Chibi Usagi & Mamoru emoticons used with specific permission of these webmasters. Do not take or use without their permission.

---

The U.S. is a BULLY - focused on maintaining its super power status at the cost of war against smaller countries
Saturday, September 21, 2002
07:46 p.m.
For those of you interested and wishing to learn more about the middle east and Iraq and what's been going on in the world - the sites below and the article below are good starts.

http://www.lib.utexas.edu/maps/middle_east_and_asia/middleeast_ref01.jpg - Picture of the Middle East

http://www.globalpolicy.org

http://www.accuracy.org

Published on Saturday, September 21, 2002 by the Times/UK Empire
Military Supremacy at Heart of Bush Strategy
by Roland Watson in Washington

NO state will be allowed to challenge the military supremacy of the United States under a national security strategy for the 21st century revealed by President Bush yesterday.

The document seeks to enshrine Mr Bush’s post- September 11 doctrine of pre-emptive strikes, fleshing out for the first time his assertion that the US must confront emerging threats before they materialize.

The 33-page document, submitted to Congress yesterday, also reveals the previously unstated determination of the US to do everything possible to maintain its status as the world’s sole superpower.

A key pillar of American national security policy would be to “dissuade future military competition”, the White House document states.

The essential role of US military strength is to “build and maintain our defenses beyond challenge”. It says: “Our forces will be strong enough to dissuade potential adversaries from pursuing a military build-up in hopes of surpassing, or equaling, the power of the United States.”

The document stops short of spelling out what would happen if a potential challenger did begin to emerge. Since the end of the Cold War deprived Moscow of its superpower status a decade ago, the US has had no rival in terms of military strength.

But instead of easing its spending on defense, like many Nato countries, the Pentagon is increasing it. The US defense budget for 2003 is $400 billion, an increase of 6 per cent. Washington spends as much on defense as the next eight largest military powers combined.

With Russia financially strapped, Mr Bush’s message appeared aimed at China, a rising military power which is increasing both its conventional and nuclear capabilities.

Mr Bush’s warning, and the tone of the document, were a far cry from his stance during the presidential election two years ago when he said that he would pursue a “humble foreign policy”.

STOP THE WAR ON IRAQ!!!!!
Thursday, September 19, 2002
11:39 a.m.
If this stupid Bush administration declares war against Iraq, I will be one of the protestors.

From some excellent newspaper articles - I quote below.

OTHER THAN that Saddam Hussein is a thoroughly nasty guy, the U.S. justifications for invading Iraq are extremely flimsy. No evidence exists that Saddam's had any dealings with terrorists. He has no missiles to deliver weapons of mass destruction. He's years away from developing a nuclear warhead. - Richard Gwyn - TORONTO STAR

Published on Thursday, September 19, 2002 by Inter Press Service
U.S. Bent on Attacking Iraq, Mideast Experts Say
by Thalif Deen

UNITED NATIONS - The United States is likely to launch a military attack on Iraq despite President Saddam Hussein's decision to invite U.N. arms inspectors into his country, Middle East experts and legal scholars predicted Wednesday.

'It appears that the U.S. administration is dead-set on a war against Iraq no matter what,'' Francis Boyle, professor of international law at the University of Illinois in Chicago, told IPS.

Boyle said that U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney has already made it clear that inspections were really not the issue. The United States is bent on ''regime change'' in Iraq, which Boyle points out, ''is prohibited under the terms of the United Nations charter''.

Fearing that U.N. inspectors would declare their readiness to move into Iraq immediately, the United States and Britain Wednesday played for time while trying to strengthen their case for a military attack on Baghdad.

At the U.N. Security Council, the two veto-wielding permanent members wanted to postpone a briefing by Hans Blix, head of the arms inspection team, the U.N. Monitoring, Verification and Inspection Commission (UNMOVIC).

''The last thing that the United States and Britain want is for Blix to come before the Security Council and say that his team is ready to leave for Iraq in the next two weeks,'' a Third World diplomat told IPS.

On Tuesday, Russian Foreign Minister Igor Ivanov publicly disagreed with the United States, arguing there is no need for a new resolution.

The Security Council, he said, should send the inspection team as soon as possible to determine the key issue in dispute: whether or not Iraq still possesses weapons of mass destruction.

Ali Abunimah of the Chicago-based Arab-American Action Network said the issue of inspections is a test of the intentions and sincerity of the United States - as it is of Iraq.

After all, he said, Iraq did for the most part cooperate with nine years of arms inspections, resulting in the destruction of the vast majority of its weapons by 1998.

''We shall see whether, as many people in the world suspect, the United States had simply used the demand for renewed inspections as a pretext for war, calculating that Iraq would not go along with them, or whether the United States is prepared to seek a genuine solution to the crisis in partnership with the international community,'' he added.

Hans von Sponeck, a former U.N. assistant secretary-general who headed the U.N. ''oil-for-food'' humanitarian program, said the worst thing that could happen to the U.S./UK plans to attack Iraq is for U.N. inspectors to conclude that there is no 'imminent threat' from Iraqi weapons of mass destruction.

''The two governments will therefore retain a tough line and look for any opportunity to disrupt the inspection process,'' von Sponeck told IPS.

''Right now, the United States and Britain are bombing Iraq as we speak here, clearly in violation of the terms of the United Nations Charter,'' Boyle said.

Saturday, September 14, 2002
09:30 a.m.
the jasmine potted plant in our dining room has the most beautiful blooms!!! They make the whole room smell nice and each morning old blossoms are on the floor. I collect them to place in a basket to place in the bathroom and in my room so it smells nice :)

I woke up to another beautiful day and to the sound of 3 HELICOPTERS going over ahead - what the heck was going on??? And it was at 8:30 in the morning on a saturday!!!!!!! We need our beauty sleep ya know! ;)

I'm going to go make waffles for my sister before she goes back to UCONN. I have to clean the bathroom and sweep and mop the floors today and then take a shower and head to the post office to overnight my resume to that employer and then I go to the hair salon to get a nice new hair cut - just going to get everything re-layered - my hairs grown so long it's losing its style!

So much to do today!

- Nishi

Friday the 13th ;)
Friday, September 13, 2002
11:40 p.m.
This day was very nice for me - I don't believe in friday the 13th at all. I'm listening to this cd I bought this past spring - SOUTH - FROM HERE ON IN - gorgeous music - band is from London - 16 songs on that cd and I love em all.

Last night was so scary sleeping alone in the house...I was clutching my hands tightly praying to God until I fell asleep. I kept hearing noises...and tingles ran up and down my body.......when I woke up this morning the sun was shining and all my fears vanished. I washed dishes, cleaned my room, and got all my auctions together. After I cleaned the kitchen thoroughly, I showered and headed out to the post office and mailed out 11 of the 13 auction winners' items. I called a bunch of hair and nail salons and the cheapest hair cut I could find was $16 ($18-$20 when you include tip) and cheapest manicure/pedicure was $24 ($28-$30 with tip - $2/3 for the hand person and $2/3 for the foot person) - I MISS QUEENS!!!!!!! I only paid $15 for manicure-pedicure COMBINED there!!! *sob*

I was having a late lunch when Nithi came home!! :D She had brought a TON OF LAUNDRY! I headed out in the evening for a 6:30 appointment to have my eyebrows waxed - tweezing is so hard and I love the nice defined shape I get with waxing. It was a BEAUTIFUL day today -nice and warm around 80....and NO HUMIDITY! :D just a nice warm dry heat....loved it.....

SOUTH's music is so soothing....papa called from India tonight! Can't believe he and mummy reached there so quickly! :) They're both fine - thank God! Oh I have great news!!! I got a great employment lead!!! This very important lawyer in Long Island wants me to overnight him my resume to be on his desk Monday - he's going to network for me!!! EEEEEEEE :D I hope something comes from this!!

DANIELLE - I tried to send you an email response back but says your email doesn't exist?? I'll try again tomorrow. :) *HUGGGGGGGGGS*

night everyone.

- Nishi

Thursday, September 12, 2002
11:44 p.m.
I took my parents to JFK today for their flight - driving back was a nightmare - there was a car jacking on 684 and there had been a huge police brigade sent out - we had seen them on the way to JFK but I felt the back up of 5 mile traffic only on the way back ;) Coming home was so lonely.....I'm ashamed to admit I cried once I got home because I missed my family so much.....I really really love them. Nithi called though and said she's coming for tomorrow night so that should be good and I'll be going to Mekha and Mili's next weekend. This house though feels empty and at night - it's downright scary! ;) hehehe I'm such a scaredy cat sometimes.....

I really hated Bush's address to the UN today - watched it on TV and just HATED IT SO MUCH! The U.S. acting like a super-police-power is going to be the end of us.....it's complete arrogance to tell the UN that "if you don't take action, we will" because UN resolutions weren't being followed - how many resolutions do the many members (including the U.S.) already not follow??? Iraq is at least offering a compromise but the U.S. just wants to bully its way in and refuses anyuthing other than its own way......I'm ashamed of Bush and the direction this administration is heading......this can only lead to a great war and I'm scared of that.

Watching the UN address made me just wish I could be part of all that.....I need to study so much more...learn so much more....if I ever hope to become someone who can help people and the world and be the force behind new policies and reforms that make our country and the world better....I need to be better than I am.....smarter and stronger......I believe that the road to greatness takes knowledge, power, and strength, but also time and determination....what I lack is knowledge, but I'm determined to gain it.

God please keep my parents safe and bring them back all healthy and fine.....and keep my sisters and me safe..........and of course losing 15 pounds and growing 8 inches taller is always there ok? ok! :)

Good night everyone.

- Nishi

Wednesday, September 11, 2002
10:56 p.m.
We went this morning to Long Island to Hofstra to drop off food and things to Mek and Mil...on the way we heard the 9-11 reading of the names on the radio.....was so sad....and now they say Bin Laden's dead....who knows....I just don't want us to go to a senseless war with Iraq.

I can't wait to visit Mek and Mil and stay with them for a weekend at Hofstra - it'll be fun :) Mummy and Papa and I ogled their pictures and gossiped and chatted. They bought me a yummy hot dog from their dining hall :D After we got back home, Papa and I hit the mall cause I needed to exchange my black hooded zipper-up sweatshirt from Rave for another one because the zipper was broken and we also needed to hit Vickyc's (my nick name for Victoria's Secret) cause Pop wanted to buy my female cousins in India lotions so we got their special sale of 5 lotions for $30 :) Unfortunately, I couldn't find anything I liked and what I did like was expensive - ah well...

I wanna go buy perfumes from Macy's and pretty body sprays from Bath and Body Works - my fave is their Coconut or Vanilla body splash sprays :) When we got back home we had lunch and I helped mama with food - cut up squash, cauliflower, and tomatoes for the tomato curry. Mummy's going to have made for me some pretty salvarkamises in India and bring back some bracelets too - can't wait....

I have to go to the ground breaking for our new house next week and take pictures and once the foundation (first brick) is layed, I have put this gold coin papa gave me on top of the brick, have the cement go over it, and draw a cross on it and put a small mini-cross made out of palm-leaves from easter over the coined-in cement place and pray for the safety and goodness of this new house and property and our good health and prosperity and happiness in it.

I got back several replies from the employers I emailed - all of them said they weren't hiring but each was so sweet and personal and nice to me and ONE though forwarded the email to their office manager and gave me that manager's email and # :) this is a long entry - I better go for the night. Good night everyone.

- Nishi

Tuesday, September 10, 2002
11:48 p.m.
when I was with Ricky in L.A. last month I had a dream one night (or was it during day?) that I was being coronated and I saw myself in this mirror wearing this gorgeous white dress with some kind of a cloak behind me.....and up on the 2nd floor (led to by a beautiful staircase and lined with those bar-like things) was this stunningly gorgeous guy with dark hair who winked at me and escaped out through the doors that led to a balcony - I got the distinct feeling the guy wasn't totally law-abiding??

Anywayz, I wound up drawing the gown I saw and want it to be my engagement dress - however I drew 2 versions - maybe you readers can help me decide which would be better? I wish I could wear both but I have to wear a SARI for my wedding - but I'm going to wear one of these for my engagement.

DETAILS: strapless dress - sparkly - white with material that makes it sparkle in the light sheath/cloak - sheer or semi-see-through white silk or satin 1st dress has the sheath coming down from a thin choker around my neck and it flows down my back - can be one long sheath or can be a multi-layered or multi-fold sheath.... 2nd dress - may or may not have straps depending on how a full semi-see-through/sheer full cloack can be placed to fall from my shoulders......cloack hangs by one choker-strap around my neck and by 2 straps around my arms (could be part of the cloak which I slip on or the straps could be part of the dress) JEWELERY - DIAMONDS TIARA - one my good friend Lisa got for me - it's rhinestones and some other gems - probably that tiara! :) I may get it lined with diamonds or get a diamond tiara as well. Who knows...

YAHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Monday, September 9, 2002
05:54 p.m.
WAI!!!!! I WON DANCING PRINCESS SERENITY SAILOR MOON DOLL!!!!!!!!!!! yaaaaahooooooooooooooo!!! I bought her on ebay just today for 49 and found out shipping from italy will be 25 *sob* but it's worth it because the seller I bought my Neo Queen Serenity doll from would charge 100 for the doll and I think shipping was extra. Picture below and if you want to more pictures see: Dancing Serenity 1.jpg and Dancing Selenity 2.jpg

A Lot of entries in one!
Sunday, September 8, 2002
11:07 p.m.
Since I've been bad and haven't blogged since last Tuesday, lemme lump everything up in this one entry.

Wednesday, Sept. 4th, 2002
I was up at 8am and went with papa to the banks and to the county office for a fruitless result but what was fun was he took me to a Chinese and Japanese restaurant! I ordered the curry soba and for papa the udon but this udon didn't taste anything as good as the Japanese restauraunt MISHIMA's that I went to in L.A. with Ricky, and my dad didn't like it cause it was like a soup so I gave him my soba and took the udon. He then complained/joked to Mummy and everyone that they shouldn't trust when I say something is good. SHEESH ;)

Thursday, Sept. 5th, 2002
I went with my parents to the closing for our new million dollar house and met the owners and saw the property where the house will be constructed! IT'S GORGEOUS! We're in a really nice area (rich my mom calls it) but what I love best is that we have an AMAZING river/lake/reservoir behind us! And if we go up into the trees and rocks and walk a bit we'll be at a bird sanctuary! Next door to us is a tennis court and behind it are hiking trails! It's BREATHTAKING and all of it is 5 minutes from downtown New Rochelle! I'm HAPPY! :) I'm going to love the new house! Afterwards, we went shopping for the cherry wood cabinets for the kitchen and the tiles we're going to put in the 3 bathrooms and kitchen and hallway and entry hall. YEESH it's going to be so expensive!!!

Friday, Sept. 6th, 2002
Went to Nithi's apartment at UCONN and it's GORGEOUS! UCONN is in the middle of now where - all cow country and corn country so nothing much to do but UCONN campus is STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL and is rated in the top most beautiful campuses in the U.S. Nith's apartment is off campus but it was so nice - made me wish to be living on my own in my own apartment. She's got it good there.

Saturday, Sept 7th, 2002
I'm happy because my auctions ended so successfully! I made a LOT of money and it'll pay off a LOT of my credit card debt! I jogged 3 miles today on the track and feel very good! Been watching SORORITY LIFE on MTV and it's hilarious! Reminds me of when I became a sister in Delta Phi Epsilon at college! LORD were those the days! I wound up disaphiliating after becoming a sister because the sorority wasn't what I thought it would be. But it was definitely an experience and made great memories.

Sunday, Sept. 8th, 2002
MY PETIE WON!!!!!!!!!!! PETE SAMPRAS WON THE US OPEN!!! I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!! and papa and I got into a fight before bed about not being "responsible" about getting my resumes and everything printed out - his and mummy's comments got me so mad that I couldn't remember the logical explanation that with only 50 resume paper sheets it wouldn't make sense to mail out 25 letters (of resume and cover letter) when I was already emailing close to 150 employers first with my resume attached to see if they were hiring first. What good would wasting money to send them the resumes do?

- Nishi

Tuesday, September 3, 2002
10:24 p.m.
I have a fun-filled week ahead of me *sarcasm* I have to get up at 8am tomorrow to come with papa to 2 banks so he can drop me off at this county office to apply for a legal position in their legal department, and then on Thursday, he wants to drag me to mummy and papa's new house's closing - which will be long and boring - so I can see how a closing is done. BLAH. And then on friday I get to see my sister Nithi at UCONN! :)

I called 2 of my dad's friends and obtained info from them (leads) to employers who may want to hire me. I also faxed 3 employers today. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping something pans out!

I jogged 3 miles today with mummy on the track :) Feels so good to work out! FINALLY THE NICE WEATHER IS BACK!! Today was gorgeous in the upper 70's and pretty sunny and it's going to stay this way for the rest of this week and weekend! I hope we have an indian summer! (you know when the warm weather stays till mid-october?)

Parents are going to India next Thursday and trying to get me to come with them but I really don't wanna go.....but I'll have to stay at home all alone.....it's kinda scary....I dunno.....I'll have to think about whether I'm going.....

I've been watching the original sailor moon episodes fansubs on VCD on my comp and I LOVE THEM :) I'm up to ep 9! I'm gonna relax for the rest of the night until I can talk to my ricky at midnight. Night everyone!!

- Nishi

Happy Birthday UsagiandMamoru.com! 4 YEARS!!!!
Monday, September 2, 2002
08:50 p.m.
I'm celebrating UsagiandMamoru.com's 4th Birthday today! I just wish I could do something special for it but can't because I haven't moved to the new host and any new content will just increase bandwidth. We're having a live chat celebration so if you're reading this and want to join in come to: http://www.usagiandmamoru.com/chat/chat1.html

Today was so lonely at first cause none of my sisters are here now - wonder if it was kind of like this for them when I used to go off to college and law school. Anyway, I cleaned the house and helped mummy email and cook dinner tonight and papa and I watched Tennis - Pete Sampras is our fave :) My dad's yelling at the tv now ;) I put up MORE AUCTIONS so if you want to bid on dolls and posters and cards and more go see: http://cgi6.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewSellersOtherItems&userid=selenitynomegami - I'm selling Sailor Moon manga posters, dolls, cards, Beauty and the Beast Princess Belle dolls, Good Morning Call OAV in VCD format, and Ribon Manga magazines for February through August and many other things too.

Good night everyone.

- Nishi


Sunday, September 1st, 2002
10:10 p.m.

Everything is 100% better today :D I had such a nice day with my parents, and am only sad because Mek and Mil left yesterday back to college :( I miss them so much. My dad and I got along so nicely today - I went to church with them and it was a cold rainy day with awful wind - YUCK - hate this kind of weather - I like warm summer rains and thunderstorms so much better. I even watched a malayalam movie with my folks tonight - this scary movie about these lovers who were killed 80 years ago because of difference in caste and reborn and started remembering their past lives and someone wanted them killed again and it was a very good movie :) Suprised me :) Good day - feel so much better.

- Nishi

Thursday, August 29, 2002
11:17 p.m.
I've been missing ricky like crazy all day! withdrawal symptoms maybe? :) I dunno...I just miss him....called him this morning cause I just couldn't take not having talked to him yet.....funny huh? how I went from grieving over s. on his birthday to being head over heels for my ricky.....it's amazing what loving someone and being loved in return does. I was telling mummy (when she made me wash dishes) how rick had to have all the dishes washed right away and couldn't leave it at night for bed and she laughed and said - finally Nishi! A man who will put you in your place and make you clean up! HA HA! hmph whatever mummy! Ok - turned AIM on and he wants me to call him so shall pick up writing again in a bit.....

alrighty....back now.............

ANYWAYZ! After resisting the urge to call ricky again although I wanted to so badly cause I missed him that much, I tried to hang out with mek and mil as they packed to leave back to college on saturday but it was making me sad. Seeing them leave made me realize how lonely I'd be soon.....mummy and papa leave for india on the 12th...I need a job FAST - money is disappearing from me like crazy fast! It was raining today all day....I stood in front of my window watching it and listening to mek and mil talk and yell and it reminded me of when I was in high school....all of us home and everybody yakking away or playing or fighting....this whole house and all its sounds - so many memories.....I'm gonna miss this house when we finally sell it......papa said the new house would be ready by winter and we'd probably move in after that - definitely by next summer............the new house is so cool - we'll have 2 kitchens - one upstairs and downstairs, but I'm going to miss out house right now a lot.

I watched Full Moon wo Sasgashite and it's such a cute series - I haven't fallen in love with it yet or anything though - saw first 6 eps and I have 12 eps in total.....so far it's good though. I really LOVE Saint Tail though - read the first tokyopop manga and I wanna get all 7-8 volumes now! :) It's a lot like Kamikaze Jeanne but different! It's worth it - both series are!

I'm selling sailor moon and ayashi no ceres merchandise on ebay!!! So if you're interested go and bid. I'll be adding more stuff in the next 2 days - still need to put up my Hotaru doll and smoon cards. I'm off for the night. Sweet dreams everyone.

- Nishi

Back from L.A. and it's rainy skies in N.Y.
Thursday, August 29, 2002
12:47 p.m.
I can't believe I left beautiful sunny L.A. and my sweetheart, Ricky, to come back to cloudy, rainy NY! My sisters and mummy told me it was hot and sunny till Sunday and now it's all dismal and rainy and yuck. Mek and Mil prefer it that way - october babies thing I guess! I want it warm and sunny or warm and rainy for like 1 day or 2 days and that's it! (I do love rain and thunderstorms but want majority to be sunny!)

I loved L.A. so much! On the next to last day, Rick and I hit the santa monica beach and went to the pier and we took pictures in the photo booth and rode the roller coaster. It's really a kiddie place but it was fun! :) We went to "LACMA" which is a museum there and saw beautiful indian art from Nepal and all over India and the Himalayas. I wanted to see the Japanese section but it all closed at 5pm. Saw MINORITY REPORT while I was there - good movie! Ricky and I shopped a lot - I bought 2 beautiful new journals from Borders bookstore and he took me to Anime Jungle and to Animate on Melrose Avenue and I found beautiful Sailor Moon ufo plush slippers of Sailor Mars and Sailor Neptune! Will add them to my collections page soon - also bought a Tohru Honda keychain from Fruits Basket - so expensive at $9 + tax! Animate was the only store with lots of Fruits Basket items.

We hung out a lot with Ricky's friends Ab and Ami and it was so much fun. We went out to eat a lot - though I made us beef curry and pork curry too and veggies and french toast! MISHIMA is a nice japanese restaurant I went to while there - it was on Wilshire.........I wanted to extend the vacation but tickets cost too much and my dad was spazzing on the phone and mummy said it was too much money.....so I came home.....

I miss Ricky so much now......we're very much in love now - it was 1 year and 3 months on August 20th......I realized I'll probably never really be over S. and that I will always be in love with the memory of him and what we used to have (and will still cry about it a lot) but I also realize I'm in love very much with Ricky now too and that Ricky has taken the place of S. in my heart and filled it with his own special love.....thank you my Ricky.....for healing my broken heart...and filling it with your love.....you were so patient with me....*MWAH* I cherish you and always will.

I'll update this entry later to include pictures of my new Tohru keychain and slippers. Will write more tonight.

- Nishi

WAI!!! I'm in L.A. and I want Fruits Basket Plush of Tohru!!
Friday, August 16, 2002
01:37 p.m.
Mummy and mekha saw me off at the airport yesterday afternoon (talked to papa on the phone and said bye to Mili at home) and after a bit of wait, I had a beautiful flight and am IN L.A.!!!!! Who would've dreamed that my parents would agree to let me go to L.A. to see Ricky on my own!! YAHOOOOO :D Ricky's at work now and I'm happily surfing the net - I found Fruits Basket manga translations and joined a mailing list and now I found Fruits Basket Plush Ufo Catcher Dolls!!!! I want the Tohru one!! The manga is getting good - apparently this month, Kyo realizes how much he loves Tohru as he remembers with tears in his eyes how she accepted his horrible cat form and how she was truly scared. Now just Yuki has to show he loves Tohru too and then Tohru decide and YAAAAY. Although with this series - it just seems best that Tohru stay with BOTH of them....just as a loving...family....they all belong together and Tohru shouldn't be with just any one of them alone....it'd suck if the author chose to place Tohru with either of them - I have no preference and love Kyo and Yuki both - they're so sweet and cute and both faced tortures......aghhhh it's such a good manga!!

I wanna convince Ricky to take me to Melrose Avenue so I can shop at Animate today or tomorrow or sometime soon to find manga and anime goodies! Must hit Anime Jungle too! I better contact Rebecca too and see if she wants to meet up this time. I'm having a wonderful time so far and I've only been here for 15 hours :) Ricky and I were so loving to each other - it was really nice....I missed him.

I won't be on much after this cause Rick's new place doesn't have internet connection so if I don't get to write in the next 2 weeks, I'll share everytying when I get back. Bye for now everyone :)

- Nishi

Wednesday, August 14, 2002
11:44 p.m.
I re-wrote the entry for tonight a total of 4 times....deciding that what I wanted to write was too personal....and too sad to have written here....instead of the song I made up, I decided to write my most favorite lines from the lyrics for Fruits Basket....below....

although today is hard to bear
and yesterday's scars remain
if I work it out with the heart that wants to trust/believe...
I can't be born again
but I can change as I go on
- Fruits Basket - opening lyrics

sometimes when I see him....it hurts so much....to think we've become this.....like strangers....after everything we once were....it's hopeless....hurts so much I choke back tears.....tonight we talked - was his birthday. Casual......wonder if he knew I cried....still cry.....baka...I'm really stupid.....wish I could heal from it.....why haven't I healed.....even with new love, beautiful new love I treasure...still haven't healed....I wonder if I'll cry forever......I wished him well, happiness and blessings and I meant it......but in truth, deep down, I haven't forgiven him...try as best I can, I haven't.......I wonder how I can forgive when it still hurts so terribly 2 years later......baka....what hurts - it's not that we're strangers now....it's that the end ever happened....that led to this.....

I want to heal.....he loves someone else now.....and I love someone else too......but I think a part of me still loves the old him I knew.....what to do? That's why these lyrics are so beautiful.....yesterday's scars remain....I can't be born again, but I can change as I go on. I hope one day this scar will heal....and that it will fade....I worry it'll never heal.....but I'll try......to heal.

I go to L.A. tomorrow......back to the arms of my loving Ricky who's been the warmth and solace I've needed.....although he can't heal me completely - no one can, he is one who helps...in his own way....with his tender love.....with his personality and vexing arguments which try me to the very ends....he helps me....to change...and to go on.

At least I can say....I have loved twice....and been loved twice.....the only sad thing is that I can also say I have had my heart broken by the one I loved....isn't that the worst? Back then I wondered who to turn to when the one who made me feel better and cherished was the one who had hurt me.....I learned great strength then....and continued love for God.....but still....I wish....it had never happened.....the end...and if the end had to happen, then - the beginning.

so this is life huh? you live, you breathe, you play, you love, and you get hurt...sometimes badly....and one day, you die. In between are so many memories...so many people....so many stars and moons and suns seen....so many dreams and wishes.....children's hands held.....I guess all you can do is live with the painful memories and go on....and change for the better...somehow.....we have so much strength inside of us.....I don't ever want to give up. I hope God answers our most fervent wishes and prayers and will make us all happy.....again, one day.

Please give me the strength to change and be better....to be strong....wise....beauriful....and happy.

Fox Woods and the ending of Fruits Basket left me disturbed....
Wednesday, August 14, 2002
02:24 a.m.
I hated the ending of Fruits Basket....is that the way the manga is too? For that great story to end like that...and why the hell is my Tohru just...made to look so weak and stupid and taken advantage of like that.....I don't like Akito one bit.....it sucks that it ended like that.....I wanted so much more...and in case anyone reads and gets spoiled I won't say more...but arghhh it's such a wonderful series...it deserves MORE and a MUCH BETTER ENDING. GRRR......

anywayz......we went to Fox Woods this morning.....the trip brought my dad and me back to talking and stuff :) and my trip to L.A. on Thursday is out in the open so it's really going to happen although I'm kind of disappointed that Ricky's housing doesn't have anything.....I don't know what to do during the day but I don't want him to worry or anything - I'll keep myself busy :) My main motive was to go and see him anyway....still, I really wished to get my site's 4 year anniversary membership and newsletter and all the sites up and working since that would be my only free time before work.......work....job....still don't have one - ah CRAP....

so much on my mind....insurance letter came saying we owe $242 or something for my clinic visit last June which took some blood to figure out why I wasn't so well....I have to call and find out why it cost so much.....in addition....I gotta call Mr. Woods and Gerard and see if Wood's job offer to do web design is still good....and see if Gerard has any connections for me in Long Island with international or environmental law or ANYTHING law. Geez....I may really gave to work as a paralegal until I know if I passed the bar or not...

Fox Woods was FUN :) I won $45 and wound up feeding it back into the slot machines.....we stayed for 3 hours!! My dad had a lot of luck and won $96+ but my paavum mom didn't win much at all :) She'd go putting in one quarter at a time at different machines - she's so cute :) ......but.....sigh....last night I said such strong prayers to God about PLEASE LET ME WIN $5000 so I can pay off my credit card and have enough left over to take care of all my expenses....with this L.A. trip my card is so high......money...money......does it always make the world go round? *sigh*

DAMMIT I"M MAD ABOUT FRUITS BASKET!! Now I have to find the manga and read it and see if it's for real as bad an ending and story progression as it was in anime....*sigh*

sorry for this rambling entry....too much on my mind.....

- Nishi

Monday, August 12, 2002
11:34 p.m.
Watched more Fruits Basket today with my sister Mekha :) Mili and Mekha and I also went shopping at Mandees where I bought 2 whol new outfits - a cute pink-lace tank top with black pants and greyish-brownish jeans with this cute red and white top. I booked the ticket for L.A. - leave this Thursday evening and I arrive there Thursday night....hope my dad doesn't flip....hope my mom is ok with how early it is.....horrible return time though - I get back at 11:50pm at night.....at least it's an airport only an hour away but still......sucks for my parents to drive out that late at night and drive me back home even later........maybe this time I'll get to meet Rebecca? However my mood sucks after booking the ticket.....I could've done it better to get it on Thursday instead with better flight times.....but I booked it Tuesday because mummy said Tues....even though she was off Thursday.....I'd rather forget that sad fact and focus on the positive - 11 FULL days in L.A. *AND* my parents will know about it! But mood is sullied because of the Thurs flight opportunity lost. Flight cost me $266. My credit card is going to be so high now......am a little woried how to pay it down....will need to auction off many things when I return home.......

I go to FOX WOODS CASINO with mummy and papa tomorrow (papa and I still haven't really talked since the Saturday night spat) and hopefully I can win a little dough :) I did however win something happy - I love Tohru Honda from FRUITS BASKET and found a wonderful pencil board of her on ebay. Picture below - click thumbnail

another long entry........
Sunday, August 11, 2002
11:57 p.m.
This slow connection and the fact that I am using Papa's computer downstairs (instead of my comp upstairs cause Nithi sleeps in same room as me so I can't be up late on the comp since she's sleeping) is keeping me from working on UsagiandMamoru.com and MiakaandTamahome.com and everything for my staff members - so much needs to be done by September 2nd - 4 Year Anniversary of UM.com! Aghh...and if I go to L.A. with Ricky it'll be hard cause he doesn't have internet at his new apartment and has to wait to get DSL hooked up....crap!

it's after midnight as I write this now...need to sleep and go shopping tomorrow for summer clothes to wear in L.A. night everyone!!

- Nishi

Saturday, August 10, 2002
11:40 p.m.


Thanks to my sweetheart Ricky I took some online personality tests.

From: http://queendom.com/tests/personality/type_a_r_access.html - Your Personality Type
I'm a TYPE B. Score: 44 - You seem to have a Type B personality. Your personality draws characteristics from each of the other personality types, that is, Type A and Type C. Either you adjust your behavior depending on the situation, or you tend to be moderated in your attitudes. In any case, you are the most balanced of the three personality types.

From: http://www.queendom.com/tests/career/team_roles_access.html - YOUR TEAM ROLE

SCORE: 81 = THINKERS
What do your results mean?
According to your score you often fill the role of Thinker in a group. You take ideas (or the beginnings of ideas) and make them realistic and doable. You also appear to have a talent for analysis and problem solving.

Description of the role
Thinkers are the individuals who not only have ideas but also have reasonable and practical ones. Thinkers analyze situations and requirements and come up with realistic solutions. Disciplined, reliable and efficient in their approach, Thinkers excel at turning ideas into practical solutions. Thinkers prefer to be innovative over inventive, they see possibilities and can put a realistic slant on a clever idea that may have seemed too far out to implement. Thinkers are analytical and objective. Because Thinkers are expert analysts, they see potential problems and are able to anticipate difficulties before they arise. They also feel compelled to assume various viewpoints when evaluating possibilities and opportunities. They enjoy a work environment that stimulates and challenges their intellectual curiosity. Good strategists, Thinkers prefer solutions that are supported by in-depth analysis.

Strengths of the Role
Thinkers are very useful members of any team because of their realistic, practical approach to problem solving, brainstorming, and decision-making. Thinkers add a down-to-earth perspective when forming their plans and ideas, which keeps strategies in the realm of possibility for their team members!

Weaknesses of the Role
Thinkers can simply be too down-to-earth. They may reject wild ideas or tone them down before it is clear whether or not they will work as proposed. Thinkers also tend to be detail-oriented which can slow down the progress in a group.

Friday, August 9, 2002
11:32 p.m.
mek and mil woke me up somewhere around 8am looking for shoes under Nithi's and my bed! grrrr! >.< but s'ok :) I got up and had Cap'n Crunch cause nothing else for breakfast, hung up my laundry outside on the line to dry and after showering, went to the post office with Mili to mail things off to people who had won my auctions. I spent the afternoon making cover letters and updating my resume - I have more cvs to make tomorrow and Papa can mail 'em all out Monday........the trip to Martha's Vinyard and Boston is off now cause Mekha and Mili and Nithi don't really wanna go so instead, Papa and Mummy and I - and Nith if she wants to come - are going to Fox Woods Casino! WOO HOO - it's gambling time ;) Maybe if I'm lucky I can make enough to cover the trip to L.A. and have some extra cash to spent! I can dream can't I???

I watched Fruits Basket today - eps 5-12 and LOVED IT SO MUCH! When I had seen the first 4 eps earlier this spring I hadn't thought much of it but NOW I LOVE IT!!!!!! I love Tohru and Yuki and Kyo!! :) I love Tohru the best and love all the other characters equally :D It's a great anime and if you guys get the chance - you can buy the complete series + the special for $20 on VCD over on EBAY - make sure it's the VCD that's playable on your computer - I use Window's Media Player but it can also be played using REAL PLAYER.

I went jogging in the evening - jogged 4 miles in 45 minutes! Felt so good :) Came home and showered - joked more with my parents and made egg sandwhich for Nithi and me and mummy made us garlic toast - a yummy treat she learned from Ricky :) I think my dad is getting ok with the idea of me going to L.A. for vacation next weekend - he hasn't said yes yet but he didn't say no - he just said "I don't know about that" but by Monday I want to book the tickets so we'll have to have a concrete decision by then!

I'm going to call Ricky and then go to sleep - gotta help mummy with pork chops in the morning and I think we have a prayer meeting to go to at night *sigh* that's going to be so boring....night everyone!! :D

- Nishi

can't wait to sleep tonight!
Thursday, August 8, 2002
11:42 p.m. EST
such a long day - even though I slept till 12:30 :D I didn't go to bed till 2am last night - talked to Sheba/Shebie - was fun catching up with her :) Spent all day unpacking and moving into my room! Mummy got mandated to stay late at work today :( so we got KFC chicken and made chore (rice) with dal curry - papa's a great cook :) Mummy only came home at 11pm tonight and she has to go to work again tomorrow - being a nurse at a hospital sucks! After all the moving and unpacking, my hands were a mess (despite going for the manicure yesterday) and I felt so tired so I gave myself that Biore heating face mask and slathered on Nivea's Q10 cream all over my face and creamed up my feet, toes, and hands and nails and painted my nails this pretty color by Sally Hansen called "sheer lilac gloss" - I feel so productive and good :) I got my miniature - mini Yuu doll from Marmalade Boy and all 26 episodes + the special of FRUITS BASKET!! :) Also got the Tuxedo Mask charamide cards! I'm genki now :D Tomorrow I'm going to get resumes printed out and start the job hunt again! Night for now everyone - sweet dreams!

- Nishi

HUGE LONG ENTRY!!!
Thursday, August 8, 2002
12:35 a.m.
I said good bye to St. John's University of Law today and the whole campus......after coming out super late last night - lemme explain from the beginning.......spent yesterday afternoon meeting up with Deborah - who is VERY MUCH into Sailor Moon - she even brought along stories she had written and wore this cute cap of sailormoon with stickers she had placed on it - Deborah was very sweet and I was happy to have met her! I took her to my favorite Malaysian restaurant in Little Italy - Nyonya's on corner of Grand and Mulberry and had my favorite Roti Canai with the chicken curry :) and afterwards we shopped in china town - bought Kodomo no Omocha - Kodocha Vols 10 and 11 and bought many beautiful Sailor Moon posters - 5 for $10. I tried to find stuff for Carla cause she sent me $15 to buy and ship her stickers and anything else I found good for her. I didn't have enough money though on me though and will have to return to buy her pretty things!

After a lot of hopping around stores, we went to my other favorite, Dragonland Bakery where I bought an apple pie and scallion hot dogs - but the scallion party tasted bitter for some reason. Then I called up Lydia who was in China Town and, after saying good bye to Deborah, met up with Lydia in a restaurant next to the Ice Cream factory and I met her friend Wei - who I later told Lydia was such a cutie! It was great to see her and I had the most YUMMY drink - lychee! We left China Town around 8:30 with plans to meet up that night to go out for drinks since I was going out again that night with Ilka and her friend David and company :) Got home around 9:50 and headed straight back out with Ilka and we had a great time - went to The Garage on Bleeker street and had drinks there - Lydia called and said she couldn't make it that night :( She'll be gone to Rochester U soon - will miss her :( After the Garage, we went to another bar - forget the name - somewhere on the upper east side on East 84th I think....was fun :)

When I got back I spent all night till 6:30a.m. this morning packing and slept at 6:30 till 8am and kept on packing till 11am where I headed out to get a manicure, pedicure, and get my eyebrows done. Was SO NICE to pamper myself cause my feet hurt! Maria, the owner of the place I go to, was very touching with how she'd miss me cause I was leaving now - she gave me good price on a special spa pedicure/manicure and eyebrow wax :) I rushed home then to be there for my parents who would be moving my things back home. They didn't get to my dorms till 1:45 cause of bad traffic. I had 3 carts full of stuff and moving was a breeze except that the Benz SUV was PACKED to its capacity with barely 10 inches left for me to squeeze into a sitting position....I have a lot of stuff......

Got home and enjoyed time with my sisters and mummy and papa - I brazenly talked about going to L.A. to see Ricky and I didn't hear arguments from papa.....I wonder if he's waiting to fight with me over that.....but so far so good - papa was so funny tonight - he's been working out with our home gym - mummy too - and he has really well developed (maybe over-developed) wings-muscles such that he looks like one of those body builders who can't put their arms down completely at their sides but walk with their arms out a little.....he's so excited though by the amount of muscle he's getting :) Mummy too!

I saw the design for the new house my parents are building - it'll be $1 Million to build and after it's built, it's value is appraised at $1.5 million. People think we're rich cause of assets or captial enough like that or cause my parents own 3 Benzes and a 2002 honda civic but really - I feel like in a big family with 4 daughters and with how hard my parents worked for 20 years - that's not rich at all - my parents struggled long and EARNED every penny and we're not rich just because we have cars or a big house - true rich people never have to worry about money - my family worries about money just like anyone else.

Anywayz.....who knows if I'll go to L.A. *sigh* everything always gets messed up..............aside from that - my parents want to vacation this monday thru thursday at Martha's Vinyard and go site-seeing in Boston! That should be fun and I'm looking forward to that. I really need to determine though if I can afford to go to L.A......I'm in debt by a lot and not enough in the bank to afford a big trip.....

Anywayz.....it was sad a little to say good bye to St. John's - I'll miss it :( I thought I would be miserable about saying bye to my home-home too since M&P are going to sell it for the new house but now that the new house also has a lake behind it and a swimming pool, and in-door jacuzzie/hot tub and a tennis court next door - HELL...I WANT THAT HOUSE!!

I've been writing for half an hour - I better go to sleep soon. Good night everyone!

- Nishi


Tuesday, August 6, 2002
1:04 p.m. EST
I'm leaving St. John's Law forever tomorrow at 2pm - like I was telling Ricky this morning, it sucks when you get used to some place and realize you're going to leave it forever....must be awful for people who move around a lot......I'm going to miss law school and St. John's and the city :( I don't even know if I'll come back to live and work here.....

I might be meeting Sailor DKC - Deborah - today in the city! We have plans to meet up at 4:30 but for that I need to leave around 3:45 and I've barely packed anything! I found 2 carts and loaded up on boxes from the package room - so much to do........and LYDIA - I wanted to meet up with her TOO - still haven't given her a call to let her know what the plans are for going out tonight......

I am investing in VCDs of anime now since they're so much more cheaper than fansub vhs videos! I love Tokyo Mew Mew, Super Gals, and Fruits Basket! I also just purchased all 200 episodes of Sailor Moon for $20 + $5 shipping. Can't wait to watch that! :) I need more money though......$87.12 came in auction sales today and that's going straight to my credit card :) I NEED A JOB SOON!!!!

I majorly updated my collections page - Nishi Selenity's Treasures - I have a for sale page now with goodies up. If anyone's intersted you can check it out :)

- Nishi

Sunday, August 4, 2002
07:00 p.m.
instead of china town, we went to the 6th Avenue street market fair!! I met Winie out by Saks 5th Avenue and we walked to 6th avenue and shopped! I bought a TOE RING! It's silver with a cool design :) I also got cds of TRANCE and a mix of "dream dance" music :) I love fast dance party music! I also had my first creppe suzettes - with chocolate fudge! Was delicious! Winie and I walked for about 2 hours up and down and I found a gorgeous pair of sunglasses too. I headed back home and looked through my August issue of Ribon manga magazine from Kinokuniya and I LOVE the trump set! The images of Max Lovely from the trump set are so cute that I wish I had a scanner to make a website for it! I'm listening to the Trance cd now and just winding down - am hungry!

- Nishi

Sunday, August 4, 2002
12:27 p.m.
it's sunday sunday happy day! I'm going to kinokuniya and china town! I HOPE they have Ribon!!!! Otherwise I gotta find Asahiya again! Then I'm going to China Town and shopping! YAAAAY! I get to see my friend Winie whom I haven't seen since February I think? And I'm gonna buy pretty jewelery and purses!

- Nishi

wwoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Friday, August 2, 2002
11:57 p.m.
heheheeh :D get this - last night (thursday night) I went on a spur of the moment night out with my suitemate Ilka and her friends to the city! Her friends are really cool! We went to this mexican restaurant on 82nd and 3rd Avenue and had so much fun! I got SOOOOO buzzed on 1/4 of a margarita! It was SO STRONG and everyone was like "chug it" but I said no :) I did NOT want to ever get drunk! hahaha :) afterwards we hit a bar where there was a dance floor and we DANCED LIKE CRAZY!! I got hit on so much!!! By these 2 guys who were at the bar - one wouldn't leave me alone and followed me outside when I needed fresh air - he tried to get me to dance with him but I said no cause I had a boyfriend and he's like "but he's not here" and I'm like yeah but I'm a loyal girlfriend and he wouldn't like it. I went back to Ilka and the other guys and danced and when I got tired again I stood next to the wall next to them and then ANOTHER white guy comes next to me and says "hey I saw you before but couldn't get to talk to you" and he proceeds to hit on me - he got the hint after a while I wasn't interested and left. Ilka's friends joked that I was pretty popular at that bar ;) HAH - I think it's cause I'm short and friendly and guys think they have a chance - yeesh. ANYWAY - after the bar and after just hanging out for a while - I went back with Ilka, Alyssa, and David and on the way, we went to this park to talk and watch and moon and we just got to know each other better. I didn't get home till 4am. Ricky called me around 6am and I talked to him about the night and then I slept the WHOLE DAY TODAY!!! I didn't get up till 5:30 pm!!!! I spent the night catching up with emails and life online and now I'm pumping fast-paced dance music cause I feel so disoriented from sleeping all day. I feel like I have no purpose...nothing to do...at ALL....I'm looking around and going...what do I have to do? hahaha ricky's like "welcome to my world" hahaha :D Hope everyone out there is having a great start to the weekend! I go back home-home this Wednesday and I'm hoping I canc onvince my parents to let me go visit Ricky in L.A. for vacation. I AM SO GLAD THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!! YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOO :D

You are an angel.
What legend are you?. Take the Legendary Being Quiz by Paradox

Bar Exam is OVER and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY RICKY!!!
Thursday, August 1, 2002
01:27 p.m.
wooooooo hooooooooooooooo!!!! BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!! It was brutally hard but I got through it!!! First thing I did was come back and get a manicure and a pedicure :D Was sooo good :) I spent the night pampering myself and then this morning when I got up, I got a call from the package room that something arrived and when I got there was a HUGE box from proFlowers.com!!! Ricky sent me GORGEOUS red and pink ROSES!!!!! Exactly what I wanted! He read this journal and I'm so HAPPY :)

But actually, today is his birthday!! Happy 25th Birthday Ricky!!!! :) I love you! I hope you love the presents I got you! *MWAAHHHHHHHHHHH* Below are pictures of the roses you sent me - they're incredibly gorgeous!!! I love them so much!

Wednesday, July 31, 2002
09:48 p.m.
THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!! THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!!

YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

- Nishi