Welcome to Nishi's Journal, part of her personal page, A Dream I Dream.

Nishi is a 25 year old Indian American who recently graduated from law school and passed the New York State Bar Exam! She's on her way to becoming an attorney and eventually wishes to work for human rights and peace policy. She's an avid Japanese anime and manga fan who collects Ribon and Nakayoshi and is a web designer as well. Her major sites include: UsagiandMamoru.com, MiakaandTamahome.com, and TooyaandAya.com. She also collects anime goodies, see her Treasures. Sometimes she has items for sale or almost ALWAYS on Ebay Auctions.

This journal is a place for me to vent, to share,
and to catch up with friends. Come see the world
through my eyes.

- Nishi
The 41st entry!
Wednesday, December 18, 2002
10:46 p.m.
I got a new interview!!!! and a new coat!!! :D All in one day too! While mummy and I were out for marathon shopping, Papa had come home and found a message from the Staten Island Family Court who had received one of my resumes back in October and while they didn't have a position for me then, one's open now and if I'm interested it'd pay $45K!!!! You guys!! This is what I was praying to God about last night on the plane!! I was sitting there up in the sky watching the sunset and thinking "I'm so close to God right now so I should pray - maybe he'll hear me better." and proceeded to ask Him to help me find a job because I'd tried everything and I didn't know who else to contact - so I asked Him to please let something be there when I come home - have someone call me!! And now here it is - an interview at a court!!! If they like me and wish to hire me, I'll TAKE IT!!!!!! Staten Island is good! I can still live in manhatten and commute on the ferry to staten island.....then I'd get to live with Sashi and finally achieve phases 1 & 2 of my dreams.

Oh dear God thank you so much. I love you!

God's always answered my prayers.....and what he couldn't answer....wasn;t up to him but involved free will of other human beings. Sadly. :( (that's a private and personal reflection so don't try to make sense of it....)

Mummy dragged me to the mall today for some serious shopping! First we stopped at Koehl's where I got this cool angel candle holder for Achen (priest of our church) who wrote me a very kind recommendation letter for the Bar, and also got my Professor at lawschool a beautiful sleigh filled with bath products as a gift for writing me a recommendation as well.

People were either very friendly or very rude shopping today. As I walked with mummy out the door of Koehls, two insolent bitches jostled me and said "excuse me!!" in a rude tone. Ho-bags!

We then headed to Macy's and lord did we shop! Mummy was hell bent on NOT buying me a coat cause they were so expensive but I didn't have any coat except an over-sized black pea-coat I'd used for the past 3-4 years and which made me look unprofessional. Persuasion finally won and we got a great deal on a beautiful Larry Levine (or something) long grey coat (orig. 330) for just 174 total with tax! :D It was the ONLY coat in ALL of Macy's that fit me and is a 2P - no other freaking 2P in the whole coat section! GRRR! Mummy also got a beautiful new black coat.

We picked up Heavenly by Victoria's Secret for one of my sisters, bought a slew of Elizabeth Arden perfumes for papa's office staff, I LOVE RED DOOR PERFUME!!!!!!!!!!!!! We ate at the food court - the dollar-menu at McD's is great - I was full after a fajita, fruit-yogurt parfait and a coke. We had left home at 11am and didn't get back home till close to 6pm.

I missed my sisters so I called and talked to them. Talked to Ricky too :D He's home now - he got the last of my christmas presents to him - it's a complete art supply lit - with 20 oil paints, a bunch of different brushes, 2 canvases and a table easel as well so he can draw and paint on a real easel :D

I just finished eating dinner (fish curry with rice) and I FINISHED FILING MY BAR APPLICATION! All that's left is for my law school to mail the law school certificate in! :D

I'm going to give myself some much needed rest tonight and enjoy this evening. Adrianne I MISSED YOU TOO!!! I can't wait to catch up with you! Miyu-chan I got stuff to tell you about the strip club ;)

- Nishi

a very very long entry
Tuesday, December 17, 2002
11:43 p.m.
I'm back from L.A.!! And I have a LOT to tell you guys....however....warning - I'm going to shock you all!!

So I thought we'd do all these fun things yesterday right? Not possible cause it rained cats and dogs in L.A. yesterday! We braced the rain and headed to Ricky's campus (USC) to sell back his books and then see if he could register for a java class at L.A. Trade Tech College <-- that school is a mess of a maze with no clear markings and the administration is awful! We were soaked to our bones and munching away on a pretzel, candy canes and hot cocoa when at last we came back home and recovered a bit. I made him watch Kamikaze Kaito Jeanne with me and then we got ready to head back out into the rain to go to Asahiya so I could see if they had Saint Tail manga. I am now only missing 1 last book of that series! :D They had the new January Ribon manga and I am going to mail in for the zen-in of Full Moon Wo Sagashite!

It seems people in L.A. go into a tailspin when it rains! Traffic was clogged and it was nuts! We had wanted to go to Joe's Crab Shack out on Redondo Beach but with the traffic it would've taken too long....we finally came back home and rested there and I was just looking at the new furoku from the January issue of Ribon manga when suddenly I heard this weird ringing........I turned around and on the pillow behind me was this little wrapped package with a red bow and I opened it up and I HAVE A NEW BEAUTIFUL SPRINT CELL PHONE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ricky got it for me!! It's not activated or anything yet till I start working and can afford monthly payments but it has a screensaver with a doggie and Ricky made it say 'To my J/Bean' cause I'm his jellybean :D I musta kissed him to pieces ;) I LOVE MY NEW CELLPHONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We then got ready to go to Joe's Crab Shack then scrapped that to try this place called Jax Bar & Grill in Pasadena cause I wanted to go someplace soothing and relaxing and i know ricky likes jazz. I wore this gorgeous black shirt and we were just getting ready when Rick's roomate, Ab, comes home so we told him to come along and when we finally got there - JAX was a stuffy and overpriced place and not at all the cool jazz bar I had hoped it would be. We changed plans and went to Chevy's instead!! I LOVE CHEVY'S! Their chips are awesome and I get tipsy and giggly everytime with their Sunburn margaritas ;) Ab kept saying Ricky and I should have our own tv show cause we're hilarious - the way we bicker and banter with each other is entertaining he says ;) WHATEVER :)

After we ate....we went somewhere you guys won't believe.........we went to a strip club. Yes. A strip club. It's called Deja Vu and I decided it was ok to go cause I'd never been to one before so wanted to see what the fuss was about. When we got there and finally got inside - well...there were nude girls alright! And they came out on stage and did their stuff and it seemed more like entertainment than smut and it didn't seem dirty at all. The girls were definitely beautiful and I learned I am definitely NOT a lesbian ;) I wasn't turned on by any of it but instead I was wishing I looked like them! Ricky and Ab were going "oh my god" left and right and I was like "yeah she's cute and ooh look at her shoes!" It was actually entertaining to watch them cause it teaches you how to move your own body better. It was not bad! I was expecting the worst and now I won't make fun of it anymore. Some of the MEN in the place though were cute - like 4 (including ricky) - the rest of the guys were all losers! Seeing the women perform like that made me want to improve my body even more! Heck I can look like them! If I lose 10-15 pounds!

It's really not a big deal I think cause I know a lot of friends who'd gone to strip clubs and I always thought it was heinous! I now think it's not really so bad. However, I won't go to another probably EVER again - I want to go to a MALE strip club now ;) HAHAAH! That prolly won't turn me on either cause for me, I have to truly love the person.

Anyway - that's my shocking tale ;) we came back home (only stayed there maybe an hour or two) and slept instantly and got up this morning bleary-eyed and it was so SAD :( I didn't wanna gooooo! :( I kept resting on ricky's arms and wouldn't get up :( Finally got up and got ready and we headed out to LAX.....I was so sad the whole way....when we got there we did our tradition as always - the person leaving writes a note for the person staying so that they can read it when the other leaves.....but we always read it right then and there ;) So I wrote him a loving, sappy note and we hugged and kissed....and all too soon it was time to board...when we got to the line to go up to screening I burst into tears and cried like crazy....he and I kissed and said good bye and he told me if I cry then I won't have any problems getting by screening - they'll take sympathy and just let me through ;) hahaha and they did too.....when I reached the top of the escalator I waved to him bye and kept on crying and walking and then turned and watched him leave the airport - then tears gushing down I passed screening and went to find my gate. I stopped crying long enough to board and kept it at bay by reading Saint Tail manga but after I switched flights in Phoenis and found I had 3 seats to myself I let the tears flow! I cried and cried.

I love him so freaking much. He and I have our fights and problems but when it comes down to it....I can't imagine my life or this world without him. I had been so hurt over S. for so long and now I think I can say I have let S. go - he wasn't worthy for letting me go and breaking my heart but Ricky.....he has loved me so very very much despite so many things......I just look at his face and into his eyes and feel so tender....I realized I am definitely committed to Ricky and definitely would marry him one day but first we'd have to get all our disagreements worked out and then only. But I am happy I know that much for sure in my heart.

I also learned something else from my trip to L.A. this time. I was given the chance to go sky-diving. Something I had thought about doing - I've always wanted to do it tandem though (meaning an instructor/professional is strapped with u and you both jump out of the plane together) - I always wanted to be able to hang-glide and do cool, risky stuff like that but I always chicken out - I was really nervous about the thought of doing a tandem sky-diving.......this always happens to me - when something really amazing presents itself - I shy away cause I lack the confidence....so this time, I resolved that I would do it! I would sky-dive tandem! It's time I SEIZE opportunities and live life to the fullest. I'm too strapped down by my own restrictions and limitations. Mental slavery. However, the plans to go sky-diving were cancelled for now cause of cost but I'll do it next time!

This is one reason why I love Kamikaze Kaito Jeanne - here is a character (fictional albeit) who had the courage and confidence to do amazing things - hang-glide, take risks...leaps....symbolically as well as physically - and I want to be that kind of person. I don't want my fear to hold me back. So I decided it's time I conquered my fears. I analogized it to how I've gotten over the fear of flying - I used to be deadly-scared - shivering in my seat and clutching my hands in prayer and now I just relax and enjoy the flight and not once do I worry. It took so much (and I think many flights) to get me over that fear. I have the courage to do things but often lack the confidence to carry it through. I need to find that confidence more.

Anyway, Ricky JUST called - I was getting worried! Kept calling all day and he didn't answer...he's at a HOCKEY GAME!!! Kings vs some other hockey team! I'M SO JEALOUS! I wish I had stayed an extra day!!! It was Ab's treat - Ab is so cool! *sob* why didn't I stay just ONE more day! :(

On the plane I made a prayer to God to help me find that job and apartment and to make my dreams come true and in return, I would use my success for good - to help humanity. I want to help victims of rape, help the abused populations in many countries, help effect change......I asked Him for 8 certain things I always wanted and I know that once I achieve them, I will definitely be using my standing and position to help as a humanitarian.

Callie-chan *HUG* You don't remember the passwd anymore? It didn't get emailed to you? Miyu-chan Ok I'll join your clique! YES I LOVE BOBA!! Milk tea rocks!!! What's the difference between bubble tea and milk tea?? Steph HI there!!! Yes I read Mint Na Bokura and I love Wataru Yoshizumi's works! Marmalade Boy, Random Walk, and Ultra Maniac!! :D I left a message for you on your blog! Rebecca-chan *HUG* HI!! I loved meeting you!! And yes I loved L.A. I cannot WAIT to go back!! Next time let's you and I go anime shopping! There're so many places to hit! Carol Hi there :) I've never read the Mists of Avalon but I'd like to! I visited your blog and love the christmas layout you have!

ok this has been a crazy long entry! Ricky goes back home to Florida for christmas break....at least we'll be in the same time zone now....tomorrow my mom wants to go shopping for christmas presents for office staff so I get to accompany her ;) Good night you guys! *HUG*

- Nishi


Monday, December 16, 2002
08:53 a.m.
it's my last full day in L.A. :( it always goes by too fast :( saturday we went to Anime Jungle and Mandarake and lemme tell you - I found such WONDERFUL STUFF! I got a beautiful Delicious by Yui Ayumi clearfile!! I also bought the Gals manga volumes 1-4, 6 and 7 (only 3.50 each) and Max Lovely volume 2. Also got Saint Tail volumes 2-4 from Kinokuniya and the latest Ribon manga magazine. Ricky and I ate at T.O.T.s and had yummy japanese food - I had the katsudon bowl and thai iced tea and ricky something delicious I can't remember! Best thing about T.O.T.'s is how much food you get for only 7.95! We watched this movie called "General's Daughter" that night and YIKES is all I can say about it - it's based on a true story....not for the faint-hearted.....

Sunday was also spent shopping - we had breakfast at Denny's and headed out later to China Town!!! I bought a beautiful Kare Kano Stationary of Arima and Miyazwa for only 1.50 and some cute pencils, erasers and colored pencils. So cheap!! Didn't find much other good anime stuff. We had boba from one of the shops there - I had the chocolate milk tea with boba and ricky the almond milk tea - that stuff is SOOOOO yummy! After china town we went to Griffith Park and enjoyed the view of all L.A. below us....and then hit the Glendale Mall to find my dad a tie clip! No luck there! We shopped a while but didn't buy anything and then got lost in Pasadena trying avoid the traffic jam on the highway back to L.A. We might as well have stayed in the traffic for all the good the detour did us ;)

We finally got back home around 9pm and had dinner - ricky's a good cook! We ate this chicken curry thing he'd made and the veggies I made and watched Con Air on TV with Ab and I read my Saint Tail manga and we had a quiet night and went to sleep.

Today we are going to hit the beach, hit Joe's Crab Shack which Ricky swears has the best food on earth ;) Maybe hit Downtown on Ice for some ice skating or maybe go see a show! I dunno! It'll be my last night :(

I woke up this morning just feeling sad about leaving tomorrow. There's never enough time. *sigh* It's so beautiful outside...sunny...and I'm heading back to grey, rainy/snowy new york - back to reality of finding a job at a law firm in that tough new york market. I'm going to HATE leaving L.A. tomorrow - hate going back on that plane - hate leaving ricky :( He and I are so close....it hurts to have only this week and think that maybe graduation in June is the only other time and that would be for only a couple days. HOw is this going to work? :(

Callie-chan I'm sorry but I didn't save the original image and all I have is the layout that I made for you. I tried to make you a pitas page but it said sailorcallie.pitas.com was already registered so I made that layout for you to use on pitas because only you could have ever registered that name for pitas ;) Pitas' better!! Come on and use pitas! :D I'm sorry but I hope you liked it anyway! If I get a chance I'll try to make a new one for you but I don't really have much time now.

miyu *HUG* I don't wanna go back :( whatcha upto? I gotta catch up on your journal. Caroline *HUGGGGG* happy christmas! You must be enjoying it back at home :D I wish you could see all the goodies at these anime stores!! I saw TONS OF PUCCA STUFF!!!!!! They had Pucca plush keychains, pucca diaries, pucca dolls everything pucca! You woulda been in pucca heaven ;) hehehe :)

everyone *HUG* I'm going to go enjoy my last day and night in L.A.

- Nishi


Saturday, December 14, 2002
11:23 a.m.
Good morning you guys!! I finally met Rebecca and her boyfriend Chris last night!! I LOVE REBECCA!! She's so cool and so nice and we got along so great! Ricky's roomate Ab couldn't believe she and I were meeting for just the first time ;) HAHA :D She even got me a little present - this GORGEOUS BRIDE SAILOR MOON / USAGI doll I've always wanted! There's a matching Mamoru plush but she said they didn't have it. :D She's exactly how I pictured and I really liked her! Why are all the nicest friends I know so far away from me? :(

We went to this great Sushi place called U-Zen on Santa Monica Blvd., and I found I love shrimp tempura and this sweet thing called unari and I HATE wasabi!!!! WHY people eat that stuff with their sushi I'll NEVER understand cause that thing BURNS and made my eyes water. Ab made me eat 2 sushi's with that crap on it. GRRR!!!!!!

Anywayz, today I'm off for anime bargain hunting although I doubt I can buy much if anything. I wanna see if I can find Rebecca something nice too! She's so sweet you guys - u have no idea!! Anyway, I'm hitting Mandarake, Anime Jungle, Kinokuniya, and Nippon Book Company and maybe go to my fave japanese restaurant T.O.T's which is right next to Little Tokyo for their Thai Iced Tea - mmmmmm :D

Tonight we may go to see Nutcracker on Ice at the Kodack Theatre! The Kodak Theatre is supposed to be amazing and posh!! As long as they accept Discover credit cards I'm good to go ;)

Chibi-Usa I'm so glad you like UM.com!! I will definitely try Pretear!! Drakyn hi there :) I never heard of Gravitation, or Yami no Matsui or Hikaru no Go but I'm always into trying new anime so next time I buy vcds or go into NYC's china town to get some fansubs I'll keep those on mind! Miyu-chan HAHAHA wholesale warehouse! *HUG* how's miyu-miyu doing? :) Audrey Hi there!! I definitely plan to!!

- Nishi


Thursday, December 12, 2002
11:31 p.m. PST
Yaayy! Ricky finished his last final today and to celebrate, he and I and his roomate Ab all went to BJ's in Westwood and to Diddy Reese for cookies :) BJ's is a great place with great food! We ordered an artichoke and spinach dip and tomato-thing-dip on brauchetta bread (which i think is my favorite kind of bread after cinnamon raisin) and for the main meal had a roast beef sandwhich with baked potato. I was so stuffed!

Ricky opened up the 2nd of his 3 Christmas gifts - it was his very own decorated Christmas tree! :) He lovef it :)

Tomorrow night I meet with Rebecca for sushi at some great place she knows. The following are my plans for the next 4 days:
  • Saturday or Sunday: Nutcracker on Ice at the Kodak Theatre - it's a beautiful ballet on ice production of the Nutcracker and I am gonna LOVE to see it :)
  • saturday or sunday or monday: A Christmas with Scrooge (a musical of the Christmas Carol)
  • Friday Jazz Coffee Bar
  • Downtown on Ice - outdoor sakting with holiday concerts and refreshments
  • Holiday street festival with carriage rides, 6 stages of live entertainment, tree-lighting ceremony
  • Farmer's Market Holiday Celebration: bands etc
Who knows if we'll do all of this but I hope one or two :)

Adrianne you are the bestest! *Big HUGS* I'll email you my addy. Lana hi there!! Me neither!! I wanna do all sorts of christmasy stuff this time! Severi hi! I'm originally from India (family came to NY when I was 5 years old) and that's awesome! Congrats on your law thing too!! Whatcha upto these days?

I'm really sleepy so going to sleep now! *HUGS* to all!

- Nishi


Wednesday, December 11, 2002
06:13 p.m.
I watched my Kamikaze Kaito Jeanne fansubs while Ricky was taking his finals. I love KKJ!! Although it was changed a lot from manga to anime. In the manga, Maron/Jeanne is so much more admirable! She's smart and athletic and witty! She's tough and never likes to be defeated! I had found a site that had beautifully translated scanlations up but the link to it is up on my home computer and while I'm in L.A., can't access it. Adrianne told me about EatManManga.com which has scanlations for Kamikaze Kaito Jeanne and Time Stranger Kyoko but it takes forever to download ANYTHING. Adrianne could you send me those translations on cds afterall? I want to make my own book form of the scans to read. I really love and admire the Maron character.

Some of my favorite lines from the manga are:
    Maron thinking: Why did THIS have to happen?! Shoot, God! I work hard! Why don't you give me some GOOD luck?!

    Is it human to love someone so easily? Is that why we can also hate each other just as easily?

    Do you know the meaning of being weak? It's people who always say "I can't". Those kinds of people don't necessarily mean they "can't" but they don't. There's nothing you can't do without trying. If you want to be strong like me, you shouldn't run away, but challenge things!

    Dear God.... if I wish upon a shooting star three times, will you make my wish come true? <-- how many times have I said to God if I wish upon a star will you make my wish come true....
Callie-chan I had recorded Friends but the volume for some reason didn't work and no sound accompanied the video :( So I don't know what exactly happened either. Lady *HUG* Hi there :) I dunno if 1 email is all I sent? But thank you! I am enjoying the trip so far! Severi Hi! I'm very happy to meet you! I love meeting birthday-sisters! It's so great we're born on the same day! How old are you? I'll drop you a line sometime soon! Probably when I go back home next week. I finished law school and am waiting to get my license. I am searching for a job now! :) I'd love to know more about you and Spain! I've always loved Spain! Rebecca-chan! I emailed you! *HUG* I can't wait to have sushi with you! :D Sawah *huggles my dear friend* whassa matta sawah? I love you too!!!! Miyu-chan! *big hugs* The weather is gorgeous! I'm wearing sandals, the most I wear at night is my long black cardigan sweater - I am definitely moving here after marriage! :D

I made breakfast for Ricky and myself this morning - egg sandwhiches with apples and OJ and tomorrow we're going grocery shopping.

I'll write more later everyone!

- Nishi


Tuesday, December 10, 2002
05:51 p.m.
awwwwwww I love you guys!!!!!!!!!! I'm writing from L.A.!! I got up at 5 freaking 30 a.m. and after giving mummy warm hug good bye before she went to work at 6:15, papa and I had breakfast and headed out for the drive to JFK. Traffic was great so we got to JFK by 8:15!! Papa told me to be safe and I kissed him good bye and I went in and checked in and after passing security went to find some food cause I was starving! Bought myself a blueberry poundcake (it was ok) and a cup of cocoa and a bottled water and also got myself the latest issue of Cosmopolitan magazine! Halle Berry is on the cover - I always adored her, admired and respected her but wow - when I read about her life during her early 20's - how she had a boyfriend who hit her on the head so much that she's 80% deaf in one ear, a lot of my admiration fell......I respect women who are very very strong and stand up to abuse and leave right away - the fact that she took it for so long didn't sit well with me, and mars my perfect admiration I had for her.

Anywayz, flight was great - food was a sausage calzone and 8 wafer sticks (yummy) and I finally got to L.A. 2:35pm PST! Ricky got me soon after and he looked great in this red shirt and jeans :) I was starving when we got back to his place and had pizza and made him open one of the Christmas Presents I got for him (2 were mailed, one i brought with me) and so i made him open the one I brought and he was so happy :) It was cookies - 24 of them I made and baked myself - double chocolate chip cookies! MMM good :D

We're waiting till Thursday to open the 2nd present since his finals will be over by then. I hope the the 3rd present I got him arrives soon!!! I emailed the people I bought it from and they still haven't responded! >.<

I love you guys so much! Miyu *HUGGGGGGG* I adore u like crazy! The exclamation points were put to good use! And ur right - what else could he ask for? ; Adrianne thank you! *big hugs* But let's not jinx it! I think getting a job will be very hard and I'm praying to get hired soon! Economy is so bad :( and heheh I love the jet plane song!! Lady Hi there!! I hope you got my last email :) Thank you so very much *HUGGGGGG* :D RameoGGGGG awww u rock!! Thank you!!! I saw Giselle mentioned in Cosmo - hmph, so she's some great model huh? At least you have good taste ;) Kelly! thank you so much!!! How are you doing? I love coming to bright warm sunny L.A.! Carolineeeeeee I wish I could see you! I have plans with Rebecca!!! Suni thank you as well! I'll be good as will he ;)

- Nishi


Monday, December 9, 2002
08:53 p.m.
I hate the winter! I hate the cold! I hate the winter! I hate the cold! I hate the winter! I hate the cold!!!!!

I was outside for alomost 2 hours helping papa put up the christmas lights and my hands and feet froze! It took ages in front of the wood burning stove and my bedroom heater before I warmed up and I hate how when u warm up ur fingers ACHE! UGH!

We have to leave tomorrow 7am...papa's driving me to JFK - he's DEFINITELY NOT HAPPY about me going....gave me a lecture about how I have no job yet and going off spending money even though I told him ricky was paying for it all! Papa will make a mountain out of a molehill sometimes. *sigh*

We're having an achen (priest) come over tonight. I really don't like it how they just invite themselves over for 9pm on a weeknight and they do this because they want to collect money. This one is visiting from India and of course comes to the states to visit people and "accept" donations (read visit houses with the presumption that everyone must give him money) - sheesh. It's all well and good to donate but when you do it so much during the whole year and they don't stop coming - it gets irritating!

I finished one of Ricky's christmas presents tonight :D Hope he likes....

Painted my nails clear..,packed my suitcase....almost ready!

What is up with tag-board? Why is it down? screwy thingamajig!

See ya'll later *HUG* and Miyu-chan I got your warm congrats last night about going to L.A. *HUG* thank you SO MUCH!!!!!!!

- Nishi


Sunday, December 8, 2002
10:12 p.m.
YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!! GUESS WHAT!!!!!!!!!! Papa will let me go on Tuesday morning to L.A.!!!!!!! Flight's been reserved! I had worked on him so gently all along.....and tonight....well let me tell u guys everything....

Today was a family's friend's Sweet 16th Birthday and we went to an Indian restuarant in new rochelle to celebrate it. Was a huge celebration with a professional hindi singer and DJ....was so much fun because my most favorite cousins were there - who have since gotten married and one had a baby last december! And I got to see the new 1 year old baby!!!! Her name is Madison and she is so beautiful and precious!! We spent the night catching up and just yakking away! Food was great but yeesh why is it at family parties like this the elder relatives or friends get up and sing some OLD malayalam song? ;) I dressed up in this gorgeous sea-green lenga etc and it was beautiful. My cousins who I'd not seen in years were going nutty over how much I changed but I was just so happy to see them :)

I had been timing everything to ask papa all weekend and during the car ride back home finally asked papa if he was busy tomorrow or tuesday morning cause I needed a final answer on when I could go to L.A. cause I needed to book the tickets tonight. He didn't answer right away.....later on mummy finally said to him that he has to give me an answer and papa said he didnt know...he wasn't happy about sending me alone to L.A. and everything and that it had to be a direct flight, no transfers but I said that was impossiblly expensive since we were booking so close to the date....finally he gave in.....back home I got the ok for tuesday since that's when papa could drive me. SO I'm GOING!! Tuesday morning to L.A.! WWOOOO HOOOOOOOOO! THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!

I'm just waiting for a confirmation email from cheaptickets! I got it for $303.50 with a travel itinerary I like a lot.

I have only 6 full days in L.A. SIX! I wanna enjoy every minute of it!!!!!! I'm going to Little Tokyo, going to the Boba Shops, maybe go see Caroline! Who else of my friends lives in L.A.? I always try to meet Rebecca but she never emails me back! I hope I get to see her this time!

Lana *HUGS* how are you? What's new in your world? D does D=danielle-chan? I love Barbie's blog!!! I wish I had as cool a life as she does! *jealous* :D Miyu *HUG* *HUG* *HUGGGGGGG* I didn't have anything to say to you so I decided I'd just suffocate u with hugs :)Grace: I wanted 3 bedroom cause I'm rooming with my friend Sashi most likely and I want the 3rd bedroom to be worth it for the money we'll pay and also because I have a LOT of stuff - all my collectibles which I would want a room to display in. It would act like a 3rd guest room for people to stay over and a place for both she and I to put our like library and other displaybles in. Adrianne *HUGGLES YOU SO MUCH* I did it Adrianne!! I get to go!!! :D Now all we have to do is convince the Manhattan lawyers to hire me! :D

ATTENTION MANHATTAN LAWYERS AND LAW FIRMS I passed the N.Y. bar and want to work for you! I've almost finished submitting all papers to be admitted to the NY BAR. I'm interested in environmental law, copyright, trademarks, estate administration, anything to do with human rights and civil rights, internet law, insurance, personal injury and am looking to learn all phases of the practice of law and different areas! Email me at be83398@yahoo.com to receive my resume!

hey it's worth a shot ;) LOL! :D I'd be so mortified if any lawyer actually DID see that ;) maybe I should erase it? naww it's my journal - if I can't write in fun and honestly, what's the point?

- Nishi


Saturday, December 7, 2002
08:27 p.m.
Hi Suni! Usagi and Mamoru are my #1 favorite couple but after them comes a close Miaka and Tamahome and Tooya and Aya and Emeraude and Zagato and Maron and Chiaki and Sana and Hayama and Miki and Yuu to name a few ;) hahaha :) Lana awww thank you so much! *HUGS* You can just take the snow script by viewing my source! :) Your xanga page causes explorer to crash....can you get rid of the mp3 player? Your page is so beautiful!! How did you find my site? Lauren thank you!! :) No more snow for a while!! Do you have a website? Michelle thank you! I love them too! Jeremy I'm not that big a fan of surveys but ok just for u ;) MIIIIIYYYYYUUUUUUUU-CHAN!!! :) I don't trust non-major airlines........ :( Right now cheaptickets has it for $296.50.......

My mom, after a lot of talking, was more appeasing about the L.A. trip....maybe she can help convince papa? I doubt it...papa doesn't come till after midnight tonight because of church caroling........so when to ask???

My boyfriend's favorite bands - just for reference sake: Radiohead, Blur, Cranberries, Massive Attack, Oasis, Portishead, Chemical Brothers, Verve, Bjork, U2, Beck

This is a pointless entry - how about some quizzes?

I'm a Moonflower. I only bloom at night and I'm pollinated by moths. Kinky, huh? This flower means "I dream of love" and I do.
What bloom are you? by Polly_Snodgrass





What Kind of Goddess Are You?
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- Nishi


Saturday, December 7, 2002
12:41 a.m.
For Sale: July 2002 Bar Bri BARBRI New York Bar Exam Books Materials COMPLETE Set! http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=1979205811 I'm selling the books I passed the New York bar exam with!

Well I can forget about going to L.A. now whether or not my dad gives the green light - turns out ticket prices are insane :( On Hotwire.com it's $701 for roundtrip from 12/9 - 12/17 :( And ricky says hotwire's a good indication of what priceline will be and there's only at most a $200 difference and no way to afford a credit card charge anywhere over $300 let alone $500! (maybe if I sell the barbri books I can do it? ;) actually I want to save that for apartment hunting.....)

*sigh* life kicks u in the balls a lot doesn't it? and yes I know I don't have any :P it's just an expression.

ShaRukh :) thank you! *HUGGG* Adrianne how do you have such amazing faith in me when sometimes even I don't? I adore you, u know that? *HUG* Lauren the snow effect in this layout comes once the whole page finishes loading :) I don't know why your comp/browser sees mis-aligned margins - it looks fine on IE on the comps I checked - I never use netscape or other browsers so wouldn't know how it looks on them. But thank you for your well wishes and luck!! I'll need it! :) Grace you DO understand *HUGGGG* I looked at apartments today and found many nice ones in the city - 3 bedrooms or 2 bedrooms in east village, upper and east & west sides, midtown and everything ranginf rom $1100/mo (for 3/2 bedroom) to $2400. Hopefully I get a job in the city to live in one of those nice ones :) Seraph You better keep me posted on your bar studying and results!! I really hope you do great! If I can be of any assistance just let me know! :)

My Full Moon wo / o Sagashite dolls came! The Full Moon one is so pretty but Mitsuki is adorable! Sorry Danielle-chan but I'd be crazy to give these up or I'd have to be in economic straits! I'm glad I got them when I could afford them cause I'm penniless now!



Beautiful aren't they? at least something to make me smile.

- Nishi


Friday, December 6, 2002
11:18 a.m.
Happy Birthday Callie-chan!!! Everybody go to Callie's journal and wish her a happy birthday! She is one of the nicest people I've met online and deserves to have a very happy birthday. *big hugs*

I started working on my dad last night to let me go to L.A. next week.
    Me: Papa....I have to talk to you....
    Papa: mmm (he knows what I mean and is dreading it) I can't talk right now (switching lights off living room and getting ready for bed) Me: But we need to talk about something....
    Papa: I know what you want to talk about and I'm not in position to talk about that right now
    Me: hehehe ok but tomorrow night then! :D
    Papa: (mumbles something I didn't catch - prolly oh lord I won't be in position then either)
HAHA - neither of us want to fight about me going to L.A. to see Ricky but this is the last time I'll see him for 3-4 months before his graduation in June. I haven't seen him since August/Sept and this SUCKS.

Plus after all this hard work in passing the bar and employer faxing etc etc I deserve a break before I have to work 5 days a week and won't get any vacation time until I've worked there for 6 months to a year. Plus when ur working 5x a week you only have the weekends to travel and spending $200 - $300 on a plane ticket for a tiny little weekend is so much money and too little time!!!

I re-faxed out 4 more employers who had turned out to be busy last night and sent out a new one this morning. C'mon manhatten lawyers - I know you want me! :D

Grace *HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGG* I'm so sorry! You are in my prayers big time!!!!! Seraph 3 months BEFORE the bar? hahaha I followed barbri's study plan and just did what they suggested and their program only began 2 months before the bar. Lectures would last from 9am - 1pm and then you'd go home and do all the freaking studying and work required - we went through about 2 subjects a week.

You're%20a%20High%20Elf!!
What Fantasy Race Are You?
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- Nishi


Thursday, December 5, 2002
06:09 p.m.
whew! I faxed out somewhere between 30-45 employers today! All in the Manhatten, Queens and Nassau County areas. Hope SOMEBODY from Manhatten interviews me!!!!!!!!!!

It's snowin like CRAZY out there. Car wrecks and train accidents and people heart-attacking from shoveling - gosh darnit STAY HOME IN BAD WEATHER AND DON'T SHOVEL if ur not in good health!

Diana awww *HUG* I'm glad u got your pin! I hope Nitz can drive up on Sunday and drop my rings off for me! Suni, I was always religious however when it involved boys I was ga ga for I would decide God is God and particular faith doesn't matter as long as you're a good person who lives according to His will.

I'm off. See ya folks.

- Nishi


Wednesday, December 4, 2002
11:59 p.m.
I got to see Nitz and Carol and Betsy! Was so nice! we ordered in chinese food at the dorm. It wasn't until I got back home and Nitz called that I realized I didn't have my gold rings on my fingers that mummy gave me. I had taken them off to try out Nitz's Mary Kay hand wash stuff and left them on the counter......my parents think i'm hugely irresponsible now *sigh* I swear every step fwd I make, I make 10 giant steps back.....forget about going to L.A. now! *sigh*

you guys have no idea how upset I was about the rings and M&P's anger over that......I called Nitz and she said she could drive up with them on Sunday if we don't go to church and drive into Queens....I hope that'll placate my folks or lessen the dolt I am in their eyes.

on a brighter note I came home to find a 2nd employer from suffolk county contacted me about my resume I faxed! WHY SUFFOLK COUNTY!! I don't wanna be thereeeeeeeeeeee! The jobs don't pay much and it's not stuff I'm even interested in. Nitz advised I should go just for interview sake to get practice and reminded me that I got 2 interviews after passing the bar in this tough market so that's great :)

I'm going to spend tomorrow faxing and preparing tons of resumes & cover letters to mail out.

feeling better about the rings now that I talked to Nitz. I'm so sleepy - time for bed. Night everyone. Ricky I love you MWAH - call me if it's BEFORE 11 ur time.

Danielle-chan I didn't see u on IM tonight! What is it you have to show? CarolineM thanks for crossing your fingers about suffolk county but how about crossing them in hopes I get a manhatten or queens job? :D Adrianne wanna come up for real snow in NY? ;)

- Nishi


Wednesday, December 4, 2002
03:32 p.m.
Guess where I am right now - St. John's Law School computer lab!!! Can I tell you how much I miss this school? :( I miss the library...the area of queens....and even *gasp* the dorms (somewhere pigs are flying!)....I had to also go to Westchester Community College which I had taken some classes in while I waited to enter Binghamton U in January. Seeing WCC reminded me of how young I was....man so innocent...still bushy eye-browed and NO fashion-sense WHATsoever! The world was so young and beautiful then....boy crazy as ever I fell for this muslim guy named Adil hahahaha and even wanted to convert to Islam for him! BWAHAHAHAH I laugh so hard thinking about it now - my youthful innocense :)

I wonder what ever happened to him, Haji, Zarina Ansari and Tracy Vadakel....we were such good friends....I wish I could meet up with them....also made me think of my other childhood friend Felica Grodentchik......then I thought about Binghamton....I was so HAPPY there....thought I had found my true love in S. there and found out otherwise after that.....made so many wonderful best friends....I miss Esther Hauber and Ingrid and Winie and Sarah Rowland.....and now back at St. John's - I still look like a college kid....I still wish I could go back to those college and even law-school days.....they fly by SO FAST. Me starting out at WCC and Binghamton in 1995/1996 - 7 years ago - say that - SEVEN YEARS AGO - it's so long ago but to me it feels like JUST yesterday that I was wearng flannel plaid shirts around my waist.....

I guess I've got to accept that my college days and law school days - those "young years" are over....got to accept that I'm out in the real world now trying to get a job and an apartment.....got to accept that I know I'll get sad over this again and again everytime I remember my college days....and all of this shows you I'm a very accepting person! :D hehehe corny ain't I? I just hope the next phase of my life is as happy and prosperous as the first....God I hope so - I've been through so much...so much heartache..and life changes.....I just want to live and work and do something meaningful - with great purpose and impact with my life.....

Oh guess what! I got a call back from one of the faxes to employers I sent out last night!!!!!!! Suffolk County District Attorney's Office said they got my resume and have a position for me if interested! WOO HOOO! I called back but the guy isn't in till tomorrow morning so gotta call him then! Suffolk County is SO NOT where I wanna work - it's FAR AWAY in long island!! BLECH! I wanted something in Queens or Nassau or Manhattan....but I do what they say is best - to just apply everywhere and see what turns up....

I'm going to meet Nitz at 4pm in the cafeteria here....I've missed her! Be so good to catch up with her! I saw Pete and he was funny as usual :) Rick :) *MWAH* fine FINE BENZ SUV! YEESH-O-RAMA! :) I got into this talk with ricky one night about how people have to STOP saying Xerox because it's a (c) name that people overuse and if it becomes a slang word part of american vocabulary, then the Xerox company who makes photocopiers will lose their copyright on their name and everything will be called "xerox machine" when it's actually a "copy machine" or "photocopier/photo copy machine" - so everybody say "I'm going to make a photo copy" NOT "I'm going to make a xerox" ok? I feel bad for Xerox! It could be you or me who comes up with a great machine and names it something and then we wind up losing it cause American people can't call it by its proper name! HMPH!

and that weird lecture / reminscing was brought to you by me. See ya later folks!

- Nishi


Tuesday, December 3, 2002
01:55 p.m.
YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I FINISHED MY BAR APPLICATION!!!! Tomorrow I drive back to St. John's and to Surrogate's COurt of Westchester COunty in White Plains and oy veh do I have to do a lot of driving. *sigh*

I'm running on a few scrambled eggs and upa mavih (indian breakfast food) gosh I'm hungry.

I need to return my library books and mail out packages too - gosh I'm so late! Gotta do that tomorrow as well. I'm going to sleep early to drive out early tomorrow.

Rahul and Seraph Sorry I took so long in emailing about the barbri new york bar exam books but I emailed you both now with the sale prices. SilverKat Thank you so much *big hugs* :) You go to UC Davis? :) My boyfriend goes to USC! I love your journal too and love the Taal layout! :) Grace thank you so very much! *HUGGGGGGG* Well I may know what I want to do but HOW to do it is a whole other matter ;) What college did you graduate from? Are you going for more school or going to start working?

It's almost 2pm now and I need to finish these 8 pages and call people!

- Nishi


Monday, December 2, 2002
07:22 p.m.
Updated Below at 11:22pm EST

and this day just KEEPS ON getting better :P now I'm being blamed for some scratch on the Benz Jeep they say wasn't there. I swear I didn't hit that car ANYWHERE - not even TOUCHED it anywhere so NO IDEA how a scratch could get on it. But now I'm not allowed to drive that OR the gold benz and can only drive the small blue benz. Papa told me not to argue with him on it and that it's final.

He doesn't even want me to load wood into the wood burning stove down here in the basement although mummy lets me cause he doesn't trust any of the kids to do it. So !@#@#$%^ limiting. Mummy doesn't want me answering phones because of this morning's incident with her work people, and I'm also not allowed to cook anymore because of that stupid stove-top-cover burning. My parents need to take a damn CHILL PILL! Or I just need to get OUT of this house and live by myself or with a friend in an apartment.

I swear to you - being 25 means NOTHING where I come from.

If I'm still living with all this after age 26 it's jusy sad and pathetic! God I feel like I'm still a teenager.

Updated Below at 11:22pm EST

I have 8 more pages of my bar application to go! I had to spend so much time writing up letters to my schools and the people who had employed me legally and the people who would be vouching for my moral character. I'll actually be 90% finished by end of tonight! The rest is for the schools and the people to finish and my bar app will be COMPLETE! WOO HOO

my dad was so sweet! Helping me type up the first 2 pages of my bar app and locating my citizenship/naturalization papers :) I didn't get around to asking him about L.A. I think first I'll let him mail in the $300 I need for the Attorney Registration fee and THEN I'll ask about L.A. HAHA :) I need to go to several places on Wednesday to get these forms filled out. Cool! Fun day of driving for me! Maybe I can get to see Nitz and Pete and Robin!

I'm gonna take a break and go eat something and turn the laundry on. I'm running on 2 pancakes, 2 glasses of pepsi, and 1 tomato and mayo sandwhich which was originally turkey but the turkey fell on the floor so scratch that.

- Nishi


Monday, December 2, 2002
12:45 p.m.
That is *IT* I HAVE to get out of this HOUSE! My mom and I just got into a fight because people from her work called and asked if she was there and my mom had already told me and my sisters to say no she's not because she wasn't supposed to "arrive back" from India till this week. So I told the lady no she's not here but she'd be back by this weekend. When I told mummy that she raised bloody hell over me because "this weekend" she wasn't working but it was FRIDAY she was supposed to be back at work and now those people there would cause problems - I'm like woah woah it's not that big a deal - you'll show up to work on Friday - "oh it's no big deal to YOU Nishi. First of all you should have some responsibility and ask 'is this what I should say when they call?'" So now suddenly I'm supposed to take responsibility for HER work responsibility? SHE should have instructed us what to say and not tell ME to take responsibility for how to answer her work ppl! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH and so it went on like that for a while - GOD I just don't wanna deal with this. Now I have a headache from the yelling and arguing. *sigh*

On top of that my blockbuster movie and books are all going to be 1-3 days overdue - blech - wonder how much they charge in fines....

I am going to FINISH or get 75% of the bar application FINISHED today. I want to be well on my way out of this situation. My sisters are lucky being away at college with total freedom and self-decision-making power while I don't have that kind of freedom anymore and I can;t make any decisions (like going to see ricky) without getting my parent's permission first which they'll never give.

*sigh* this sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks!

stupid headache.

what sucks is I LOVE my parents and LOVE being home with them but living with them like this is bound to cause so much friction.....and I just really need to be back with my own independence and freedom like I was for 7 years of college and law school.

Anywayz, Jamie thank you :) Glad you found my T-day story amusing! Do you have a blog or a website? Lady wow! congrats on 3 children and the marriage! :) I'd be happy to make you a simple journal to write in if you like? I made one for my sister and a friends in the past couple weeks - nothing complicated since I don't have time for that - but turned out very nice :) Is your last name Nitz? One of my very bestest friends from law school - her name is Nithsavath and she told me to call her Nitz because it had been her nickname for a long time. Miyu-chan *HUG* Maybe I'll just have to fly up to see you! Or you could come for an anime convention I wanna hold for UM.com's 5th Anniversary next year! :D And go ahead and take the snow code!! It's fun! :) Reena *HUG* Happy Holidays to you too! I love the Christmas Season the BEST. Adrianne not sick of the snow yet but we're supposed to get light snow tonight and this thursday so ask me by the end of the month if I'm sick of it yet or not ;) Tejesh I'll email you the original graphic of Neo Queen Serenity but not the graphic I made from it - just to be clear ;) Rahul I'll email you as well about the books! :)

I'm off to cut up some turkey into left overs and wash dishes and then work on the bar admission app and finally spend the evening working on a research paper about human rights issues and the Indian Caste System.

Oh fun day and maybe to top it off I'll get into a fight with my dad tonight about going to see Ricky next Monday. *sigh*

- Nishi


Sunday, December 1, 2002
06:56 p.m.
do you guys like? I wasted all day trying to do a christmas layout and nothing worked to my satisfaction so instead I settled on keeping this layout and adding a winter-snow effect :)

my sisters all left :( house is so empty....I'm glad I didn't go with my folks to church cause they're still not back and it's almost 7pm - they had to go a friend's house after church and last I heard they're stuck in traffic! Glad I got to stay home and do nothing but wash dishes and make dal curry.

I've been working on my Bar Application materials - GAH so much to DO!

My friend carrie's having a "cleaning party" on the 20th for her new house and a christmas party as well which'll be potluck! Can't wait to go! But first, gotta work on the 'rents to let me go see Ricky in LA!

Finally! 7:05 and they're home. Must go and make them tea and take a nice hot shower.

- Nishi


Saturday, November 30, 2002
02:38 p.m.
Guess what! Barbie has a BLOG! Go to Barbie's Blog! I'm adding her to my list of journals linked cause I think it's SOOO cool :) Barbie.com is also a really cool and fun site :) The layout is from the recent movie on Nickelodeon that Sawah got me to watch which was Barbie as Rapunzel and the Enchanted Tower and it was so good! :)

My sisters and I played SO MANY card games last night! I re-learned so many games from "Rabbits Running" to "Spit" and "Assholes" ;) I've always loved playing card games :)

Adrianne *HUG* I left a message on your blog! Ajay hey there whoever you are! Lady thank you! How was your own thanksgiving? Do you have a blog or website? Miyu-chan *HUG* I wish we could meet up - living both in NY and so far! Callie-chan I visited but couldn't leave a message on the comment box :( Hemal left a message on your blog! Leanna awww wish you could see the snow yourself! Was so pretty as it fell :)

Took a LOT of quizzes today and in case you didn't already know, I removed ALL my own Quiz Creations including Women of Beauty, Which Woman or Man of Royalty and Woman of Legend quizzes because the bandwidth was slowing UsagiandMamoru.com down.

Heaven
Where Did Your Soul Originate?
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You come from Heaven. You're the purest of pure, a saint. You're probably an angel sent directly from Heaven.

Hopeless%20Romantic
Which Royo Goddess Are You?
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You are the Hopeless Romantic - You know only love as it is Love, in the ancient stories from days of old. A single and true Lover is all you ever require.

Goddess
Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
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- Nishi


Thursday, November 28, 2002
11:33 p.m.
LOTS to tell you all! Nith, Mahima, and I all stayed up talking WAY late into the night. We played truth or dare and ooohhhhhhhhhh nelllyyyy did stuff come out!!!! I didn't go to bed till after 5am. I woke up at 9:30 reluctantly and got Mahima and Nithi out of bed (well I managed to get Nithi out of bed around 10:30 ;))

We had trouble with the turkey - while most of it was thawed out - the inside..where the yucky innards of the turkey are - were still frozen and we couldn't get it out! So Ricky suggested blow-drying it....we did much to the amusement of Nithi and Mahima who were like..."you're going to blow dry a turkey???" well...it didn't help much so we instead immersed it in hot water.

I cooked everything! From the whipped-mashed potatoes, to the yams, the peas, corn, broccoli, stuffing - everything! But I was running so late!! Finally I had to leave the turkey in Nithi's hand and after making the the ingredients to marinate it with, told her what to do and hoped she'd do a good job and drove out into the sunny cold day for my long drive to pick Mekha and Mili up and then head to JFK to get Papa and Mummy. Driving was so nice....I took the Benz SUV/JEEP which impressed Papa a lot that I could handle so well :) Driving at 80 down the highway and just enjoying the drive.

With the usual shannagins of finding our way to JFK from their university, we got to JFK in one piece and ya know what I HATE about picking M&P up from an Air India flight? The indians waiting for their own people STARE AT YOU as if they never saw an indian before. What the heck ya know?? STOP STARING. Mekha and Mili were just like "WHAT!?" hahaha :D M&P found us and they looked so great :) They told us all about appachen and everything! If mummy hadn't been there he would've surely died - the hospital appachen was in had LAZY nurses and they weren't taking care of him! The night mummy arrived he had removed the tubes from his nose and was trying to put them back in up his nostrils....mummy arrived JUST in time! How amazing is that??

This thanksgiving i'm thankful for 1) my appachen (meaning grandfather) pathology report coming out negative! No more cancer in 6 of 7 lymph nodes!! 2) my parents coming back safely - they LOVED flying business class :) 3) me being able to spend time with my sisters and cousin 4) having passed the bar exam! 5) the wonderful love of my ricky 6) the wonderful love and friendship of my dear friends - both online and the ones I've known in person.

When we got home mummy and papa made SO MUCH FUN of the fact that.........the turkey had been put into the oven UPSIDE DOWN and set to BROIL instead of bake and was still not done and had been broiling the wrong side of the turkey :) AND...heheh.... when papa and mummy finally carved the turkey..........I saw..........inside....something.....the butt or whatver disgusting thing of the turkey.....one of it WAS STILL THERE!! I caught Nith's attention and was like "there's still something inside" she and I started freaking out thinking what M&P would say - - Mili was the one who pointed it out "what's that?" Papa pokes - and out he pulls this thing....and everybody goes EWWW. Nithi and I are like ummmm ummmm - oh how mummy and papa hooted and hollered. Mekha and Mili could not stop cracking up.

We had a nice thanksgiving! My first thanksgiving I cooked! YAAAAAAAY :) Mummy says next year we're gonna have thanksgiving at MY apartment :) and then she scoffed and laughed like that wouldn't happen ;) ooh mummy likes to be sarcastic and poke fun ;) I'm GOING to have my own apartment! I WILL! I WILL! :) SHe'll see :)

Spent the past few hours just yakkin away with my sisters. They're so much cooler than me.....done so much more stuff going-out-wise.....apparently I can't talk ghetto :) YO! 'SUP G! oh whatever. I can talk ghetto! hmph!

Anyway, need to call my sweetheart now. HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE! *HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGG*

- Nishi


Wednesday, November 27, 2002
11:58 p.m.
I had such a nice day!!!! First off - I WOKE UP TO SNOW!!!!!!!!!! The whole world was WHITE and the sun was shining! I put pics here below:



These are video phone pics I took as best as I could make it reach of what it looks like outside my window at 11am this morning.

The snow didn't stick to the roads much in the city but here upstate the trucks with the salt and dirt did a great job so I made plans with my cousin Mahima and I picked her up from Fishkill and we headed to hte Poughkeepsie Galleria and South Hills Mall to go to this AMAZING ANIME STORE called HKT!!!! I found a Saint Tail (St. Tail) DOLL OF MEIMI!!!!!!! I found SO many rare Sailor Moon dolls too - the Beauty Change dolls, Talking dolls - all for $50-$65! I sold my Talking Mercury so cheap on ebay for only $40 :( I wish I hadn't sold it that low - I had paid $85 for it 2 years ago :(

My Meimi from St. Tail - Saint Tail Doll!



Anyway, Mahima and I ate pizza and Lipton Raspberry iced-tea and then headed to Poughkeepsie Galleria and bought SOOO much stuff at this NEW FAVORITE BOUTIQUE of mine called "RAINBOW" - it had GREAT STUFF CHEAP! I found a long black hooded button-cardigan for only $12! and this gorgeous white-mesh-sweater-thing that ties in a bow for only $8 and these 2 gorgeous tops - one black and one deep red - I'll take pics cause description does NO JUSTICE to how GORGEOUS these tops were (for $20 each) - we also hit H&M but the galleria doesn't have a big H&M like Danbury Fair Mall does (which is where I usually shop) - we also hit Wet Seal.

We drove back to Ma's house where we got permission for her to sleep over and drove back and I cooked food for her and me and Nithi. Nithi had decided not to come. Phooey. Anyway. I cooked dal curry (paripih) and made cauliflower curry too - the dal came out GREAT but the cauliflower had too much salt and even though I put peas in it to kind of fix it, didn't help.

Oh yeah and I burned my mom's stove-top cover cause I turned the front stove on when I meant the back stove - why does she have stove top covers ANYWAY!!! *sob* now I have to explain that to her - dammit! I always do something wrong when they're gone!

We're drinking some hot coffee now and just relaxing. Tomorrow is going to be a WHOLE LOT of cooking! I'm gonna go easy on the salt.

Adrianne I'll try the dryer-sheet thing you told me!! Miyu *HUG* snow snow snowwwwwwww - it's so pretty - but I just hate the cold! Nala - the bar is practical questions and essays and also a case - simulating what lawyers do in real life. SERAPH!!! In case u didn't see my reply - YES I'll sell my barbri books to you! Please email me at be83398@yahoo.com and check my response in the message box to you. ShaRukh Cold in Texas?? NO WAY! BRRR all u texans must be shivering in ur cowboy hats and boots! ;) Callie-chan *huggles you* ur so cute ya know that? :)

- Nishi


Wednesday, November 27, 2002
02:48 a.m.
IT'S SNOWINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! I kept watching from 11:30pm on and didn't see anything. Now I've been up late and I heard the horrible rumbling of this truck and looked outside and the world was white! THE FIRST SNOW OF THE SEASON!!!! WOO HOOOOOOO! oh no...this means I have to shovel...arghhhhh

I went grocery shopping by myself cause Nith said she was too tired and ya know what's funny? How everybody sings along with the songs playing in the grocery store. Tonight an old 80's song came on and there I was trying to find chicken broth and singing along, blocking people's way with my cart....hehehe :) and a little further down some old guy singing the same words (and he wasn't bad either!) - supermarkets are funny.

I THOUGHT I was making good time and found a quick moving aisle but little did I know the woman ahead of me didn't have her shop rite members card and we had to wait forever for the manager to do whatever it is she does but I didn't mind cause I read the tabloids - how Winona Ryder isn't alone in her stealing, how I can lose 25 pounds by christmas (HAH!), and saw Soap Opera Digest advertising SOMETHING about Days of Our Lives (my fave soap since I was 9 years old) storyline with Bo and HOPE! (I LOVE HOPE!) Now I wanna watch tomorrow and find out what the heck is going on since I haven't been watching for the past year or so. And WHAT the heck happened to Passions? Why aren't Luis and Sheridan together anymore?

Anywayz, the woman in front of me turned out to be one of those YAPPERS - u know who talk about everything while on the checkout line? I don't usually mind that at all cause I'm sociable but combine that with the nice elderly lady with the slightly bad breath who was talking to me from behind and it was just TOO MUCH! Something about beating the shopping rush and arthritis...i dunno....

Anywayz....when I got home I made chicken curry for Nithi and me to eat and cooked some rice however the chicken curry's supposed to cook for 20 minutes right? well I dunno what happened since I'm a veteran chicken-curry maker but it BURNED! 20 minutes on the dot and I'm running cause I smell the meat burning! I rescued most of it but mummy's beautiful pot has about a 1/2 inch of burnt chicken on it now.....anywayz, what was good of it tasted GREAT and I boiled us some tea - I tried this new Lipton Herbal tea in Cinnamon apple - it's alright. I'm not a big tea or coffee drinker but I love to have them in winter cause it's so cold! I drink cocoa more - but i am determined to lose weight so didn't buy the hot cocoa mixes tonight.

I picked up something to make for ricky :) hehehehe he's gonna be so surprised when he gets this! Wish I could tell you all on this journal but he reads this!!

man I'm rambling in this entry. I got off the phone with ricky just now - he said the sweetest most loving thing to me. :) My eyes hurt - must sleep. Good night everyone!

- Nishi


Tuesday, November 26, 2002
02:59 p.m.
I got a little present from Ricky! It's an awesome headset/ear piece thing to plug into my cordless phone so I can talk with hands free :D YAAAY Thank you sweetheart - you are so good to me and I love you for that!! *MWAH*!!!! :D

turned out Neil couldn't come today :( we're going to push the recording back for a better time and I'm supposed to work on getting a tape recorder so I can record my songs! I was really disappointed he couldn't come because I'd gotten so excited about the idea of finally get started on a possible album but I have faith it'll work out in time! Besides, right now I should focus first on getting the bar application together and getting a job and an apartment and moving out and THEN I can do the cd. Right? :)

I wish i were in L.A. with ricky right now - gorgeous, sunny and warm...people in tank tops and shorts with surfboards! Here in upstate NY, I went to get the mail and I was bundled up in my long black cardigan sweater! I miss the summer :( More reason to sit my parents down and tell them I need to go see Ricky in L.A.

I gotta go grocery shopping with Nithi when she comes home this evening. We're gonna buy everything we need for thanksgiving! I'm thinking:
  • Turkey of course!
  • Gravy of course
  • Whipped mashed potatoes
  • Carrots
  • green peas
  • corn nibblets
  • Stuffing
  • Sweet Potatoes
  • Dinner Rolls
  • Pumpkin Pie with whip cream
what else should I have?

I finally found recipies on how to make whipped mashed potatoes and how to make gravy :D Included below! I also found a recipe for Candied Yams but I don't think my parents or sisters will go for how sugary rich and sweet it is! I'll make it one day for my own kids :D

Mashed Whipped Potatoes
5 potatoes, peeled and quartered
3 tablespoons butter
1/8 cup milk

Directions
  • 1. Fill a medium size saucepan half full of water, and add a pinch of salt. Bring to a boil. Add potatoes to pot; the water should cover the potatoes. Simmer for 10 minutes, or until potatoes are easily pierced by a fork. Drain.
  • 2. Transfer potatoes to a large mixing bowl. Add butter or margarine and milk, and mash with a potato masher. When well mashed, whip for a minute or two with an electric mixer set on medium speed.

    73 Calorie Gravy - Low fat! :)
    1 cup chicken broth (low sodium)
    1/4 cup fat-free milk
    2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
    1/2 teaspoon pepper, or to taste
    1/2 teaspoon dried sage

    Heat broth in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Put remaining ingredients in a small bowl and whisk until smooth, or put in a jar with a tight-fitting lid and shake until smooth. Gradually stir into chicken broth. Cook over medium heat for 3 to 5 minutes, or until thickened, stirring constantly.

    Chef Nishi is out for now :)



    • Monday, November 25, 2002
    12:03 p.m.
    Louise and Audrey and Nala *HUGS* thank u, thank u, thank u :) The bar WAS killer hard and I really didn't know if I'd passed or not! Thank heavens I did!!

    My friend neil is coming tomorrow to record my music - I'm nervous and excited! I gotta make all the songs PERFECT today.

    It's supposed to snow Wednesday! Perfect day to get my bar application complete and get all the resumes and cover letters ready! *crosses fingers* I hope I get a job soon!

    Saw Practical Magic last night because Blockbuster was ALL OUT of Harry Potter and Picture Perfect. Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock are such amazing actresses! The movie was MUCH more than I expected - it was weird and SCARY - I was expecting some kind of comedy but woah-oh! nuh uh! Not a bad movie though!

    I'm going to talk to my parents again about going to see Ricky from Dec. 9th to 20th. It has to be done and has to happen. It's gonna be another fight. Gawddddddddd....



    Sunday, November 24, 2002
    01:07 p.m.
    morning you guys *HUGS* all around! I'm watching Barbie as Rapunzel on Nickelodeon thanks to Sarah Beth :) I'm so silly - I get scared everytime the wicked witch comes and so run back to my room and the computer to tell Sarah Beth I'm scared. HAHAHA :D

    Updated 4:17pm
    Debating weather to order and pick up chinese food or a pizza...there's nothing to eat here and I'm starving - all I had all day was cereal and 2 cups of coffee cause there wasn't any hot cocoa!

    Updated 6:27pm
    Picked up chinese food! :) YUMMY! Ate white rice with beef and broccoli and also got vegetable fried rice (although pork fried rice is my fave) and saving that for tomorrow. I'm not feeling good...and don't have energy for much tonight.....I think I'm gonna head back out and rent Harry Potter and Picture Perfect and just spend the night watching movies.

    - Nishi


    Saturday, November 23, 2002
    10:12 p.m.
    Thank you Sawah, Adrianne, Kelly, Miyu, Diana, Caroline, Callie-chan, Crystal, Reena, Leanna, Blair, Nala, and Lady! *HUG* I got the official letter in the mail today! It just said I passed but didn't give any score! I wish I knew how well I did! oh well.

    You would think that having passed the bar, I'd be so happy that nothing in the world could get me down, right? Wrong.

    - Nishi


    Friday, November 22, 2002
    05:01 p.m.
    I PASSED THE NEW YORK STATE JULY 2002 BAR EXAM!!!!!!!!!!

    Look at http://www.nybarexam.org/july2002.htm and scroll down to SECOND DEPARTMENT and look for my last name - RAJAN and first name NISHI :) I PASSED! I REALLY PASSED! OH MY GOD! I'M A LAWYER!!!

    I'M A LAWYER NOW!!!!!!!


    Thursday, November 21, 2002
    08:40 p.m.
    OH MY GOD!!!!! THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST EPISODE OF FRIENDS IN YEARS!!!! I LOVE FRIENDS!!! :D I literally nearly DIED laughing! If you haven't seen it yet - do NOT miss it - I mean DO NOT MISS IT! NBC 8pm!!!

    ok with that out of the way, I was SUCH a good girl today! Do you know I not only swept the floors but HAND-mopped them? and washed dishes and vacuumed? AND, I JOGGED!!!!!! Check out my workout schedule below.

    walking: 5 minutes @ 3.5mph
    slow jog: 20 minutes @ 4.3mph
    fast jog: 20 minutes @ 4.7mph
    slow jog: 5 minutes @ 4.3mph
    walking: 5 minutes @ 3.5mph
    ------------------------
    TOTAL: 55 minutes
    ------------------------
    So today, nov. 21st, starts my goal to lose 10 pounds in 10 weeks so that on my b-day on Feb 6th I weigh 95! :) Losing 1 lb. a week is low and reasonable and I can easily do it! I'll prolly lose more. My scale says 103 but doc's office said 105 so I'm going with the 105. Anyone else wanna form like a weight-loss team or something? We could make a pact! :D *pokes caroline*

    I'm so PROUD of myself for jogging so hard and good today :) Forget that whole PMS-induced depressed-rambling few entries below - I'm back to being A-OK!

    now if only my cramps would go away...........and my bar results would come........WHY HAVEN'T THEY COME!!!! Grrrrrr....

    - Nishi


    Thursday, November 21, 2002
    12:34 p.m.
      Man is never so tall as when he kneels before God - never so great as when he humbles himself before God. And the man who kneels to God can stand up to anything.
      Louis H. Evans
    isn't that beautiful? I get this daily bible verses thing in my email and always find something really pretty or inspirational in it.

    anywayz, MORNING!!!!!!!! I slept like a LOG last night. Seriously. And then had weird dreams about this blond guy wanting to commit murder and I was somehow tied into it and trying to get out without him killing me.....crazy dreams.

    I have cramps. 'Nuff said. And about time too!

    ShaRukh do you mean Khabi Kush Khabi Gham? I never saw that! Sawah that pluto model is sooooo pretty! Reena *big hugs* I had a friend with anemia as well so I think I understand. AngelCosmos from Peach Girl huh? My friend RENCE has been TELLING me to read Peach Girl but I never liked the art...maybe I should.....

    I think I get the bar results today....I think...I think.....ok I'm off to clean and stuff. Ciao.

    - Nishi


    Thursday, November 21, 2002
    02:40 a.m.
    sleepy......so sleepy......I prayed tonight really good to God....needed that! You guys who're waiting for my Rachel Green Shrine should be happy to know I've taken 400 screen captures so far from the first season and first 10 episodes of the 2nd season - I'm going to have an amazing gallery. I'm making a "Rachel Resume" right now and a facts page for her of everything we know up through 2nd season. The shrine will be up in bits and pieces or maybe not until I've gotten all 8 seasons plus this current season's material all together.

    I'm off to sleep. Night everyone and good night to my Ricky - wish I was sleeping with you tonight - I miss you :(

    - Nishi


    Wednesday, November 20, 2002
    10:53 a.m.

    Happy 1 year and 6 months Ricky! I love you! *MWAH*

    Leanna *HUG* thank you for your uplifting and kind words. I'm so glad I met you. :) Sanoj Hi!!! Did you know it's spelled Shah Rukh Khan? :) He is a hunk! I loved almost all his movies and he and Kajol together are my fave. Adrianne I love you *HUG* Sawah and I love YOU too!!!

    I'm now LAUGHING at my pms-induced sadness last night - really, getting upset cause I couldn't jog....wow....man it sucks to be a woman sometimes huh? Still, it was important to me and I'm so glad I feel better now. It's weird how making you sad makes you grow a little more and be stronger.

    I pre-ordered Sailor Moon / SailorMoon Gashapon Part 3 coming out in mid-to-end of December! If you want it too, there are 2 more pre-orders available if you do a search for "sailormoon gashapon" on Ebay. I got this one because of the beautiful Princess Serenity.





    - Nishi


    Tuesday, November 19, 2002
    09:10 p.m.
    amazing how a hot shower and a manicure and pedicure and my fave oil of olay body lotion will take all your PMS blues away. I feel tons better :) Drinking a hot cup of coffee now and doing my nails and watching FRIENDS. I feel tons better :)

    Updated 1:09 am
    Happy 1 year and 6 months Rickers *MWAH*

    So I figured out why I'm not getting addicted to coffee and only drink it if it's the only hot thing left in the house - the brand I use is this cool gourmet thing from France I think that doesn't taste like coffee exactly and instead of 1 tablsepoon for 6 ounces of water, have been using a teaspoon for 8 ounces.

    Anywayz, just made cinnamon french toast and still hungry. I know who ShaRukh is!! I did know him in real life a few years ago and we lost touch. No wonder he knew how short I was! Dammit! It has to be a well kept secret!!! Anywayz, I'm really glad to be back in touch with him. Still got this stupid cough though....ugh! Although it's 90% better. What's the quickest way to get rid of a cough?

    I'm off for the night folks.

    - Nishi


    Tuesday, November 19, 2002
    07:00 p.m.
    Listening to: Loreena McKennit - La Serenissima
    I'm so disappointed in myself....same thing like yesterday happened to me - I couldn't jog cause of my cough and lack of motivation and desire to stick through the jogging after the coughing subsided.....I tried to jog now....only made it 15 minutes at 4.5mph....my heart wasn't in it....partly because my cough was bothering me as I jogged and the music sucked....I was starting to feel that great feeling you get when you haven't jogged in weeks - u feel ur lungs opening up and your body clearing.....it makes u feel healthy instantly....and then the coughing bothered me and though it subsided by 15 minutes I just wasn't feeling the motivation to keep jogging anymore - I just stopped and switched the machine off.

    - Nishi

    P.S. Danielle - I didn;t know u liked Full Moon so much! Did you see the Full Moon dolls I won? Scroll down below....I wasn't so sure about the Mitsuki one and I said I would decide whether to keep or re-sell her when it came to me in the mail. If you love her that much and if I decide to sell because I don;t like her afterall, do you want her?


    Tuesday, November 19, 2002
    01:36 p.m.
    ok bar results should be here any day now....maybe even today....oh god.....the panic is really setting in....I am freaking nervous...when I go to check the mail it's with this like shivering, shaking hand and with my heart in my throat etc etc.....GOD.....I don't think I've ever been this scared about exam results in my life......and I know, I know Adrianne, I'll be calm but it's kinda HARD to be when your whole career and livelihood depends on these damn results.......I should get on my knees NOW and pray to God......no...I should have like a huge prayer fest when I get the envelope and maybe God can miraculously make sure that when I open it the score is passing? hehehe hahahaha oh God I think I'm hysterical...bwahahaha......

    In other news, I'm selling the following things - FOR SALE - on EBAY AUCTIONS at: http://cgi6.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewSellersOtherItems&userid=selenitynomegami
    • Kamikaze Kaito Kaitou Jeanne Ribon Manga Diary 1999
    • SailorMoon Sailor Moon Rini Chibi Usa CARDS
    • Magic Knight Knights Rayearth Character Designs Artbook
    • Ayashi no Ceres Celestial Legend Manga Color Clippings
    • Sailor Mercury Talking Doll bandai japan moon
    • Beauty & Beast Barbie Holiday Princess Belle Doll
    • Beauty & Beast PRINCESS BELLE DOLL w stocking
    • Time Stranger Kyoko anime manga VCD OAV ribon
    • Sailor Moon sailormoon MANGA STICKERS anime
    • Ayashi no Ceres Celestial Legend CALENDAR
    • RIBON MANGA June 2002
    • Fruits Basket anime manga Tohru Kyo Yuki CARDS
    • FULL MOON WO SAGASHITE anime manga ribon FUROKU
    And Up later tonight will be a LOT OF SAILORMOON CARDS. Email me if any questions :)

    I'll go back to panicking hysteria now.....

    - Nishi


    Monday, November 18, 2002
    12:16 p.m.
    it snowed a TINY bit last night I think! Woke up to see the roofs of my neighbors' houses covered in a light dusting and the grass also lightly dusted. Supposed have snow showers this friday too! Can't believe it - snow! This is gonna be one hell of a winter.......

    EEE I'm so happy to have won those Full Moon wo Sagashite dolls in the entry below! And Adrianne made me feel so much better *HUG* Jeremy - I sing :) I performed in college and at church...but my best stuff is in hindi and in english.... Reena! *HUGS* I love your blogs! the one with the 'blurry' titled layout is sooo pretty! Nunique thank you! Your blog is so nice!! Miyu-chan I sent you an email explaining a quick summary of the opening ep of Full Moon. ShahRukh I still didn't get your email....*hint* *hint* ;)

    I'm still coughing blech - last day of antibiotics....I'll update later :)

    Updated 4:45 pm
    Had such a nice lazy day! The joys of being unemployed ;) I went outside to get the mail and was stunned at how freaking WINDY and blustery and COLD it was! BRRRRRR! I'm glad I've been inside all day with my hot apple ciders and hot cocoa! Not that big a fan of hot apple cider though - or maybe this shop rite brand just sucks ;) I'm off to workout!

    - Nishi


    Sunday, November 17, 2002
    02:06 p.m.
    eating pork curry and rice and having chocolate brownies nuked in the mircowave - mmmmm. I'm spending the day song-writing. Inspiration struck as I was washing dishes. The song is sad...about the moment when I lost my first love...made me so sad I burst into tears with a soapy glass in my hands. It's PMS dammit! Like I was telling ricky on the phone I always get soo emotional in the days right before IT visits. Somehow he manages to deal with it ;) hahah - back to my song...and the choc brownies mmmmmmm

    Update: 3:23 pm
    I finished the song - it's titled "Oblivion" and my sister Mekha refuses to let me post it here cause she says someone will steal it. Agh.

    Update: 4:36 pm
    Ok I've gotten together 14 songs that I could record with neil. I really love all of them and can only think of maybe 3-4 which his producer-friend may not like....but the problem is only about 5 or 6 of the songs are complete - the rest are all only 1/2 way finished......I've been composing these songs for years so I always left them to finish later when my voice wasn't sore from singing so much and I had more energy.....now I have only a week maybe to get them all finished. oy veh.

    because my taste in music is vast and all-encompassing, the music I write is also a very eclectic mix - some of them are a little racy/raunchy, some with a latin-beat, others with a distinct hindi/indian sound, and one I even decided could be a hip hop song or rappish cause I say hehe the words bitch and shit in it! LOL!

    I know I shouldn't think too much about it or even formulate grand dreams of being played on Z100 HAHAHA but it's so much fun to think that ;) Gotta always stay humble and just do my best or it'll all be for nothing....

    Update: 10:04 pm
    I need a pedicure. and I made coffee! and I drank 2 cups! Maybe that was too much....but I feel fine :) really. I'll update again in an hour.

    Update: 10:47 pm
    AGHHHHHHHHHHH! I'M SO THRILLED! I just won the Full Moon wo Sagashite dolls below! The first doll is of Full Moon herself, Mitsuki's alter ego, and the second is of Mitsuki herself! Guess how much? $15 each!! A bargain! They're 6" tall each!



    ok I have to remember not to be TOO happy....there's still the bar exam results..oh please God let me have passed them.....please please please....I had a horrible dream last week that there was this test I took and I had failed it 3 times and the last time I was like I can't believe I failed it - I knew everything and I wrote 2 blue books full - and that IS actually what I did on my bar exam in July - wrote 2 blue books full! oh god *sob* what if that means I didn't pass? my parents will kill me, everyone at church will look down their nose at me, and I'll feel so shameful and no dolls or cd can make up for that.....ok...happiness is definitely gone now...crap crap crap..... :(

    - Nishi


    Saturday, November 16, 2002
    10:40 a.m.
    oh lovely day - I find a web thief who thought nothing wrong in stealing one of my personalized graphics and replacing her own name over my name on it. And ShaRukh tells Miyu-chan I'm 4'9" to 4'11" tops. *strangles ShaRukh* Do I know you in real life? I could swear I do......hey ShaRukh, it's about time I knew a little more about you since you know pretty much everything about me from this journal. You said in a previous message box comment that you'd tell me more about yourself in private. Well my email's be83398@yahoo.com - email me. :)

    Updated 7:11 p.m. BELOW

    I went and picked up my 3 cousins in Fishkill to go see Harry Potter 2! It was VERY good! HERMIONE IS MY FAVORITE! I love that girl and I wanna adopt her! :D We caught the 2:30 matine for $6 and bought nachos and "icees" and my cousins are SOOOO cute! Driving back though was SO crazy! I don't like driving at night much but I REALLY hate driving at night in the RAIN. I was going 55 on the highway. I NEVER go 55 on the highway! So that shows you how much I hate it. My aunt had ordered pizza and chicken wings and bought cherry pie! I am full! I was worried driving back home but I feel prouder of myself for driving on a rainy night very well :D You just gotta bite the bullet and go for it sometimes I guess or you'll never learn and grow!

    Speaking of which.....
      My horoscope for today: Aquarius
      If you feel that at the moment you aren't the most self-assured person in the world, dear Aquarius, take a look around you to see all you have done. True, you still have many unattained dreams, but look at how many you have already realized! Lack of confidence in your abilities is holding you back. There is a moment for everyone when a leap of faith is required. It's time for you to jump.
    One of my biggest problems is I tend to get afraid and shy and doubt my abilities and fear failure and embarrassment....for instance, the chance to make a cd...to get recorded...and I'm thinking...."what if I sound bad...what if the songs suck....what if I just don't sing the songs well in front of Neil or anyone else and am doomed to only sing my heart out to myself......" It's probably because sometimes when I decided to go for something I made a complete fool of myself and the fear of shaming myself scares the heck out of me.......Ricky says I care too much about what other people think.....I can't help it! I wish I could....wish I could be like those people who have a devil may care attitude and just be themselves - not caring what others think. I guess I just have to somehow overcome these fears huh? somehow....I'll try.

    Hi Noelle! Nice to meet ya and thank you so much! *HUGS* Where in Ohio are you? I've never been there in my life! Callie-chan! I loved it too!! You have a sinus-headache? AWWW *HUGGGGGGG* I've never had one of those and God help me if I get one cause I'll be a pain to everyone around me ;) Tweety!! HI! My cold is still there - still coughing and that reminds me, gotta take my antibiotic now! Where in CA are you? My boyfriend's in L.A. - I love L.A. and I have friends in San Diego and