Nishi's A Dream I Dream's Pitas Page

Welcome to Nishi's Journal part of A Dream I Dream. Nishi is a 27 year old Indian American who is working as an attorney in Manhattan. She is also a singer/songwriter who is signed with an independent record label and working on her 1st album. She dreams of bringing her songs to the world and pursuing international human rights. Nishi is an avid Japanese anime and manga fan & is a web designer too. See her major anime/manga websites listed below. She also collects anime goodies, see her Treasures.				This journal is a place for me to vent, to share, and to catch up with friends. Strangers are welcome to see the world through my eyes but respect me and my writings. Add Entry \| Login \| Edit \|

Thursday, July 22, 2004
11:10 p.m.

lord where do I begin............tonight........I went to a modeling agency.....and had my first photo shoot. What's more - it was FUN! :) The person I interviewed with told me my "look was good" and that I'd be best suited for the print ads, magazines, and tv and gave me a list of soap operas! ;) LOL! Their clients generally pay $150 per hour to as high as $1500. The photographer who took my photos had me stand in a large room against this white cloth thing set up on the floor and wall with HUGE lights and what looked like projector screens but not really and then made me stand in all these weird angles with hips thrust out here and there and I had to smile through all that ;) It was fun :) I just hope I didn't smile like a dork!

I go back next Thursday to review the photos and select the best ones to be sent out. On another note, my performance is this Saturday - I am completely ready for that! I think I might call up some other modeling agencies and see what they're about too first before I agree to anything.

My mom is so cute - I came home today and found she had my copy of Bill Clinton's MY LIFE and she proceeded to entertain me with anecdotes from the book. She adores Bill now ;) My mom loves biographies so I told her to start on Hillary Clinton's biography in my library and work on to Margaret Thatcher and Madeline Albright ;) When my mom gets excited about and passionate about a topic - she reminds me so much of myself - she launches into it with full passion and it's impossible to not be swung along for the ride :) I watched her talking to me and I totally saw myself - it's exactly the way I am when I talk about anime and manga, about international affairs and politics, about history and mythology and astronomy and anything else I love. Our eyes light up, we become very animated - I love my mom :)

Oh.....I have a scandal to share......;) ok not really a scandal....a month or so ago I went with my sister and friend Laurice to see our friend Sean's band, the MYTVs, perform at ROTHKO. While there, I took a camera shot in fun with Sean by sticking my tongue out next to his ear. Not only did my friend Laurice make doubles of that picture, she showed almost everybody who mattered to me at the firm today that picture!! I couldn't live it down all afternoon ;) I wrestled with her to get the 2 photos and tore them up and grabbed one of my other friends to show her the photo since she hadn't seen them and we dived into one of the handicapped stalls in the bathroom to hide from Laurice and when Laurice caught up with us I flushed the pieces of the pictures down the toilet! IT WAS HYSTERICAL. :) My friends John and Jenn wouldn't let me live this one down! ;) I swear I'll find something soooo incriminating on both of them I'll laugh my head off ;) ANDREW IF YOU READ THIS - HELP ME! MUUUWAAAHHAHAHAHAHHAH :D

So anywayz, aside from the fact that I'm the the supposed ear-licking girl at my firm now, the day was good :) After the modeling thing, I met with Tiffany and Bill for a late dinner at GINGER NOODLE SHOP on 7th Avenue and 38th I think (?) and I got the nicest fortune cookie which said that I would have a very productive an happy future. :)

if there's one thing I've learned in my short 27 years of existence it's that you alone control you life and your happiness. No matter who or what goes wrong in your life, you can help yourself to change things for the better. I was down yesterday because someone else let me down by telling me they were going to do something with me and then proved to be an unreliable person - so what did I do? I made the appointment with the modeling agency and I feel 100% better now. Taking actions to shape and mold your life to make it everything you ever wanted and dreamed for is the only way. Don't let anyone or anything stop you, no matter how hard it gets.

Martin Strongin Rothman & Adler? You wrote "Nailing Down the Coffin Lid: The Rise and Fall of the After-Acquired Evidence Doctrine in Title VII Litigation"? Cool! :) I'm very happy to meet you! And yes I looked you up ;) I found it hard to believe that any attorney would google 'preliminary conference' so thought that had to be made up ;) But you're legitimate :) LOL! I don't REALLY shop that much ;) hahaha just the past couple weeks cause I seem to be on a kick to max out my credit cards ;) hahahah anywayz I make the time to write - it's one of my passions......if I don't get the chance to write I go stir crazy.....again, I'm really glad to meet you! Please comment often so I know you're around :) Sashiiiiiiii if you're reading this - I demand you call me chica who did not tell me she already got MARRIED!! :) *HUGS* Adrianne and Miyu-chan do I tell you two enough how much I adore you guys and am greatful to have you guys as my friends? *HUGS* Sean raw calimari? no way! yuckkkkkkkkk hahahahah that musta been so awful! Have fun in Wisconsin! I finally fell in love with wine and cheese so I can understand!!! You're meeting 'guy' in Idaho? Wait I'm confused. Details! Email me? Sanoj I adore you too you know that? *HUG* thank you! Your message made me feel a lot better too! Email me please? Alex you're right! I forgot to include my love of learning languages! I've studied and am continuing to study (when I have time) spanish, japanese, chinese (mandarin), and hindi <--- stillll not good at this at all even though I spoke fluently till age 5.

Alrighties I'm out people. Have a wonderful night one and all! I think I might be gong out with friends tomorrow night to WEBSTER HALL! :) WOO HOOOO :D So probably won't get a chance to write till maybe Saturdya night or Sunday.

- Nishi

Wednesday, July 21, 2004
09:37 p.m.

I hate people who say one thing, make promises, and never keep them or follow up on it. Hate people who keep you hanging. Hate people who are unreliable. Flakes. I'll say this - neither he, nor the other two or anyone else is going to stop me from making my dreams come true. Even if I have to do it all myself, I will do it.

- Nishi

Tuesday, July 20, 2004
09:56 p.m.

awwwww thanks you guys! Miyu-chan *BIG HUGS* :) Memory LOL! I definitely have a good frame for it, but it's a digital photo that I actually sliced in half cause the other side has 2 of my sisters - I gotta get around to ordering a copy of it. Thank you :) *HUGS* Niovi snails? for real? aaghhhhh I never had them! And I agree with you - every woman should be treated like a queen :) *HUGS* and thank you :)

Well I hope you're all well - I was up till late last night rehearsing my song and dance for Saturday. I'm happy and confident about it although I'm gonna rehearse some more now.

Had a kick ass kickboxing class last night - took Tiffany and Bill there and they had a blast! :) Tonight, however, I wanted to get home early to rehearse but wound up shopping down in Chelsea with Laurice - hit BEBE and ANTHROPOLOGIE and ARDEN B. and lord knows what else. I made out good with a gorgeous new jacket and a lovely new pink bag to match all the gosh darn pink stuff I have lately ;)

I went down to Chinatown for lunch today to my fave NYONYA's on Mulberry and Grand right opposite the famous FERRARA's pastry shop. Got their lychee and roti canai.

I never realized before today how much I value independent thinking and actions as well as the ability to make decisions and take chances and risks as well! Back bone and healthy self-esteem - 2 things essential to me in the friends I choose to have.

Ok I'm out. See ya'll tomorrow :)

- Nishi

Sunday, July 18, 2004
10:21 p.m.

Today, I spent the day with my friend Tiffany doing one of my most favorite things (especially on a rainy Sunday like today): looking at art at the Metropolitan Museum. We went through 19th Century European art and the Dangerous Liasons exhibit as well as the Greco and Roman art, the European paintings and sculptures and a whole load else. I bought a pink Metropolitan Museum t-shirt and 3 books on painters, philospohers and a biography on Emma, the Lady Hamilton.

Afterwards, we went to Barney's to eat at FRED's - an absolutely fabulous restaurant. We ordered the 'cheeses & fruit' appetizer as well as the calamari appetizer, I ordered this Reisling white wine and a dinner of omellete and salad and we splurged on dessert - I got this peach melba thing which was good but I liked the Friteroles dessert better (caramel ice cream with chocolate sauce on these wafer things....agh my description doesn't do it justice...).....

We then shopped at SEARLE where I got a matching pink soft cotton skirt to match the pink jacket I got there last weekend. Think I'll wear it tomorrow. Then we went home and I just finished doing laundry, kept my mom company till she went to sleep and am going to finish watching the 2nd season of Sex and the City. My sister Nithi left this evening while I was out :(

I got new pictures!!!!! These are pics Ricky took of us over 4th of July weekend when he visited. The first couple are of Ricky and me and my sisters and me on the 4th at the local park here awaiting the fireworks. The 3rd picture is of Ricky and me at the outdoor garden restaurant we went to, GROTTO, on 100 Forsythe.

Anywayz, I responded to msgs in the entry(ies) below. Hope ya'll had a wonderful Sunday.

- Nishi

Saturday, July 17, 2004
05:58 p.m.

Updated again at 10:17 p.m. EST BELOW
What a hot summer day! I was outside today for a little bit. I love being warm....except when it's humid and the heat sticks on you like glue - yuck. That feels awful - after steamy August I kinda like when it gets a little cooler in September and it's more pleasant warm - but absolutely hate cold November and December days. But today was pretty. Warm breeze, warm sun, and I, for once, didn't feel sweaty at all. *sigh* I love enjoying summer.

Went and picked up dry cleaning, bought some gorceries for mummy, went to the bank, and came home and mopped the whole house's tiled floors. Whew! Was so tired I didn't bother doing the bathrooms. I was supposed to meet up with someone today to work on stuff but that wound up cancelling so my sister, Nithi, and I are watching the 1st 2 seasons of Sex and the City! :) I showed her the things I bought from the "Pleasure Chest" which was featured in the episode Charlotte got her rabbit. I didn't get anything like that but go the chocolate body paint and x-rated fortune cookies - I think Nith was all freaked out that I might bring out something much worse! LOL!!!!

I think it's time for some cold iced-tea! Ahhhh....summer.....these are the days. Maybe after we watch this season of the show, I'll go outside and sit on the deck and read magazines....the lake does look gorgeous.....

Niovi LOL! I LOVEEEEEEE eating out in the city - lemme guess - you wound up getting snails or something weird at the restaurant? ;) LOL! I once ordered my favorite type of appetizer - calamari - listed as a calamari/squid dish at this place in chinatown and what arrived was a plate of octopus-like things that freaked me out! I had to cover up the octupus creatures with the leaves the meal came with so I wouldn't have to look at them anymore. Micaila that sounds fabulous! My boyfriend Ricky is a great artist in my opinion and he does great stuff with charcoal and heck crayon. It always amazes me how people with artistic talent can so easily sketch and draw things they see exactly the way we see them and it's just gorgeous. Good luck to you! Deivl Girl ya mean devil or deivl? ;) Hi and nice to meetcha! :)

Updated at 10:17 p.m. EST
This was so nice....I helped mum make chappati and after the beans and potato thingamajig she made was ready, she, nith and me all ate and talked about everything under the sun, then had oranges and the last of my Magnolia Bakery cupcakes - nuking them in the microwave til they're piping hot makes them taste even YUMMIER! :)

I jogged 2 miles this evening and afterwards put in 8-minute abs and 8-minute buns and then did my own thigh and waist workout - I am SOOOO exhausted now. Felt good to jog again after weeks of not.

Nith and I are beginning the 2nd season of Sex and the City now. I had plans to take the interns from work out for a tour of the city tomorrow but turns out the weather's gonna be crappy - nothing but rain and thunder all day! I really don't want to travel in such weather so I think I'll stay home. Anywayz, see ya'll tomorrow :)

- Nishi

Friday, July 16, 2004
09:24 p.m.

Their frosting may be super-sweet but I love Magnolia Bakery's cupcakes! It's located on the corner of W. 11th & Bleeker (gorgeous part of the West Village) and they have another store up on 52nd/2nd. It's this old fashioned dessert shop for which people line up all the way around the block to get cupakes from! The story behind the place is this: these 2 lesbian lovers opened it up like a decade ago and it was the best thing to hit that part of the west village and it was a happy, loving fun place then one dark day the 2 broke up and the place closed....but one day one of the women re-opened it and the other opened up her own version of it (same name) uptown so now it's back and just as wonderful as ever! :)

I have a lot I'm thinking about.....lots I'd love to say but unable to on here so this is going to be a short entry. I'm going to spend the night watching the entire 1st season of Sex and the City with my sister Nithi who's home for the weekend. Tired. Am gonna go. Hope ya'll have a wonderful night and weekend! I'll respond to msgs later! *HUGS*

- Nishi

Thursday, July 15, 2004
11:19 p.m.

On 35th Street b/t 5th and 6th avenues is The Playwright's Tavern/Restaurant - a great Irish pub/bar/restaurant - they had a live band playing downstairs - Tiffany, Bill and I went there after I took them to my kickboxing class tonight. It's near some nice looking Korean restaurants I want to go to too! Ordered their Bailey's Cappuchino (yumm!) and a Nouveau sandwhich (grilled mushrooms and tomatoes with some kind of cheese(?) on sourdough bread) - light and healthy after my intense workout. Bill and Tiffany are now going to sign up and become regulars with me for a month at the gym :) They're not just gonna do the fitness kickboxing - they're gonna do the full martial arts kickboxing with me in the San Shou classes - love those! :) Taking them to class was a LOT of fun...I learned a lot tonight as well even though it was only the fitness class - learned a lot of knee blocks and round kick techniques.

Just finished a shower....gave myself a clay facial mask using ORIGIN's dark clay masque - my skin looks gorgeous now :) I got a french manicure and pedicure today too. My friends from work are all going to my other friend from work, Sean's band that he manages, The MYTVs, perform at ARLENE'S GROCERY downtown tomorrow night. I want to go too but I may be doing something Saturday which would get in the way of me going Friday night....agh well...

I went to a SAMPLE SALE this evening where I saw Prada bags, Fendi and Dolce & Gabanna and Guuci bags and SHOES! Even at 40-60% off the prices were still like $199 and UP. Didn't find anything I really liked though so skipped on over to this Leather Jackets boutique and found an $80 vanilla creme-colored leather jacket that makes me look to die for. Only 3 problems: they only accept cash and it's no refunds or store credit and the sleeves are an inch too long which I can get tailored but for $80 with no return or anything & all in cash I kinda want it to be perfect ;) So I didn't buy it - vowing instead to bring one of my sisters down to get their opinion before I laid down so much cash for something like that. Funny how I have no problem if it's a credit card purchase huh? ;) But cash and I'm like NO! ;) It's easy to give in to credit card purchases cause you don't see the money leaving your hands - with cash you literally feel the hole in your pocket and you feel a lot more guiltier for overspending and are much more careful with your wallet. I should REALLLLLLY start switching to the cash-only mentality and save credit for only major big NECESSARY purchases. I do that....sometimes....but not enough....

Aishah hahahaha yes it IS a happening city - there's no place in the world like it - although I REAAAALLLLLY love Los Angeles just as much as I love NYC. But both places are expensive - food costs a lot more, shopping is more - and to even see and do things it costs a good deal of money. Both places are dreams come true for people who can afford to spend ;) NYC is just.....it's honestly like home to me....and with so many different neighborhoods in the city, you're bound to find one area that suits you best (so long as you can afford to live and/or be there ;)). Definitely come visit - there's so much to see, do, eat! :) Every day is an adventure here :) Sean hey there! *HUGS* I use JETBLUE only! And yup my motions almost all went well - one was accepted, reserved for judgment after oral argument, one turned out the guy I was seeking an opposition to he got out on liability, another was denied because of triable issues of facts but I still made good arguments and won brownie points :) And the last one I think after I raised the fact of prior accidents and inability to confirm when those doctor's evaluations plaintiffs had done were actually performed, got the motion adjourned to August for oral argument before the judge on all the merits etc.

Anywayz, I am out peeps. Have a good night!

- Nishi

Wednesday, July 14, 2004
09:59 p.m.

ohhhhhh *hangs head* I am still sooooooo buzzzzzzedddddddddd! After work today, my friends from work James and Jody and I went to Park Bar at Union Square for cocktails and 2 of our intern friends from work, Bill and John, met us there, and lorddddddd after a cosmopolitan and and amaretto sour I was done in! It wsa only afterwards that I learned that a cosmo is one of the worst drinks to have cause it gets you drunk fast - how am I supposed to know that? I drink like once in a blue moon! ;) I'm such a lightweight! :) I don't really like to drink a lot, just once in a while as long as it's with friends or family and even then it's just 1 drink and maximum 2. We had SO much fun! SOOOO much fun! We all sang songs, and traded stories, and just had a wonderful time. Laughed like crazy. The kind of way I only augh with my sisters or boyfriend - those big belly laughs ya know? :) It was a wonderful way to spend a Wednesday night :) Park Bar is on W. 15th and Union Square. Really cool place to hit after work or after exams etc and just down a few drinks :)

Anywayz, work today was nice :) I got to court around 9:15 and after signing in on the calendar and checking in with the clerks in each of my parts of the court I settled in to wait till the calendar call was done, answered my motions and they didn't get called before the judges till after 11am. Argued everything before the judges and 1 clerk and it all went well. As I was sitting there and waiting I remembered why I hate going to court so much - it's such a boring and complete waste of time and I hate the darn stressful anticipation of getting up in front of a judge and co-counsels to argue about things you don't even care about and have no heart for. It's different if it's something you believe in. I can do it and I do a good job at it but it's not something I'm happy doing. I could never do it regularly....it'd make me grey before my time.

Anywayz...as I was coming back to work from court I had to transfer at Fulton to get the subway line that goes nearest to my work place and it's exactly where John Street is where they were having the Bastille Day celebration so i got out for 10 minutes, bought a "Ciao Bella" sorbet ice cream and looked at the festival-related stuff :) They had crepes and lots of other foods and a huge bar and grill with crazy stuff going on - races with champagne glasses - hysterical! :)I saw people dressed up as clowns in the bar! And lord did that bar have some gorgeous waiters! Roman gods in the making ;) Afte rmy short time there, I got back to work around 1-ish and met my friends from work for lunch. We went to this nearby chinese place where they serve authentic and delicious chinese food - none of that greasy fast good yuck stuff - but real, clean, yummy tasting, great value for your dollar food! SOOOO worth it!

I felt peaceful - I love the people I work with - John is just awesome and I adore him, Jenn is super cool as is Delores and Paula and I adore Jody and James and Andrew and I just really feel pretty good going to work. That's a rare feeling to have I think.

I've had 3 bottles of water, a hot chocolate and I still feel buzzed.....how can 2 drinks DO that to me? Am i really that much of a lightweight? This is why I rarely ever drink! Sheesh! So during court I got hit on by 4 guys - 2 asked me if I had a boyfriend or husband ;) LOL! They must've KNOWN they were on losing ground as soon as they asked ;)

My friend Bill's dad drove Bill and me home now and I'm relaxing with my mummy. Going to wash my face, brush my teeth and settle in to bed and get a good night's sleep after waking up early for court today.

Niovi hahahah yeah I wanna do more quizzes too just no time! As for the lawyer bit - lord, if it isn't the "theory" part, so to speak, it'll be the regular day-to-day practice lifestyle that will sour you and disappoint you. Law is not glamorous. It's quite routine, drill-like, and stressful....and just not fulfilling unless you find some area of law that is your driving passion and finding it is rare and takes a LONGGGG time! Micaila Art Institute of CA? WOW! That's AWESOME!!!!!!! Congratulations and please study hard and do amazingly well! I taught myself html and graphics design in 1998 and just kept working at it all since. I'd love to have gone to classes on it! 12-12 is a cool birthday :) Capricorn or Sagitarius? Stephanie please do join again when you have time or inclination! :) I'm happy you're here though *HUGS* Please do visit and comment often as I'd love to hear more from you :) Shinjita thank you so much! I love Emeraude too! I'm an obsessive collector of almost all things Emeraude - have a bunch of production cels from the anime series of her, all the posters and clippings of her and every figurine and plush doll ever made of her. Obsession....definitely ;)

Night everyone!

- Nishi

Tuesday, July 13, 2004
09:46 p.m.

I'm going to court tomorrow! I'm arguing 4 motions, 3 of which are threshhold motions - for those of you out there who care, when a guy sues and brings a case to court claiming he was injured in a car accident, he's got to prove he has serious injuries: permanent or significant loss of bodily functions etc or limitation of their use or that he can't do normal activities anymore and suffered such that he was home or bed-bound at least 90 out of the 180 days following the accident. Well that's some of it anyway. In my motions tomorrow, all the plaintiffs doctors reports show they're all fine, normal, with nothing permanent, no disabilities, and they were all compensated through no-fault benefits so they don't satisfy the requirements for "serious injuries" and being already compensated their suits should be dismissed.

At first when I learned I was going to court I was a little miffed because I'm a motions attorney - which means I do motions all day in the office and I love doing that as I'm a writer and I just like it :), and in the past when I went to Court it was a lot of court hopping and running all over the place and stressful - I didn't like it at all - the whole reason i took this job was cause it was 'motions dept' with occassional court ;) So the occasional court came but ya know what? For once, I'm kinda looking fwd to it :) cause I haven't argued motions in.....10 months! WOW! So it's like a novelty and is fun like that. PLUS I feel threshhold motions are SO EASY to argue. I was reviewing them during my 1/2-hour train ride home tonight and after going through all 4 I was set and ready and thinking "no sweat!" I had MUCH harder motions to argue previously - the ones that always stressed me out were the motions for summary judgment cause the judge and the plaintiffs etc make it so stressful and make you look like an idiot while you're trying to argue ;) Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. When you lose, you really hate being a lawyer ;)

Speaking of tough things, I went to 2 kickboxing classes tonight - the first is the San Shou class - we put on shin guards today in order to learn how to block and kick. I got teamed up with this guy who banged my head and arms so much I'm sore! And I think he was trying to go easy on me! HAH! I think I lost a billion brain cells. Anywayz, it was a very grueling and intense hour-long class and I learned a LOAD of new techniques. Stayed for the next class but only a half-hour of it cause I needed to get home to my mom at a decent time while Papa's in India.

I feel like a woman again now that I finished taking a long, hot shower and changed into one of my pretty nightgowns. I need to do my vocal exercises, eat dinner (am starving after that killer 1.5 hour session) and go to sleep.

Stephanie hi! are you still part of the UMML or the MTMLs? I haven't worked on the sites since March and they very much need to be updated. Agh I have no time between singing, writing papers, all my classes at night and working full-time so it's tough. I hope you're still a fan! Will check out your journal sometime this week! *HUGS* Aishah ok cool :) I can't wait to visit one day. I asked my bg and he knows that area well! :) Micaila aww good for you! Now which school was this and what classes again? What country are you from again? SOOO sorry I forget these things on the journal....

See ya'll tomorrow!

- Nishi

Monday, July 12, 2004
09:37 p.m.

evening everybody :) I had such a nice day! I got so many compliments today on my color coordination and make up ;) LOL! I wore these tan cuff-pant chinos from Arden B. I bought a year ago with this pretty tan and dark pink shirt with my new soft cotton pink blazer over it and my matching pink sandals from Steve Madden. To complete it I wore one of the new butterfly necklaces I got in chinatown while with Ricky last weekend and put pink make up on my face. I love dressing up! And make up - I'm a minimalist when it comes to make up - just a little lip gloss and face podwer to control shine and then when I feel like it, I add a shade of lipstick and some eye shadow and eyeliner. That's about it.

I got so many motions done - the line of law I do is personal injury litigation and deals heavily with auto accidents and our firm does defense litigation on it. It's interesting I think. Anywayz, it's a totally rainy day here in NY and I had a splitting headache towards the end of the work day so decided against going to kickboxing and instead met up with a friend at Union Square to go to the "COFFEE BAR" which is this fun cafe/restaurant/bar on the corner of I think 16th Street and Union Square. The blinking "coffee" sign outside of the bar is the same blinking coffee sign that they show on "Sex and the City" and they filmed a lot of the stuff on that show right there near Union Square cause Sarah Jessica Parker's apartment is in that area - somewhere around Perry Street and Hudson i think? Not sure.

Anywayz, after making it through the puddles and rainy streets of NYC (it's so pretty even in the rain I think) we ate and gossiped, ordered coconut shrimp and calamari and a Bandita Mango drink - I gave him advice on this family set up he's going on tomorrow with this girl his grandmother wants him to marry eventually! LOL! I helped him with - ok basically TOLD HIM- the 'date itinerary' - first he'd pick her up at Grand Central, take her to Chevy's in Times Square and then to go see a movie of her choice also at Times Square and then go to the Empire State Building to get a view of the city from the top (although I just realized now that with it raining and all tomorrow night might not be the best date night to take her to the Empire State Bldg) - it's supposed to rain all week!

My friend Bill, an intern at work, then gave me a ride home from the train station and I just finished having dinner with my mom and am now relaxing and settling in to read and watch tv. Bill has a boat! We're gonna invite my firm's interns at work to come up here and we'll all go on his boat and go to I think Great Neck where he and his dad know a great restaurant to go eat.

Some interesting random stuff about my day: the guy at the fruit stand outside where I work from whom I buy fruit occasionally served in the Gulf War! What the heck is he doing as a fruit vendor now? As I was going to Union Square I saw a couple homeless people - one girl was holding a sign, something about 'this is all I've got' and she looked like ur avg. Union Square kinda girl - trendy with ear piercings etc and this totally homeless looking guys starts throwing garbage at her and she sticks up her middle finger at him. The things I see.....

Niovi awwwww *HHHUUUGGGSSSSS* :) thas all I have to say :)

Ok I'm out. See ya'll tomorrow.

Sunday, July 11, 2004
10:28 p.m.

Today I took the 'Sex and the City' tour through the city. It's this special tour through Screen Tours.com for just $35 which takes you on a 3-hour long tour of a bunch of favorite places used for filming of the 'Sex and the City' show. I saw Carrie's apartment building, the salon where the girls all got manicures and pedicures, where Carrie learned Big was engaged, and all sorts of other things. It was FANTASTIC! One of the places they took us to was the sex shop where Charlotte bought her RABBIT! OH MY GOD! My eyes were bugging out at everything I saw and it was hysterical! I wound up buying (along with the other 30+ people on the tour) 2 things: I got chocolate body paint and fortune cookies with sexual erotic fortunes in them :) It's a fantastic tour and well worth it for anyone who is in the city, living or visiting!

This morning I did my vocals and choreography before heading to the Tour, and said bye to Nith and Mek and Mil. I spent the evening doing a little shopping - bought this gorgeous new soft cotton pink blazer from this boutique called SEARLE on Madison and 59th or 58th I think (cost a pretty penny but SO worth it) - think I'll wear it tomorrow to work. Picked up a new pretty powder blue dress purse while shopping on the Sex and the City Tour from one of those street vendors - it's SUCH a find and was only $15!

I just finished taking a long shower and painted my nails and gave myself a facial. Going to read Bill Clinton's 'My Life', talk to my darling Ricky and head to sleep.

Niovi you're not missing out on anything if you can't sing in public - as with everything in life, you do what you love - so don't feel badly. I have a feeling you are talented in many ways and have tons of courage and bravery to get out to do those things! :) And who knows - maybe one day you just might get up on stage and sing your heart out! Kayla I know exactly what you mean - singing and dancing "makes me feel more like me" too :) Aishah hahaha *HUGS* thank you very much! Where in Singapore are you? My boyfriend used to live in SIngapore for a long time, grew up there for a good part of his life and served 3 years in the army there too. I want to one day go visit. Rachel aww sweetie *HUGS* I love you too! :)

I'm out - see ya'll tomorrow :)

- Nishi

Saturday, July 10, 2004
11:25 p.m.

I've been singing along with the WICKED soundtrack all night....I'm in tears now cause I'm so happy with myself - I'm singing the way I've always wanted to - loud, clearly, perfectly....every note...everything is in almost perfect union with the songs.....I don't know if there are any singers out there who can relate to what I'm feeling...but GOD it is the most amazing feeling in the world when you're singing a song you love, belting it out and are able to hit every note, every sound, inflection, etc perfectly...no glitches, no scratchs...just...perfect...so happy...so happy with how you sound, how the song makes you feel...how it's practically alive in you..........I love singing....I love dancing.....I have to do this...I have to.....I was born to do this.

I have a million things to do tomorrow so am not going to church with my sisters and mom but will be spending the morning working on my vocals and the dance choreography for my dance in 2 weeks.

I'm feeling....inspired.....there's this one song in WICKED where Elphaba finds out the evil deeds behind the Wizard and company and in trying to do good is betrayed and she sings:

Everyone deserves the chance to fly...to those who'd ground me, take a message back from me, tell them how I am defying gravity, I'm flying high, defying gravity, and soon I'll match them in renown and nobody in all of Oz, no wizard that there is or was, is ever gonna bring me down....

There's another song both sing....it goes 'don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart' and it's about wanting something you most likely can never get and the sad reality of who and what you are and that it is out of your limits........so beautiful...so painful....I can't tell you how many times I cried during the show.

My favorite songs though are 'As Long As You're Mine', 'Popular' and 'No Good Deed' I'd love to do 'As Long as You're Mine' as a duet with someone - it's gorgeous.

Even though the musical had a wonderful happy ending, as it went along I was struck by the theme of the sad realities of life, how our actions and inactions affect everything.

Too often we let chances slip by. We don't tell that certain someone how we feel, what we're thinking, we don't speak out against wrong doings, we don't defend others, we behave indifferently....we are concerned with our own affairs. So much...so much......

Singing..dancing....it's only the beginning for me....I want to sing and dance because it's inside me....I have to get it out....through it so much more will come....my advocacy, human rights, civil rights....it's all about expressing yourself...changing things....causing people to be moved, to be touched, to get up and do something....music and dance alters the mind...it makes people stand up and dance, lifts their spirits, makes them think, dance is a release for the stress and tiredness of the soul, it uplifts as well.....

I'm just talking at random here....

That wrinkle I thought I had yesterday by the way? Gone :) Thank GOD! No more crinkling though - I don't want it ever coming back! We celebrated Nith's birthday today with ice cream cake and went shopping and just hung out and then took Pop to JFK for his flight.....I think we're getting drinks ready - cocktails for the night ;) I'm gonna join them now - I'm a lil sung out now - wanna save my voice for tomorrow.

Aishah hi there! I went to your blog and it's wonderful! I love the layout!! I'm so glad you liked the quizzes - they took me AGES to make :) I'll check back on your blog regularly :) Isabel hi there! movies? oh you MUST see King Arthur, Farenheit 9/11, I heard Shrek 2 is wonderful, go see Mean Girls, heard Dodgeball was fantastic, see Cinderella Story when it comes out and Catwoman too :) Good for your friend who listened to your advice - sounds like you're doing well for yourself! However, I'm sorry to hear about your family member's funeral! *HUGS* I pray you and your family have the strength to continue on and that you're all reunited with that beloved family member one day. Hector which test? I made 3 Quizzes - I am the sole source for both quizzes on royalty and women of beauty but as for the women of legend various sources.

- Nishi

Friday, July 9, 2004
11:53 p.m.

Just got home from a night out with my sisters - it's always so much fun when the 4 of us go out cause we draw a lot attention from guys and we just have a hilarious time together. We went to Applebees to celebrate Nith's turning 23 and we were all complaining about the shoddy service even though this sweet north indian guy was our waiter and we think he heard us complaining and thought we were saying mean things about him but we weren't so when he came around and we made small talk I said 'by the way you're a fabulous waiter' and my sisters told me afterwards that it came across sounding sarcastic and I meant it TOTALLY sincerely! So we agreed I should just shut up and say 'I went there' cause I kept saying 'I went there' to the waiter's asides that he went to St. John's U and had a friend who went to Binghamton. I went to Binghamton University as an undergrad and St. John's University of Law after. 'I went there! I went there!' I kept saying - and I only had one Bahama Mama. (It's a drink)

Anywayzzzzzzz.......the day was a lot of fun - wound up getting a manicure and pedicure instead of bellydance class cause I just felt like vegging and taking care of myself today before celebrating with the girls. Note to self: my twin sisters' boyfriends are muy touchy subjects.

I have a tiny wrinkle. On my forehead. Pigs are flying. I'm slathering the damn oil of olay in gobs on my forehead.

It's cause I've been crinkling my forehead like a nut lately. It's not even conscious. You think of something hard - you crinkle your forehead, you talk about something all expressively - you crinkle your forehead - you get into a fight with your boyfriend - you're crinkling the bejeezus outta your forehead - ugh - basically I need the anti-wrinkle stuff now for real. And here I thought I might just have perfect skin forever.

Maybe it'll go away? Maybe I can move Mt. Everest.

I'm gonna take my jolly ol' self to bed now.

Night peoples :)

- Nishi

Happy Tanabata Festival Day!
Wednesday, July 7, 2004
10:15 p.m.

where do I begin? ok the long 4th of July weekend - Ricky and I had a wonderful time! After the romantic Friday night dinner at Grotto, the gorgeous muscial Wicked, dessert at Applebees, kayaking on Saturday, eating at chinatown, seeing the Empire State Building and going all the way to the top (even though the line took forever) but it was SOOOO worth it, to the 4th of July fireworks at Five Islands and the picnic he and my sisters and I had all together - to the Monday barbeque and us fishing with my dad - to their AWFUL embarassing questions to us about what our marriage plans were (neither Ricky nor I are ready for marriage yet) and to our visit to the Hayden Planetarium - seeing the 'Passport to the Universe' and the Natural History Museum's PETRA - LOST CITY OF STONE exhibit was amazing! Ricky and I ate at Serendipity on Saturday night - had frrrozen hot chocolate and dim sum :) It's on E. 60th b/t 2nd and 3rd Avenue - took Ricky to look out over the East River. We took a romantic carriage ride around Central Park Monday night after walking around in it a little. We're going to go to Tavern on the Green one day. We saw Farenheit 911 on Saturday and it was FANTASTIC! The carriage ride was so perfect....we only did the half hour ride...next time I want to do the full ride.....

I'm home now from work and bellydancing class....hungry as heck. I miss Ricky :( it's lonelier without him. *sigh*

Today was the Tanabata Festival - the Japanese festival honoring the celestial weaving maiden and her lover the shepherd (or cowherd) - the legend is based on astronomy of course :) the two stars Vega and Altair and their constellations and goes like this: Orihime, represented by the star Vega, was a princess and weaver who lived on the east side of the river of the Milky Way with her father, the Emperor. Altair was a very handsome and brave herdsman who lived on the other side of the river. The two met and fell in love, and everyone was happy, including the Emperor. However, Orihime spent so much time being with Altair that she began to neglect her weaving work. This made her father very angry, and he separated the two to opposite sides of the river, so that they could not meet. However, he allowed them to meet once a year on the seventh day of the seventh month - on this day a flock of magpies would form a bridge across the Milky Way, and the two lovers would be with each other again.

In Japan, the belief is that wishes written on 5 colored strips of paper and hung on little bamboo trees will come true on this day. :) So much fun! They were having a kid's Tanabata Festival here in the city today - too bad I was working and had my dance class.

Anywayz, just finished chappati and paera - time for dessert ;) Going to sleep early tonight. Good night everyone!

- Nishi

Saturday, July 3, 2004
11:42 a.m.

Updated at 11:30 p.m. EST BELOW
I love WICKED! I love WICKED! I love WICKED! I love WICKED!!!!!!!!!!!! It's right up there with Les Mis and Phantom! Everybody out there go FREAKIN SEE IT! I cried and laughed and wanted to shout and sing a long. I wound up buying the WICKED cd.

I wore a pretty black and white dress to work and wind up buying a new pair of Steve Madden black heeled sandals during my lunch that would go with the dress. Ricky finally came to get me from work a little after 3:30 and I got to introduce him to a few friends at work :) He played with my little miniature pool table on my desk :) hahaha - we went to this romantic outdoor garden restaurant called GROTTO on 100 Forsythe Street (after Chrystie street in chinatown, near Grand) and it was fantastic - we had glasses of white wine with an appetizer of something-italian-frutta - basically fruits of papaya, mango, something else and cooked bacon. And then a salad of shaved pears with something I didn't like (red leaves with sour dressing) and then a main course of jumbo shrimp with spinach leaves and then dessert was chocolate fondue - hot chocolate we dipped various fruits in. Then we rushed to WICKED and it was so fantasic. Can't tell you how many times I teared up and cried cause I was so moved. Happy ending though :) Afterwards, we walked to Applebees to have hot chocolate, drinks and dessert. Beautiful night :) Full moon......

Now it's Saturday morning - just woke up - day is gorgeous - mummy made upa mav and we'll eat, probably go hiking in the woods and then head to the city to go kayaking on the Hudson River and then eat sea food or down in chinatown and we want to see Farenheit 911 and Spider Man 2.

Hope you're all having an awesome weekend!!! Memory Steve Madden shoes vary from person to person I think - the shoes I buy happen to be very comfortable and last forever but I know of some people who can't stand the shoes - well I bought comfortable ones so I'm happy :) I can't WAIT for KING ARTHUR!!!!!!!! How'd you get your LSAT results come back so fast?? When did you take the exam? Sue hahahah thank you :) ur funny :) I hope all your dreams come true too! I'm glad to know someone from the UK. Lady my friend Jeanne have a wonderful 4th too! *HUGS* Miyu-chan Susan you're so wonderful *HUGS* hahahaha I cracked up when I saw your yaay for me :) Micaila have fun at art school! I wish I could do something like that but no time or money for that now. *HUGS* Darlene definitely got your email but just don't have chance to email back. I'll be slow but a response will come :)

Updated at 11:30 p.m. EST BELOW
Kayaking was AMAZING!!!!!!! We left home in the early afternoon and headed to the city - downtown Pier 26 by the West End and N. Moore/Franklin Streets and after changing into our "wet clothes" got a double-kayak and went out and I learned how to do all sorts of manuevering on a kayak. It was a lot of fun but boy are my arms weak! I can't believe it was all FREE!! And they had a festival going on in the city and Hudson Park had so many fun things going on too! We went to chinatown for lunch then - to this malaysian place and then I shopped and bought 2 pretty necklaces there and then we went and saw FARENHEIT 911!!

EVERYONE GO SEE FARENHEIT 911! I laughed, cried (a LOT) and cheered and applauded with everyone in the theater. It was AMAZING. One of the best films I've seen in a long time.

More tomorrow. G'night.

- Nishi

Thursday, July 1, 2004
09:12 p.m.

what dress should I wear? what dress should I wear? This is so much fun! I went shopping with friends after work today and bought new shoes from Steve Madden and now am trying on all my strappless and spaghetti strap dresses, trying to decide which will be best for tomorrow night.

Why, you ask? Because my Ricky is coming tonight! :D I'm getting him from JFK tonight at midnight!

I gotta clean up my room and get everything ready for tomorrow......aghhhh back to deciding what I should wear. Freaking strapless bras - they never stay on tight enough! I just wanna go bra-less - really! Anywayz....for those of you who sent me emails - if you're awaiting a response I'm busy right now and will be busy for a while so response will be slow but I got your emails. My time on the computer is limited now to just writing in my journal, checking and maintaining my finances, reading email quick and then going everything I need to do with my life. So responses will be slow but they will come :)

It's so hot and muggy with this humidity...blech.....I'm going to wear glitter in my hair & my prettiest jewelry.....and I gotta wear something nice for when I pick him up tonight too....I walked for 3+ hours this evening.....my legs are so tired. Took the interns to CHIPOTLE's for lunch today - Ricky and I went to the chain in L.A. last year and I loved it - was a sit-down restaurant there and so much fun! The one I went to here was more like a Quiznos or Subway the way they had everybody line up to order and then you seat yourself in sparse seating.

Ok I'm off. See ya guys later!

- Nishi

Wednesday, June 30, 2004
10:36 p.m.

an example of one f--ked up sick freak of nature that exists in our world to plague me:

I swear - I wanted to pulverize him. Anyway, I'm really tired. Going to bed in another half hour or so. Micaila hope you're well! Mr. De Lioncourt that's one heck of a name! Thank you very much - your site is wonderful! Alex are there that many good looking men in NY??? Holy hell you have to come here - yes this city is brimming with gorgeous people - almost all working types and professionals or college students, actors or models or young singers. My work place has a good 6-8 cute guys I think. Niovi LOL! hahaha they are yours for the taking :) They may be cute and all but they're just my friends - I'd be happy to set you up :) Kayla thank you sweetie and you have a fabulous week and weekend yourself~!

Wednesday, June 30, 2004
07:20 a.m.

morning everyone :) the sun' streaming through my windows and the lake looks gorgeous....the freakin rabbits are everywhere in the back.

I really need to start getting a full 8 hours of sleep a night. 1am lights out last night 6:30 a.m. alarm blaring. Of course I snooze to 6:45 ;)

I took the interns to their first course at Hayden Planetarium last night! We went to see 'The Summer Sky' - the lecturer wasted a ton of time on the transit of venus pictures - honestly, no one could care about seeing a little black dot against the sun for 14 slides straight. Sheesh. Finally after a ton of extemporaneous topics he got to the issue at hand oh about 30-40 minutes in - the summer sky at night and taught everyone to identify some of the summer sky stars and constellations but I was so disappointed cause he didn't cover 1/2 the stuff I wanted to see in the summer sky. He didn't even give much background to the legends behind the constellations. He had lots of interesting facts - which would've been great for a 2 hour lecture but this was a 1-hour course and to waste it on things....I would make such a better astronomy lecturer.

Last day of June......summer starts tomorrow in my eyes. The first day of July always felt like the real beginning of summer.....

I had such a nice night with Ricky on the phone last night....it was a wonderful feeling of closeness and connectedness.....I love him.

Anywayz, I need to get ready for my day. Got bellydancing tonight. See ya'll laters and will respond to msgs tonight! :)

- Nishi

Monday, June 28, 2004
11:24 p.m.

evening folks! I stayed up till 1am last night working on my songs, writing up new ones and getting them ready to be copyrighted. Woke up today so tired...u know that 'out of it' feeling that you get when u wake up in the morning after too little sleep? it feels like you're disconnected and things are weird? Like you're in the wrong time or something....your brain's basically in a fog ;) Anywayz, got to work and had a very nice day :) I love the people there so much! Jenn cracks me UP and is just so funny to talk to. Same for my friend Laurice - she's hilarious - we teased our intern Bill mercilessly over starbucks because he knows we love iced caramel macchiatos and frappachinos and he didn't even let us know he went so I demanded he go and get me a starbucks as our intern cause that's what interns are supposed to do ;) was hilarious! My friend Andrew at work is by far one of THE funniest guys at work. If I'd ever had an older brother I'd want it to be Andrew - he's so much fun to talk to and it's easy to be comfortable with him. He cracked me up today with these various stories and then I was such a dunce about the hares and hairs LOL! Nevermind I'm too tired to repeat the story.

After work I went to kickboxing even though I felt tired and wasn't really into it - still I worked out good and on my way back bought some pretty flowers (poms) and caught the 8:10 train back home. Showered long, gave myself a scrub and facial, and just finished eating a nice dinner of rice with eggplant curry mummy made and corn on the cob. (curry doesn't always mean curry - it's just our word for every dish we make - whether it has traditional curry spices in it or not.)

My lips are tender - I did an exfoliating treatment on my lips tonight - you take a small end of a clean wash cloth, dip it in vaseline and rub it over your lips gently in circular motions - it exfoliates the skin on the lips and reveals the prettier, fresh and younger skin below. I think I rubbed too hard though - tender. Make sure you put a coat of lip balm or vaseline on your lips when finished to protect the new skin and soothe it.

mmm eating a chessman cookie by pepperidge farm.....I love pepperidge farm bread, chessmen cookies, brussels cookies and pirouline wafer snacks :)

oh speaking of sweets and fattening foods, I was on the way back from the bank during lunch today when I saw a stand for free body fat readings near where I worked. Of course I got in line to have my body fat read (always something fun and crazy like this going on in the city) and my body fat is awful! I'm 24.5%!!! That's a lot for a girl of my height and weight. I should be down in the 18-22% range. ugh! i'm soo working out hard....

speaking of working out, Dark Eyes isn't the only cute guy at work with muscles - one of my friends Sean at work - holy moly - he's got triceps of steel! I joked to him when he said for me to get home safe (or something like that) that I'd be fine but it's him who should worry about getting home safe ;) and he joked back something to which I replied that I kickboxed but I didn't see any muscles on him! UH OH he got a huge determined look on his face and made me feel his triceps. Literally it was like man of steel stuff. So many characters at work.

I'm off to sleep. G'night everyone!

- Nishi

Sunday, June 27, 2004
04:40 p.m.

I've been doing vocal exercises all afternoon and working on my songs....I'm amazed by how much more powerful my voice has gotten by regular vocal exercise.....I worked on the choreography of my dance for a good 2 hours this afternoon as well - it's almost perfect now. I just need to spend the next 3-4 weeks rehearsing it and singing the song at the same time and I'll be good to go. (This is the dance and song I'll be doing for my friend Sheepa's engagement on Friday, July 23 - it's at 6pm at night and I have to be there by 3pm latest so I'll have to leave work early that day. I haven't bought my dress yet - aghh how in the heck did I get roped into this?! Think I'll wear something red and gold to match the fire theme of the song. The dance is good and the song I can sing nice although a couple parts I'm still rough on.....I'm nervous!

I saw Harry Potter #3 last night - the movie was funny as heck but I was still disappointed on how they left out the explanation of the stag as Harry's petronum because his father's petronum was a stag too! And therefore he was the 'moose' identified on the marauder's map - they didn't show peter pettigrew either going back to voldemort. It was a good movie but the way it ended....was just corny....and they spent waaaaayyy too much time emphasizing a Hermione and Ron relationship - c'mon! that wasn't even in the book #3! Good movie but it coulda been a whole lot better. Must've been because they had a new director for this 3rd installment - I say bring back the 1st director who stuck to the books beautifully without embellishments and changes in character.

Ok back to work on my songs and rehearsing them. Suni I loveeee middle easten dance now :) I wish I could spend years studying bharanatyam though! Niovi LOL! ur so funny :) Kayla happy belated birthday :) *HUGS* Isabel you gave good advice to your friend. Hope she heeds it! :) hope u had fun at the beach! Micaila LOL! Actually Ricky would probably love to see me finally flirt with someone in front of him ;) LOL!

- Nishi

Friday, June 25, 2004
10:20 p.m.

mmmmmmm it feels soooo good to be homeeeeee :) it was so gosh darn rainy - pouring like crazy and I got soaked on my way to and back from my belly dance class. I managed to stop by my favorite manga shops today and picked up a TON of new manga :)

Today was such a nice day - we got an hour and a 1/2 for lunch and my friend big Sean at work took me for a fancy expensive lunch at this place called 'Uncle Jack's' - he's such a sweetheart - he comes up and is all 'what're u doing for lunch' and 'wanna come have lunch with me?' :) I totally didn't expect him to treat me. I'll do something nice for him one day next week. He's an aspiring actor and even got a part as an extra in Nicole Kidman's upcoming movie 'The Interpreter' being filmed here in the city at the United Nations.

I was talking to Dark Eyes after my bellydance class. He's a lot stronger than I thought he was which really surprised me and it's a total turn on. He beat me at arm wrestling - that was a turn on ;) And then I saw his muscles - WOW....if I'd thought he was hot before he's realllly hot now ;) hahahahaah :) But seriously I'm not like that :) Waaaaaay too moral to go for a guy when I'm already with someone I love like my Ricky (and besides D.E. has a gf who I really like! she's really sweet!) - I'm attracted but it's innocent - I'd never act on it. :) although it sure would be fun if he ever flirted back! ;) It'd be like one of those fun office flirtations ;) But i wonder if he's already playfully flirting back - I really can't be sure - he always has this really cute devlish fun look in his eyes that's flirtatious yet innocently so :)

anywayz! :) I'm such a typical girl - when a guy I find attractive shows some of his strength - I swoon ;) hahahahahaah i always go wow when ricky does his chin ups and push ups and stuff - he has nice muscles......I'm a sucker for guys who have muscle - don't get me wrong - not guys who are built with muscles - I mean guys who are fit & their muscles show when they flex and do things - THAT is a turn on. Ricky's like that. D.E.'s like that. I see a trend here. ;)

Good lord I need to stop thinking of muscles! Not good! not good! :)

hahahahaha :)

I got the sweetest letter from this girl who's 15 years old today after she read my post a couple entries down about being the best woman one can be and being whole before you resort to men etc. She emailed saying she was inspired by what I wrote and everything I did and wanted to make her life full of rich experiences and activities too so she could be the best person she could be. I was really moved. Lynne God bless you and I think you're already a very cool and amazing girl! :)

ok I am out. Everyone have a wonderful night and weekend if I don't write again. Sanoj thank u for the link! *HUGS* great article! Niovi awww and thank you! I checked out your blog and love the Christina theme :) Kayla I loved what you wrote! God bless you!

- Nishi

Thursday, June 24, 2004
06:39 p.m.

Landira thank you for your thoughts on this matter but we shall disagree. I firmly believe that war is the very last solution to disputes and hold firmly to my belief that failure to understand other nations, their cultures and needs is the root cause of terrorism we are experiencing now and resulted in the many mistakes we made in foreign policy which incurred their wrath. War is all we can do now to end the terrorist ATTACKS - but not terrorism itself. Terrorism will continue to exist because as long as one side keeps seeing things in black and the other side sees things in white - no one will ever see what that both sides are multi-colored with multiple reasons and valid justifications for why they are doing what they are. Terrorists think we're evil and we think they're evil. They think we're oppressors, occupationists, out to push our American way of life and power and economic force upon them (and we ARE doing all those things). Our soldiers over there think we're liberators and freedom fighters when they think we're killing hundreds of innocent civilians and ruining their land and infrastructure (and we ARE). We think they want to attack us for our freedoms, really they're attacking us for our support of rebel regimes, war lords, supplying Israel with weapons and military aids that kill palestinians. The root cause of terrorism is our side thinks we're doing good and their side sees the results and sees it is bad and takes revenge against us. And please DON'T raise the sympathy argument of how many people didn't come home to tuck children into bed from 9/11 - hundreds if not thousands more have been killed or maimed for life as a result of our actions in the middle east since this War on Terrorism began. Countless children have died at the hands of our missles - those children won't be tucked in to bed at ALL. As far as I'm concerned we messed up again, not understanding why those a--holes bombed us in the first place - our operations, both public and covert, in the middle east with various rulers and clans and power struggles, economic and land-wise and of course Israel.

Anywayz, I appreciate your thoughts but I guess we will always disagree on this. While I appreciate your thoughts - if you wish to discuss this further, email me privately and I'll continue the debate there when I have time.

I'm at work now working overtime - thought I'd go to kickboxing but I wound up getting my time of month and my tummy hurts :( (if that was too much info for some close ur eyes ;)) Anyway, took advil and hope this pain goes away. Going to go home soon to work on papers and work on the choreography of my dance. Maybe get a manicure and pedicure too on my way home now - think that salon Green Tea is open till 8.

Hope everyone is well. I might write more when I get home tonight but good night for now.

- Nishi

Tuesday, June 22, 2004
11:21 p.m.

Miyu-chan Susan go to historychannel.com and you can order a copy there. I am doing that :) I couldn't record the show. My sister Mili still has pain on her back but it's better I *think*....will know more tomorrow...*HUG* Callie thank you for caring *HUGS* and I agree 100% :D Kayla thank you for your well-wishes for my sister. Web hosts? I'm with a friend's servers now so I can't help you with the names of any. I'll ask around and get back to you! I'll add your new pitas blog this weekend too! :) Ben Hur Adams umm no way u freak of nature. Jax oh wow that sounds gorgeous! Do you have a scan of it? I love black horses (and white horses) and love dragons too (being a Fire Dragon and all myself ;)) Please do show if you can? Wish I knew how to paint! Sailor Moon what is your real name? It's reallllllly weird to address you as Sailor Moon.....and don't say Usagi or Bunny or Serena - real name please ;) As for your question on Muslims and middle eastern dancing and how they can let women dance like that - it's different when it's entertainment and when it's women who are TRAINED for entertainment purposes. Plus not all Muslims are strict like that - that's only certain religious sects and countries. I have a ton of Muslim friends whose faiths and cultures don't impose such severe restrictions upon them. RMN thank you very much *HUG* How many siblings do you have? :)

I was talking to a friend tonight - she's at that age when a boyfriend and love are all she wants - understandable - almost all girls between 13-23 are hungry for love. "God knows I was a fool - such a fool for love."

After talking to her I started writing some poems which became songs and 'Such a Fool' is now born. I told her what I tell my sisters - a woman needs, first and foremost, to be a whole woman: to be her own person, with her own passions, interests, her own drive. A man is your companion, your helper, your complement i.e. like peanutbutter to jelly. But you are still you! A fully capable individual.

Everyone on earth has his/her complement, someone they want to help complete them. The key is to not let the desire for a companion, to be loved, take over who you are as a person and the strength that you bear as an individual - because you are complete and whole already whether this companion is in your life or not. And if you're not complete and whole - work to become so.

Surprising things happen when you become a woman who is strong and confident in herself - who is smart, capable and does not need a man to complete her world - suddenly, the men come dropping in like flies. Men are attracted to women who are totally together - who aren't all clingy, needy and emotional basketcases. I tell my sisters to follow my example - 1) get a life, i.e. pursue the things you love 2) set goals and work to achieve them and let nothing get in your way 3) make God, yourself and your family your #1 priorities and 4) then when you meet that Prince or King, and if he is worthy of you and completes you and is almost everything you want in a companion, allow him into the 4th category but always maintain everything else equally. In that way, you will have the complement - the companion who fits you - he is the last puzzle piece you need to make yourself whole but you don't sacrifice everything else that makes you a whole person too.

A lot of women, while growing up, have their whole worlds revolve around their boyfriend - they dump their own acitivities, time with friends, etc to devote to the boyfriend. It's pathetic. These young women lack strength in their own character and put up with things they shouldn't: liars, cheaters, abusers or just someone they're not the best fit with because they think 'where will I find someone else who will love me like this?' That's not the question you should ask. There are a million men out there who will love you and be with you. The point is....don't settle. Don't stay with someone you shouldn't be with just because you want to be loved and "together" - it won't make you happy. And more importantly, should you find that prince or a king who is in every way a wonderful loving companion to you, a "he completes me" kinda guy - you better damn well be one helluva woman who can be strong and just as well off without him in case something happens to him or he leaves. You're a lot stronger & better than that.

My first true love - lord how I loved him and still believe I do - S. - I remember how in love I was....I'd written in my diary in spring or summer of 1996 after he and I started being together that after God, and family and myself, S. was the next most important thing - actually he tied in with family is what I wrote. It wasn't until the break ups with S. that I put the ordering as God, my family & I, and then the boyfriend ;) The "I" is a huge part - it's everything I am, all my passions and interests. All of those things integral to who I am as a person come before the boyfriend. Without those things I wouldn't be I. These are lessons learned when a girl grows up - when she gives into a consuming love, when she gets her heart broken by that love....when she finally learns to love herself first.

Now with Ricky in my life, I know that as deeply as I love him, as painful and heart breaking as it could be to leave him - I know I have the strength of being to do so should I ever decide, or should he decide. I'm not weak. I have the love of my family, my friend, my God and my own self. I love myself so much and want my happiness more than anything save the ones I love and God Himself.

At age 25, I wrote in this journal how I hoped to become and achieve so much. I set out a 5 year plan for myself. I've come very very far. I couldn't have done all that without relying on my strength within. Somehow I've always had this enormous strength within....I think all of us have it......it pulls me through everything and pushes me onward.....to bigger and better......

I am....(in no particular order ;))...beloved of Ricky, beloved 1st-born daughter of my mummy and papa, beloved eldest sister of 3 girls, a beloved child of God, and I am.....an attorney, a human rights activist, a writer, a singer, a dancer, a woman who is passionate about world affairs, ancient studies and civilizations, archaeology, astronomy & mythology, a student of martial art forms, a fighter, and intellectual, a girl who loves to laugh at Calvin & Hobbes, the Simpsons, Friends, who loves anime and manga and is a hopeless romantic who loves cheesy songs and actually liked N'Sync and Backstreet Boys! :) A girl who likes to read, draw, to learn latin and other languages, to play games, gamble ;) and anything else that strikes my fancy and I am so much more. And should Ricky leave this huge description of myself, I would still be all these things and more. I love Ricky - with all my heart - would my heart be more empty? Yes. He is a great and vital part of my life but so is everything else on that list. If you take the gift of song away from me, I would be empty as well. The gift of words? I would cry my eyes dry. All of those things make me - me. Take one way and I am less of myself. What are we except everything and everyone that we love? If there was no one we loved, nothing we loved, we would be as lifeless as the desert.

One thing I know - even if all those things were taken away from me.....I would always have God and myself. My love for Him and for myself could never be taken away.

So in conclusion, I told my friend tonight that she should strive to make herself a better person first - to learn more about herself, find herself, and the boys, the love affairs, would all follow. Who knows if she will take that advice. Would I have at that age? No one ever gave me advice like that so I don't know. But then again, I always knew these things deep inside but just failed to follow through on them. I know better now. I wish I had been a more complete person back then. But I was just a child - just a young adult.

I'm still young - I'm only 27 - I'm still growing - we all are - we're all still learning.....and I welcome it....knowledge and wisdom - come to me. Let me wield thee. My goal in life? To be the most amazing person this world has yet to see. hahahaha :) that sounds so silly but it's true. I want to do amazing things - I want to work for human rights around the world, fight to create and change social and international policies, international laws...I want to change the world with my songs, my music, with my words, my writings - with my life and example. There is so much horror and tragedy in this world - so much ugliness, wrong and evil - I want to do as much as I can to change all that - to lessen it - to help those suffering from it. And I want to make others strive to be the most amazing people too so they continue on with my goals and efforts long after I'm gone. You don't become amazing overnight - it takes time, work, and strength of character, principles & conviction. If by age 90 I have made any progress in all of that than I will be happy. God lead me the way I should go.....lead me to my destiny and help me achieve it.

- Nishi

Monday, June 21, 2004
09:00 p.m.

my sister got into a car accident today!!! Mili was on her way to work and was stopped at a red traffic light when a woman rear-ended her! The back of the honda is a mess! Mili was taken to the hospital and she is ok although she's complaining of lower back pain. The doctor had told her that would be normal for the next couple days but if she still felt sore 3rd day on to come back. As an personal injury attorney I deal with auto accidents EVERY DAY and I know that if you get rear ended you wind up with lower back injuries - disc herniations, impingements, disc bulges etc. I am praying Mili is ok and she doesn't develop any lower back injuries. That horrible woman - if I see her I'll slap her. Now Mili is afraid to drive - my poor siser. I just wanna rush to Long Island and take care of her. She's only 20 and is an excellent driver and to have someone hit her and scare her - she's such a sweetheart and such an innocent in so many ways. AGHHHH I'm so MAD! The insurance info was exchanged and our insurance carrier will go after the woman's insurance to make sure the car is paid for and any injuries Mili has will be taken care of too. I spent an hour boxing / kickboxing tonight but I feel like punching the lights out of something now.

I just got home - gonna shower and eat and then call Mil.

- Nishi

Saturday, June 19, 2004
10:53 p.m.

Updated Sunday 11:30 a.m. BELOW
Updated AGAIN Sunday 11:20 P.M. BELOW BELOW ;)
just finished my vocal exercises - voice feels very good now and I'm happy to say my voice bounced back well after this cold and sore throat - was able to still hit all the high notes and hold them well. am getting ready for bed now. sisters came home today and was fun as usual :) I took out my painting kit and we all did water colors. Mekha's really good at painting - I told her she should really take classes and pursue it and get better. It's SO windy outside! The trees have been going crazy shaking. Spent today doing laundry, cleaning the bathrooms and helping mummy and papa. I'm watching Relic Hunter now before I go to sleep. I had all 3 seasons on 9 tapes but am missing 3 of the tapes from season 1 and 2. AGH! Hope I find them. Anywayz, I am out. Hope you're all well.

Updated Sunday 11:30 a.m.
So that was last night - today's Father's Day! HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!! We're have an outdoor cookout for my dad this afternoon. I spent the morning jogging 2 miles (I am so out of shape - I was able to do 4 miles 2 months ago in 45 minutes, and now I barely did 2 miles in 26 minutes. Blech. I popped in 8 minute Abs and 8 Minute Buns and did those workouts too. If I can get back to my regular 4 mile runs every Saturday and Sunday & the video tape workouts after that and stick to the San Shou kickboxing and Fitness Kickboxing as well as the middle eastern dance / bellydance lessons I should be good :)

Happy father's day everyone - see you later

Updated AGAIN Sunday 11:20 P.M.
Hi again everyone! Darlene my friend Stephanie had wanted to go to ANIME NEXT!! I had wanted to go to but it was in New Jersey and my sisters were all home this weekend and we had to do stuff at home so not possible. Tell me all about it?

I just finished watching the KING ARTHUR - QUEST FOR KING ARTHUR - special on History Channel. The guy who plays Arthur in the new Arthur movie this summer is GORGEOUS BUT I think ONLY when he's all unruly and scruffy and stuff with that beard going on. ;) Clips of him in the movie are just....wow ;) Short haired and clean shaven he's not as...exciting ;) The documentary on Arthur was fascinating - I already know a great deal about Arthur having read and studied the folklore and literature all my life and especially in college as an English major so I knew a lot about the historical and literary sources they talked about - the only thing that surprised me was towards the end when they mentioned this guy (forget the exact name) who had been called to come to Brittany / Rome to help and he went across and helped but died on the way to the city of Avalon. That was new. I'm going to order the History Channel special so I can review that again and everything else. I just signed up for lifetime membership in the International Arthurian Society - North American Branch - entitles me to their publications and conferences etc. I'd love to submit an article to them. I've been more an armchair Arthur fanatic all my life and never pursued publishing research pieces on him but maybe I should now - I'm already working on so many other papers so why not this too ;) LOL!

We had a nice Father's Day here. Papa got a beautiful grill which mummy used more and was more happy about ;) we made ribs and chicken legs, salad and stuff and had a merry ol feast ;) Mek and Mil left after dinner and Nith and I hung out watching the Quest for Arthur and doing facials. I'm tired now and it's time for bed. Good night one and all!

- Nishi

this will be a very long entry
Friday, June 18, 2004
11:58 p.m.

I am now, more than ever a NYC girl - I realized it when I juggled my starbucks iced-nonfat-decaf-caramael macchiato with extra caramel, my bag(s), newspaper and was speed walking here and there like nobody's business, swiftly moving in out of vehicle and pedestrian traffic and looping around slow people and the god forsaken people who insist on STOPPING when right in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk surrounded by people rushing to get to trains etc. and getting to the subway learned about someone being sick on the #4 train and all the subway trains that led from Grand Central downtown along the #4, #5, #6 trains being shut down till the woman got her medical attention. I listened to it, sympathized, and accepted it as the normal daily marvels of events that is NYC in a nutshell. I knew then that despite being a NYC girl for 4 years that I had become a TRULY hardcore NYC girl at that moment. :)

Anywayz, new magazine I enjoy reading - although I'm skeptical about a lot of the "paranormal" stuff written about in it - MYSTERIES MAGAZINE - has excellent articles on Amelia Earheart (sp?) and the Lost allegedly 800-ft gold chain of the Incas - as well as articles on how butterflies use sunlight to regulate their flight patterns and a host of other informative and interesting articles.

This morning I walked into work and gasped - turns out Dark Eyes had taken my large azalea potted tree from my desk for "sunlight" ;) I knew it had to be him cause in its place he, of course left an unsigned note note ;), but also left this large paper creation that was like a pseudo-tree - I saw it, laughed and wasn't worried :) I trust him implictly - I thought maybe he took it home but its safe in the other manager's office which has sunlight :) He's a sweetheart :) Only he would have the talent, the sense of humour and the time to create a thing like that and the humour/shock-bent effort of removing my tree ;)

But lord do he and my other friends there rib me about my plans! :) I actually found out through azaleas.org that the plant I have is a deciduous azalea which drops it leaves in the fall or when it's very dry - the leaves were dropping a LOT and new growth was forming on the thick main stm and all over the top so who knows. I'm going to see how the plant fares with sunlight for a month before I accept that I was "killing" the plant ;) Gotta keep up my rep for a green thumb ya know! :D

Dark Eyes, by the way, is back to hot again - he came in this week with his head shaved again - wow ;) hahahaha :) Ricky don't be jealous :) You're my #1 :) I can still have my eye candy can't I? ;)

Speaking of my darling Ricky :) I found a place where he and I can go kayaking for free when he visits me for the 4th of July weekend - Kayaking on the Hudson - that's what we'll be doing Saturday July 3! :) They give us paddles, each a kayak and life jacket and let us go nuts on the River but they also give a guided 3-hour tour and guide us in a large group down the Hudson to the NY Harbor for total 3-5 miles. It's going to be amazing :) I'm going to take him for sea food afterwards :) Can't wait for that weekend - Wicked musical and dinner Friday night, kayaking and seafood Saurday, the fireworks and barbeque Sunday, and Monday I'll do whatever Ricky wants ;) (meant both in the naughty and innocent way ;) hahahahaha) :)

After work today I went to my middle eastern dance / bellydance class and it was wonderful as usual - we learned the cymbals today. I had a fabulous 1.5 hour session. I'm picking it up quickly and happy with my progress :)

In world news: Bush and Cheney are still arguing that there were links between Al Qaeda and Iraq - PUH-LEASE - I remember CLEARLY that after 9/11 happened, 4 months later after bombing Afghanistan to death, the news started talking about how the White House now was moving its eye to Iraq and slowly building up a case as to why we should consider Iraq a threat and soon thereafter validated its desire to go to war by giving immense weight to shoddy evidence and not even disclosing it - trying to garner support of the public by linking 9/11 to Iraq - I remember writing extensively on how Bush had NOTHING to back up his Iraq war claims after Afghanistan - NOTHING to say it had ANYTHING to do with 9/11.

Today's OP-ED piece entitled 'PLAIN TRUTH' in the NY Times said it best: "Of all the ways Bush persuaded Americans to back the invasion of Iraq last year, the most plainly dishonest was his effort to link his *war of choice* with the battle against terrorists worldwide. While it's *possible* that Mr. Bush and his top advisers really believed that there were chemical, biological and nuclear weapons in Iraq, they should have known all along that there was no link between Iraq and Al Qaeda. No serious intelligence analyst believed the connection existed. Nevertheless, the Bush administration convinced a *substantial* majority of Americans before the war that Saddam Hussein was *somehow* linked to 9/11. And since the invasion, administration officials, especially Vice President Dick Cheney, have continued to declare such a connection. Last September, Mr. Bush had to *grudgingly* correct Mr. Cheney for going too far in spinning a Hussein-bin Laden conspiracy. But the claim has crept back into view as the president has made the war on terror a centerpiece of his re-election campaign. On Monday, Mr. Cheney said Mr. Hussein "had long-established ties with Al Qaeda." Mr. Bush later backed up Mr. Cheney, claiming that Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, a terrorist who *may* be operating in Baghdad, is "the best evidence" of a Qaeda link. This was particularly astonishing because the director of central intelligence, George Tenet, told the Senate earlier this year that Mr. Zarqawi did not work with the Hussein regime. The staff report issued by the 9/11 panel says that Sudan's government (SUDAN a country in AFRICA), which sheltered Osama bin Laden in the early 1990's, tried to hook him up with Mr. Hussein, but that nothing came of it. This is not just a matter of the president's diminishing credibility, the war on terror has actually diverted military and intelligence resources from places like Afghanistan, where there could really be Qaeda forces, including Mr. bin Laden. BUSH is responsible for his administration's actions which includes selling the false Iraq-Qaeda claim to Americans. Either Mr. Bush knew he was not telling the truth, or he has a capacity for politically motivated self-deception that is terrifying in the post-9/11 world."

My conclusion? I believe that the (1) mere *possibility* of weapons of mass destruction, (2) the fact that Saadam wasn't a U.S. "best friend" at the same that he was a leader of a muslim nation with great clout, (3) the fact that *EXTREMIST* Muslims hated America and could possibly receive help from Iraq + Saadam and (4) the pressure of 9/11 to root out terrorism made Bush and his admin decide - ok we don't have convincing evidence to take out Saadam and attack Iraq but we should do it anyway cause we think the possibility & gravity of those 4 things (if he has WMDs and if he helps muslim extremists) is enough to make him & Iraq a huge threat and we'd rather nix the possibility of a threat before it manifests into a real threat.

Why this is so bad is that (1) there were never any weapons of mass destruction, (2) Saadam and Iraq were fully cooperating with the U.S. and the United Nations - lettings inspectors etc in but maintaining their sovereignty and the U.S. didn't want that - they wanted to see if there was any possibility of weapons that could be used against us (3) without Iraq or Saadam doing anything, with no real evidence of wrong doing, we attacked a country and killed thousdands of innocent civilians in the process under the guise of 'we're here to bring democracy and liberate you from a torturer' - that was just the sweetening to make the bitter poison go down smoothly - we wanted to get inside Iraq, remove Saadam cause we feared he might eventually help terrorists, and we wanted to make Iraq a nation that would be an ally of the U.S. to lesson its threat against us and garner its support as Muslim nation.

Bush tried to argue against the commission's findings this week which found that there was no credible evidence EVER that Saadam or Iraq had dealings with ANY Al Qaeda person or organization - in his arguments against the commission for why a war against Iraq was valid Bush said 'Saadam was a torturer!' as if going for the sympathy vein - that reason never moved Bush to save any other nation and give it democracy! He's doing NOTHING about the Sudan war right now - not even labeling it a genocide when 300,000+ people of the Zaghawa, Masalit and Fur tribes have been murdered, its women raped, branded, and then their throats slit, and 4yr old and 7 yr old boy's throats cut by the Janjaweed Arab militia raider thugs hired by Sudan's idiotic government to kill those tribes. Why don't you help Sudan Bush. Put your power where your heart is and maybe then you'll win the respect of those of us who think so badly of you.

To end this long entry of mine, I copy and paste this article I just finished reading about the Sudan horrors. Please read it.

This article BELOW was written by Nicholas D. Kristof for the New York Times today. Before you read it some background on what has been happening in Sudan: a new war erupted in the mainly Muslim region of Darfur, where non-Arab residents rebelled against Arab domination. To suppress this revolt, Sudan's clique of generals and politicians backed a thuggish militia known as the Janjaweed, which had terrorized non-Arab communities. Women had been raped and branded, villages razed and crops destroyed, thousands killed. At their hands now, more than 300,000 people have been killed.

Now the article.....

-------------
I'll post his follow up article tomorrow. Anywayz, I'm gonna sign off now and get some sleep. Callie did you know that a KING ARTHUR special - QUEST FOR THE KING will be on the History Channel 9pm EST on this Sunday June 20? I, of course, will be watching it :) I already know all the theories and explanations of whether Arthur existed or not but never hurts to learn more (and again) ;) Darlene hiii :) so what're ur plans for this summer? Going anywhere fun? MEMORYYYYYY congratulations sweetie!!!!!! I'm sooo happy for u! I know you did great! No I never went white water rafting - lemme know how it is!:)

- Nishi

Thursday, June 17, 2004
09:31p.m.

*SCREAMS* I saw DIDO perform LIVE for FREE tonight at Bryant Park!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was AMAZING! My friends and I left work right away at 5 and headed on over to the park and were able to get very close to the front, and I, sitting on big Mark's shoulders, saw her sing all my favorite songs. She was able to sing 2/3 of her songs before it started to rain and even through that everyone stayed and it was just AWESOME. And we stayed till the very end of her performance. After her was John Mayer but i couldn't stay for that. Dido is almost in every way the kind of singer/performer I'd want to be - she sings what she writes and everything in her comes out in her voice and singing. I went and bought her 2 cds from HMV straight after ;) hahahaah till then I only had mp3s of some of her songs but her performance made me rush to buy her cds. She was just....fantastic and the concert was fabulous! I had the best time :) EEEEEE FREE CONCERT FOR DIDO!! AAAAGHHHHHHHHH :D :D :D :D

I abused my voice though tonight and now it's hoarse and I'm drinking some herbal tea to calm my throat etc. Work your magic. I should've been more careful - overusing your voice and speaking loudly and yelling, esp after or during a cold where you had a sore throat, isn't good for your vocal chords - it creates little cuts and scratches in the vocal chords which will then create scar tissue when they heal and it affects the quality of your voice.

As a result, I have to remain almost completely silent from now on for the next couple days till my voice gets back to 100% normal. That will get me a lot of jibes at work ;) I was taught in one of my only 2 voice lessons that you need to speak in a soft tone the way you say "ummm" or "hmmm" - that keeps your pitch nice and your voice good. Most people speak too much and speak too loud and poorly - I am one of them too - we don't breathe enough or properly and we damage our voices constantly. I've been lax and need to be more careful. Starting tomorrow I'll begin speaking in the softer tone....most of the time.....you're not supposed to yell or talk loudly...stressed the chords...it has the potential (and does in fact) affect your vocal strength and vocal pitch - maybe my years of yelling at my folks (ha ha :P :)) and just always talking too loud etc affected my vocal strength and range....plus I didn't take care of my voice from the time I was little...well now is not too late to start! Thankfully I still have a good voice. So silence and soft voice tomorrow at work ;)

Speaking of work, my co-workers are hilarious and boy do they love to poke fun at me ;) But I adore them :) They make fun of me for my plants I keep in the office which are...well....they look like they're dying although they're really NOT! I just cut all the blooms off...and..well...dammit they're AZALEAS! They'll spring back to life. Which reminds me to do some research on them. Anywayz, today we found a cockroach in the office. FREAKED ME OUT! And I had a new box of cereal I opened yesterday and kept stores in my desk drawer. Friends at work scared me silly with talk about the cockroach infesting my cereal. *shiver* I refuse to believe it got that far *sob*

Anywayz, it's 9:30 and I wanna rest so I'll se ya'll later. Sailor Moon that's awesome! and sorry about all those sick people! How long have you been painting and playing tennis? I played on varsity tennis in high school but I seriously suck at tennis :) I still love it though. And I want to one day take painting classes and really become proficient in it.

Night everyone!

- Nishi

Wednesday, June 16, 2004
10:26 p.m.

hello folks! :) I felt a little better today so went to work! I probably should've stayed home and rested but oh well - I decided if I didn't feel well I could always go back home but I made it through and even went to my dance class afterwards! Work was fun and a barrel of laughs as usual. My friend Andrew tells the funniest stories :) During lunch I went over to Midtown Comics on 40th and 7th and picked up SAIYUKI #3, IMADOKI #1, KARE KANO #10 and FUSHIGI YUUGI #11! :) So happy they had everything I was looking for! Afterwards, I met up with Laurice and Tiffany and Daphne and Bill for lunch (BLT) and had a jolly good time ;)

I LOVEEEEEEE my middle eastern bellydance class. I am learning SO much so quickly. It helps having danced before with Jazz and Ballet in college and some indian dance performance experiences and just naturally loving to dance but the movements are still hard to grasp - the finger movements and shoulder/snake arms thing and the belly rolls and undulations. I am going to this class every Wednesday and Friday from 6-7:30 and going to kickboxing M,T and R from 6-7 and to the 7-8 also if I have enough energy and motivation ;)

Got home at 9pm and after helping my mom witht he dishes, ate with my folks - mummy made this fried shrimp thing I LOVE and cheera (beetroot) the special yummy way only she can make it - and some white morih. I'm now relaxing reading 'Living History' Hillary Rodham Clinton's autobiography. It's really good!

Want to also catch up on astronomy news and events. Am staying up to watch 'Fabulous Life of Angelina Jolie' at 11pm EST on VH1!

I got the WICKED tickets in the mail (since I selected FEDEX overnight delivery) and am holding them in my hand. I can't believe I got these seats - I don't even want to TELL you all how much I spent on them but Ricky's worth it :) He's always doing special and sweet things for me - he deserves this in return :) *MWAH* Rickers :)

Going to watch some tv and relax now. Lady thank you! *HUGGG* I do feel better! Your soap is still good :) M_Jade aww don't worry about it! How's work? Where do you work now?

- Nishi

Tuesday, June 15, 2004
1:03 p.m.

I couldn't go to work again today cause I was too sick. This bloody cold. Woke up at 4:30am with a painful sore throat. It seems with colds that as one ailment heals, the other kicks in. It's hard for me to swallow right now and I'm limiting talking so as not to damage my voice. Been taking lozenges and drinking OJ till I turn orange. Aside from the cold - on the good news front - I just bought tickets for Ricky and me to go see WICKED Friday July 2 at 8 p.m.! :) I got us orchestra seats in row S which is pretty good! Would've preferred something in row L-P but it was impossible to get. Ricky really needs that 4th of July weekend to rest - he's working REALLY hard and I want to make that weekend like a vacation for him. So I'm going to take him out to dinner Friday night after work and then to the show. I am looking up restaurants near the Gershwin Theater to have dinner at. I feel like crap. This is the worst cold I've had in forever. Ricky's cheering me up by buying me the Princess of Ancient Greece Barbie Doll :) Makes a beautiful addition to my Barbie and doll collection. I have 7 dolls displayed in my room right now - the 2 Neo Queen Selenity dolls, the dancing Serenity doll, the Queen Guenevere Franklin Mint porcelain doll I love, and 3 of the Barbies (Arwen, Princess of the French Court, and Princess & the Pea).

Pretty neh? Anyway, I'm going back to bed. God get rid of my cold! I feel awful :(

I responded to all msgs in the entry below save for msg to Sailor Moon :) thank u :) I don't know how I do it all either but when you love and enjoy something, doing itjust becomes easy and fun so it doesn't seem hard to do at all. What things do you love to do in your spare time? Hobbies etc?

- Nishi

Monday, June 14, 2004
10:11 p.m.

agh I'm still sick. Feel crappy and awful. I can't breathe through my nose - too stuffed. I practically sneezed and ran my nose off today. Been drinking orange juice and eating well and so far the tenderness and pain my throat is gone although it still feels a bit sore. I'll see if I can go to work tomorrow when I get up but if I'm not feeling better still it's best to stay home and rest than go to work and be miserable and maybe get others sick with my sneezing and runniness.

I've pretty much been in bed the whole day, sleeping or reading. Still so tired. Hate being sick. Am going to sleep early tonight. I hope I feel better tomorrow.

Greg I sent you an email. Can't wait to hang out (if I feel ok although I should be better by this weekend right?) - call me. Lahn thank you :) Those quizzes took me hours but hearing you say that makes it well worth it. I'm glad you enjoyed them and I'll make more in the future. Jax aww well I'm glad! I can't believe it happened so fast but I'm glad! :) God bless you and take care :) Sailor Moon - lemme guess, not ur real name right? ;) haha hi how're u? Thank you very much! Please do visit again! :) *HUGS* Tommy thank you very much!!! Not all my posts are political though - I write about whatever I'm thinking at a particular moment so you'll see stuff about PMS, what I had for breakfast, a fight with my folks, to outings with friends and my shopping and reading to my writings and erotic poetry. Hope they all entertain you :)

Ok this sick girl is getting back in bed. G'night.

- Nishi

Monday, June 14, 2004
1:36 p.m.

I couldn't go to work today - was just too sick :( Am resting now and drinking as much orange juice as I can. Was talking to Ricky - debating over my political rant below on Rumsfeld and the civilian casualties and we came to interesting conclusions - which I hadn't allowed for before.

THE FOLLOWING WRITINGS ARE COPYRIGHT NISHI RAJAN JUNE 14, 2004 AND MAY NOT BE USED FOR PERSONAL OR COMMERCIAL USE OR FOR ANY USE, WHATSOEVER, AND MAY NOT BE TAKEN, COPIED OR PASTED OR PREPRODUCED IN PRINT, EMAIL, FAX, VIA MESSENGER SYSTEMS, IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN SIGNED PERMISSION OF NISHI RAJAN.

On the subject of torture: my belief is that torture, under any circumstance, is wrong. However, what would YOU do if you were given information that Person X was possibly planning or part of a plan to unleash a nuclear bomb? You had person X in your custody who refused to speak. You had to get this information which could kill millions of people. If there was no other sure way to get this info and the lives of millions hung in the balance, would you torture him to get it out of him?

People in government make tough decisions like this everyday. My rant below on Rumsfeld approving every one of the 50+ raids/air strikes which would result in 30+ civilian deaths? It could also be looked at another way - he issued a strong order that before ANYONE did an air strike involving more than 30 civilian deaths, he had to first give approval - he would be the one to way the pros and cons of the information given versus the casualties/deaths and whether to go ahead. That's a tough burden to take on. Yes, he okayed all of them. And the blood on his hands is something he'll answer for all his life, but in war times, when you're dealing with tough choices between civilian casualties and preventing danger, getting high value targets (which I think is wrong to kill for), sometimes hard choices - immoral choices - have to be made.

The people in government aren't idiots. They're highly intelligent people who are working on things which they can't make public for security reasons. What does get leaked to the public and results in a public and media outcry the government has to live with but we may not know the full story. So many hijackings were prevented since 9/11 by covert operations - possibly involving getting info out of people through torture but it prevented the deaths of hundreds and possibly thousands of our fellow Americans.

The government IS accountable for its crimes but WHAT constitutes a crime when it's about life and death? When it's about us vs. them? When it's during war time? There's a fine line.

Torture is despicable. What a *handful* of American guards did in Abu Graihib and Guantanamo tarnished all of our names. But is there an allowance when torture is necessary to save lives? To obtain information that will save lives? Is that the only, or one of the only, allowances? Should it be?

If I was in a chain of command where I had to make choices to prevent American citizen's death and it involved the loss of lives of other people...or the torture of an informant - what should I do? On the one hand, I could save countless of my fellow Americans. On the other, I would feel morally sick for the death of others or the torture of some guy who hated us for his own reasons, reasons probably beginning with the fact that we did something wrong to his country.

I don't have an answer. I guess I'd have to be confronted with the situation and its gravity to decide. But to that end result, I'd do everything in my power to avoid by making sure war doesn't start in the first place! War is the result of bad leadership - leaders who couldn't resolve disputes peacefully or decided a peaceful resolution couldn't be obtained at all or enough to their liking and so resorted to brute force to win.

I think this war has been immoral, wrong and unnecessary from the very beginning. A leader should understand his enemies, as well as his allies. Every human being and country in this world has a story, has their grievances - has their reasons for why they hurt others. War should not be resorted to until a complete attempt at understanding has shown that only with war would things be made better. In World War II, Hitler sought to expand his empire and attacked many sovereign nations - he was an enemy that could not be reasoned with or understood and dealt with. He was out for war. He waged war openly. To war against him was the only answer. But here, in our present day, Saadam didn't wage war. We, the U.S., pushed and pushed to have Iraq look like the bad guy for not complying with the UN resolution and charter's weapons inspections etc....we were alone in this....the rest of the world did not think Saadam had WMDs (weapons of mass destruction) - definitely not at this time and had no capabilities to *USE* WMDs. It's only after we acted and WE waged war, that we began to understand how it was the U.S. who was once friendly with Saadam and gave him weapons and money for weapons, who had Saadam help militarily in the U.S.'s operations in the 80's. It's only after we acted that we began to read about and understand how our wars and political actions overseas in the middle east left countries ravaged, angry, and bitter to the U.S. Only then that we understood our activities in the middle east were an insult and a travesty to Islam and its people. A leader, going into all of this, should understand these things. His reaction shouldn't be 'they were evil people' but it should be - why did they do this to us? The people who did this should be captured and tried but we must take action to understand why these things happened in the first place and prevent them from ever again happening.

If you remember, we - fresh from 9/11 tragedy - were more than ready to hunt down the people behind 9/11. We went and bombed the hell out of Afghanistan. And when that was done, the hawks (a word for people who are pro-war/military) in the Bush admin. urged us to look at Iraq (and now they're urging us to look at Iran!) - Iraq was a threat because Saadam was a mighty leader with a lot of clout who could (possibly) be amassing necessary items for WMDs. Was there any evidence of this? Shoddy at best. No real evidence. But enough, in our devastated state, to make the administration decide to go after Saadam, to make sure nothing else happened to our country. Were there possibly other motivating factors? Besides preventing another tragedy? Of course - economic and political military reasons always exist, and may even have outweighed the motive to prevent any other tragedy. We don't know. The government knew things that it didn't tell the public - the government had to make the tough decision on whether to go to war, based on what it knew. Whether it was a right decision or not - only time will tell or maybe we'll never know - if we hadn't acted now, maybe 10 years from now Saadam would've unleashed a WMD against us - we have no way of knowing. Despite a handful of pro-war officials, the government is full of shrewd, just-minded people who weigh the pros and cons of attacking countries carefully. In this case, they went for the preemptory strike - something I will never agree with - although I can *understand* if they went on intelligence that they truly *believed* to be correct. When faced with tough decision, you act on them - whether with good or bad info - you won't know if it's bad info until you act. If we were the ones doing the actual decision making - who knows if we would've chosen any differently.

No one wants the loss of life - decisions have to be made on whom to save and how. Inevitably, in war, people will die. Innocent people. That's why war must be avoided - at all costs. War is a last resort when failure to war would result in more lives lost and more damage done than actually going to war would have. We didn't have to go to war with Iraq. We didn't. It's cost us FAR more.

What the U.S. does after this in the 'War on Terror' will determine how we go down in history and might very well determine how we end as an empire. What happened to us on 9/11 hurts us to the core but reacting to it as we have by battles in Afghanistan and war with Iraq - may hurt us even more - it may end our reign as a world power and perhaps as a country. We have become the aggressors - aggressively seeking to root out terrorism whereve we suspice it. This will lead to our downfall. We cannot war and battle and root our terrorism through force. The way to end terrorism is to go to the root cause - why do they want to attack us, hurt us? What are we doing wrong? What DID we do wrong? How can we fix things? People are people. They have their reasons for being hurt, for wanting revenge, for doing 9/11. If we run cross a Hitler again - down he goes - he was a man bent on world power and domination - but the people who attacked us on 9/11 were out to hurt us because THEY had been hurt. They feel their lives, their faith, their society were all hurt by the U.S. and its actions. They then sought to hurt us in the same war. Only understanding and working to better relations will stop terrorism - not war.

I'm feeling sick again and am going to rest. See you all later. I'll respond to msgs later. *HUGS*

- Nishi

Sunday, June 13, 2004
1:25 p.m.

Achoooo!! x a million! Still sick and still sore throat. I feel awful. Just finished having breakfast and am reading the New York Times online and catching up on the news. Am going to work on my human rights papers today.

According to the NY Times, the U.S. launched a huge slew of attacks on 'high value targets' within Saadam's former regime which cost high amounts of civilian casualties - and all of these attacks and raids were based on crappy intelligence which they just went on and of the 50 of them (only a few of which have been made public to us here in the U.S.) - ZERO - that's right - ZERO out of 50 of them succeeded. The cost? Hundreds of civilian casualties. And what's worse? Commanders were required to obtain advance approval from Donald Rumsfeld if any planned airstrike was likely to result in the deaths of 30 more civilians. More than 50 such raids were proposed, and all were approved. You can see why I'm not a Rumsfeld fan.

THE FOLLOWING WRITINGS ARE COPYRIGHT NISHI RAJAN JUNE 13, 2004 AND MAY NOT BE USED BY ANYONE OR ANY ORGANIZATION FOR ANY PURPOSE, WHATSOEVER BY PRINT, EMAIL, FAX, PHOTOCOPY, COPYING AND PASTING OVER MESSENGER PROGRAMS, ANY SHAPE OR FORM, WITHOUT THE EXPRESS SIGNED WRITTEN PERMISSION OF NISHI RAJAN.

When I read that article I instantly thought of 'Revelations' in the Bible and of the harlot that rides and tries to control the beast - of the harlot - she is drunk with the blood of innocents. I believe the Harlot is the U.S. and the beast is the Middle East empires who will eventually overthrow the Harlot and leave her devastated. I do NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT!!!!! want to see that happen to the U.S.! But it looks like we're digging our own grave. All of our mistakes overseas - with the deaths of SO MANY innocents, the wedding party that may or may not have been killed by the U.S. bombs? Doesn't matter cause the Iraqi people believe the U.S. killed people. Those news reports that state the Iraqi resistance is by Saadam loyalists? Wrong. It's by people who just plain hate the U.S. for the killing of its people and want us to die and get the hell out of Iraq and then get their revenge upon us for the murder of their sons, daughters, brothers, wives and sisters. We killed a LOT of innocent people there. A LOT. For what? To get Saadam? Who was NEVER A DAMN THREAT? We shot our country's credibility and are, each day, riling up more hatred against us. No, make that each hour. Right now, more and more Iraqi citizens are growing in hate for us because of the mistakes of our country's military and leadership. God! What I would do to change things if I could!!!

Al Qaeda makes me sick. Disgusting bastards. The unhappiness & anger & hatred of innocent Iraqis who lost their beloveds due to this horrible war, I can understand, but the blind hatred of Al Qaeda and its supporters - fueled just by hate - I can't forgive. They are spiteful, vindictive, malicious and work only by force. For every wrong we do, they come back with horrors of their own, but I feel they are MORE wrong - whereas the U.S. attacks for a specific purpose trying to limit casualties (for the most part where it can be done), Al Qaeda purposefully seeks out innocent people to kill and abuse. That is FAR worse. We aren't TRYING to kill innocents - we may wrongly kill them as part of this unjust war but not purposely. The fact that Al Qaeda purposely targeted an American man in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia on Saturday - he worked for Lockheed Martin doing something with helicopters - and shot him in the back while he was parking in his garage in his home and then shot him a few more times - shows their unjustness. I don't like to call people evil - but killing innocents - the people who kill innocents are evil for they don't think of the person(s) they are killing - don't think that this man or woman is loved by God, is a fellow brother, sister, has goodness in him/her. Failing to TRY to see the good, failing to TRY to see one as innocent and their murder as only fuel for more murders to come on both sides - failing in all those respects because of a selfish desire to kill and satisfy one's own wish for revenge and/or blood lust - every part of that is evil.

But all this murder and hate didn't start from nowhere. People aren't born hating, people aren't born seeking to kill another. We aren't animals. As much as we may behave like animals in war and in survival mode, we're not. We have the ability to reason. THAT is what makes us different from animals. We can make choices - we don't work by instinct alone. History is ripe with stories of the rising of nations against nations. Often, it begins when a nation seeks to expand its power, increase its hold on land and wealth. And when that can't be done peacefully, war is resorted to. Of course, it's more complicated than that. Humans don't just go to war just to increase land and wealth - it's often tied in with a dislike or distrust of the country and its people which they seek to war with. Base human emotions. People say I don't like people from the South - they talk funny and are slow. When push comes to shove, these base emotions come out and, mixed with other reasons, give a push towards hate - towards reasons to hate and strife.

What I'm trying to say is people would be less inclined to hate and to war if we looked at each other, first and foremost,with love and understanding that we are all the same, despite our differences in upbringing, our differences in religion, skin color, backgrounds, ancestry. The difficulty in that is that people can't always see beyond those things. It takes a lot of schooling and behavior correction to get people to look at others as the same. And in this world - where we all see the world as 1st, I, me and my family, my important people, my state, country, my race against the rest of the world, its families, states, countries and races - when you view it like that - how can wars stop? How can hatred or just plain dislike - or worse - apathy - be stopped? It will always be mine and our interests against his, her and their interests. We don't look at things as a whole - OUR interests.

Why? because we don't have one uniting factor. Other then our humanity, we have no one thing that unites us as one - that casts aside differences in color, language and creed. That's why many Christians believe God will bring a new world in which through Him, all strife and anger and war will end. All will bow to Him and acknowledge him. And when you have a supreme leader/ruler like God - who NONE can question, and who has supreme authority, the wars and disputes between nations cease. Without God as our ruler, we are left to our own devices, and base human emotions of US against THEM mentality takes over.

I'm not sure where I'm going with all this but it's just my regular philosophizing. I'll use all of this in a future article. Which reminds me to put a copyright disclaimer;)

END OF COPYRIGHTED WRITINGS DATED JUNE 13, 2004 to NISHI RAJAN.

While we're on this, I applaud the International Red Cross' efforts - they've been speaking out to authorities in the U.S. about the prisoner abuses they found since March 2003 and are now calling for action under the Geneva Conventions which call for POWs and interned civivilians to be returned to their home countries once the armed conflict is over - which would be June 30. If that will happen - we'll only know then. I still hate how the U.S. is keeping prisoners uncharged in Guantanamo and other prisons. And it's been well over a year. Some are prisoners from Afghanistan, captured back in 2001/2002.

I'm trying to teach myself the heads of states of all the countries in the world. Hard since so many countries are in turmoil and overthrowing presidents and rulers each month. I think its important to know the major players and to know where their countries are on the map. It's astonishing how many Americans don't know geography well at all. I remember having to memorize the states and countries of entire continents as a freshman in high school - hard but worth it - I still remember a lot of it. I should remember more since it was like only 12 years ago.

The Council on Foreign Relations will be coming out with a report next week - much of it on Saudi Arabia. William F. Wechsler, co-author of the council report states: "It is not said openly, but many in the U.S. government believe that Saudi Arabia is currently engaged in a civil war and that U.S. policy should be to ensure that the House of Saud wins that civil war. The goal of U.S. policy should not only be that the Saudi regime wins that war, but that it fundamentally transforms itself in the process." We, of course, have a huge interest in Saudi oil, and the Saud regime is a good ally for us in the middle east. But it is also the source of a lot of problems for the Saudi Arabian people - much of Saudi Arabia's population is filled with men who don't work - the work goes to outside people contracted in. The mindset of many men in that country is they don't want to work in any unskilled labor but they don't have the education required for higher paid jobs. Most men graduate schooling with studies in theology etc - they lack the skills and knowledge necessary to get good jobs, and they wind up floating in society, doing nothing. Add to this the perceived lux life of the Saud regime, its many princes, and you can see the discontent. The saudi princes, howver, are doing their best to run their country. Majority of them have good intentions, but the system as a whole on the lower ends and middle ends of society isn't working. There is a large & growing discontent with the Saud regime - age old working class against ruling class when working class (in this case, non-working class) grows discontent.

A beautiful quote I found on taking the moral high ground: "In every conflict, the extent to which a party can muster domestic support and international support, and the extent to which its public will withstand higher thresholds of pain, is very much a function of the degree of international legitimacy for that cause." - Shibley Telhami, Middle East studies professor at the University of Maryland. I agree 100%. When you have moral right on your side, everyone is with you. When our twin towers were struck, the whole world was with us. But when we struck Iraq and went after Aghanistan as we did, we were reproached and reprimanded. We had the upper hand and lost it because of our desire for revenge and to make sure the world and its terrorists knew they couldn't do that to us again. As a world leader, it's important to make sure people don't try to take us down, but we have to do it correctly, not in a way that engenders more hatred and more reproach and more of what we were already struck with. I keep seeing on CNN how Bush and others say "those evil terrorusts attacked us because they hated our freedom" - BULLSHIT I say! Why they attacked us? It wasn't to attack our freedoms - it was to attack our policies and actions in the middle east. Our government has done a lot of shit in the middle east, supporting various military regimes - one against the other, our unwilting support of Israel with weapons, dollars, helicopters and dollars again. It's one thing for extremists to hate our "immoral" way of life with, it's another when they hate us for things we do in their countries - that propels them to take action against us. Bush needs to give up his 'preemptory strike' policy which okays a 1st strike on belief only, as we did with Iraq and taking out Saadam's government.

I'm a real fan of this military defense attorney - Lt. Cmdr. Charles Swift - the Department of Defense named him as one of five judge advocate generals, (JAGs), assigned to represent 'enemy combatants' in our first military tribunals in more than 50 years. Newsworthy in the Times today: "in April, Swift sued Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and Bush in federal court in Seattle on the grounds that their plan for a military tribunal for his client - who has still not been charged or given a trial date - violates the Constitution, federal law, the Geneva Conventions and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. He is currently defending a Yemeni man who worked as Osama bin Laden's driver in Afghanistan. Swift has what is perhaps the most controversial job in one of the most controversial aspects of the war on terror. When President Bush issued the military order authorizing the use of tribunals to try non-American enemy combatants shortly after Sept. 11, critics wasted no time in denouncing them as kangaroo courts. Bush's order, after all, had bypassed Congress -- the body empowered by the Constitution to convene military tribunals -- and had exempted the tribunals from federal judicial review or any other civilian oversight. Furthermore, even after the war in Afghanistan, no trial dates or charges had been announced, and the presumed defendants were being held indefinitely at the United States naval base at Guant�namo Bay."

In other news, "tomorrow the board of governors of the International Atomic Energy Agency will meet, and the principal item on the agenda will be, as it has been for the last year, Iran's nuclear program. The Bush administration is convinced that Iran is secretly trying to build a bomb. The Iranian officials the author of this article spoke with in a visit to Tehran last month insist that they are merely trying to improve their ''energy mix'' by adding nuclear power to their abundant oil supplies. But even in the unlikely event that that is so, an Iran capable of producing weapons-grade uranium is plainly unacceptable, not only to the Bush administration but also to its chief allies. What is not at all clear is how to make the Iranians surrender that capacity." It's understandable that no one would want nuclear capabilities in the hands of unfriendly and/or unstable hands but to label Iran like that and worry that its country would use nuclear capabilities for war is wrong. Iran has a strong government with no intentions of war. It has cooperated extensively with the international community. While internationally we should keep an eye on Iran to make sure nuclear capabilities are, in fact, only being used for proper uses, there's a level of trust that needs to be gained and forged on all sides so we shouldn't have to worry about such things. Maybe we wouldn't fear Muslim countries if we didn't get involved with disputes involving Muslim countries against non-muslim.

Person to memorize today: Sheik Saleh bin Abdulaziz Al Sheik, the Saudi minister for Islamic affairs.

I'm gonna go out on the deck now with my box of tissues and magazines and read. Gorgeous day out. I hope this stupid cold goes away soon. It sucks.

- Nishi

Saturday, June 12, 2004
11:37 p.m.

I'm sick :( I knew I was coming down with something yesterday when I kept sneezing and my nose felt stuffy and I got that tingly feeling in my throat. This morning, I woke up to a sore throat and stuffy nose and have been sneezing all day!

Yesterday, I caught some of Reagan's early morning funeral-related things, including Margaret Thatcher's euology (which was nice but cringed everytime she said 'evil empire') and then left to go to the city to meet someone I had an appointment with...then went to my bellydance class, this time at Anahid's studio in Chelsea (right by Union Square). The first time I had gone to this studio on the east side and wasn't too impressed BUT THIS STUDIO - ANAHID - is my favorite. I'm definitely getting back into the dancing mode and am going to study it 2 days a week in addition to my regular dance classes and the kickboxing. I'm dropping Aikido (since I haven't gone for 4 weeks now?) and focusing on these 2 dances I'm studying the martial arts kickboxing I love more and more each week.

I shopped at Barnes & Noble yesterday - picked up books on the Dead Sea Scrolls, Troy, Celts (have so many of them), 'Cracking the Da Vinci Code', and some astronomy books as well.

I ran into one of my favorite cousins on the train home last night after dance. His name's Mat and he's just really cool and awesome - is an attorney also (his 2 sisters are 2 of my other favorite cousins), and his new wife Deepti (whom I adore!) was with him too and we just chatted away - I think he's one of my cutest cousins and one of the smartest. Honestly, all my cousins are my faves. I can't think of any whom I don't love like crazy.

Got home and my sister Nithi came home too and we hung out for a bit, I saw the sunset funeral of Reagan and when Nancy said her final goodbye and hugged his coffin my heart broke and I cried with her. That was so SAD. It was a beautiful funeral and I can't believe Reagan planned on that. I learned that all presidents can plan how their funeral will be while in office and he planned his just like that. Amazing huh? Like a King's funeral. Definitely exactly like something I'd do (must be the Feb. 6th thing) - I'd want an elaborate, ceremonious funeral, an elaborate wedding - everything poignant and beautiful.

Today, my other 2 sisters Mekha and Mili also came home and while I spent most of the day napping and resting cause of my cold, we did get to hang out and do facials, painted our nails, and read magazines and Nithi introduced me to the first few episodes of 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy' which I'd never watched or gotten into and I really liked it. It's funny :)

Throat is bothering me again and I'm sleepy so I'm gonna sign off.

To the people leaving me msgs in the comment box.... It's not a message board that you use to leave msgs for anyone who reads it - it's for friends (and strangers and regular readers) to leave comments for ME. Leave questions for me, not for others - it's not a chat room or message board.

Lily Barnes & Noble (bn.com or amazon.com) have it, as do Suncoast, Kinokuniya & Borders. Good luck!

JAX 1st, if you're an artist, be an artist - don't try to change who you are. 2nd, if people think you're weird BECAUSE you're an artist - they're narrow-minded and ignorant to say the least and avoid people like that. 3rd, most people (unless they're racist, bigoted or ignorant) are more than willing to give others a chance whether you be of a different race, religion, or like different things like Goth-style clothing. People don't, outright, think others are weird JUST because they're an artist or a musician - often, something in the way they interacted with you or related to you went wrong - maybe there was a miscommunication, a misunderstanding. I can't tell you how many times weird stuff comes out of my mouth that I think back and go 'that was really stupid to say' and may have rubbed someone the wrong way without me realizing it even! The things you say are very powerful - your words affect how people view you, how friendly they want to be with you, how "cool" they think you are, how smart, responsible, capable etc. Say stupid things and people will think you're a ditz. I sometimes say dumb things which in my head aren't dumb at the time because something or other in my past experiences prompted me to say or ask what I did but once asked/said I'm like 'ok that was really dumb!' but hey - that's how you learn and you NEVER stop learning how to be a better communicator and a better relator to people. I'm a total people person - I've known from the beginning, instinctly, how to understand people and really relate to them - I can identify easily with anyone, see into their core and really get them. But not all of it is instinct - some of it was honed over the years by just being a good friend, by really listening and being attentive. Bottom line, think before you speak, and choose your words carefully. Your best bet is to deal with others honestly and kindly and leave it that until you get closer to someone and can be better friends. People learn how to relate to others while growing up, and it takes a lot of mistakes to learn. You eventually learn how to just relax, take people and things as they come, just be honest about who you are and what you think (when asked) and not hurt others or disrespect them and their beliefs or viewpoints. The best way to get people to understand you? Don't say or do anything to confuse them about who you are from the very first moment. Always make sure your words and actions represent who you are and don't stray from that path. Always be who you are. And just be a good, kind-spirited person and you can't go wrong! :) That's the best advice I can give you right now.

Whew that was a lot ;)

Adrianna we aren't talking about arts :) Welcome to my journal and nice to meet you!

I'm off to sleep peoples. G'night.

- Nishi

Thursday, June 10, 2004
10:39 p.m.

tonight was fun :) After work today, I took the interns out to get "drunk" although only 1 of them got drunk (the only legal one) and he's a FUNNY drunk!! We all sang 'I'm a little teapot' down 7th avenue ;) hahaha we went to this place called 'Black Door' by 6th and 26th - we spent the whole night answering tough quetions I came up with that shared a lot of things about each of us and when we finished at that place around 7:30, we headed to Houlihans to get appetizers and then head home. Just got home now and am settling in.

so happy we have tomorrow from work off :) I need the sleep! And speaking of work, I just have to say....Dark Eyes is really, really cute! :D hehehehe ANYWAYZ ;) Ricky's coming for 4th of Julyyyyy :) I can't WAIT!!! I'm going to take him to see Bombay Dreams or Wicked and we'll go out and possibly go kayaking on the Hudson river since he loves to kayak, and so much more.

anywayz, it's now 11:30 - going to get ready for sleep. Miyu-chan I want to make it happen!! Memory-chan LSAT on MONDAY???? You'll do great!!! Study the puzzles and learn how to solve them, and learn the analogies and the point of the reading comprehensions and u'll do great!! The LSAT's DOABLE! Kick its butt! :)

- Nishi

Wednesday, June 9, 2004
10:25 p.m.

it's so muggy and hot - I just got home 20 minutes ago and jumped into the shower - I'm all nice and clean and pretty now :) hehehe :) Fan's going, central ac's on and I'm relaxing before hopefully sleeping at 11pm(?). On my way back from my kickboxing workout tonight 2 cops tried to hit on me - well they did hit on me. This is the second time cops hit on me on the way back from boxing - the first time the cops were in their CAR stopped at a red light ;) These 2 guys today were cuties though and were on the corner of I think 36th and 9th and we were all waiting for the light to turn red and the white walk-man-signal to come on and the guys are like:

Officer #1 (cute dark haired guy): Eh so you box?
Me: yup :) It's martial arts boxing
Officer #2: really? so you must know how to take care of yourself huh?
Me: definitely :)
Officer #1: Do you work around here?
Me: yep, right near Penn Station - I'm an attorney
---officers do double take----
Officer #1: you're an attorney???
Officer #2: AND you box???
Officer #2 (again): Wow! No one better mess with you - first you'll slug 'em and then sue 'em ;)
-----me laughing my head of ;)------
----so now we're walking down 9th Ave-----
Officer #1: So do you live here?
Me: No I live upstate
Officer #1: upstate? wow far....so think I could have your number?
-------me laughing hysterically inside my head------
Me: sorry I don't have any business cards on me and I have a boyfriend
Officer #1: oh well...
Officer #2: gotta figure - she's pretty, AND an attorney AND she does martial arts - ya never had a chance!
-----me laughing again cause they were too funny-------

Then I said bye to them and walked back to work to change and put my gloves away. They were too cute and funny :) Sweet too :) I think I looked like crap!

Agh anywayz, gotta give a guy credit who knows how to be forward and make a strong move on me ;) But even if I were single I wouldn't ever go for a guy unless they were a friend first (and a friend I was attracted to).

My friend Eddy is visiting this weekend from Texas and I finally get to meet his new wife, Rachel!!! We're all going clubbing Satuday night. Tomorrow after work I'm going with a few friends from work and taking the interns to get sloshed i.e. drunk ;) And of course Friday I have off cause our office closed for Reagan.

it's now 10:51 and I need to sleep. *HUGS* to all! Miyu-chan thanks!!! *HUGSSSSSSS* I'm gonna road trip visit you soon this summer I think! :) AnonyMouse thank you! :) I'll check the link out! And who the heck ARE you? You've been commenting on my journal since early March but never divulge anything. Say SOMETHING - anything! Gimme a hint! Drop me an email?

Ok night :)

- Nishi

Tuesday, June 8, 2004
11:33 p.m.

I feel amazing. After doing a little overtime tonight, I went to my kickboxing class for the first time in 2 weeks and I learned these amazing techniques - how to clench someone, get them into a neck hold, and keep them there and how to get out of one yourself - we did a lot more physical punches and kicks at each others - was awesome :) I didn't feel at all sore - resting completely for 2+ weeks I think gave my muscles a chance to rebuild and grow stronger. I need to get back to Aikido as well.

Because of Reagan's funeral on Friday, our office is closing on Friday in honor of it. His funeral's at 11:30am.

I didn't get home till 9:30 tonight, took a long shower and used L'Oreal's Exfoliating Scrub (it comes in this round sea-green-blue jar) and has a gorgeous scent and really makes your skin glow. Gave myself a mini-facial now and am settling in to talk to Ricky and read.

****WARNING**** POLITICAL VIEWS AHEAD - DO NOT READ IF YOU GET OFFENDED EASILY OR HAVE A CLOSED MIND **************

I was reading a horribly biased article in favor of Reagan and how the author of that article called Clinton and averge president and Reagan among the greats purely because of Reagan's character and "principles" - which is all fine and good but Clinton was the BEST president we had in 50 years!!!!!!! I adore Reagan (remember he was born on my birthday and I defend the guy like crazy) but his presidency left this country much worse of than when he started - economically specifically. Meanwhile, Clinton made and kept the economy strong, helped America and the world move together towards progress (remember Northern Ireland and the Middle East, Bosnia and Kosovo?) and was just the most respected political speaker with sound views on everything, save for his sexual..er..escapades, he was darn near a perfect president. Since he left office we saw Bush gain presidency through the Supreme Court, saw world peace go DOWN THE DRAIN and America's gorgeous repuation that Clinton created all throughout the world politically just suffer horribly with Bush's actions. Since Bush came we saw many high-tech companies fail, have a continuing war on terror, the economy took a horrible downturn with SO many people losing jobs - an almost complete reversal of economic progress. What we need is another Clinton!

To call Clinton average and heap all this praise upon Reagan (WHOM I ADORE!) is just mistaken and wrong. Reagan was NOT one of our best presidents - his Reganomics sucked, his trickle-down theory sucked, his cut taxes and same time increase military spending sucked leaving us in largest deficit ever and leading to a recession, his view of USSR as an "evil" empire smites of prejudice and impure thinking which a fair and good president wouldn't have. Was he an effective leader? Yes. Was he a president to be remembered? Yes. That puts him up there as one of the most liked presidents BUT greatest? Along the lines of FDR? Please. Does anybody remember Iran-Contra? I was only 5 years old when it became known and now I know how shitty that was. CLINTON was one of the best presidents in terms of economy, foreign policy and domestic policy. He was well-spoken to boot. If only he coulda kept his darn wanker in his pants and just been a good boy, he would've had an almost unmarred presidency.

Anywayz, it's 11:30 and I wanna be asleep by midnight. Time for my Ricky.

I responded to all msgs in the entries below. *HUGS* to all and good night.

- Nishi

Monday, June 7, 2004
11:30 p.m.

Growing up, I always loved Ronald Reagan because he was born on my birthday (February 6th) and, because we had the same birthday, I aways said I'd eventually go into politics like him! :) As an adult, I still adore him, and am sad for his passing, but I can look at him more objectively now. I don't know if I agree with his decision to fire 11,000+ air traffic controllers after they went on strike against the Federal Aviation Administration, definitely don't agree with how his presidency created the largest federal deficit, and although he cut taxes, it (among other economic issues his presidency created) led to the eventual recession we had in the late 80's and early 90's during Bush Sr's presidency. It was because of Reagan I was a Republican for most of my life until I fell in love with Bill Clinton in the late 90's ;) and until I realized how much I hated extreme conservativism and the conservative views George W. Bush had that I knew I could never be a Republican in name and was more a Democrat. I love Reagan and Clinton for the same reasons: they were amazing leaders who were very intelligent and spoke beautifully but in areas of policy, I admire Clinton more. For example, the Iran-Contra affair was a mar on Reagan's presidency but what I find disenchanting was his arms race against the former Soviet Union which he had dubbed 'the evil empire' - during the Cold War, he went to town building up the military and supported the 'Star Wars' plan which helped to eventually send the USSR into bankruptcy because it was trying to keep up with the U.S. in this arms race. If you want to look at the U.S. as "good" and USSR as "evil" then you won't think Reagan's decisions as president at all bad and really USSR didn't HAVE to keep up with the U.S. but it was the Cold War era! If the U.S. did something, the USSR had to match it and the U.S. KNEW that. I was only a child when all of this was happening and only learned about it in classes and through my own private reading and studies. But even then, and now, I always felt it was wrong to view a country or religion or group of people as "evil". Communism in the USSR took hold because people believed in its root principles. For those of you who don't know here's a quick lesson: "Communism is the abolition of power of people over people. This means abolishing "oppression," whether the oppression be of nations by nations, classes by classes, women by men or any other division in society. Communism is based on mutual cooperation, peace and justice instead of oppression. Communists believe that it is possible for humans to organize themselves without war, crime, starvation and homelessness. When there are social problems, communists blame those problems on how society is organized. They seek to organize society to bring out the best in people, however flawed the species may be." Other than tribes, no country/nation has ever successfully had a communist theme work - they either go capitalist or socialist. Socialism is different from communism in that socialism is 'a stage on the way to communism' - specifically:

socialism

ability

work

ability

need

I haven't studied principles and working of communism and socialism enough to talk about it here now but it's worth studying, at least purely for knowledge's sake. Let me be clear that I do NOT support communism! It has good ideals and good intentions but it can't work with human nature being what it is - capitalism or socialism (for all their flaws) work better in today's modern society.

Anywayz, was so gosh darn sleepy and tired at work today but I had a lot of fun :) Took the 3 interns out for lunch and also met my friend Lydia - I think she and I'll get together after my dance class Friday to play pool! :) The new intern who started today, Tiffany, and I really bonded quickly - and the other 2 interns are just super cool fun guys :)

Speaking of fun guys, Dark Eyes is too funny ;) Someone stole the toy hammer I got him as a souvenir from Sea World which when you shake it, it makes a funny sound - it's just hilarious! Totally fit his personality I thought and he put up a sign stating it was missing and $$$ reward for its return! LOL! I felt bad he had it stolen so today - as I was headed out after work to meet my friend to go shopping - I was on the phone with Ricky talking away when I saw this funny taxi cab souvenir in a NY souvenir shop at the New Yorker Hotel so went in and bought it as a souvenir replacement for Dark Eyes. I'll get him another hammer another time. Taxi because we work for an insurance company that insures a ton of taxi companies and livery car services so it's fitting ;) I went back to work and left it on his desk with a note - I hope he likes it.

As for my darling Ricky ;) I'm planning all sorts of fun stuff to for when he comes for 4th for July weekend. I've already taken him to Les Mis and Phantom and Rent, now I want to take him to see Wicked. I'm also taking him kayaking on the Hudson cause he LOVES that kinda stuff, and also going to take him horseback riding, cause I love it and he's never!

Anywayz, it's 11:30 and I wanna get a good night's sleep so lemme wash my face and brush my teeth and go to sleep! By the way, Listerine Citrus flavor isn't so bad at all!

Lorie *HUGS* thank u!! :) Callie cannot WAIT to see it :)

- Nishi

Sunday, June 6, 2004
11:58 p.m.

can't believe it's almost midnight and we only got home now from visiting our cousins and relatives up in Fishkill. Today, Nith and I didn't wake up till like 1pm cause of our late night out last night and we spent the day helping mummy around the house and were going to go see "MEAN GIRLS" tonight when papa and mummy decide they wanna go visit our relatives up in Dutchess County. And of course it has to be a family outing ;) so we all got ready and piled into the car and headed out. We had a lot of fun - my cousins are SO CUTE and even though they're so little, I'm always amazed by their maturity - kids always surprise me and I just love being around them - probably cause I'm such a kid myself. My cousin Melvin burned me some hindi cds I didn't own and I can't wait to listen to them tomorrow.

I'm meeting my friend Lydia for lunch tomorrow - I haven't seen her in AGES it feels like. Almost 12:30am now and I need to wash my face and change for bed. See ya'll tomorrow! I'll respond to msgs tomorrow night! *HUGS*

- Nishi

Sunday, June 6, 2004
02:27 a.m.

we had a FABULOUS time tonight!!! it's 2:30am almost and we just got home now. Today, woke up at 11:30am, started cleaning at 1am and cleaned all 3 bathrooms and then washed dishes before taking a long hot shower and getting ready. My sister Nithi, I, and another friend of mine all met up in the city for dinner first at TGI Friday's where cute waiter Derek waited on us, and afterwards, we trekked on downtown to the lower east side where we got to ROTHKO - it's a small place and it could use about 50 more seats but it's full of life. The opening band was alright but it was the MYTVS that we were waiting for and they were awesome! Gorgeous band sound, cute drummer (I thought) and cute guitarist (my sister thought so ;)) and I got to see my friend Sean (who's the manager of the band besides being a fellow attorney at work) and he was WASTED ;) I think he's a cutie :) it was hilarious and we all had a lot of fun. We took crazy pictures - there's a shot of me 'fake tongueing' Sean's ear LOLLLLLL! Hope that pic doesn't come back to haunt me ;) Anywayz, I had a lot of fun and I got to hang out with my sister Nithi whom I so rarely see or get to talk to. She's become just such an amazing and beautiful person! We drank so many amaretto sours and she so many cranberry & vodka's ;) I was so tipsy :) A lot of fun :) Nith and I hailed a cab back and just had a hysterical time talking and she's trying to break me in to walking nonstop for 6 hours in high heels that are painful and yet never complaining once ;) HAH! We just gave each other a really nice big hug and I'm ready to slip into bed and talk to Ricky. MMMMM Darlene *HUG* hi! how've u been and what're u upto these days? photography IS so much fun :) Lady kids sick? awwwwwww I'm sorry to hear that! No the soap is ok I think.....HARRY POTTER! it opened this weekend??? AGHH!!!! MUST GO!!!!!!

ok guys and dolls see u tomorrow or Monday :)

- Nishi

Friday, June 4, 2004
10:38 p.m.

I just got out of the shower and am feeling all relaxed. Since I gave myself a mini-facial last night, tonight I'm just slathering on the Oil of Olay Intensive Treatment to help my skin recover from all the sun I was in last weekend. I picked up BASARA #6, FRUITS BASKET #3 & the June issues of Ribon and Nakayoshi <-- Pichi Pichi Pitch is still runnign in it!?? HOW?? I thought it was going to end?

I'm going to spend tonight reading, reading, reading. Tomorrow, will clean in the morning, then Nithi's coming home so will spend the day with her and at night we're going out with friends of mine to see a friend's band he manages - the band's called MYTVs and they're performing at ROTHKO's in the city tomorrow night. Can't wait to go! Afterwards we'll probably go clubbing somewhere - maybe China Club?

*********WARNING*************
The following has been "blacked-out" because of it's excessive erotic content and to protect the eyes of *too* innocents and prudes ;) LOL! ;) To read it, just highlight all of the empty space with your mouse. And also - to those people who read websites and journals etc and who don't want to read smut or things they don't like - GO SOMEWHERE ELSE! :D thank u veddy much.

Every night that he is by my side . . .

he began slowly
with a touch on my back
his fingers lingered
upon my shoulders
and with his breath upon my neck
he unlaced my gown
whispering my name
his lips travelled across my breasts
his tongue followed
he left no inch of my body untouched
his hands everywhere,

I can still feel them....
across my waist and over my hips....

and
as always,
he left
the very best
for last

his soft, persistant, fervant, gentle
and then hard kisses between my thighs,
the tip of his tongue lolling and lapping
drinking all of me
for hours
he wanted nothing more than my pleasure
and he was not satisified
even when I said it was enough
he brought me to the brink
again and again
even now I can still feel
his wet mouth
wrapped around
the flower between my thighs
his love knows no end, no bounds
and he gives me pleasure
freely
every night that he is by my side.

That's the end. My sweetheart is an amazing lover :) Enough said ;) See ya'll later!

- Nishi

Thursday, June 3, 2004
11:59 p.m.

I love Origins skin care products!!!! I'm officially converted to Origins! Their 'Make a Difference' repair cream/lotion is a miracle worker and contains: "The Rose of Jericho (a �resurrection� plant that can survive and thrive after decades of drought), cell-reviving Trehalose from corn sugar and Sea Haricots help skin rebound from dramatic dehydration. And a resourceful, ancient Oceanic Flora helps repair an aging appearance due to UV and environmental exposure. And Sage wisely rebuilds skin�s barrier to avert future damage. Used twice daily, wrinkled, weathered, potentially leathered skin resumes a youthfully-smooth look and feel" and so true! My skin seemed to just spring back to life after I used it tonight.

I already own Origins' Perfect World White Tea Guardian face lotion, eye lotion, and toner/face tonic but I'm going to also buy the 'Make a Difference' cream, the Clear Improvement� Active charcoal mask to clear pores, the 'Grin from Year to Year� Brightening face firmer' which uses White China and Birch Tree extracts to really help your face and also the 'Get Down� Deep-pore clay cleanser' - and wit every order you guy a sample of their new 'Out Smart� Daily SPF 25 naturally protective sunscreen' :) There's also a gift set for men! Great Father's Day gift I'm thinking ;)

I just finished giving myself a facial and am finishing doing laundry and heading to sleep. Want to talk on the phone with my Ricky some and drift to sleep. Lorie thank you!!! I love horses but no didn't ride them in San Diego this time. Ricky and I want to go riding next time we're there (probably in August). :) Caro-chan I wish so much I could've seen you!!! L.A. in August?? Let's make that happen! :) Lady-chan thank you my dear friend :) *HUG* how're you and what've u been upto? I just started using the last soap you sent me :D

Sorry not writing much tonight - tomorrow :) too sleepy.

- Nishi

Wednesday, June 2, 2004
09:40 p.m.

hello everybodyyyyyyyyyy :) *HUGGGGGGGGGSSSSS* where the heck do I begin? Let me start by putting up some pics :D

I'm petting a horse in the first and holding some of the many Sea World plush dolls I bought in the second ;)

A couple pics from La Jolla Cove I took - gorgeous isn't it? I love photography and love taking artful pictures.

I left work on Friday around 3:30 and caught a cab from Penn Station and the traffic was so awful we only made it to JFK at 5:05 and my flight was supposed to board at 5:10. Luckily I found out that the flight was delayed and wouldn't leave till 6:40 so whew - luck was on my side :) Ricky got me from Long Beach's airport for Jet Blue and we shared a really good hug before intorducing me to his new Ford Explorer ride for the weekend ;) We went for dinner at BJ's and it was so nice to see Ricky after so long. The next day, after breakfast and running a few errands, we packed and headed on out for the drive to San Diego. The drive down was gorgeous and I snapped pictures of everything. We stayed at the Marriott and the Hilton hotels, and the first day there we went to the Gas Lamp district and shopped and ate and played pool - Ricky LOVES pool and playing with him really improved my game. Sunday we spent all day at Sea World and di everything there except the super-soak rides cause I wasn't dressed to get wet - saw Shamu and Cirque de la Mer (I LOVEEEEE Cirque de Soleil and the La Mer were equally as good). We stayed for the fireworks at night at Sea World - so gorgeous, so romantic :) hahahaha :)

I bought a TON of goodies at Sea World as souvenirs for everybody back at work and for my sisters - I think everyone liked the gifts when I got back today :) Monday we spent the day at the beach in San Diego and I got SO DARK - my poor skin - despite all the sun block. Ah well I'll de-tan quickly. We saw so much aquatic life at La Jolla Cove - including seals and otters and just tons of snails in their shells.....we went exploring in the caves and looking at the gorgeous layers of rock.....climbed up everywhere before playing in the water and sunning on the beach.

Afterwards, we got dinner and ice cream and went to Sunglass Hut to get new sunglasses - I got Ricky new Oakley sunglasses as part of his 3 year anniversary present and we headed on back to L.A. b/t 3:30-4pm and that's when we hit the awful traffic and got stuck and missed my flight. Such an ordeal. But what was nice was that Ricky took me out to dinner to make up for it all and we had a wonderful dinner at this place called Miyagi's - all you can eat Sushi and I drank Mai Tai for the first time - I LOVE Mai Tai! It's made with dark rum, light rum, grenadine and pineapple juice I think? So good! I got totally buzzed and high and got all giggly :) Was fun :) Ricky and I went home and just had a nice night. Before my new flight on Tuesday we ate at Chinatown, saw the Walt Disney Concert Hall in downtown L.A., saw Pershing Square, the library, Citigroup Center, and other pretty structures and areas of downtown L.A. I'd only driven by and never seen up close.

I was really sad to leave Ricky :( we shared some pastries I bought from a chinatown bakery and just had a very loving good bye. He'll come for 4th of July fireworks here in New Rochelle and I'll go for his birthday in August. After an almost tearful good-bye, I went to the gate and found out the flight would be delayed from 9:45 to 10:45. I didn't arrive till 6:45 this morning and lord was I tired. Somehow I got through this day at work and I had a lot of fun - I met some of the new interns at the office - very sweet fun guys. Would write and say a lot more but am so gosh darn tired.

Mek's home and she picked me up from the station tonight and we're hanging out now watching tv and caught up on both of our mini-vacations (she went to Virginia) and now I'm gonna get ready for bed. I need a good night's sleep after not sleeping a wink on the all-night flight.

Miyu-chan *HUGS* I loved Shamu and loved Sea World! :) I can't wait to go back and take the Journey to Atlantis ride and all the other soaking-wet rides! I wanna see the fireworks again :) I LOVE fireworks :) Lady-chan hi Jeanne! *HUGS* weather sucked huh? it was beautiful in L.A. - I love L.A. SO MUCH - I can't wait to move out there one day. RAAAMMMMIIIITTTT!!!!! good lord it's been FOREVER since I talked to u!!!! How're u? Don't make fun of Eric Bana! I like Eric Bana!!! :) hehehehe :) *HUGS* :) Joel and Crimson Fury I responded to both of your msgs in the May 27th entry below :)

- Nishi - good night one and all :)

Monday, May 31, 2004
11:54 p.m. PST / 4am almost EST

I am so screwed. I missed my flight back. I am not even joking. We went to San Diego for the weekend and we left this afternoon at 3:30 and we hit the worst freaking traffic. California people there cannot DRIVE. Countless freakin accidents - plus it being Memorial Day. My flight was at 7:55 and we didn't get to Long Beach until 8:20. You can imagine how upset I was. We just got back from LAX thinking I could catch a flight there instead of Long Beach (I take Jet Blue from there) but no flight was available that would get me back anytime during the work day. So I got a new flight from Jet Blue for tomorrow night at 9:45 which was one of the last flights they had that didn't land me at like 2am! I arrive back at 6am Wednesday now. *sigh* this is not good. I'm worried about what people at work will think. I just know they'll think "she's just faking, she didn't really miss her flight" but I swear I did! I left msgs for John (Dark Eyes) and Lynette explaining - I think I left too long msgs - I'm so sleepy. It's midnight here almost and I've been up forever - so tired. The drive back did me in. I cannot believe I missed my flight. Andrew if u're reading this please vouch for me??? At least you'll know what happened and can vouch for me (although don't tell them you read it on my journal ;) haha ;)). I'm gonna head to sleep and forget about this ordeal. I'm glad I have a cool supervisor in Dark Eyes and cool fellow colleagues but still, I had NO intention to miss this flight or not be at work tomorrow and I don't want them to think wrongly of me. Sleep. I need sleep. G'night everyone.

- Nishi - signing out at 11:54 p.m. PST / 4am almost EST

Saturday, May 29, 2004
12:59 a.m. PST

so the following was running through my head all day - to the tune of 'the farmer in the dell'

hee hee :)

After work today, I managed to catch a cab and I swear I thought I was going to miss my 5:40 flight what with the horrible traffic but the cab made it at 5:05 and when I checked in, I found out the flight was delayed till 6:20 so I guess luck was on my side ;) I had a nice flight, read a new book called 'Worse than Watergate' I mentioned below about the Bush presidency and how his secrecy and deception and policy are costing us dearly - all of which I fully agree with.

Ricky got me at Long Beach - he looks great. He's been working out and....wow.....he looks....beyond hot. :) After dinner at BJ's and a hot caramel macchiato from starbucks we headed back to his place and it didn't take long for me to be in my white nightgown before he grabbed me and we made up for lost time. I've missed him. His tatoos scare me but they look great on him. He better not get anymore! :)

It's almost 1am here on the west cost - 4am back in my time on the east coast. We're going to San Diego tomorrow I think to meet up with some of his friends. Never been to San Diego and looking forward to it. We'll be seeing Sea World :) I think I'll bring everyone at work a souvenir from Sea World :)

I'm running on only 4.5 hours of sleep so we're turning in now. Hope you're all having a great weekend. I responded to msgs left for me in the comment box in the entry below so check there :) *HUGS* to all, gnight

- Nishi

Thursday, May 27, 2004
09:45 p.m.

THE FOLLOWING IS COPYRIGHT NISHI RAJAN MAY 27, 2004 - NO PART OF IT OR WHOLE OF IT MAY BE USED, TAKEN, PRINTED OR COPIED IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM WITHOUT THE EXPRESS CONSENT AND WRITTEN SIGNED PERMISSION OF NISHI RAJAN.

i can't seem to

even begin to

get the words out

so much tumbling around

inside

it's a mix of pain, tears, hopes, fears
this deep wish, deep longing to fulfill
and the great, ever burgeoning fear
that I'll fail.

I'm so weak.

My stupid tears
what have they ever brought me?
it's my own actions and inactions
my own undoings
my ineptitude
when I think I've taken 2 steps forward
I take 2 steps back

when will it end God?
when will it be?
or am I just chasing

a dream?

I don't even know
if it will happen

I don't even know
if I'm doing anything right

what if I'm just messing up?

What if . . .

this is it?

This voice I hear

singing

can I even be like it?
Do I even have what it takes?

Even if I do,
it doesn't mean I'll make it.

And what then?
How will I be?

Is that it

for me?

I wish

I knew.

Felt a lil down tonight after Mek picked me up from the station tonight at 8:15...worried about my dreams of singing...my songs - ABSOLUTELY DO NOT COMMENT ON ANY OF THIS IN THE COMMENT BOX!

Today was a nice day at work :) I'm packing now for my trip to L.A. tomorrow - board a 5:30 p.m. flight after work and don't come back till 6am Tuesday and I go straight to work - will be so exhausted - will probably leave work early Tuesday. Anywayz, after doing a little overtime I got the new MINK volume 2, B.B. Explosion and ONE vol. 2 mangas :) Stopped by HMV and picked up Avril Lavigne's new cd too - incidently the 'singing voice' i'm referring to in the poem above. She sings with so much feeling - you can feel her emotions in her songs.....just listening to it inspires me to sing my best and work hard on my songs. But at the same time, looking at the rows of cds at HMV I thought - how in the world can a new artist make it, compete against all that?

Despite all my poems of fears, worries, tears etc etc, I know the truth which I avoid when I let myself indulge in fear and worry - the truth is I'm very strong, very determined, very capable and the answer I seek? It is: "I just need to write and sing it out." It is: "Sing from my heart, write from my heart." A new artist makes her voice heard and known because of what she has to say - what she has to sing - what is her story, what does she so desperately want to tell the world? Me? My songs are about love & stength - they're about the love and pain I've suffered, it's deep, sometimes spiritual, sometimes sexual, sometimes silly and funny, all of it's just me. And somebody, somewhere, will listen and feel a little of me in them and respond, will understand, will know I understand. Will know no one's alone in the things we go through, these lives, our hearts.

I can only look up to God to guide the way and show me what to do, and rely on myself to make the right decisions.

If you read this far, don't comment on any of this in the comment box. I needed to get this out of me.

Weird how we resolve and work things out. First we give in to the sadness, the fear and anxiety and then rise above it, to conquer it, to excel and succeed far above any limits. I don't think one can achieve greatness without some pain. If it comes easy, you haven't earned it. You haven't felt the pure joy in hard labour that is fruitful. Nothing worthwhile in life ever came easily. It'll be hard, I know, but if I have even a 1% chance to be in any way a success and have my voice heard, I'll have to work hard - for just that 1%. I'll do what it takes, without comproming myself, my beliefs, my principles and morals.

I need to get up 5am to drive my sister Mekha to the airport and then drive back and get ready for work. That sucks! Ugh.

What should I wear for the flight? What the heck should I pack? Ricky said lots of summer clothes and a couple warm things cause of the chilly nights. I feel like I haven't seen Ricky in forever. I hope this weekend brings us very, very close as I've felt kind of out of sync with him for a while now.....I love him very much so it really sucks when it's like this.

Joel thanks! :) You're an Indian into anime too? That's awesome! :) What're ur faves? Crimson Fury aww thank you very much :) *HUGS* Hi and God bless too! Hope you stop by again :)

It's almost 10pm and I've got to finish this packing and get to sleep to wake up at 5am. I'll see you guys from L.A. :)

- Nishi

Wednesday, May 26, 2004
11:52 p.m.

Mek and I just got back from the movies - we saw TROY! It was very good!!

The guy who played Hector - Eric Bana?

Wow. Dark, gorgeous with scruff on his face.

I think I have a new thing for dark haired guys with scruff on their face ;)

First Aragorn and now Eric Bana.....I used to hate it when guys would have beards and moustaches but I find it really sexy now...really sexy...speaking of, Brad Pitt has a beautiful body....and he was perfect as Achilles - he's a superb actor.

So much senseless death. What Odysseus said at one point to Achilles was: "in wars the young men die and the old men talk" - or something like that. So true for our current state of affairs - while Bush and Rumsfeld and company yak away, our soldiers and countless innocent Iraqis are dying every day in a senseless war which will never end....one side kills, the other side kills back, back and forth...no end. One thing is clear though - the aggressors always lose. When victims become the aggressors, they lose.

Anywayz, so I was talking to Dark Eyes for a while tonight about scuba diving - I'd always, always wanted to learn to deep sea dive so I can one day take part in the underwater digs and exploration teams - you all know how much I believe in Atlantis and am in love with ancient civiliations - to find remnants of ancient cities lost in land submersions, earthquakes etc is amazing. Dark Eyes taught me a good deal about scuba diving and equipment. I might just take some classes sometime this summer to start learning. Too bad Dark Eyes isn't teaching me - he'd be one heck of an instructor ;) He's got the sexy darkish kinda hair and scruff on his face going on too ;)

The thunder just started rolling a few minutes ago and now it's a pouring thunderstorm out there - gorgeous. I just switched the lights off and am writing in the dark with the windows open. Wearing this gorgeous white cotton gown (the 3rd picture in the May 18th entry below - this one is my favorite gown) - I feel like I'm in some movie ;) Time to get in bed and sleep good. Let me dream of Eric Bana ;) No wait, Ricky and Eric Bana together - no wait, Ricky, Eric Bana and Dark Eyes all in one dream ;) hahahahahahahahah *blushing* OKKK!!! I'm gonna turn in ;)

Ailinon-chan I saw the preview for Arthur. I don't think I have a problem afterall with Guinevere's portrayal - Arthur was a Celtic King according to legend and Guinevere was a Celt as well and being well known that Celtic women were equal to men and also that majority of women fought in battles, it would make sense to portray her as a warrior woman. There aren't any valid provable sources to refute that theory and since we have historical sources stating how women were involved politically and physically in battles, an interpretation of Guinevere as a warrior queen (which isn't new actually) is understandable and believable. It's debatable and believable because much of what we read now about King Arthur legends was only developed during the last 600 years and Arthur's time and legend dates back to the time of the advancing Roman Armies upon the Isle of Britain where so many Celts had settled - a time BEFORE Christ died and before Christianity even took hold. The Christian aspect of the King Arthur legends only came much later. Looks like it will be one heck of a movie.

Memory I love medival culture and history as much as you! I'll look up your recommendations! :)

Time to sleep and dream of the 3 cuties ;) LOL! I'm too silly :) *HUGS* to all and good night.

- Nishi (time is actually 12:50 a.m. as I finish writing this)

Tuesday, May 25, 2004
06:46 p.m.

I'm home. I felt kind of ill so I decided not to do overtime or do anything after work and just come home and rest. Feels so nice to see the evening sun on the lake - my room looks pretty with the sunset rays....I'm going to eat dinner and go to sleep. I hope I feel better by tomorrow.

- Nishi

Monday, May 24, 2004
11:57 p.m.

Am sitting on my bed with yesterday's Sunday Times, dressed in my long white silk robe and this gorgeous pink/peach silk gown ceation - both from Victoria's Secret - you can see the latter in the May 18th entry below (1st picture shown) - I feel very pretty and very relaxed. Filed my nails and painted them clear to match my toes which I took for a pedicure during lunch today. Other than regular pedicures, I generally paint my hand nails myself (in color or clear) except when I see that my cuticles are ragged and/or that my feet need help in which case I get clear, color or most likely french. Clear and french are my favorite since they look beautiful, "clean" and go with everything I wear ;) I save coloring my nails for special occasions - kinda similar attitude I have towards make up - I only wear lip gloss and powder (to control shine) every day except on special occasions when I pull out the eye shadow, mascara, eye liner, lipsticks and foundation and blush - good lord just writing all that stuff makes me tired ;) I don't like wearing a lot of make up - don't need it unless a fancy outfit screams for it ;)

Nithi and Mekha (2 of my 3 sisters) picked me up from the train station today after work - albeit at the totally wrong spot and I spent 15 minutes trying to find them ;) - and we picked up food from one of the local diners - I got this "tropical salad" which is a fruit salad with cottage cheese, cherry jello, bananas, oranges, cantaloupes, strawberries, melons and peaches - was HUGE. Am taking it for lunch tomorrow.

After working overtime at work till 7 I headed to Barnes and Noble where I picked up a bunch of new books including: "An Alchemy of the Mind" and "The Mind and the Brain - Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force" - 2 books which discuss the power of the mind - I've always been really interested in the capability of the brain and the whole 'mind over matter' phenomenon and these books show through various studies how our brain and the way we choose to think and use our mental force impacts our lives, our health etc. Also got "Worse than Watergate" - a book about Bush and his Nixonian-like presidency, "The Elegant Universe" - an astronomy book by the very handsome Brian Green whom I saw speak LIVE at the Asimov Debate last month here at the Hayden Planetarium - it's all about String Theory - a very convincing theory of how the universe works, and finally "Schott's Miscellany" - a book I started reading from Ricky which is chock full of miscellaneous stuff.

I'm a bookworm - I know ;) hehehe :)

I didn't go to boxing/kickboxing tonight but chose to do overtime instead and as 7pm approached I made the mistake of commenting on a book this woman Marcia (an EBT clerk I think?) was reading at work about Bible predictions. I said that looked like a good book and I believed in predictions spoken of in Revelations. That was my mistake. The woman then proceeded to engage me in a strong conversation about religious views and beliefs and our main point of contention was over the existance of hell - I contend that a God of love as our God is would NEVER want souls to suffer in eternal damnation - I believe very much in Heaven, but I don't believe there is ANY place like Hell - she was convinced that there would be because of the 'eternal fires of Gehenna' - I told her how Gehenna was an actual name of a site where they threw dead carcasses and stuff to be burned back when Revelations was written - and how you can't take 'eternal fires' literally - you can't take ANYTHING in Revelations literally! Everything is symbollic. She told me that all my views on God etc were wrong and when I had enough I told our friend Marc that debates like this weren't a good idea because people could get offended, I could offend Marcia or she me - and then she said 'You wouldn't offend me - you would be offending God' and THAT pissed me off. I looked her straight in the face and said 'don't you tell me whether I would be offending God. I am NOT offending God just because my beliefs disagree with yours.' And when she insisted on her point that God would be offended I lost it and yelled at her that we would no longer have this discussion and walked away. She later came up to me and apologized and said she didn't want any discord between us and she said that what she had said was wrong and she shouldn't have said it because who was she to say what God would find offensive and that as Christians we could both learn from each other and our disagreement is not what God would want - so I gave her a hug and after explaining how hurt I was by an accusation that I offended God I told her how much I loved God and we made up. But I still have a bad taste in my mouth from it all. She wasn't a friend or anything - just a slight acquaintance at work but I pride myself on having good relations with people majority of the time so to have any kind of a falling out with people upsets me greatly. I don't feel like I can be as warm-hearted towards her as I am with everyone else now because of this - I guess my feelings are still kind of hurt.

I'm very tolerant of other people's views - even when I disagree vehemently I still firmly believe everyone is entitled to their beliefs and I never dismiss them as wrong. I may feel in my opinion they are wrong but I don't tell them they are because what if in fact they are right? What if I'm wrong? I'm not so arrogant now to think that I'm 100% right or that of all the Christian beliefs, churches, and many other religions out there that only the Witnesses are the true church, or only the Pentecosts or only the Baptists or Orthodox - or that ANY of us have it all 100% right - we can't - we don't - those who say they do have fooled themselves. For people to insist their faith is the absolute right one, to insist their views on biblical things are the right views - is wrong. Even Christ's own teachings etc weren't recorded till 300 years after his death, and with translation after translation, the Church's choosing and decision of which gospels would make it into 'The Bible' and which were thought 'heretical' etc - who is to make the right determination of what is God's complete correct word? No wonder there are so many Churches and so many disagreeing beliefs. No wonder I, myself, refuse to align myself with any one Church but choose to just be a good person who studies the Bible and has a very close friendship with God through daily prayer and talking to God. God is my friend, my everything - I talk to him at night, in my head when I walk down the street, He's always with me. That's who all my prayers went to and all of them were answered by Him. No one can tell me I offended him. If I offend God I would feel it in my every being, in my heart. I would feel the guilt when I pray to Him at night. My heart feels good and true right now - I've neither done nor said anything wrong.

Getting into religious discussions between people who have different views and strong views at that - who believe the other side is wrong and are not open-minded enough to allow that they could be wrong themselves - I need to stay away from discussions with people like that. To learn you need to first be OPEN to learning - a closed mind never learns.

Anywayz, am going to call my Ricky and go to sleep. Miyu-chan a Russell Crowe Marathon? COUNT ME IN!!!! WOOO HOOOOOO! and I'm SOOOO glad u have ur tag board back! Alinon-chan I'll try out the artists you recommended! I love that kind of music! :) *HUGS*

- Nishi

!
Monday, May 24, 2004
12:48 a.m.

THE FOLLOWING IS COPYRIGHT NISHI RAJAN MAY 24, 2004 AND MAY NOT BE USED OR PRINTED OR COPIED IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM WITHOUT EXPRESS SIGNED WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM NISHI RAJAN.

Besides, it's just a draft to get words running around in my head out - it's not good at all - yet.

This Awakening

something in me has awaken
I'm different somehow - changed
how it happened and when,
I don't know.

suddenly, I see things I never saw before
I know things I never knew before
and I am things I never was before

I can't explain it
it just happened
over time? in a moment? it's out of my grasp...

all I know is,
however it may be, it is for the better, this awakening.

I went to Staples and found a gorgeous dark cherry bookcase for only $45!! That's so cheap!!! It was the floor model and the only one they had left and lemme tell ya - it was a DOOZY trying to get that thing from the store to home - between not fitting in my C280 Benz and going home and bringing the ML 320 SUV Benz back, (and tipping the nice Staples boys who loaded it into the SUV) and actually driving it back home I am freakin surprised it survived. When I braked at a traffic light - it scared the bejeezus out of me by crashing - bang, bang, bang - into the back of the front seats. I was all "shiiiaaattttttt" and "crap crap crap - the bookcase is ruined! NO WORSE - the CAR is ruined!!!!" Thankfully when I got home I saw no damage inside the SUV and the bookcase was fine - albeit completely undone and would have to be 50% reassembled - but considering the way it had bounced and shifted and crashed around inside the car all the way home I'm happy it's still in one piece.

I just finished reassembling it and put all my books in. I'm going to need more bookcases - small ones I think - it's 58" tall and 28" wide with 4 shelves and still not enough to fit all the books I read. Between my books on mythology, fairy tales and folklore of various cultures and religions, my foreign affairs books, history books, astronomy, archaeology, music, story books and of course ALLLLLL my manga books - I really need a freakin library ;) Just looking at my collection of books and cds tells you what a person of diverse and manifold interests I am. My cd collection has everything from country to metal to alternative to pop and rock to things I can't classify like Loreena McKennit, Simon & Garfunkel, Celtic music, Incan music, and of course hindi.

Mek and Mil's apartment is GORGEOUS. Makes me want to really apartment hunt now. We had a nice apartment warming and took Achen (our Priest) out to dinner with us to Bertucci's. Am stuffed. I can't believe it's almost 1am. Another night of little sleep ;) I still haven't seen Troy, or Van Helsing. Even Ricky saw Troy! Sheesh! He told me Brad Pitt is like naked every other minute ;) WOO HOO! ;) hahahaha :)

The ORIGINS WHITE TEA liquid facial toner thing is a miracle worker! That and the other WHITE TEA stuff I bought is amazing! Great - I've been converted into an Origins nut ;) Ailinon-chan *HUGS* I love Morgan and I read the Mists of Avalon and LOVED it! The new Arthur movie has Guinevere riding a horse? Hmm....I honestly can't remember or don't know what the source for that could possibly be....possibly following a predominant theme to give the Queen more substance and more 3-d depth of strength and character? Either way can't wait :) Miyu-chan hahahah Russell Crowe is a god! That body....that face....must worship ;)

Quarter to Midnight. heading to sleep. Night everyone.

- Nishi

Sunday, May 23, 2004
10:40 a.m.

Ailinon-chan and *HUGS* hi :) so you liked Troy? I've heard mixed reviews and that it's nothing like the Iliad (like Memory-chan mentioned, but that doesn't bother me as the Iliad is the only surviving account we've ever known of Troy and given the fact that there are no other surviving records of Troy or the many, many wars that were actually fought on the alleged site of Troy - it's reasonable that any account of a Trojan war is believable now with no actual factual source to say differently. I'm SO glad ur back to blog life! Can't wait to read what you've been up to and what life in Poland's like. *big hugs* :)

Memory-chan (read above about my sentiments on the Iliad.) I can't wait for Arthur too!!! Although I'm always disappointed with Guinevere's depiction in any King Arthur movie. For once I'd like to see King Arthur re-written without the whole Guinevere's betrayal. It is, after all, just the story from the mind of an old century author who fails to mention that Kings in those days committed infidelity all the TIME yet if the woman did - all hell breaks loose. It's not as if the whole Guinevere etc thing is based on fact - Arthur I believe DID exist as a Celtic King and he probably did have a druid of great knowledge like Merlin. But the details of Lancelot and Guinevere? I believe it's fictional and added to spice up the story.

Took me all day to organize my room completely - but now every drawer is organized, clothes folded, closet is *gorgeous*, floor is swept and mopped, all my books arranged neatly and I'll soon be buying 2 bookcases so it'll be even better ;)

Today I think I was supposed to go to Church with my folks but I slept right through and I guess they decided not to wake me? So I woke up and nobody's home! Agh - good for me - I get a quiet sunday morning. Gonna clean the bathroom and take a shower and get ready in case we go for Mekha and Mili's apartment-housewarming and by GOLLY hopefully see Troy tonight!

- Nishi

Saturday, May 22, 2004
12:17 p.m. NOON EST

happy saturday morning everyone :) There doesn't seem to be ANYTHING fun happening in the city this weekend I know of. Can't wait for the weekly Sunday festivals in August down 6th Avenue. Yesterday after Belly Dancing class I stopped by Origins in Grand Central Terminal and picked up some of their new white tea collection and scored a bunch of free samples too from a cool saleswoman :) I purchased the Perfect World series of White Tea producuts - White tea is an antioxidant so it helps fight the damamge of free radicals which harm your cells and age your skin and is found in pollution + sun etc. I got the Liquid moisture facial toner you use after you wash, the Perfect World for Eyes white tea firming moisutre treatment for the under eye area, the Perfect World white tea skin guardian which is a facial lotion, and lastly - what I had actually gone to Origins for - I saw advertised in my various magazines a sunscreen by Origins called 'Sunshine State' which uses Titanium Dioxide which is one of THE MOST effective sunscreens/sunblocks against UVA and UVB and keeps your face and body the most protected from damaging sun rays. I'm a sun worshipper so I need strong protection from bad rays. It has SPF 20 so am slathering that on when I hit the beach this weekend and go to L.A. next weekend :)

Beach beach beach - it's all I can think about - and ice cold drinks and lounging under an umbrella! I can't wait for my summer to start! L.A. next weekend will be a blast :)

Last night I gave my sister Nithi a facial with my avocado and oatmeal clay mask and then introduced her to my regular facial towner - L'oreal's Visibly Clean Skin-Renewing Toner with Vitamin C which not only smells delicious but keeps my face gorgeous and protected (from free radicals because of the Vitamin C - powerful antioxidant). After her mask and organizing my closet, I gave myself a mask and fell asleep with the mask on - waking up at 2am and going - nuts! I was having a good sleep too! After washing the mask off went back to sleep and didn't wake up till 11am this morning.

Nith and papa and mummy have gone to help Mekha and Mili move out of Hofstra - they'll be living in their new apartment starting this summer! I am boiling rice for us all on the stove right now, getting ready to have breakfast and then clean the bathroom, clean my room, and sweep the hardwood floors upstairs (and maybe mop) and tonight - if I can get them to - will go to see Troy with my sisters and MAYBE if we have time, hit the New Rochelle Park and Beach beforehand so I can finally check out how good it is - haven't really been there since I was a kid.

Hope you all have a fantabulous weekend - I'm gonna run down and make sure the rice isn't boiling over.

- Nishi

Friday, May 21, 2004
10:18 p.m.

I had my first day of belly dancing class today :) I arrived 5 minutes late but it was ok because they started late - lucky me! :) I learned about posture, graceful hands and legs, hip undulations and some basic beginner moves and routines. The class was only an hour long and I could've used a longer session. I think I may go to other classes with other institutions and instructors which hold 1.5 hour long classes starting next Friday.

I just got home and took a cool shower and changed into one of my cotton nightgowns shown below (5th one) - the fan's going and windows are open - I hear the crickets chirping. I'm putting away clothes and re-organizing my closet - I'm so messy though I love to be clean & tidy and I'm rarely successful for long. Once I get my room and closet and drawers clean (after leaving clothes and books and bags etc strewn around all week), the spotless tidy room will stay that way for like maybe a week or two tops before I'll get lazy and busy and everything will get messy again. So this is my monthly overhaul of my room ;) Is there such a thing as a messy person who likes things clean even though she never keeps it that way? I need a maid. Or two. They'd keep it that way for me. And while we're at it a personal maid who like the minute I step in the door gives me foot massage and manicure and pedicure ;) hahahaha I can dream can't I??

I'm gonna give a bunch of the clothes I no longer wear to the Salvation Army - it's tax deductible and when I think how much money I spent on those things and I don't wear them anymore - it's such a waste. Mind you the clothes are out of style, don't fit well anymore or are just worn (cotton-frayed for example) from use and years. If they were actually good I'd keep 'em ;)

Ricky's opposite of me - he's a neat freak - likes everything super organized and tidy. I've become more of a tidy-freak now too after 3 years with him ;) You couldn't tell that though if you saw my room right now ;) hee hee hee.

Anywayz, back to cleaning and organizing I go. Let's see if I can keep it this way for a month!

- Nishi

Thursday, May 20, 2004
11:58 p.m.

hello my darling rgv :) *MWAH* happy 3 year anniversary sweetheart! :)

Today (May 20th) was Ricky's and my 3 year anniversary :) He sent me gorgeous flowers at work with the sweetest card - made me very happy :) I'm going to plan a special gift for him when I go to L.A. next weekend for Memorial Day weekend.

My friend Jody and I stayed late at work today doing overtime and afterward hit Macy's to shop - I didn't buy a thing but it was fun just hanging out. I didn't get home till 10pm as usual but I had a pleasant surprise waiting for me - one of my sisters, Nithi, came home for the weekend! :) And we had some family friends who're neighbors paying a visit to my folks tonight so I gabbed with them and then Nith and I hung out and caught up on each other's lives.

This weekend I'm meeting with friends to go to Central Park and just hang out - we'll probably go to an ice rink and go ice skating or go rollerblading - who knows! And on Sunday 2 of my sisters (Mekha and Nithi) and I and maybe a couple of my friends, are all going shopping in SoHo and then eating in Chinatown and then going to see TROY!! YAAAAAAY :) I've been dying to see Troy!

I'm going to that bellydance class tomorrow I think - narrowed it down now to 5 choices from 12....all of them located in all 4 directions of Manhattan....1 is close to work so maybe that? All classes are 1.5 hours long except this one which is the nearest to work up by 55th street and 8th avenue.

It's after midnight now and I gotta get ready for sleep. MIYU-chan *HUG* I wasn't too crazy about 'say nothing at all' it was NICE but it didn't sound as special and unique as some of the other songs I loved best. Nishi from London wow! that IS weird! But hey nice to meet you!! You'll love Anthropologie! :D So what'd you find out that our name means? :) Darlene hi! yes I remember you! Congrats on both SJU and NYU! I'm so glad you like the A&A domain shrine! :) *HUGS* please do drop by again! Anonymouse hahahahah LOL! Thank you! :) Are you actually saying I wasn't the perfect woman before? ;) hahah kidding :)

- Nishi

Wednesday, May 19, 2004
11:53 p.m.

I have a mask on my face - aloe, avocado and oatmeal - it's green and hardening. I look like Yoda. :)

Barbie's Blog IS BACK! It stopped having new entries as of last summer but I guess they started writing again sometime in the past 5 months cause they have every month covered.

I'm listening to a cd Dark Eyes (need to stop calling him that ;) his name's John) let me borrow today - it's a cd of music by Alison Krauss + Union Station LIVE. It's "blues grass" - it sounds similar to country music which I LOVE - before you go rolling your eyes, country is sooooo good depending on who you listen to. Try Lonestar, Brian White, Deana Carter's 1st cd, Shania Twain's 1st cd, Martina Mcbride, Faith Hill's 1st and 2nd cds, Garth Brook's 1st and 2nd and 3rd cds and sooo many more! So far the following songs on the Alison Krauss LIVE cd are the ones I like best:

1. Let me touch you for a while
2. Choctaw Hayride <-- awesome song to dance to!
3. The Lucky One
4. Baby, now that I've found you <-- MY FAVORITE
9. Stay <-- gorgeous!
11. Ghost in this House
13. Faraway Land <-- like this one a lot!
DISC TWO:
3. Take me for longing <-- has great fiddle music
4. I am a man of constant sorrow <-- it grew on me
5. Maybe <-- like this a lot!
6. We hide & seek <-- another fantastic song to dance to
7. But you know I love you
8. When you say nothing at all
9. New Favorite

Considering I really liked 14 of the 25 songs on this cd, I have to find it and buy it.

Need to put new sheets on my bed and get ready for sleep. I'm gonna play my favorites here from this cd on loop as I sleep. Good night everybody!

- Nishi

Tuesday, May 18, 2004
10:45 p.m.

mmm just got out of a relaxing shower - the hot water felt good on my sore muscles. San Dou boxing was tough today but I learned a lot, stayed for the next class for an additional half hour too just getting the aerobic workout part in, but thought it best not to any additional bag work to give my arms a rest. Total 1.5 hours.

I'm sitting here in my room now and the lake outside is bringing in a warm wind through the windows...I have 4 windows in my room - the one overlooking the lake is where I have this cherry oak desk, the other 3 are to the right of the table and are in the layout similar to if you split a hexagon in half (hexagon's are 6 sided) so it offers gorgeous views of the woods, hiking trails, lake and tennis court. Once I get all these books (I read like a nut) up in a bookcase, I'll get a small chaise lounge and set it up here in this 3-window "nook" - perfect place to curl up and read on a rainy afternoon :)

I got an email from "Sheryl" who asked me where I buy my cotton nightgowns. I got one recently from Anthropoligie on W. 16th and 5th or 6th here in the city but I normally buy them from Victoria's Secret.

I'm a total girly girl so my taste is very romantic and feminine unless I'm dressing for work or to exercise in which case I dress for the place/activity and depending on my mood. On warm nights you'll find me wearing one of the nightgowns shown below I bought. I wear everything from things as feminine as gowns and silk slips and robes (I have a ton in my closet), chemises etc to things as casual and regular as sleepshirts (my face FRIENDS sleepshirt), pyjamas, a shirt and cotton pants but my biggest secret is I like sleeping naked on summer nights. Not a secret now but yes - it's really nice to sleep in the nude when it's hot outside, especially when you JUST changed the sheets and they're crisp, cool and clean :) try it ;) you'll like sleepining the nude too!

The following are some gowns I bought from Victoria's Secret recently and you may like them as much as I do Sheryl :) I'm wearing the 3rd one shown right now. It's light and comfy - perfect to lounge around in and sleep in.

All of them are cotton except the pink/peach floral one which is silk and is the type of "night gown" that you don't really wear to sleep - it's more suited to lounge around in and can be worn anywhere, morning, noon or night, especially because it's silk and looks more like a gown-gown than its label as "sleepwear". The shorter one also comes with a wrap that's just gorgeos and see through - really pretty :)

Ricky used to think I was so prissy because of how feminine and "dainty" I was ;) In showers at my law school dorms I wouldn't step in the showers without flip flops/slippers on cause I didn't want my feet to come in contact with any dirt, bacteria whatever may be on the shower floor. My sweetheart stepped right in and I wouldn't touch his feet after that ;) LOL! I'm still a priss like that ;) But that doesn't mean I don't like to get a lil dirty - I'll be the first to jump in a puddle as long as I'm not wearing anything nice :D And I'll play in dirt, as long as I'm wearing something old and long sleeved....and....which ensures no dirt actually gets ON my skin.....alright I'm a priss. I'm gonna help my dad this Saturday morning planting bushes, flowers and some large trees he's buying for our property. You can bet I'll be decked out in overalls and a long sleeve shirt and have the garden gloves handy. See? Not afraid of dirt! Just..not keen on getting it all over my body ;)

Another nice day at work :) Enlivened by my co-workers as usual. I work with such a crazy cool bunch of characters! Marc and I were going to have a quick bite to eat after 8pm but he wound up getting busy and when 8:30 rolled around I hight tailed it on out and stopped by a hot dog vendor who told me the cost of a pretzel was $1.50 and when I asked if he had anything for $1.00 he said "ok for you, a pretzel for JUST 50cents ;) hahaha I gave him a dollar anyway and he asked me for my number - gotta give the guy credit for attempting to ask for my number - I told him I'd give him my number if he always gave me pretzels for 50cents ;) Nevermind the fact that it'd be a fake number but it's a number at least ;) If I had 50cents for every guy who asked for my number since I started working again I'd seriously be rich, no wait make it every guy who actually has the nerve to say something to me - millionaire ;) Gotta hand it to NYC men - they know how to come on strong ;)

The best line I heard so far in the past month? I was wearing this I love NY tank top on Monday to boxing and this cute tall guy goes 'I love New York' (reading my tank) and continues, looking at me all smooth and confident 'I sure do love it now' ;) And he was a wasp-ish professional type - prolly also a fellow attorney ;) LOL!

The stories I could tell...but I won't because It's almost 11pm and I need to read up on my world policy and current affairs and head to sleep. *HUGS* to all and g'night!

- Nishi

Monday, May 17, 2004
10:00 p.m.

hello to Ab and Ami!! :) Saw you guys searched your way on here! *HUGS* I hope I get to see you guys in a couple weeks over Memorial Day weekend. I heard through Ricky (of course) that Ab you got into Harvard! I'm SOOOO happy for you! Congratulations :) I can't wait to see you and Ami again!

I just got back home now am and getting ready to take a nice, long shower and head to sleep. Work today was nice :) After work, I hit my boxing class for the 'fitness kickboxing' workout today. I would've stayed for the San Dou Boxing but I found out on Mondays class runs from 6:15-7:15 and the San Dou class is 7:15-8:15 and I would be cutting it close to the time I need to be at the subway and back at Grand Central to take the train home.

After kickboxing, I came back to work and my friend Marc (the younger one - I have two Marks at work I'm friends with and both are into anime and manga too! One's older, the other younger and they're both really cool :)), anywayz young Marc and I went to the 36th Street Noodle Shop near work which is SUCH a good noodle shop - I ordered both me and Marc shrimp noodle soup and put their homemade curry/spice thingamajig on mine. Was SOOOO gosh darn good! Woudn up catching the subway at 8:40 and making it to Grand Central by 9pm to catch the 9:10 train on home.

Marc is gonna teach me to ice skate this weekend and/or rollerblade - I've been ice skating twice and rollerblading a few times with Ricky in L.A. but I still don't know how to do either - I'm so scared of falling and have fallen so much and although I've gotten the hang of it, haven't done it enough to be comfortable and good at it.

My poor feet - I'm gonna treat myself to a pedicure tomorrow during lunch I think. Maybe. The shower beckons so g'night ya'll!

- Nishi

Sunday, May 16, 2004
11:04 p.m.

was this weekend gorgeous or what? (don't say 'or what' ;)) After something I had to do earlier in the day Saturday, I met up with my friend Debby in the afternoon for a fun filled afternoon at the International Food Fair Festival on 9th Avenue from 37th to 51st and the Hell's Kitchen Flea Market over on W. 39th & 9th! We dined on sausage-thingamajigs and overpriced smoothies, and lemonade and crepes! I love crepes! but only when they're soft yet hard and crispy! I got caramel and banana crepes :) Bought a pretty moon and stars candle holder with stand and a gorgeous unique necklace from the Hell's Kitchen Flea Market - I'll post a picture sometime soon.

Today, after stuff I had to do again for the major part of the day, I later went to Bryant Park after manga shopping at Kinokuniya and Barnes and Noble on 5th and it was the most gorgeous afternoon at the park! Did you guys know they teach Tai Chi there every Thursday morning at 7:30 for free? If I didn't love my sleep so much I'd go ;) Later, I shopped at Anthropologie on W. 16th and 6th or was it 5th? I forget - they're an expensive boutique with great fun clothes and some really unique novelty items from kitchenware, bedroom stuff, etc. I'm SOOO a Chelsea girl! I wish I could find a 2 or 3 bedroom apartment there.

Speaking of Chelsea, I talked to my friend Chelsea and we're going to make plans to get together soon. The worst part of life after school is rarely, if at all, seeing and keeping in touch with friends. Chelsea told me how nobody goes to chinese classes now ;) Louis only showed up for last Sunday's and Steve stopped going cause he's a lazy ass ;) and Kevin stopped going too. I really wish I could go but I'm too busy during the times they hold it now. I really need to brush back up on my chinese too....if you don't use it, you lose it.

It's such a nice balmy night.....the kind of night where I leave the windows open and dress up in a pretty sleevless cotton nightgown and drink iced tea before bed - wearing this pretty pastel light yellow gown I bought today from Anthropologie - it's so cute with tiny shoulder straps and a little bow in the center. Just finished painting my nails....I really need to go for a pedicure soon...maybe during lunch tomorrow if friends from work don't have anything planned.

I am SOOOO hitting my boxing classes this entire week - I didn't go at all all last week and I feel really out of shape. In fact, this Friday, to help me prepare for the engagement I'm performing at, I'm starting my new bellydancing classes :) Can't wait! The hard part is actually choosing which bellydance class to go to - I researched over 60 different instructors/classes in NYC online last night and narrowed it down to 12. Between 2 hours of boxing/kickboxing M-TH and 1-2 hours of bellydancing on Fridays I'm thinking I'm going to be in great shape within 3 months.

TO DO:

call up my attorney who represents me musically tomorrow
fix the thing with my chase mastercard
compile the research and finish outlining the rest of my papers on the mythological and human rights studies
finish reading about Alexander the Great
add the new stanzas to my song 'Hush' and mail in to be copyrighted

I finally finished my Celtic Legends and Fairy Tales book I bought way back in my Fairy Tales class in college (5 years ago!). I was an English major (loved every minute of it) with minors/concentrations in economics and political science. I spent majority of my time reading fun books and writing :) Was bliss! The Celtic book was one I actually bought and never got around to reading because of other Irish and Scottish legend books we had. I'm now moving on to Egyptian Legends and Folklore.

The cab driver who picked me up today from home asked me where I was going to college - I was like, I don't go to school - I'm an attorney in Manhattan. He looked at me with this 'are you kidding me??' look on his face and goes 'you look 19!' thanks buddy ;) hahaha I'm actually happy people mistake me for that young so long as they give me the rightful espect that my true age of 27 and my knowledge and experience have all earned me.

I really, really want to win this human rights grant. It's $5000 and that's huge. Deadline is June 18th. I don't know how I'll finish everything by then. Just gotta do it.

Talking to Carol now online - she's another friend from law school who gets in touch with me every once in a while - she's so cool :) She's finally finished her exams at St. John's Law and is going to start studying for the Bar tomorrow. After hashing out our plans for the next couple weekends we realized we won't be able to see each other till probably 2nd weekend in June ;) Almost a month from now! See how hard it is to get together with friends? :( Makes me sad cause my friends are the most important things to me after my family and Ricky.

James, one of the cool and funny guys at work, had made a comment the other day that our favorite show, Friends, was one of the many reasons he thought moving to NYC would be fun but as everyone realizes, nothing's like it is on tv ;) It's very rare that you have adult friends who work and lead busy lives who're also able to hang out and get together as often as the characters on Friends. I wish! :) Between friends getting married and moving away, to getting jobs in the mid-west or out of the country, I'm lucky to stay in touch with the friends I DO have! :) It makes seeing them and finally getting together like we all used to that much more memorable and fun.

One of these coming months I have to host my summer party. It'll be here at home outdoors, all-day barbeque and I'll take everyone hiking in the woods to see the lake and bridge and the cool fireside camps, get them to play tennis at the tennis court here - we have tennis courts on the property right next to mine open just to the residents on this street :) cool neh? :)

I've been writing a lot tonight huh? ;)

My dad is a collector of Mercedes Benz cars - we own 3 right now (the ML320 SUV, the 2004 E class one, and the C280 which is "my" car "officially" but everybody uses it ;) He's bought and sold a bunch of Benz vehicles in the past 14 years. We also have my Honda Civic bought for me while in law school but went to Nithi while she was at UCONN and is now going to Mekha and Mili for their last year at Hofstra and for whatever Masters studies they do. So, the reason why I brought this up: I'm going to get a cheap used car so I don't bother my parents with rides to and from the train station early and late at night - it's really too much for them being sick and all. But my dad brings up how I can get a Benz for cheap. It's a 1998 used C320. It's still WAYYYYYY too expensive but my dad's tempting me with it. I was thinking just some cheap Honda Civic since they're small and cute and perfect for me, but a black 1998 C320? So tempting......maybe if he could get a really good deal! A friend at work, Delores, saved up to buy a cherry red Miata convertible! How gorgeous is that? I'm not going to tell anyone I might get a Benz - don't want them thinking I'm rich. We are not rich but we are 'well-off' - some people see the $1million+ house and the benzes and think my dad's rich - if he was rich he wouldn't be working as hard as he does. My dad works extremely hard and has made a good deal but all the money's gone into the house and into my sisters' and my educations and I believe what my dad says: you're not rich if you're working hard for your money and papa is. Which is why he has these heart problems now. And with mummy no longer able to work and sick, I wouldn't call ourselves rich at ALL or even well-off anymore. It's important that I bring money home and help now - papa made that clear to me - he can't just support me or my sisters now - we have to help pay our way and help the family. So I've been working overtime to help and it DOES help! :) One day, God willing, and my own perserverance not failing, maybe, just maybe, I'll make it with my music or my writing and papa and mummy won't have to worry about work or money ever again! I want to buy papa his dream Benz car: an SLK convertible. *MY* dream car's the AMG SLK convetible ;)

Jeez I just realized it's after midnight. I started writing this at 11pm and it's now almost 12:30am and I have to get up at 6:30/7am. Night everybody. *HUGS*

- Nishi

Saturday, May 15, 2004
12:10 p.m. NOON EST

I have TONS of news! Lots to share so I'll break it down.....

Dancing at the club...
This weekend was so much fun! :) we went to this club - name I forget - up somewhere betweem 45-47th near Lexington and I let loose. I danced with 6 different guys - all harmless - and everyone was just out to have fun and let go after the work week. 2 of the guys were very cute north-indians, both Gujus I think, the other 4 were white guys: 1 was a gorgeous blond guy my age who was disappointed when I said I had a boyfriend and was just there to dance and have fun ;) hahahaha the other 3 were mix of dark blonde and dark haired guys that rivaled the ones I found so cute at Luna Park this past Thursday. Of course, I only get this many cute guys when I'm attached and already happily involved - once I'm single all the cute single guys seem to disappear. ;) Must be the lure of the unattainable ;) The girls were saying last night I could get any guy I wanted - hahaha maybe ;) but I rarely find a guy who's remotely worthy and when I do I never let him know I think he's worthy until I know how he feels about me.

On crushes, flirtation etc etc...
Silk_d hi mei-chan :) thank you! *HUGS* hahaha and shhh about 'dark eyes' ;) I had a tiny crush on him for a little while but he's just my friend at work now. He'd be a prime example of a guy I think is possibly worthy but would NEVER go for cause (1) we're both already involved with people we love, (2) he and I don't hang out and just relax and get to know each other as friends so I still don't know him well *enough* yet to deem him truly worthy ;) hahaha and besides (3) I like it when a guy I find appealing comes on to me slightly or flirts a little subtly while knowing I'm off limits ;) It lets me know he's interested but not pursuing and I can't be 100% sure if he ever flirted or if it was just his playfulness ;) usually if guys are flirting with me they make it a point to touch me or compliment me or come up really close and talk about stuff - and I honestly can't remember if he did any of those things cause he's a naturally fun and engaging guy who treats everybody the same so unless he ever did or said anything otherwise I'd consider him just a friend - if he ever did flirt I'd take it just as harmless fun flirtation in the vein of some interest but non-pursuit - I've had "flirting-relationships' before where you're both already happily in love but ur still human and you just flirt in good fun showing you find the other appealing but knowing that neither would pursue it in any way. That's fun and healthy I think so long as you always keep it within boundaries.

When someone you're attracted to knows how to push the envelope with you yet knows the boundaries and won't cross them - it says the guy knows how to have fun yet has principles - and that is extremely attractive. But the truth is, for me, as long as I'm with Ricky and my heart is with him, I don't pursue anyone else and cut all other guys short. You're only human and will obviously be drawn to other guys than the one you're with but it's another thing to act on that - that's not the kinda girl I am - I'm loyal to a fault and I love my Ricky. I'd only show interest, if at all ;), if I was no longer with Ricky and my heart was free. Right now I was only drawn to this 'dark eyes' at work and last night woulda been a good chance for me to run my hands through his cute hair LOL! ;) but no I'd never act on it :) I'm far too loyal and principled. My friendliness with guy-pals borders on flirtation but anyone I'm that friendly with knows I'm happily in love already and that I'm just being my normal friendly affectionate self with them - I'm only that way with guys I know to be cool and who won't misinterpret anything. Some guys think if a girl touches you they like you! SOOOO not true! Especially a girl like me? Who's touchy feely? I touch everybody ;) hahahah I definitely don't like everybody I touch in that way ;) HAHAHAH :D

I'll be performing at a friend's engagement....
One of my friends told me yesterday and last night about her engagement party in June. She wants to know if I'll sing and/or perform for her at it. We talked and after I found out she loved Devdas (the movie) as much as I do, I said I'd see if I could sing 'Sil Sila Ye Chaahat Ke' - quite possibly one of my most favorite songs ever since both she and her fiance have been in love for 7 years and made it this far. I'd want to both sing it and dance it so it'd take me from now up to her party to come up with the choreography. I should probably ask my sister Mekha's help since she dances more than I ever did now.

I can picture now how I'll perform at her party - everything would have to be darkened to do the candle theme in the movie and I'd choreograph it to allow me to sing the song perfectly while dancing the accompanying moves. Crap - I have to learn the whole hindi. AGHHH - I need to let her know by next weekend if I can do it. I need to find time to rehearse and try it out today. I'm getting nervous - she said it'd only be maximum 50-100 people but still, that's a good size for me to perform in front of in hindi and dance too when I haven't done so in a few years.

Ironically this guy Sean at work had been asking when he was going to see me perform ;) hahaha I should invite him to her engagement ;)

Ricky got tatoos! AAGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!
I was in shock. He'd told me he had a surprise for me. He got 3 tatoos. I've never liked the thought of tatoos on the body of someone I love...I liked his nice unmarked body.....3 tatoos - one on his left arm, one on his upper right arm, and one on his back. He told me how you get tatoos - it hurts like HECK! And it causes SO MUCH BLOOD. He showed me pictures of his bandages late last night after I got back.....oh my god. He was surprised by my reaction. If he'd told me in advance he was going to get tatoos I woulda slowly warmed up to the idea......he says they look really good and I bet they do.....he goes 'you still love me right?' in this cute baby voice :) HAHAHAHAHA of course I love you!!!! :) *MWAH* Just don't get any MORE tatoos!!!! 3's enough. Holy goodness.

Today...
I'm meeting up with a friend, possibly a few more, for the international food fair over on 9th Avenue and going to try to work on my human rights papers over at Barnes and Noble's cafe at Union Square. Mekha (one of my 3 sisters) wants me to come out with her friends tonight to a club called CLUB LQ - I dunno......it's just going to be her and her friends and I'll feel out of my element. Maybe if I can get a couple people *I* know to come along? We'll see.....

MESSAGE TO THE PERSON WHO IS SEARCHING FOR ME ON YAHOO!
Every once in a while I check my site tracker to see how people find this journal on search engines and this morning, after months of not checking, I checked and earlier this week I checked and someone using MSIE 6 browser with a WINDOWS XP platform and using a cable modem through Opt-Online keeps searching for 'Nishi Rajan' on Yahoo! CUT IT OUT YOU WEIRDO! It's obvious if you're searching for me you know me and are a friend and are reading my journal so let me KNOW you're reading! I'm ok with my friends reading my journal (although I seriously hope no one from work except Andrew or maybe James is reading this). Heh heh heh I swear I dig my own holes. So anywayz, drop me a line you freak of nature! :)

Anywayz, papa and mummy left early and I need to shower and get ready and run errands and then head on out to the city for the festival and then Barnes & Nobles and maybe go out with Mekha to Club LQ if I can get a couple of my friends to join me - although clubbing twice is really not for me.

It's a freaking gorgeous day! Bright, beautiful, sunny and 85 degrees. Stop reading this and go out and enjoy this day! :)

- Nishi

Friday, May 14, 2004
07:20 p.m.

I can't wait till tonight :) I'm meeting my sisters and a few friends to go out to this club - haven't gone to a club and danced in 8 months. I stayed at work doing overtime and am starving but friends and sisters don't arrive for another couple hours so should I wait to eat with them or eat now? Probably now - something anywhere would be good.

I got an email from someone last night that broke my heart.

This is not the place to write about it.

Anywayz....looking fwd to this weekend and the International Food Festival tomorrow and Sunday. Hope the weather stays nice :) Not much to write tonight - actually there's a lot I would write about but can't so won't. Agh - let me finish up my things and head out somewhere for a bite before I meet up with everyone. I brought along my club clothes to change into :) heheeh :)

Night everyone *HUGS*

- Nishi

Thursday, May 13, 2004
10:55 p.m.

home at last! I had a fun night! I went out for drinks after work with friends from work, James and Harry, and I had a blast! I had been wary at first wondering if I could have fun with them but they're a riot together and made me feel so welcome and a part of things that by the end of the night I felt like we'd been friends all along.

I was already slightly (ok more than slightly) out of it cause I had some of the drinks we store in the fridge at work as a result of a case that left me talking to crazy people so anywayz, wow did one of the brands (peppermint ice) hit me hard - it's sooo good - I gotta buy some for home for when friends come over. Anywayz, with a happy buzz I went with them to Luna Park - this outdoor bar thing at Union Square - to think I've been going all this time to Union Square and Barnes & Noble's cafe and I never went to Luna Park with friends! I'm gonna bring more people back there - oh my GOD were the guys GORGEOUS there - 6 male bartenders - drop dead gorgeous! And all the other men there??? I can't tell you how many gorgeous young professionals were there - WOW. And Harry and James were going bonkers over the girls - and the girls there WERE WOW too - the two of them cracked me up the boyish ways they acted ;) Felt like I was back in college with my guy friends ;)

James at first sometimes struck me as someone to be a little wary of at some points because of strange things he'd say but all in all I always thought he was a good person and a sweetheart and tonight as I got to know him and Harry better, I confirmed it: he's a sweetheart and he treated me with such good friendship and respect that I'm really glad he's now my friend. He has done and said some strange things but then again, who hasn't? To make fun of someone because of their mistakes is to make fun of their humanity and you ignore the true inside of a person which can be very good and kind.

Harry I had pegged totally wrong. I thought he was this conservative guy who wasn't too friendly but he totally loosened up after a while and we hung out like old pals! He's really cool and really funny - a total guy-guy and him and James together could be the guys in tv shows you see making plays on women soooo out of their league LOL! :) After Luna Park we went to this thai place for a quick bite to eat and there the convo turned more personal and Harry and I got to talking about wildest things we'd ever done - and seriously, in the past 2 years there's only ONE wild thing I've done related to a strip club I went to with Ricky and that's ALLLLLL I'll say about it but I didn't tell Harry or James that - instead when Harry said that nothing I could've done could possibly be wild except in my own little universe, I wanted to take that chip off his shoulder and so I goaded him on and told him yes I did something even wilder than he could imagine - and he said 'have you gone to a swinger's club?' And I said yes when I actually never have. My definition of a swinger's club is when married people who want to exchange partners meet and see if they wanna switch partners for the night right? HE was talking about some club where people are having SEX right THERE. UMMMM.......he freaked out and I couldn't get a chance to say 'umm...I was only messing with ur mind' so I played along saying no no I meant the swinger's club according to my definition. He still had a weird reaction and clammed up. Weird huh? So tomorrow I'm just gonna let him know I was only messing with his mind - he doesn't know me well enough to know that I'm pretty much a good girl who doesn't do crazy stuff normally and if I ever do it's with people whom I love and trust.

Anywayz, that was a fun place and I gotta drag the other people at work there. Tried to pull my other friends at work, including Dark Eyes, but nobody was free or able to which sucked but one of these days! I might be going out for drinks again tomorrow after work and to a club tomorrow night with a couple friends from work (James, Stella and who knows whom else) and am calling up and emailing my own friends to come and join me. It's been a while since I hung out with my closest friends and maybe tomorrow night would be good :) Think I'll wear that pretty tube top that's so gorgeous and sexy and very danceable in. Wish Ricky was here - he might come this weekend or next week since he has time off from work. I love him so much and miss him a lot. Agh - I'll figure out my plans tomorrow. Hope you're all having a fantastic night!

Aisha *HUGS* HI!! It's been ages since I heard from you! Hope you're well! Will drop by ur bloog soon!

I'm sleepy as heck now and am going to sleep soon. Night everyone.

- Nishi

Wednesday, May 12, 2004
10:19 p.m.

I just got home and when I went to see mummy and check how she was doing - she was getting ready for bed and wearing this sleeveless nightgown and I noticed how large her arms were....I was like 'u're gaining weight?' and when I looked closer I saw that only her right arm was really swollen and puffy. I deduced it was muscle inflammation and made her a hot water bag - she was shocked herself cause she hadn't noticed it although her whole body and arm had been achy since last Monday with this muscle condition she developed and especially today after washing dishes and cooking - we determined that it has something to do with a stupid hysterectomy that she had done when she was 45 - it was only after that that all these problems started - until then she was the poster-person for perfect health. She got the hysterectomy only because the doctor recommended it but it wasn't necessary - she had something called a fibroid in her uterus - nothing life threatening but at the time mummy was always worried about things causing cancer and the mere suggestion that there was a small chance fibriods could one day possibly become dangerous made her follow the suggestion. It turned out the hysterectomy wasn't necessary at all! But as a result all this stuff to her health happened. Bad things happen when you mess with your body's hormones and take stuff out that's supposed to be there or put stuff in that isn't.

Anywayz I'm glad I came home in time to see her and help her. We HAVE to see about hiring a maid or someone to help mum with housework since I'm not home much anymore and papa's too busy.

I had tentative plans to meet a certain friend tomorrow but we're talking on IM now and doesn't look like it'll happen. I dunno whether to feel relieved or a bit sad or both. Agh - whatever is, is.

I did an hour of overtime after work today and then headed over to that Starbucks I went to last night and relaxed for an hour or so when that same old guy came in - I was actually thinking of leaving when he spotted me and came in to chat - I didn't wanna get stuck chatting though cause I wanted to head back home now so I hope I didn't come across like I was ditching the old guy cause I wasn't - I just honestly wanted to go home.

I have great news that's slightly belated and I didn't get a chance to say - one of my most recent human rights topic-related papers I submitted to another journal was accepted (not the full paper but the first 3 pages as a query pending full submission when i finish) :) This is BIG because the papers will be published for thousands and thousands of people to read world-wide and some of them are for awards and grants which are prestigious and would give me a leg up to getting opportunities to work on human rights-related projects. So far my papers on U.S. Human Rights Violations have been accepted - it's actually a HUGE paper with 4 parts and it's the 4 separate parts that I split up and submit according to what specific journals and publications are looking for. The research has been slow-going and hard and the writing part - I feel like I'm back in law school pulling allnighters. But it feels fulfilling - it's an immensely satisfying feeling to write something meaningful and really beautiful, strong and powerful that moves and persuades.

My dream is to be successful in music and then successful as an advocate for international human rights and foreign peace policy - my knowledge and experience as an attorney are to play into the latter with the laws and drafting of policy and working with existing international laws or changing them to provide for the best interests of all. God I hope I can make these dreams come true.

I'm listening to Music from the Andes - it's so pretty :) I'm going to paint my nails and then get ready for bed. Hope you're all having a wonderful night. I didn't delete anyone's msgs from the message box - the tag-board's servers died and they lost the past months' msgs :(

Night!

- Nishi

Tuesday, May 11, 2004
10:46 p.m.

hahaha Jeboy thank you very much :) I'm honoured and flattered :) I don't think I've done enough to earn anything like that but thank you very much :) and nice to meet you!

On my mind today were my parents. Last week I got upset and mentioned it on here and didn't tell anyone (hardly even Ricky whom I tell everything) because it had to do with something my dad said about him and mummy and their lives and health and all....it all came as a shock to me what was discussed and affected me to a degree that I'd never been affected before, so hence my day-long reaction. It hit me more because I'd been having disturbing dreams lately and sometimes the dreams come true (freaky I know) but it's worse when you dream fearfully that your parents might have heart attacks and you might lose them! I hope to God that I'm just dreaming about what I'm afraid of. It feels so real in the dreams though that it scares me. I love my parents SOOOOO much....we're a very very close family and if anything happened to them, it would break my heart. So with the things happening with their health and stuff it's kind of hit me hard and I guess I didn't realize it till I started dreaming and stuff. Anywayz, today it bristled up again cause I got this email from 'Lotus Tarot' this online tarot thing that I once did in fun and ocassionaly they send out explanations of what a card means. So today's card was the Judgment Card and this is what it had to say:

So what the heck is that supposed to mean? I know ur saying 'It's nothing Nishi' but when i read this I instantly thought about my parents and I got so scared that the change inevitable stuff meant I might lose my precious parents. Silly aren't I? I think my mummy's sometimes superstitiousness somehow rubbed off on me cause it's not like me to jump to these silly conclusions but if you were dreaming your parents would have heart attacks and stuff like that you just might react like I did ;) Anywayz, so I talked to my friend Andrew at work and poured out my heart to him about how I was scared about my parent's health etc and he made me feel a lot better! He suffered his own personal losses and so he helped to relate the fear and stuff. Plus he then helped to crack me up with funny stories and take my mind off it a little :) Andrew if you're reading this thank you so much :) I'm so glad we're friends! *HUGS* I still felt down afterwards though so I skipped boxing (no way could I be able to focus on the technical moves and stuff when my mind wasn't focused) and instead stayed at work a little late writing my fears and thoughts down in a letter to God kinda like a prayer. Yes, a letter to God. It helped too. Here's some of what I said to Him:

God please hear my prayer and answer me, I ask the following of you (1) that you cure and heal my parents out of the loving kindness of your heart, (2) help make my dreams of musical success a reality so i can give my parents a life free of work and stress, so they never have to work or lift a finger but can enjoy their lives, (3) grant me the wisdom and strength and power to make all my hopes and aspirations come true. I love God very much and I believe and trust in Him so I know my prayers will be answered, in time.

I got tired of writing and there was nothing to do at work so I went to a Starbucks near work and sipping a decaf, non-fat iced caramel macchiato I sought peace in art and drew a gorgeous landscape of this beautiful tree set against the backdrop of mountains and in front of a lake/pond/river with lotus blossoms floating upon it. :) And while I was drawing this old man came up with the personality of Drew Carey and then some ;) This guy proceeded to regale me with 30 minutes worth of political talk and everything else, complete with how he knew Andy Warhol and had been on Robert F. Kennedy's campaign committee. How in the heck do I manage to draw these people to me I don't know! I think I smile too much. :) Actually he was very sweet and VERY funny and kind :)

After talking to him and the Starbucks waiters about Troy and the background of the Trojan war etc and making new friends out of them (I think I'll go back there sometime again soon) I left feeling refreshed and went home where papa picked me up from the station and I felt SOOOOO silly for worrying and being upset as I had been cause there he was - laughing and talking on the phone - looking the picture of health in a short sleeve shirt and chinos and you'd NEVER GUESS that he's a man with 3 stents in his heart :) I love my papa so much. Mummy went to the chiropractor today I learned when I got home cause she was feeling some pain in her muscles - she looked tired but a lot better. I gave her a HUGE hug and biggggg uma (kiss) :) I feel better now seeing they look good :)

Sometimes in my life, I've found that when I worry & get upset about something, it turns out good :) It's when I don't worry that things end up taking a bad turn. I don't know if that makes sense to you but I can't explain it any better than that.

Anywayz, I need to put away my fresh laundry, give myself a facial mask, and then sleep. I'll see ya guys later :)

- Nishi

Monday, May 10, 2004
11:49 p.m.

top of the evening to ya :) I've got an ice-cold lemon-iced-tea in one hand and my fave tea rusk in the other. Today was a very productive day. The weekend was fabulous! Friday after work I went for a manicure and pedicure and then met up with one of my old friends I hadn't seen since the summer before law school and she and I grabbed a quick bite and chatted before we each had to go home. Iced non-fat caramel macchiatos - with lotsa caramel are goooood :D

My sisters came home that night and we got to hang out and catch up a little :) Saturday we headed out to UCONN for Nith's Master's graduation and it was so long and boringgggg - I wish I coulda seen John McCain speak at U of Fl. @ Gainseville where Ricky's sister Rena saw him and graduated 2 weeks ago. For the grad dinner we went to a great italian place called ROMA and we all talked and had a merry old time :) Nith liked my 'Teacher's Journal' book I got her as her grad gift - it's a book that asks questions for you to write on like 'who was your favorite student and why' and 'what was the one student who changed your life' - things like that.

Sunday morning I swept & mopped all the hardwood floors, all the tiled floors, (which is in sum the whole dang house), the bathrooms, and cleaned the bathrooms too! And cleaned up my messy room finally. My dad's threatened to move me into the basement ;) ha ha ha. He ain't kidding. ha ha ha. :) Then after a long shower, high-hoed it on to HOfstra to take the twins back and celebrate Mum's Day by taking papa and mummy out to another Italian place (they're the only places with room during busy times!) and it was the BEST Italian food - place called BERTUCCI's in Long Island near Westbury. Had the shrimp and lobster-something over some kinda very delicious tasting pasta and this raspberry and currant thingamajig dessert. Tres bien :) Papa and mummy enjoyed themselves :)

I'm waiting for the laundry to get done now before I can sleep. 2 loads. I was thinking of staying up late to work on my human rights papers but I'm too sleepy and my head would like nothing better than to lay down on my nice comfy pillow.

I stayed at work doing overtime till 8pm tonight - got a lot of work done and also got to talk to 'Dark Eyes' - I'm getting to know him better and as I do we're more friends and that's taking away some of the 'temptation' thing I felt before, although I do still feel it when he's really close near me or when we're being playful - I'm not sure how to describe it - if I keep some distance from him it's all fine and just feel warm friendship, but the second he comes closer it's really hard to resist...like when we were talking about this one case and he sat in my chair and was really close to me, I could see really close to his face and arms and hands (he has nice arms) and I felt that temptation tug - it's almost like he knows exactly how to affect me by coming near so I can't resist him as much.....good thing the head boss came by to gab ;) It was at a point like this that my other 1st temptation back in college would start being playful with me and touch me playfully on my head and hair and hands etc. hahaha *Blush* that was delicious and fun :) It won't happen here though I don't think cause although we're really playful with each other this current temptation keeps a real solid distance I think...it *would* feel really good if he did that though ;) but I wouldn't read much into it - he is pretty playful so I'd chalk it up to that. But that 1st temptation in college - I remember when he started moving in closer & that was when it got really fun :) We would be in class and waiting for the last 5 minutes and I'd be doodling and he'd purposely come up really close to my neck as if he couldn't see well enough and I remember those tingles I got ;) College temptation knew exactly how to use his charms to win me over ;) LOL! I feel bad that I turned him down now....he woulda probably been a lot of fun. Will never know now.

X-RATED MATERIAL BELOW - DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE BOTHERED BY SUCH WRITINGS

Anywayz mmmm it's just started to thunderstorm.....god I love thunderstorms. I told Ricky my fantasy about making love during a thunderstorm.....I think it's incredibly erotic....

New erotic poetry for today - WARNING X-RATED!

Nothing but him... - COPYRIGHT NISHI RAJAN MAY 10, 2004 - MAY NOT BE COPIED, PASTED, PRINTED OUT OR USED OR DISTRIBUTED IN ANY FORMAT FOR ANY REASON WITHOUT NISHI RAJAN'S EXPRESS SIGNED WRITTEN PERMISSION.

second warning - it's X-RATED so if you're squeamish or a prude or under 18 ur not allowed to read ;)

it was raining when he grabbed my hand
kissing my fingers, his lips seared a path along my arm
when he kissed my collar
it thundered, rolling across my body
his hands weaving their way through my hair
I didn't know anything but him
his tongue against my breasts
illuminated by lightning
I felt nothing but pleasure
when he took hold of my waist
his mouth between my thighs
it stormed, and there was nothing
but him.

I just came up with it now because it was thunderstorming right now - dunno if it's any good....one of the rolls of thunder made this table vibrate.

I think the 2nd load of laundry's done - gonna talk to some friends on IM and then sleep. Night everyone :)

- Nishi

Friday, May 7, 2004
10:48 p.m.

ALL WRITINGS BELOW COPYRIGHT NISHI RAJAN MAY 7, 2004 - NO ONE MAY COPY, PRINT, USE OR DISTRIBUTE IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM WITH OUT NISHI RAJAN'S EXPRESS SIGNED WRITTEN PERMISSION.

Always, without fail, when S. IMs me and we talk for a bit, I start getting teary eyed. Emotions take over. It's hard to be reminded he's engaged even though I'm fine with it. Remember those pictures he wanted and I got upset about at first? He wanted a couple for a slide show for his wedding or graduation (I don't know)...."just asking for those few things back as a friend if u can" he just said - he's still such a sweetheart. I told him he's always my friend and he doesn't have to explain anything and I'd do my best to get them to him. For those of you who don't know, S. was the 1st true love of my life, my 1st love, my longest love to date, the one I gave almost everything to, the one I would've given everything to.

Ok now I'm full out crying - he's the only one who has this much weight over my heart (besides Ricky of course)....God I wonder if I'll ever stop having feelings for him.

I felt like I'd loved you all my life
There wasn't a thing I wouldn't do for you and you for me
And even now, when your heart belongs to another
I'd do anything for you - even if it hurt me.
Truth is - I'll always love you.

If I could tell you today
everything on my mind
without you getting upset
I'd say.....I think I still love you
I'd say.....I still wish we could be again
I'd say I'm one crazy nut for thinking like that ;)
But it's just how my stupid heart feels.
Stupid because it knows better, knows it shouldn't feel that way
But hearts aren't brains
Hearts just feel.

In my heart I'll keep you the way you were
that child-like smile
those gentle loving eyes
and the way you loved me
I'll keep that way deep inside
the way you were when mine
I don't really have a choice
That's where you've always been
It's where you'll always be

You'll never hear all this from me though
Although you probably know it anyway
You always knew me so well
I know you know
that you still have a big part of my heart
But should you not know
I'll keep this a secret
And act like everything is fine, everything ok
I'll smile at you, be happy for you
And make you know that this friend will always be there for you
Because that's the truth: I am happy for you and I will always be there
But I won't tell you that this friend's heart still cares
Because it's scared of being hurt again by you
just for caring
Scared because the fearful truth probably is
that when you moved on
you wanted to forget me
you wanted to change and forget everything in the past
So I won't say a word,
though u might know anyway, in your heart
Cause you always knew me so well

I just used up a whole tissue box. I'm going to mess up my pretty manicure. I feel better getting all that out. I wish I could stop feeling this way when I talk to him.....pretty soon, after he's married and has kids, we won't talk at all again. That makes me cry so much. How can life be like that? How can you love someone so much...the two of u be so in love and so perfectly happy and then...it's just over? Distance..whatever reasons...I loved him so much....till him I'd never loved anyone before. Maybe that's why he has such a hold over me. Cause he was the first.

ok....anywayz......work today was nice :) Went out with 4 friends for lunch and got a nice buzz from 2 margaritas :) I was successful in not being TOO friendly with Dark Eyes - treated him pretty much the way I treat all my guy friends and it was nice! :) I hope he and I become really good friends. He's still a temptation and he'll always be a temptation - I don't think merely making sure I stay friends only with him will be enough but it's a good way to go. As long as I keep in control and stay the girl I am, nothing will happen. I hope. I am still worried. He's got this soft side to him I really like......I had weird dreams about him the other night - actually 3 dreams on 2 different nights....in the first dream Dark Eyes and I were at this diner of some sort with booths and I was actually laying down on his lap and putting my fingers inside the sleeve of his arm cause my fingers were cold. LOL! :) He was being really sweet - I remember waking up going 'why in the heck did I dream that?' - then the other 2 dreams tied in together.....in those 2 last dreams he and I were being very close (much closer than we are now) and I think we were in some house(?) & in one he touched me really softly on my waste and arm and I remember my stomach did that 'zing' thing - the weird zing feeling I used to get when Ricky or S. would say or do something way back when I first started falling for them. Him just touching me made that weird zing happen and in a dream of all places....the zing is a really delicious feeling that literally feels like a deep zing right in the middle below your breast plate. He said something nice to me in the dream....I woke up from that going 'wow...' and feeling really happy ;) Silly dreams :) So that's another good reason to make sure I keep distance. It's not a good sign when you have dreams about a co-worker. It's probably nothing.

Anywayz this has been a LONG entry. I need to archive this pitas so it loads faster. I'll be out this weekend and dunno if I'll write again. Nithi's graduating with her Master's in educaion from UCONN tomorrow. I am really proud of her - she's 4 years younger than me and has just grown up to be such a beautiful person. She's going to make one helluva teacher - she already is. Sunday is Mother's Day and tonight we decided we're taking mummy out to dinner at Cheesecake Factory in Long Island when we drop Mekha and Mili (my twin sisters) back at Hofstra. They're all home just for the weekend for Nithi's graduation.

Anywayz guys I'm out! The message box isn't working so I can't see who left me msgs and get back to ya'll. Will respond and write as soon as I can. *HUGS*

- Nishi

Friday, May 6, 2004
7:51 p.m.

deleted entry from yesterday - I wrote it just to get it out, no need to keep it for future readers to see and wonder what the heck was wrong with me on that day.

anywayz, evening folks! I was feeling down all day and was unusually quiet which a lot of people picked up on - normally around friends and at work I'm very sociable and easy to talk to but today cause of what happened last night (3 things actually that all tied together) I was still feeling very upset and sad by it so I got really quiet at work - my heart wasn't into socializing or acting happy. But right now everything is good again and I'm back at peace :) Boxing class tonight (like yesterday) was brutal! I was so beat after the 1st class I didn't stay for the 2nd class. The one thing about working at boxing is that it's so aggressive that later after it's over I feel really sexually aggressive - ricky said to me I need to get laid - LOL!!!! *blush* I said I do and he should come visit me sooner than Memorial Day ;)

Today Rickers was really worried about me. When I didn't call him like I sometimes do to say good morning at 8am his time (11am my time EST) he got so worried he called me and said in this cute baby voice 'baby you didn't caallll me....are you ok?' :) My heart melted - he told me I'm his baby and he always worries about me, especially right now because he's never seen me get so upset about what I got upset about last night or seen me STAY upset for longer than 15 minutes ;) hahaha my sisters and parents will tell you too - no matter how mad I am or how hurt or upset - I forgive and forget easily. Mekha jokes that chechy (what my sisters call me - means 'older sister' in malayalam) can never stay mad and never holds grudges. However, when I DO get mad and lose my temper I become like my mummy and papa - raging ball of fire - just cause I don't stay mad for long or ever hold grudges doesn't mean I don't have a temper ;) But it's docile for the most part - someone has to really do something to make me angry to make me lose my temper.

It's 7:20 now and I'm here at work vegging until I leave at 8:15. It's so nice to come back after a hard workout and just chill and not be in a rush to go anywhere or do anything. I can hear everyone laughing outside here - it's nice :) 'Dark Eyes' isn't here tonight - was here last night though and to my shock I was secretly pleased. That's not good. I like how we're chummy and have this really cool, fun friendship but I'm scared I might fall for him if I'm too friendly and I might be being too friendly already and come across wrongly - like tonight I asked him to put my bracelet on and he got this weird look on his face - it was just a casual question and I didn't mean anything by it - I always ask someone there to take it off and put it on but that warned me that maybe I was being too friendly with him and it wasn't something right to ask him? I dunno...no one else minds....maybe I just bugged him while he was busy - anywayz, I'm scared being too friendly with him might make me fall for him so I'm distancing myself. Besides I think he only goes for blondes and we're friends right now and if he thinks I actually lean any other way he might not like me anymore and go and pull back from being my cool and fun friend at work which I'd miss a lot so I'm making a conscious effort to avoid his cute smiles and his kind dark eyes ;) No guy who's a temptation is going to get me to fall for them - especially when he has no idea and isn't even trying and yet semi-succeeding! Nuh uh! I told Ricky about how I thought Dark Eyes was the cutest fellow attorney at work and how I was kind of drawn to him - Ricky got a little jealous and now calls me more at work but he's not worried :) He knows I love him and I do :) But sometimes when Dark Eyes throws that cute grin my way I look down and away cause I'm thinking forbidden thoughts like how I'd love to grab him, push him up against a wall and kiss him and sometimes a little more ;) hahahahaha! SEE??? MUST AVOID HIM AT ALL COSTS! :) Must NOT get suckered in by a his charms! So I'm not going to be weak! I'll pull out all my defenses and that wall I told you guys about. After this Dark Eyes is my friend - just my cool fun friend at work and fellow attorney! I am NOT going to let a temptation like him win me over or break through the wall. *nods firmly* I'll keep you guys posted ;)

Anywayz, Ricky's going out tonight with his buddies from work and I promised to call :) Good night everybody and see u tomorrow :) It's time to go home!

- Nishi

.............

Name: Nishi
Age: 27
Where: New York
Faith: Christian
Sign: Aquarius
CH-S: Fire Dragon
AIM: SelenityHime
ICQ: 21380169
Email: be83398@yahoo.com

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My Websites
A Dream I Dream
My personal page with pictures of me and everything I love!

TooyaandAya.com
Devoted to Touya/Tooya and Aya of Ayashi no Ceres!

UsagiandMamoru.com
My favorite and best couple ever! Sailor Moon's Usagi and Mamoru (Serena and Darien)

MiakaandTamahome.com
My tribute to Fushigi Yuugi's main couple who always have my heart, Miaka and Tamahome!

ArwenandAragorn.com
For Arwen and Aragorn of Lord of the Rings

Max Lovely.com
A site all about the Ribon Manga series MAX LOVELY - has images, summaries and more!

Princess Ishtar . com
for Judal's manga - Vampire Game or Kyuuketsu Yuugi

Nishi Selenity's Treasures
My collection anime and manga collectibles and merchandise - dolls, posters, everything!

Nishi's Anime Cel Gallery at Rubberslug
Displays my anime cel collection from series such as Sailor Moon, Marmalade Boy and more!

My Ebay Auctions | FOR SALE
Things I'm selling or on auction

Anime Mailing Lists I Run and Own
Usagi and Mamoru ML
My most popular ML devoted to Usagi / Serena and Mamoru / Darien of Sailor Moon

Usagi and Mamoru Fan Fiction ML
Just for Usa Mamo fan fics!!

Naoko Takeuchi ML
Devoted to Naoko-sensei and all her works! Has latest news on her life and sailormoon news!

Tooya and Aya ML
For Ayashi no Ceres Celestial Legend Aya and Tooya / Touya

Arwen and Aragorn ML
Arwen and Aragorn Mailing List with fan fiction, discussion etc!

The Max Lovely Mailing List
To discuss the manga Max Lovely by Erika Kurahashi with posts on updates to images and manga summaries / translations

Princess Ishtar - Vampire Game Mailing List
a discussion list for Judal's manga Vampire Game

Maron and Chiaki ML
Devoted to Maron and Chiaki / Jeanne + Sindbad of Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne

Yuu and Miki of Marmalade Boy
Everything on this great couple!!!

Emeraude and Zagato
List for Magic Knight Rayearth's lovers Princess Emeraude and Zagato

Kodocha - Sana and Akito Hayama
For Sana-chan and Akito of Kodomo no Omocha!

Saint Tail - Asuka Jr. and Meimi ML!
For Asuka Jr. and Meimi of Kaito St. Tail!

Kare Kano Love
A Miyazwa and Arima ML - discuss everything Kare Kano here!

Archived Entries
1/1 - 2/21 | 3/5 - 3/30 | 3/31 - 4/18 | 4/19 - 5/10 | 5/13 - 6/22 | 6/22 - 7/29 | | 7/30 - 9/13 | 9/14 - 10/11 | 10/12 - 11/12 | 11/13 - 12/18 | 12/19 - 2/5 | 2/6 - 3/17 | 3/17 - 4/21 | 4/24 - 6/19 | 6/20 - 8/4 | 8/6 - 9/14 | 9/16 - 11/3 | 11/4 - 12/31 | 1/17 - 5/3 |

Friend's Journals

Lydia
Rence
SarahBeth
Natsuki
Diana
Ailinon
Eowyn
Seby
Manda
Bonnie

Caroline
Rebecca
Kris-chan
Miyu-chan
MoonKlutz
Zbet
Adrianne
RameoG
Louise
Leanna

Laurelchan
Aisha
Janeen
Danielle
Jenna
Hemal
Callie
Reena
Crystal
Lady

Personality Quizzes I Made
The Royalty Quiz
The Woman of Beauty Quiz
Woman of Legend Quiz

Interesting Blogs I Read!

Barbie
InTheZone

ExoticSaint
Jenchan

Ashaluna
Oei
Avatrix

Regular Activities
Jogging, Martial Arts Kickboxing, Dance - currently middle eastern dance & bellydance, Tennis, Singing (of course ;) and working on my songs, Reading & writing about all the things listed under "passions/interests" below, watching tv and movies, painting, drawing, astronomy lectures, rollerblading (and trying to get better at it and ice skating!), and of course anime and manga and web designing and maintaining my plethora of websites

Passions / Interests
Anime, manga, ancient studies / ancient civilizations, history and archaeology, world mythology & astronomy, writing (fiction, poems and political & history/ancient civilization/mythologies articles), politics and world affairs, international law, human rights, studying many languages (have studied and continue to study spanish, mandarin chinese, japanese and hindi), web design, martial arts - becoming stronger, and of course music, singing and dancing to my heart's content :) .

A Few of my Favorite Movie Actresses
Drew Barrymore
Kate Hudson
Nicole Kidman
Demi Moore
Gwyneth Paltrow
Julia Roberts
Reese Witherspoon
Renee Zellweger

A Few of my Favorite Movie Actors
George Clooney
Johnny Depp
Matthew Goode
Tom Hanks
Ashton Kutcher
Brad Pitt
Keanu Reeves
Adam Sandler
Robin Williams

Magazines etc I read:
Vogue
Cosmopolitan
Jane
Shape
Fitness
Allure
Elle
Marie Claire
In Style
US Weekly
PEOPLE
The Economist
Discover
Astronomy
Sky & Telescope
National Geographic
Time
New York Times
Commondreams.org
History Today Mag.
Archaeology Mag.
Mysteries Mag.
Foreign Affairs Journals

Things I Support

Favorite Manga and Anime
most everything in Ribon and Nakayoshi!
Alice 19th
Ayashi no Ceres/Ceres Celestial Legend
Basara
B.B. Explosion
Call Me Princess
Catcher in the Horoscope or ZODIAC P.I.
Delicious! (Yui Ayumi)
Fruits Basket
Fushigi Yuugi
Gals / Super Gals!
Kamikaze Kaito Jeanne
Kare Kano
Kodomo no Omocha
Magic Knights Rayearth
Maria (Naoko Takeuchi)
Marmalade Boy
Max Lovely
Mint No Bokura
Miracle Girls
One
Random Walk
SailorMoon
Saint Tail / St. Tail
Saiyuki
Tokyo Mew Mew
Ultra Maniac
Vampire Game
Wild Act

MY WISH LIST
If anyone's thinking of getting me a gift for my birthday or christmas or whenever ;)

Saint Tail Plush Keychain of St. Tail

Kare Kano TokyoPop Translated Manga vol 8 and on!

Ceres Celestial Legend 7+

Vampire Game Vol 5+

Basara Vol 5+

Wild Act Vol 6+

Nakayoshi / Nakayosi manga issues:

December 1987 and January 1998
December 1989 - May 1990

Ribon Manga issues

November 1998 - August 1999

My Adoptees
Shown are adoptees from Sailor Moon, Full Moon wo Sagashite, Star Wars Attack of the Clones, Lord of the Rings, and Emeraude from Magic Knights Rayearth, X-Files, the child-like empress from the Neverending Story, St. Tail!, The Labyrinth, Satine from Moulin Rouge, and HARRY POTTER!

My Desktops

Words I live by:
Man is never so tall as when he kneels before God - never so great as when he humbles himself before God. And the man who kneels to God can stand up to anything. -Louis H. Evans

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. - Eleanor Roosevelt

"All human wisdom is contained in these two words: wait and hope." - The Count of Monte Cristo

"The winds of God are always blowing but it is up to you to set the sails." - UNKNOWN

"The only dream worth having, I told her, is to dream that you will live while you're alive and die only when you're dead. [Which means:] To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never to forget." - Arundhati Roy

moon phases