and other employees......my supervisor is this really hysterically funny and very cute guy who's irish - has red hair - he's young, only 36 or so? Such a cutie! Next to him is this girl who has the best smile and a gorgeous figure to match - she also went to St. John's Law School and graduated a year before me, she's gettting married in 3 weeks! She's so cool! Then comes me, and after me is this pretty african american girl who told me about Bikram Yoga - where you do yoga in 100-degree heat! She's really cool too :) After her is another hysterical guy who sounds to me like he should be on stage performing cause he's that entertaining ;) After that is these 3 wonderful women and 1 other man who all just help make me feel good being there! They're a lot of fun to talk to and just really great people! After that are my anime and manga friends - lord can they draw! There's this other guy across from me who's a friendly flirt but he's really a good guy and he's just one of those guy who flirts as part of his personality - I'm kinda like that too - I don't encourage ANY guy but I mildly flirt and cajole just in the spirit of fun and nothing more. If I were single and had a crush on someone, it would be reallllllly hard for me to come out with it cause I'm too shy about my heart so the guy would always have to be the one to venture forward ;)

I can't wait for Easter! Sisters are coming home - I'm going to make them make Easter baskets with me! I wish Ricky could come for it - he'd have so much fun with us - he's never had a real Easter celebration western-style. I'm going to spend a little time studying my Japanese and chinese tonight. So behind on so much stuff. Oh - I forgot to write yesterday, but I took Ricky to see the CLOISTERS up at Ft. Triton Park above 190th Street in NYC. It's SOOOOO freaking gorgeous. Saw tons of things that I'd wished I could do to my house but never saw in real life anywhere - and I finally saw it there!

I think I might be recording this entire weekend. We HAVE to finish another song!!!! We're SOOOOO freakin behind!

AIIIISHAAAAA *HUGS* HAH! I wish I was staying fit - since Ricky came last Thursday night I haven't jogged - although I've been doing a lot of walking but I haven't done the abs or hips workout in a week and I never feel like I've worked out unless I've jogged or worked out like crazy for an hour. I'm glad ur back to blogging - I'll hop on over and check it out. Memory-chan *HUGS* how're u doing? Law? for real? are u sure???? REALLY SURE?????? ok........ :) Karine thank u so very much! I think u're really cool too!! :D Anime Lover good luck with your blog! Can't wait to see it and I KNOW it'll be gorgeous!

I'm off to read, study my languages, and SLEEP. GOD I NEED SLEEP. And pray....I really wanna pray to Him tonight.

- Nishi

Wednesday, March 31, 2004
10:59 p.m.

oh my god I didn't write since last Tuesday????????? holy heck here comes a huge recap:

I stayed up all night both Tuesday and Wednesday nights and all day Thursday working on my sites - the galleries on UsagiandMamoru.com are finished! :D

THURSDAY NIGHT AT MIDNIGHT - I PICKED RICKY UP!!!!! :) He visited my family and me for the weekend and we had SUCH a wonderful time!!! We spent Thursday and Friday in the city - took Ricky to the METROPLITAN MUSEUM again where we saw the Byzantine exhibit, and we sketched and drew lots of architectural things I was inspired by in designing my future house/mansion ;) We saw 'ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND' - GREAT MOVIE - though disturbing for me at places and I wished the ending would've been a little more fulfilling but REALLY GOOD!

We ate at yummy 'Singapore' restaurant in chinatown - Curry Mee noodle soup is YUMMY! :) We also saw the movie 'TAKING LIVES' Angelina Jolie was spectacular as always - only thing I didn't like was the french guy slapping/hitting her across the face and her saying 'it's alright' - it's NOT alright! Just because she fell for the guy - EVERYONE thought he was innocent - doesn't mean she gets a slap in the face - and the obligatory 'sorry, I never hit a girl' doesn't cut it - it's not a good example for audience members - especially men who are predisposed to violence towards women - it makes it look like it was ok to hit Angelina there - it's NOT!

Sunday Ricky came to the studyio with me and witnessed my reording and music session with Tyga and Crystal. He loved every minute of it. It was a lot of fun! :) Took Ricky back early Monday morning before I started my 1st day of the job. I miss him like CRAZY and we are SOOOOO in love :) We go through a lot he and I - we're different in a lot of ways and we sometimes fight and argue a lot but the love we share is healing and beautiful.

SO THE JOB - I LOVE MY JOB! I LOVE WORK! This job is a MILLION TIMES BETTER than my previous job! The people are AWESOME - everybody is just so much fun to be around - there are so MANY people - literally hundreds - and there are 3 friends I made who are anime and manga fans too and talented fan artists at that as well! I just LOVE the people in my motions department and my whole legal section. I can't believe I'm so happy with work - THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!! The only downside is that it doesn't pay as high as my previous job thought it pays well - and it IS still being an attorney that only does motions and court appearances on cases related to auto accidents etc etc etc - not the human rights and policy work I love - so as much as I love the people and the job itself - it still keeps me motivated to make my dreams of making it big on the pop charts, finish my album, and make ALL my dreams come true. HELP ME GOD PLEASE. I have faith and I will trust in Him.

I'd write a LOT more but I'm just exhausted! Had my class tonight after work and I haven't slept much at all in like 2 weeks. Tonight's first night I'm hoping to get a solid 8 hours, but considering it's like 2-3 minutes to 11 and I still need my Ricky-talk, who knows.

Nishi - my fellow name-holder hi! I have 3 sisters: Nithi, Mekha and Mili - the 2 Ms are the twins. RENCE-CHANNNNNNNN *HUGGGGGGGG* I'll see you online or on ur blog as SOON as I can! ANONYMOUSE hey you! 2 years huh? wow - you musta saw me through at least 3 blog-layouts ;) Weird how someone has read and known so much about me for 2 years but I know nothing about them ;) This one-way blog reading's no fair - I wanna know about YOU TOO! :)

Sorry if I forgot to write back to anyone who left a msg on my blog. Tomorrow night! PROMISE I'll write back then.

*HUGS* to all and night.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz - Nishi

Tuesday, March 23, 2004
06:50 p.m.

Evening folks :) The past 2 days I've been doing my normal 4-mile run and afterwards I put in the 8min Abs, 8min Buns, 8min-legs/thighs workout and I AM SO FREAKING SORE. These videos are a great investment! I'm gonna have rock hard abs and buns in no time ;) and once I add 'Hips & Thighs of Steel 2000' to the workout I'll never complain about my thighs again ;) LOL!

I stayed up till 5am once again last night working on Revolution: A Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne Shrine - the manga by Arina Tanemura - it has scanlations of the manga :D Go read!! I'm really happy with the layouts I came up with for the shrine and its inside pages - they're displayed below. Click on the link or the layouts below to go to the shrine and start reading the romantic, wonderful, gorgeous manga that is Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne!

I woke up only at 12:30, and after cherinding the coconut and washing dishes, spent a lil time online getting information on how to contact TOKYOPOP to get them to re-print the SAILORMOON MANGA in original right-to-left format and with all the original names, -chan and -san endings and wrote them a long letter telling them how happy SM fans like me would be to see new editions of SM manga, instead of seeing them selling out, going out of print, and not being restocked.

IF YOU'RE A SAILORMOON FAN and WANT TO SEE NEW EDITIONS OF SM MANGA do the following and request this:

Original right-to-left format
Original names, Chibi Usa instead of Rini, Usagi and Mamoru etc
No americanization ex: it was originally V-chan, not V-babe

Send emails and/or letters to all of the following:

TOKYOPOP
5900 Wilshire Blvd., Ste. 2000
Los Angeles, CA 90036-5020
E-mail: info@tokyopop.com

TOKYOPOP (Japan)
Aoyama Tajimaya Bldg., 8th Floor
Kita Aoyama 2-7-11, Minato-ku
Tokyo 107-0061 JAPAN
E-mail: kiyomif@tokyopop.com

Marketing Inquiries:
John Powers, Vice President, Marketing
E-mail: johnpp@tokyopop.com

Development Inquiries:
Steve Galloway, Executive Director of Development
E-mail: steveg@tokyopop.com

This is the letter I sent to them. Don't copy this letter but you may use it as a reference to help you write your own personal letters to them.

Hopefully one of them writes me back.

- Nishi

Monday, March 22, 2004
04:45 p.m.

what a weekend and day I had! Saturday night 8pmish I was at the studio where we worked all night till 6:12 a.m. Sunday morning on Hush. I slept there and Ish's girlfriend Keyshawn made breakfast for all of us - she's so cool and she has cool kids - esp. the girl Nora who's only 8 but boy can she talk! Ish is Tyga's cousin (short for Ishmael) and the song is 97% done - it needs thunder, wind, a certain beat in the chorus and to be mastered, remastered and it's done! We'll be fixing all that next Sunday. The song sounds great but it'll still not quite what I heard in my head when I wrote it and came up with the music..I'm hoping we can perfect it next Sunday.

I didn't come back home till after 8 last night. So exhausted, I slept till almost noon today. I went for my 4 mile jog this afternoon - so cold outside - it felt great although my knees are starting to hurt - I need new sneakers I think. Everytime my knees start to hurt it means the sneakers have gotten worn out. After that, I put in 8min. Abs, 8min. Buns with 8min Legs and worked out to that. Ricky got them for me per my request as belated birthday presents. 8min abs was really hard - my abs are in bad shape, 8min buns was medium-hard and the legs was really easy so it's a good thing Ricky got me "Hips & Thighs of Steel 2000" to I can make sure to get a good workout on those areas. You're supposed to do the 8min workouts every day and I definitely will.

I got the formal offer today for the job! :) I'm making less than I was before at my last attorney position but considering it's only 9-5 - I think it's a sweet deal for any attorney. I start next Monday 9am - personal injury law - since a lot of it's auto cases, it'll be similar to the auto stuff I did as an insurance defense lawyer.

My Law of Physics class is tonight in the city at 7:30 so I'm gonna stretch, shower, eat lunch/dinner and go catch the train. *HUGS* to Memory and Nescase it's pretty artwork isn't it? I'm glad you like A Dream I Dream :) M_Jade *HUGS* hahaha devotion ;) I'm jst passionate about the stuff I love and want to share what I love with everyone else and get them to love it too! PrincessIshtar.com works great now and when I'm officially done with it - it'll be a great shrine to Judal's VAMPIRE GAME :)

- Nishi

Friday, March 19, 2004
02:08 p.m.

Up till 5am again last night and why? Because I got a new domain (3 actually) - it'll be up tonight or tomorrow morning: Princess Ishtar .com - a Vampire Game Shrine - the manga by Judal.

New Site PrincessIshtar.com will be working tonight or tomorrow morning:

I finished writing up ACT 1 of the manga and am spending today finishing up all of volume 1 and hopefully by next week will have all 5 volumes currently out done!

I got to the studio tomorrow! YAAAY been looking fwd to it all week!

Anywayz, it's still snowing here. Been snowing all week it feels like and ground's still covered. Back to design work I go. See ya guys later.

- Nishi

Thursday, March 18, 2004
01:13 p.m.

I stayed up till 4am each of the 2 past nights working on the Victory ROse Boutique - the store at Usagi and Mamoru .com - I am so BEAT but it still needs a lil more work, then it's on to the galleries, then the informational shrines and whew onto the other domains gawdd I hope i get everything done before I go back to work in another week. I'm literally eating, sleeping and breathing web design right now - good way to spend these past 2 snowy days. Today's weather sucks too and I can't get out of the house so it's web design again.

I ordered WILD ACT #5, PSYCHIC ACADEMY #1, and a slew of other manga titles from VIZ which were not available through Amazon or Barnes and Nobles. I got all the 1st editions I could find of Fushigi Yuugi from VIZ and ordered the newest Ayashi no Ceres and Alice19th manga volumes too! :) I'm in manga heaven!

As I was working on the store last night, I realized I was making the store into a 'Nishi's Favorite Anime and Manga' kinda place ;) Before I had products from series such as Tenchi Muyo and Gundamn Wing which I didn't really care about, but I got rid of everything and decided to focus only on products I, myself, would run to order. So if you're interested in manga visit The Victory Rose Boutique and order from there? Whatever profit I make as an associate of Amazon.com goes back into the hosting costs of all my domains.

Ok must work on the store and the galleries now unless I wanna be up till 4a.m. for the 3rd night in a row.

- Nishi

Monday, March 15, 2004
08:26 p.m.

my mom is really cool and really amazing. As much as she and I get upset with each other we have a great bond and a great love. Today we were talking about Ricky visiting next weekend and how we're observing Lent and not eating any meat, and then we somehow got into the topic of her childhood with her grandmother, "ammah" (my great grandmother). Mummy is the 2nd born of 8 children - 4 born each to 2 wives my uppachen (grandfather) had - mummy's mom (my grandmother) died giving birth to what would've been the 5th child who was stillborn :( Anywayz, so mummy has 3 siblings from same mother and father and 4 half-brothers and sisters who are as same as full-blood because that's how much she loves and cherishes them, even though they've been through some very hard times. They are: Veli Ummichy (literal translation: older/bigger grandmother even though she's a sister) was the oldest daughter, then came my mummy - her name is Sosamma but everyone calls her Susy, then Kunjamon (son), Varghese (son), then came the stillborn and my gramma's death, then uppachen remarried to a wonderful new ummichy (grandmother) and had: Chinna (daughter), Elyamma (daughter) and Babu (son) and George (son) - my mom's new brothers and sisters and my really wonderful aunts and uncles. What follows it the story of my mom's childhood around Lent and what happened to her later.

When mummy was a child during Lent, before school, early in the morning probably 5am/5:30, ammah (my great-grandmother) would gently "kick" Veli Ummichy awake syaing "ennikih pidichikileh" in a loving yet angry kinda way though not really angry and tell them it was time to pray. Veli Ummichy, in turn, would say to mummy 'moleh, moleh (young girl/daughter) ennikih, prathikinam' (wake up we have to pray). Ammah was VERY strict about getting up in the morning, splashing her face with water, and then putting a shawl over her head and praying and making sure Veli Ummichy and mummy prayed with her. My other uncles and aunts at the time were too young or too stubborn and lazy to get up and pray hahaha ;) After the morning prayers, the light would JUST peek in the sky, and everyone would start getting up. Off the stone hard cold floors and cots, they waited to get their chaia (tea) and nobody would move until they had their chaia (cause everything had to be done in a certain order and time and you couldn't move onto the next thing without the chai) and when the chai came, Kunjamon Chachen (chachen=blood uncle) and Varghese Chachen and all the rest would quarrel over sugar sugar for the chaia! LOL!!! Sugar was rationed back then for them, even though they were pretty well off for that time, so sugar was a sweet luxury everyone wanted to have and bickered to get more of.

Anywayz, after that mummy would get ready and study some more - like me and my sisters, she's somewhat of a perfectionist in her studies and what she didn't finish the night before she wanted to make sure she finished in the morning) - why? Because in mummy's classes, the teacher would call on the student to stand up and answer the questions and it would go like that for a long time and if the student didn't know the answer or messed up, they were humiliated and punished by having to write the problem on the board 50 times!

So mummy remembers how every morning she'd get ready but how ummichy wouldn't have the breakfast ready cause she does things in a slow manner and wouldn't have mummy's lunch ready either. They didn't have clocks in their home so they told the time by the busses that passed by in the morning "Saint Mary's poyyo??" (did St. Mary's go already?) that meant mummy was running late cause it left at 8 or 8:15. Mummy went far away for school and usually kids were able to come back home for lunch mid-day before returning to class but mummy couldn't. Mummy would leave early and not come back till 4:30 so if she didn't have her lunch with her, she'd starve all day and that was HUGE worry and concern to both her father and family.

So she was telling me how one day she got really upset cause ummichy was always slow with the food and she was running late and her friends had already left. She had to walk a ways in order to meet her friends at a certain time and if she wasn't there, they'd have to leave without her to not be late. And the bus would've already left too. So mummy remembers she'd be so mad, sometimes crying, because she'd missed her friends and the bus and had to walk to school all alone, and on this particular day with the chore (rice) running late for breakfast and her lunch not ready she angrily left and both Ummichy and Veli Ummichy got so upset and worried that mummy would starve without lunch that they quickly got something together and Veli Ummichy (Oldest Sister/my aunt) ran across the huge field to mummy and said 'take it take it moleh veshikum! (you'll be hungry) and mummy, like a cute child, would take it in a huffy kind of way - I laughed so hard seeing her actions.

Mummy was the 1st child educated and who had drive and ambition - she wanted to get out of her small town to make something of herself and to help uppachen and her family. When she got older, uppachen had told her he wanted her to go to college and she did too. By good fortune and many applications she got into a great medical college for nursing and she was the 1st child to leave the home for it. She remembers how she lived at the hostel/dorm and how at the end of the year all the girls and she, when they get ready for their 1 month vacation back home, would ride on the train together to go shopping to buy gifts for their family back home. She came back carrying gifts and she earned a stipend there too and would send money back home to uppachen to help the family. She's amazing and she stories she told today were the first time I'd heard them!

As for Ammah, I hear she was quite a character. Even in her 70's and 80's she was still very active, but mummy would joke that by that age, (as with regards to praying in the morning) she no longer had the will or energy to yell at the kids to pray in the morning ;) Ammah died in 1975 or so mummy said - she had a really long, great and active life and like mummy's mummy, my grandmother, was a spitfire. When I hear about stories about my gradmothers and families I feel so proud - like I really descended from some great people and I'm really connected to them.

I wanted to write this in my journal right away cause I don't wanna forget it. I wanna be able to remember this so I can tell my own kids and my sisters' kids one day. Nith and Mek and Mil weren't home today so they didn't hear it and when mummy re-tells it, it won't be the same. The stories and the history HAS to survive - otherwise our future kids won't know what amazing people they're decended from. I wish I knew more about my grandmother who died. My living grandmother, papa's mummy, is a lot like me - fiery and tempramental, sharp and cool :) She and I are a lot alike.

Anywayz, I just finished hand washing some clothes and did a deep conditioning treatment for my nails and hands. I've gotten so lazy in the past couple months about taking care of my skin on my hands - they're one of the very 1st places that you see the signs of aging (the other being your neck) so you have to take great care of those areas since they're always exposed and not as well taken care of as your face.

It's gonna snow tomorrow! After 50+ degree weather today :) Be pretty to see snow for the last time before spring really hits next week. Gonna work on my sites now. See ya guys later.

- Nishi

Monday, March 15, 2004
12:14 p.m.

'Just Right' cereal is yummy :) having breakfast - woke up an hour ago (hehehehe :)) and getting ready to mop the hardwood floors and clean the bathrooms. I wanted to take my mom to the local park since the weather outside is sunny and in the 50's but she came back from her walk saying it's so windy out. She lowered her dosage of Lopressor from 2 doses of 25mg a day to 1 dose. I'm looking up info to make sure that's ok for her to do.

I started going through UsagiandMamoru.com and lord is that site in need of updates. It hasn't been updated since I graduated law school in June 2002! Going to fix all the galleries, going to finish all the content, make everything beautiful again.

I can't wait to get back in the studio and record the songs we've been working on. I'll be REALLY happy if we can get 1/2 the album done by end of April.

Okie dokes folks, I am out. And DANA what're u talkin about? I've been a proud Barnes & Nobles member for what seems like ever! :) Got that card as soon as I started shopping there. :) Don't leave home without it! Now if only Kinokuniya offered a membership card to get discounts ;)

- Nishi

Sunday, March 14, 2004
10:41 p.m.

ooooooghhhhhhh I am so mad right now! I found out ____ is possibly back with her ex-boyfriend who CHEATED ON HER - the @#@#$#$$#%^%$^% - what IS IT with girls who are weak when it comes to love???? HOW CAN YOU TAKE BACK A GUY WHO WAS SCREWING ANOTHER GIRL AND LYING TO YOU??????? Makes me SO MAD! I wrote her a lengthy email telling her she needs to be strong and cut him out for GOOD or he'll just take advantage of her again. I HATE THAT GUY!!! If I EVER EVER see him near her I'll tear him limb from limb!

Anywayz! I hate the series 'Paradise Kiss' - it ended horribly. How can Yukari not end up with George??? What is WRONG with that manga-ka???? How could she author such a horrible ending? Why was George so twisted anyway? There was such little plot resolution and explanation, so many things thrown in and never really explained - it started out as such a great series and when I finished Volume 5 I wanted to throw it in the trash.

I love WEDDING PEACH manga though :) Didn't like the anime that much, too copy-cattyish of Sailor Moon but if you look past that it was good. THE MANGA IS WAY BETTER :) I like shoujo romance - hate mecca and android and space stuff.

Going to be recording all day Satuday and possibly late into Sunday morning next weekend.