Nishi's A Dream I Dream's Pitas Page

Welcome to Nishi's Journal part of A Dream I Dream. Nishi is a 26 year old Indian American who graduated law school, passed the New York State Bar Exam and practiced as an attorney in Manhattan. She wishes to become a full-time singer/song-writer and work for human rights and peace policy. Nishi is an avid Japanese anime and manga fan & is a web designer too. See her major anime/manga websites listed below. She also collects anime goodies, see her Treasures.				This journal is a place for me to vent, to share, and to catch up with friends. Strangers are welcome to see the world through my eyes but respect me and my writings. Add Entry \| Login \| Edit \|

Monday, November 3, 2003
11:25 a.m.
Updated at 10:30 p.m. EST BELOW
I have interviews scheduled for tomorrow all day - one of the firms I think might be the one BUT its main practice is commercial litigation and doesn't do anything I truly love - they're hiring a lot of new people and it's fast growing. The associate I spoke to was so nice :) I saw their pictures on their firm's page and it looks like such a good firm but I'll let the interview determine that. The other places do stuff I don't have a remote interest in - real estate law, construction law etc but I wanna find out more. None of them is the civil rights or trusts and estates thing I had mailed out for although each of them lists "civil practice" - that's supposed to amount to civil rights? Stupid agency. And one lists "trusts and estates" but I don't see any attorneys practicing it. It's a job - it's a job - it's something to help make my dreams come true....that's just how I gotta look at it....just a job...not my life....it's hard though ya know? Once you start working full-time your job becomes like 8/10ths of your life - it's hard to keep after your other interests that you really love cause so much time and energy is devoted to your day job. However, I read about writers and musicians who held day jobs they weren't thrilled about - one of them was a stock broker - and he played in bands at night and on weekends, sometimes doing a gig till 2am on a Thursday night and coming in to work bright and early on Friday morning. If he can do it, I'll somehow find a way to do it too. There's that guy on the O.C. i saw in an interview how he said he was working at some bar or cafe or something (can't remember) and just working to sustain himself and yet auditioning every chance he could get and now he's on the O.C. and doing amazingly. People like that inspire me. People's dreams DO come true - maybe it takes time, maybe it takes a lot of pain, but God willing you'll get there. I want to get there. Whatever job I decide to take - whether it's for commercial litigation or whatever, I have my eyes set on the goal - job --> financing my cd and my dreams of making it big so that I never *have* to practice as an attorney but can sing and write full-time and devote my money to my family and humanitarian charities and causes - so I can work as a lawyer/advocate for causes I believe in - not for real estate, ins. def, or any of that. You make your own happiness. I have to make mine. I'll write again later or tomorrow after the interviews :)

Updated at 10:30 p.m. EST BELOW
I'm listening to my new fave song by South. The song is "Loosen Your Hold" - just listening to it - it's beautiful...perfect lyrics, perfect music....writing and making a beautiful song that lifts you up when you hear it is hard - when you make a great song like that it's like magic.....this song - it's like magic. I want to make music that's magic.....songs you play over and over cause they're so beautiful to listen to. Go buy SOUTH's new cd called "With the Tides" :) - it's a great band that deserves the support or see if u can download it for 99cents at the imac thing I hear so much about. I'm honestly just lost in this song....just lost in it....makes me want, so very much, to make beautiful music.....

- Nishi

Sunday, November 2, 2003
11:25 p.m.
Memory I'm already on Friendster :) Been on it for over a month now. I'll see if I can search and be able to add u. Caroline thank you *HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGG* :) ur the best :) PED hi :) Libby thank u so much! *HUGS* it's very nice to meet you :) Rebecca I tried to leave u a message on ur blog but the thing kept timing out on me. It's being sold at houseofanime.com :) *HUG* Lady I can't wait to get it :) I'll let u know when it arrives :) AISHAAAAAAA *HUG* I knew you'd understand the sentiments in that Oct 27th entry *HUG* I read ur journal - u finally came back to updating thank goodness! I'll leave a better message in ur guestbook. ANDANTE *big hugs* thank you very very much :) I hope so too but I dunno if it'll happen :) Either way I'll keep working to the goal :)

So I love things to do with the sky right? The sun, the moon the stars.....so I sometimes checkoout this site called The Sky This Week and I checked it out now for pics of the solar flares going on recently and found out we're due for a total lunar eclipse that we can SEE up here in the Northen Hemisphere next October 28th. The eclipse happens at moonrise and I was reminded of the scary dream I had a while back about witnessing the sun chasing the moon (or the other way around?) and then converging together in some kind of eclipse....anywayz.....

I dropped my sisters off at Hofstra and hit the Roosevelt Field mall to get a few earrings and pick up some make up. Drove back and had a quick SUBWAY lunch with Mek and drove home and worked on my songs. Took care of my folks all night after they got back from the old house and whew am finally relaxing now :)

I'm listening to my new LINKIN PARK cd - also got the new STAIND cd :) Time to enjoy the music and read my magazines. See ya guys tomorrow.

- Nishi

Sunday, November 2, 2003
10:11 a.m.
I'm so sad now. Nith left, and pretty soon I'll be driving Mek and Mil back to school. Aunty and Uncle are leaving and I won't get a chance to see my cousins before they go back to Maryland........I have a few interviews lined up this week. Nothing in L.A. yet but if I land one of these jobs I'm gonna take a week or 2 weeks off before I start working and go to L.A. and maybe a few extra days go to see my cousins in Maryland and spend time with them there. I'll talk to them about it.

I'm prolly all hormonal which is why I'm getting down now - it just sucks with everyone gone and nothing to really look fwd to....I know I need a new job to bring money home and pay down debt but god....what if I hate whatever the new job is? what if I'm not happy doing what I do again? it's so easy to get used to the routine and get comfortable with it - I didn't like ins. def. litig. but I got used to it and found it comfortable and easy to do....still....nevertheless, having this job will help my greater dreams come true......(this is me talking to myself) keep it in mind Nishi.....with the money you'll earn you'll finance your cd.....and God willing, if you do a great job...and people like what they hear...maybe...just maybe I'll make it.

ok then...land job ---> get my 2nd voice lesson and start making the cd....until I start working, fine tune my songs and rehearse, rehearse, rehearse.

See ya guys later and I'm sorry I haven't responded to msgs yet! I will tonight or tomorrow. *HUGS*

- Nishi

Saturday, November 1, 2003
11:38 p.m.
I JUSt got back from the wedding :) WAS SO MUCH FUN!!! Danced my feet right off! My sisters and I were dancing with guys and papa was ok with it! LOL! Was fun :) Guys there thought I was 20 or 22 max - then my sister had to spoil it and tell them I was 26 - sheesh ;) Too many young guys. I wish Ricky could have come but I decided not to have him be there cause I didn't want the relatives to question my dad "who's that guy with Nishi?" and have my dad go through it - it's embarrasing for him especially cause mallu people are so...so....well....they want to know everybody's business sometimes and are VERY judgmental. So everytime the dj would say "couple's song" I was like in my head "I love you Ricky" :) He called several times that night but I didn't want papa to get mad I was on the phone so I kept it short. Poor sweetheart but HELL he's getting ready to go out to his OWN party there in L.A. ;) Tried to call him 3 times now and he's not picking up.

Wedding was SO beautiful as was the dinner last night. My feet hurt so much. The dress was great but the stupid bra man! Why do strapless bras never sit right and support well enough? I got one EXTRA tight to make sure it stayed up there and still I wound up adjusting it a million times throughout the night.

Being there made me miss my relatives SOOOOOO much. I saw Mini Chachy's 2 kids - one a newborn who came into this world in September. And Ryne Chachy's 8 months pregnant and looks fabulous! Juni Chati (Mat) and Deepti looked so perfect and in love - am sooo happy for them. Anywayz, pretty soon the pressure will be on Ricky and me to get married. Ricky already jokes about getting married to me though neither of us is completely ready yet. We call each other hubby and wifey sometimes when we say hi to each other :) hahahahah :)

I'm gonna try to call him once more and then head to sleep. Drank so many yummy drinks I'm afraid I might not sleep tonight.

- Nishi

Friday, October 31, 2003
02:06 p.m.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!!! Unfortunately I can't celebrate today - even though it's one of my most favorite holidays ever (Christmas being #1) - my cousin is getting married tomorrow and tonight there's this dinner thing going on after the dress rehearsal. I'm getting ready to pick up my sisters and can't think of a single thing to wear to the dinner tonight. Ugh! Classic case of "closet full of clothes and nothing to wear!" ;)

Mummy's cranky but doing much better today. This house is madness itself. With relatives everywhere, everyone getting ready - YEE GADS! Glad my wedding is still a couple years away.

See ya guys after all this wedding madness :)

- Nishi

*warning* TONS OF CURSING AHEAD
Thursday, October 30, 2003
10:27 p.m.
don't read if you're squeamish about reading an entry by someone who's so angry she's cursing

this thing with my mom's sickness is pissing me off. I wish she'd get better already - it's been 3 weeks already and it's taking a horrible damn toll on her and all of us. She was getting better and now this week she just took a nose dive. She can't even do simple things like shop for fruits and vegetables and cook a little chore and curry without feeling like shit when she decides to go to bed - the fucking shitty goddamn whatever the fuck pressure is going on in her chest that the stupid doctors say there's nothing wrong with her heart and it's NOT her heart and who I will fucking SUE for malpractice if it is keeps bothering her. One damn doctor gave mummy a note for work citing her illness as pericarditis - something like that - an inflammation of the cover of the heart - another doctor is saying it's mummy's fibro myalgia - an acute flare up of it which can cause all this - whatever the FUCK it is it better fucking STOP. I watched my mom - my MOM - break down SOBBING in her bed - crying, fucking CRYING cause she was so unhappy and suffering from whatever the SHIT is going on with her. IT IS NOT FUN TO WATCH YOUR MOTHER CRY! I can't do a damn thing for her. I felt so annoyed and so angry I just wanted to mash and bash and punch something. All of it is frustrating - how she - who is so freaking strong and power woman - becomes so helpless, tired, and complains so much about her condition - she was FINE 3-4 weeks ago. It makes me so angry to watch a capable and competent woman like her just be like this - I want whatever's wrong with her GONE so she can go back to being normal again. GODDAMMMIT!

Wednesday, October 29, 2003
06:28 p.m.
mmmm I really wanna drink some hot cocoa but people are downstairs visiting - phooey - it's so COLD out - can't wait for this weekend - supposed to be close to 70 degrees :) I'm going to my cousin's pre-wedding dinner Friday night and then to the wedding on Saturday - I'm so happy for him - his name's Mat and he's marrying a great girl named Deepti :) Gonna wear this very pretty strappless dress. My hair's starting to look really good! Is it growing out after only a week? Thank GOD! It looks pretty now shoulder-length. I lost my favorite pair of crystal earrings though - going to the White Plains mall tomorrow to shop so I'll pick up a new set there :)

I took EMODE's IQ TEST and my score:

Your IQ Score is: 133

According to EMODE, my intelliectual type is "VISIONARY PHILOSPHER" like Plato. "This means you are highly intelligent and have a powerful mix of skills and insight that can be applied in a variety of different ways. Like Plato, your exceptional math and verbal skills make you very adept at explaining things to others � and at anticipating and predicting patterns." --- uh huh....verbal definitely but math? I took up to Honors Calculus in high school but honestly I sucked at math! I can't remember if I like Plato - read tons of his works and Aristotle's stuff as part of my literature and rhetoric major in college but they must've both been extremely boring and useless to me cause I didn't like anything they wrote enough to own it other than Plato's references in the Iliad to Atlantis which I've always been fascinated by and thus own many copies of Atlantis related books :D

God I hate the cold. But I love really spicy yummy sambar curry! My oldest aunt made some today while my mom rested - loving it sooo much :) Wanna get the recipe from her :D Spent the afternoon and early evening driving my mom to her doctor's appointment - she's having some blood tests done to make sure she has no viruses. She's awful to drive in the car with - every second she's one of those "back seat drivers" cept she sits right next to you - "slow down!" "shoo!" <-- meant to indicate "look out there's a car turning all the way over there and it may hit us all the way over here" - YEE GADS! I love her but driving with her stresses both of us out. I naturally drive anywhere from 65-80 - she'd have me going 55....the..whole..way. Screw that - no patience for that. :) My mom yelled "Forget it - from now on I'm not driving with u anymore" - watch I'll be driving her again tomorrow and next week. Yeesh.

I think I'm gonna sneak down and make the hot cocoa and watch some EXTRA and ACCESS HOLLYWOOD and news and hmmm....isn't THE O.C. on tonight? I'm craving tv tonight.

- Nishi

Tuesday, October 28, 2003
10:15 a.m.
morning everyone :) I have exciting news! I have a way to combine my love os singing/song-writing with my humanitarianism - one of my friends is doing a compilation cd as part of the relief effort for southern California - it's gotten so bad with the raging fires there - over 1100 homes destroyed, 14 people killed :( I read somewhere how this pilot described it from above as a volcano - anyway, he's invited me to donate one of my songs to the cd so depending on the responses and how quickly a cd can get made (he's banking on 1-2 weeks!) we'll be getting together soon to record that one song. Very exciting :) He sees no problem selling 1000 cds and all proceeds go to southern California relief. I'll see if I can get my song on mp3 format so you guys can listen once it's finished :) But first I gotta finish copyrighting everything.

Steph hi there :) I'm gonna finally add you blog to my list of friends. I swear I'm horrible about remembering this stuff so remind me! :D Miyu-chan LOL! :) ur too funny :) *HUG* what results did you get? Alex thank you very much :) I saw the Jahanara book but I didn't like to read it - didn't draw me to it......everything I know about her is from what I read of historical accounts of her on the net. Memory where will u be in the city? Are u here just for halloween night? Yolei LOL! Not rich! I do love Ayashi no Ceres though - I'm a Tooya-fan as well :) Danielle not rich :) just have a bad habit of using the credit card ;) LOL! Hemal hey there - happy Diwali to you too! Don't have time to chat much these days - sorry :( Susan You're from Singapore? My bf was originally from there. I gotta fix tooyaandaya.com and finish it. Thanks for telling me about the logos link - I don't think I ever even put that page up!

I gotta work on songs this morning. See ya guys later :)
- Nishi

Monday, October 27, 2003
01:29 p.m.
lots to write...so preoccupied I couldn't find time to write here......I've been writing poems and songs the past few days.....recently I finally saw a picture of my 1st true love with the girlfriend that came after me - they look so happy, so in love - it's really beautiful - seeing him with her reminded me of how he and I used to look - he had the same smile - the same look in his eyes. And the floodgates just opened. Even though I'm with Ricky and love him with all my heart and will prolly marry him because I love him that much, I wonder why even now I still cry over the 1st love - wonder if one ever truly gets over their first love. There's just something wrong with me I swear - it's been 3 years since he and I broke up - you'd think I wouldn't shed a single tear - I think though that when you truly love someone - that love never dies...maybe it fades and grows less....maybe it gets buried so deep down that you no longer think of it - but it's still there.....waiting to resurface when some memory, some emotion brings it back up....I think that happened to me this past week. Since then I've been a flurry of poems and songs. I've written some beautiful new things....ironic isn't it how some of the most beautiful things are written out of pain? So many of my songs and poems are about the emotions of love and loss felt through both Ricky and my 1st love....Ricky and I broke up a couple times so there are sad songs about him too....my first love will marry this girlfriend of his.....made me think of how he and I used to talk about and joke about our future marriage - the kids' names etc etc....when you're in love and young - you think it will last forever - you think your love is so strong, nothing can break it. The unfortunate truth is that everything changes - even love. And everyone in this world deals with it at one point or another. He and I ended for a lot of reasons - reasons I don't understand and never will. One was distance - I was up north, he down south, although it's ironic now cause a year after we broke up he moved up north here for school. But by then, I had decided to give my heart to Ricky - I desperately wanted to be happy again - I'd been a depressed crying mess for months and Ricky wanted to love me - I needed his love. By the time the 1st love was up in the north, he had found someone new too. Funny how everything changed in a single year. We'd been together 4.5 years.....how something we had believed was meant to be and last forever could end...I'll never really understand....no wonder I still cry about it from time to time......I believe that hearts once crossed stay entwined, the past connects, the past binds; hearts who loved, their love never really dies...even if you forget, even if you try, it's there waiting to be found again. That's from something I'm writing and forming into a song and/or poem.

I've been watching the 1st 2 seasons of Sex and the City - SUCH a great show! GO RENT IT :D My sisters were up this weekend to celebrate their bday with my parents. We had fun :) I went to Barnes and Nobles and Kinokuniya (as usual in the afternoon after chinese class) and picked up a gorgeous book of art by THOMAS KINKADE - he has artwork that is the basis for the dreams I have of my future mansion/home hahaha :) I gotta drive mummy around to a hospital check up so see ya guys later. *HUGS*

I'll respond to msgs here when I get back tonight :)

- Nishi

my personality quizzes are BACK - ROYYALTY - BEAUTY and LEGEND!
Friday, October 24, 2003
07:23 p.m.
My quizzes are back because I moved to a new host! Enjoy guys :)

Which Royalty Are You? Find out! By Nishi.

You are a Queen!
Beautiful, Wise, Strong
Righteous, Commanding, Humble

You are the beautiful and compassionate Queen. You are the epitomy of what every woman should be. You are confident, bold, aggressive, smart, womanly and feminine. You know the right thing to do and do it. You command respect and earn praise. You are moral and loving. In times of trouble, you draw strength from within, and are a source of strength for others

Which Woman of Beauty Are You? Find out! By Nishi.

You are a World Beauty!
You are a woman of the world
Encompassing all aspects of
Nature's elements, lands, and waters
No one aspect describes you perfectly,
You are beautiful in all!

Which Woman of Beauty Are You? Find out! By Nishi.

You are a Forest Beauty!
Peaceful, Calm, and Quiet,
On the outside at least
But hidden within you is a
Rich complex personality
With many sides, capable of
Many aspects of the self!

Which Woman of Legend Are You? Find out! By Nishi.

- Nishi

Friday, October 24, 2003
01:03 a.m.
Just finished a nice prayer to God.....I always cry when I pray to Him....I once told Him I must be crying because before Him all my faults are open and cry, too, because when I pray everything I need, want, wish for are exposed...all my deepest desires and God is the only one who really hears all of them and can do anything about them and I cry also cause I'm so scared that I may not be deserving to get any of them....that He may not grant....so I humbly ask with tears and pray and hope that somehow, someway He will find it in his endless kindness and love a way to make the things I wish for come true....tonight I prayed very long....I prayed for a job that I could be happy with and would pay well enough for me to pursue everything I wish.....prayed for success with a cd and to make it....to really make it and make my hopes come true.....at the end of praying I just wanted to be a better person....all around.....have more patience with my parents, think kinder about people who rub me the wrong way.......there's so much....so much I want to be....so much yet to be......I said this on my birthdays when I turned 25 and 26....that I was still learning, still growing, still trying to be the best person I could be.....I've messed up so much in my life...said and done things which embarrass me - make me cringe....I wish I could just go back in time and fix all of them.....I just wanna be a completely better person.....God please help me to make all of it come true......

- Nishi

Wednesday, October 22, 2003
09:56 p.m.
BOWLING FOR COLUMBINE is the BEST MOVIE EVER and tops my most favorite movies list now. I just finished watching it and I want to buy my own copy - it's THAT good. It's a documentary by the filmaker Michael Moore which tries to figure out WHY kids in our culture went and shot other kids in the Columbine Tragedy and what he uncovers is that - no it's not because we're a mixed culture, no it's not because we have poverty, and no it's not JUST because we have access to guns. Canada has millions of guns all lying around yet the populous city of Windsor, Ontario has had only 1 gun murder in the last 15 years and that was from a guy who came from Detroit with a stolen gun from Minnesota. It was one of our own. People there are not afraid - at all - they sleep with their home doors unlocked - their doors are unlocked 24/7. Their news doesn't focus on violence but on improvement - here in the U.S., even though crime has dropped every year for the past decade, coverage of crime has increased by 600%. THAT really messes up our view of our country - the media sensationalizes everything........the best part of the whole movie was a moving 5 minute clip of the atrocities the U.S. has done to other countries in its foreign affairs involvement militarily. (I include these below).

The conclusion was that the people of this country, like the U.S. itself, when it's angry or wants to get something done - they/it use force - military, guns and violence. The movie seemed to support the conclusion that FEAR is what drives our nation - fear of each other, of the outside world - the news instills fear in us all the time. But the fear is there because (1) the people of our country are using violence as an answer for problems in our society and (2) we're so focused on ourselves and our own country we don't know much about the outside world - our population SUCKS at geography, and doesn't know at all what's going on in other countries or why it might be important to us.

In other 'civilized' countries in the past 5-8 years, people haven't resorted to violence to the extreme like people here do - with our gun-loving population with its "right to bear arms" we embrace guns and our right to protect ourself to such an extent that Columbine kids had access to them and to such an extent that violence is the norm. Britain, Germany, France - all committed atrocities of their own in the past but in modern day - they've all come a LONG way from their pre-1950/1970 selves. Only the U.S. society has gotten more troubled and it's because of who we are - we're Americans - we're the most powerful country in the world and we're a young country of only 200+ years - young and powerful is a combination ripe for problems - we're not wise, we haven't gone through what other countries and nations have - we got attacked on 9/11 - something so unprecedented that many of us are filled with fear of outsiders, dislike for anybody from the middle east and silent dislike of muslims. This sickens me. Countries like Britain are more culturally knowledgable and tolerant and very progressive in their societal interaction - they take active interest in society, politics, the world - the U.S. as a whole doesn't.

We here in the U.S. are still only growing up - we're like someone between the age of 18-24 - we're asserting ourselves, our adulthood, our power, our independence - we started with WWII and now we think we know so much and can do anything. We're fighting a war on terror and creating so much ill will against us in the middle east while we ignore our own society's problems with welfare, healthcare and poverty. Before we can presume to have superiority and reigning importance over the rest of the world, we need to fix ourself - our problems. We're going to keep getting attacked - both from the outside and the inside. If it's not terrorists who we as a nation don't understand where they come from and how we helped to put them there, it will be our own people - fed up with their lives, with society, with this world and we'll slowly sink ourselves deeper and deeper into our own quagmire.

Watching this movie made me understand why my boyfriend and some friends I have all want to leave the U.S. and live elsewhere because outside the world isn't as close-minded or closed-off. Even I thought this way and though I have a new-found love for Canada ;) I'm not gonna leave - someone needs to stay here and try to make the U.S. a better country for all of us. One day I'm gonna do that. I don't know how but I just have to.

Everybody go RENT THIS MOVIE. I swear it's the best $3.49 or whatever Blockbuster charged me for that I ever spent.

Whew that was long - anywayz I have happy collector's news :D I finally own one of the last few resin model garage kits I want - after this, it's just ONE more of Princess Serenity and I *may* actually already own it but not the dress but no way to tell without painting the thing ;) .......below is the VOLKS 1/4 scale Princess Serenity Resin Model Kit - it comes unassembled and unpainted so I'm gonna have to learn or get someone to do it for me but it's SO freaking beautiful. Comes with the clothing :)

This comes at with more good news - I found my missing boxes and all my valuables are back :) Thank God!

I rented the entire 1st Season of "Sex in the City" so am gonna start watching it tonight :) Gotta finish all 12 hours by Saturday!

Tuesday, October 21, 2003
11:34 p.m.
whew what a DAY! family came over tonight - George Chachen and his wife, Gigi, and their 2 ADORABLE KIDS - my cousins who I hardly ever see - Manisha (age 5 I think) and Michael (age 3) SOOOOOOOOO freaking cute. Like all kids it took them all of 15 minutes to warm up to me before they were tackling me, chechying me this and that and begging me to play every game I could think of. WHEW - they're a lot to handle 2 at a time but I took em! Even wrestled and duked it out with Michael - yeah I got skills against a 3 yr old. ;)

Spent the morning listening to my mom's disappointment with me cause I don't know how to cut a whole chicken....and how if I was a good girl I'd have learned to cut/chop, wash and cook chicken curry when I was younger. I KNOW how to cook chicken curry - cooked for myself, my friends, ricky and sisters before - but I use skinless and boneless chicken from the supermarket - forget whole chickens! Who has the time to cut all the skin, fat and huge chunks of meat from bone? Where it takes my mom an hour it would take me 2!

I'm a really good cook as almost anyone, save my parents, will tell u ;) My folks are another story - unless they see me doing the cooking regularly they won't believe it. I felt rotten for not being able to cut the chicken and just instead helping mummy with cutting the onions, garlic and ginger and making the masala but sheesh - I told her I'd do it if she'd let me go buy the skinless, boneless stuff - but she refuses cause you save money buying whole chicken - true and great BUT what about the freaking HOUR spent cutting - all that stress and not counting leaving it out all night to thaw and STILL being 1/4 frozen 12-16 hours later.

Agh forget it.

Anywayz, afterwards, I went with papa to pick up the Gold Benz from the workshop in Ossining and we went to Mahopac (which is right next to my old hometown we just moved from, Carmel) for one of his appointments. After that, I drove to STAPLES here in New Rochelle and bought me a NEW CHAIR :) It's plush soft, SWIVELS and then went to LINENS n' THINGS (one of my FAVE stores) and bought 2 beautiful rugs - one for the side of my bed when I get up in the morning and one for under the table and chair so it doesn't scuff the floor as I've already managed to do with a wooden chair I'd been sitting on.

I LOVE listening to NPR - news radio station - tune in at FM 93.9 - it's an EXCELLENT radio station that tells the news fairly both here and around the world - it does BBC coverage and I LOVE the program "All Things Considered".

I'm staying up to watch "BOWLING FOR COLUMBINE." Besides that, I rented the whole Sex and the City 1st Season from Blockbuster - I gotta watch all 12 hours worth before Saturday. Good lord!

Caroline it's ok *HUGGGGGG* Say hi to ur sis :) she wasn't mean - she cracked me UP! :) Alan umm...no.

- Nishi

my beautiful long hair is GONE *SOB*
Monday, October 20, 2003
01:51 p.m.
If I could've written in pitas yesterday you would've seen one miserable Nishi! After chinese class my friend from class, Chelsea and I were looking at salons to get our hair cut - we found one place OFF of Pell Street charging only $10. Thinking " wow this is a great bargain to get a shampoo and cut for only $10" I told Chelsea I'd get my hair cut now - because I felt my hair was too long and the ends needed a trim and to be re-layered. She offered to stay with me but I didn't want her to be late for lunch with her friends - I wish I had left with her! I told the guy and I guess his wife that I wanted a trim in the back and that my hair had layers and to re-layer it fresh with long new layers. He acted like he understood. Shampooed, trimmed 1/2 an inch after I had to insist repeatedly that he go LOWER and not cut so high and then reaches for the blow dryer and I'm like "umm what about the layers??" and the wife has to repeat "layer, layer, layer" to him till he gets it. THEN HE TAKES SOME MEDIEVAL HAIR TORTURE THING CALLED A BLADE and he started layering my hair like you would use an AX TO CHOP....CHOP CHOP.....I couldn't tell what he was doing but believed he must be layering my hair nicely. OH MY FREAKING GOD HE CUT MY HAIR FROM MID-BACK TO SHOULDER LENGTH AND LEFT IT ALL CHOPPED RAGGEDY! I HAD A V-SHAPE thing that was ALL OVER the place.

Those are pics I took for Ricky - he asked me to smile but I refused. The pics actually made it look ok but TRUST me - the hair was quite bad - I was leaning my hair back so the camera could get a good snap of the v-shape. From the front it looked ok but I still hate my hair short - I LOVE my hair long....you guys don't know...I cried intomy pillow 4 times after I came home so upset at losing my long hair - I pride myself on my hair - I take REALLY good care of it - freaking BRUSH conditioner through my hair once a week to get rid of the stray hairs and to keep it soft and healthy. It's gonna take I dunno HOW long for it to grow back long again.

To see my hair long see the pics WAY BELOW in the posts below.

Today I went to a Salon here in New Rochelle and the guy fixed it - he trimmed the hair so that it still had layerd but so it was even in the back. It looked so much better and I was able to smile again.

I'm gonna eat tons of eggs and drink tons of milk - make my hair grow back GOOD :D

I'm able to smile again. See ya guys later. Memory I'm here :) *HUGS* Tell me about Greece!!

- Nishi

Monday, October 20, 2003
01:33 p.m.
oh whew! I was able to get all of the past entries from Oct 7 to Oct 16th back by searching google.com's cache of my site. PITAS is awesome and even though this is the 1st time in 5 years anything like this happened I won't ever switch. Unless it goes to hell well then ;) I'll update in a bit.

Thursday, October 16, 2003
08:56 p.m..
my mommy is ok :) so after the crazy 911/paramedics 3am thing last night, she had a catheter test done and they found NOTHING wrong with her heart - all arteries fine, no clogging, nothing. SO NOW they're going to do a cat scan, and check for any thyroid problems and anything to do with the varicose veins mummy has on her thighs. She's coming home tomorrow evening :) I just talked to her on the phone and she sounds so good. She's on some medications which have made her feel a lot better. Whew.

Lady *HUGGGGG* you're so wonderful. Thank you very very much. I was very worried last night but believed she'd be fine. *BIG HUGS*

I feel much happier now :) I sent out 572 resumes/cover letters today :) Took me forever to stamp them at the post office - they don't have a meter and don't do it for the customers! Sheesh - they did it at my post office back in Carmel! Anywayz, I ordered Japanese food and am eating it now - it's a FUTO MAKI (BIG ROLL) 8 piece of sushi - egg, cucumber, mushroob, vegetables and soboro with rice rolled in seaweed :) YUMMY! Came with salad and miso soup :)

I made 2 new shrines in the past month - just layours - the content is fast coming: - the first is a shrine to VAMPIRE GAME by Judal - I'll be posting manga summaries I'm writing up soon. The second is for Full Moon wo Sagashite - a shrine for Eichi-kun and Mitsuki - I also made a mailing list for them - the Eichi and Mitsuki Mailing List - it has manga translations I've posted up of the series for the 1st 22 acts! :)

Click on the screencaps to go to the actual UNDER CONSTRUCTION shrines! :)

Night :)

- Nishi

Thursday, October 16, 2003
3:30 A.M.
papa woke me up 1/2 an hour ago and I just finished calling 911 and watching the ambulence take my mom. My mom had me call the ambulence because she, again, wasn't feeling well. She was shivering and said she had trouble coughing and shortness of breath? She looked fine though and was talking normally aside from the shivering and a blood pressure of 144/82 I think.....A whole bunch pf paramedics arrived after I called 911....too many....1/2 of them were staring at our big house admiring the walls and moldings. Geez. Mummy was finally taken in the ambulence now to a hospital and papa just drove along after the paramedics. I can't go back to sleep......so here I am.....my eyes hurt....I hope my mom is ok...why the HELL is she going through this? She's always been healthy and perfect and so gosh darn strong. She's only 51. She'll be fine but I hate that she goes through this at ALL. The entry below is what I wrote earlier tonight......I'm confident mummy will be ok so I'm just keeping my mind on other things - I worked on MaxLovely.com tonight - if you're interested in MAX Lovely a Ribon manga series by Erika Kurahashi - I have summaries / translations of Max Lovely up at MAXLOVELY.COM - currenly 1st 5 chapters/acts as well as free-talks are up - with all the acts being summarized in the coming days and weeks. It's a refreshing and nice story :) I'm gonna try to sleep now. Hope mummy comes back fine tomorrow.

All about politics and international affairs
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
10:31 p.m.
Thank you Eddy, Callie, Caro-chan and Lady *HUGS* My mom is doing fine now, though tired :) All her blood work etc was normal but her cholestoral which was normal last April is now 240 just six months later and doctors said there was something to indicate some heart stress during her stress test this morning. She's gong to be taking 1 or 2 heart meds to be safe. I hope she's ok. I once had this dream I told her, Ricky and my sisters and dad about - about my mom in the dream dying and we brought her back to life but she wasn't the same - she would talk funny i.e. say the wrong words for things and she wasn't 100% herself. When I told my mom the dream she thought I dreamt that she might have a stroke. GOD FORBID! :(

I have a new reason to try very hard to make it as a recording artist/song-writer - I want to make enough money so that my parents can retire and they can relax with little stress and live healthy, joyful lives. I'm gonna pray even harder for this.

So I listen to NPR news radio a lot these days, here in NY it's FM 93.9 WNYC and it's a GREAT news station with in depth coverage of news here and ALL OVER THE WORLD WITH BBC coverage and so much else. I learn SO MUCH just listening to it. I heard all about the awful Staten Island Ferry accident today...the Ghaza strip bombing....*sigh*....

I spent this entire evening catching up on news. Did anyone see CBS's 60 Minutes tonight? Greg Thielmann who analyzed Iraqi weapons threats for Colin Powell (one of my fave people in gov't right now though he's not completely blameless or innocent) says Powell MISINFORMED us and misrepresented key evidence during his speech at the U.N. last year. Thielmann said that at the time of Powell s speech, Iraq didn t pose an imminent threat to anyone not even its own neighbors and that the decision to go to war was made first and then the intelligence was interpreted to fit that conclusion. They knew what they wanted the intelligence to show. They were really blind and deaf to any kind of countervailing information the intelligence community would produce." 60 Minutes spoke to other U.N. inspectors in IRAQ qho laughed during Powell's speech saying that what Powell was saying didn't mean anything - they had nothing. Inspectors were sent on wild goose chases to find decontamination trucks that were actually FIRE trucks and another time found empty trucks with nothing but cobwebs in them that they'd been told were suspected of being used to carry weapons. LOL! No wonder they laughed at Powell's speech and asked amongst themselves "What? They have nothing!"

People write in the news today that the U.S. began this war saying that Iraq was a center for terror when in fact at the start is was a bustling middle class economy with safety due to Saddam's tyrant reign, but NOW it *IS* a center for terror - horrible bombings, deaths, it's terror now more than before, ironically.

I agree whole-heartedly with writers who say over and over again that the U.S. led an illigetimate war against Iraq. To this DAY, the U.S. still has no proof of weapons nor can it offer ANY validation for its arguments that Iraq was some great terror threat to the U.S. - all arguments it had faced *POSSIBLE FUTURE* threat -key words: possible and future - neither of which is ANYTHING that is a valid basis for a full scale attack on a smaller, poor, militarily-matchless against the U.S., country like Iraq.

This past Oct. 4th there was a festival called the GHANDI PEACE FESTIVAL held in CANADA in Hamilton, Ontario. The following is the text of a speech that Thomas J. Nagy gave there.

The PEACE ARMY here is an ACTUAL PEACE ARMY created by Kathy Kelly who co-founded Voices in the Wilderness. She and her colleagues made the Iraq Peace Team in 2002 to witness and if possible avert the U.S. invasion of Iraq earlier this year. She had been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize by the American Friends Service Committee. The speech ended with instructions to the public that to prevent wars, invasions, mass killings of civilians by lethal economic sanctions we can tell every government that we will not tolerate more wars, that we demand peace. Concretely, we will not tolerate the punishment of peacemakers.

It's always the peacemakers and human rights activists that get in trouble isn't it? To end this journal entry, lemme finish by commenting on my new role model - a lawyer/human rights activist who JUST won the NOBEL PEACE PRIZE last week: Shirin Ebadi. Read about this amazing woman with articles such as: Iran Hardliners Condemn Nobel Committee and Iranian Reformers Hail Nobel Prize Winner. SHE is an example of someone who used her law degree for GOOD :) That's what I want to do one day. I hope by the time I'm 56, like she is, that I've done as much good as she.

I'm off to sleep. Night everyone :)

- Nishi

Wednesday, October 15, 2003
09:49 a.m.
I just got back from the hospital. My mom was feeling weird chest pressure yesterday afternoon and her blood pressure was high so she wanted to go to the emergency room. Papa and I took her around 3/3:30 and spent all night there. Mummy's cholesterol is fine, blood work's all normal, and they're thinking her recent experiences of squeezing chest pressure - she's been complaining of it for the past 3 weeks - are due to stress and getting upset due to the stress of moving houses, papa's artery cloggage and the fact that uppachen (mummy's father/my grandfather) just passed away. Mummy and I don't think that's a sufficient explanation and that for blood pressure to go that high when she normally has normal blood pressure and never a history of high is just weird - she gets weird jaw pains too on her left side. I stayed with mummy in the emergency room and overnight at the hospital and just left now when papa came back. He went home last night so he could rest. Poor mummy. She's fine though for the most part, but I still wanna know what's going on! I'm so exhausted and sleepy. I hardly slept a wink on the sofa/chair they had in mummy's room. I stayed up reading the NY Times and National Geographic (which I'm going to subscribe to) - the Oct. 2003 issue had amazing articles on Saudi Arabia, the Mayan graves in the Yucatan Penninsula and wonderful images of the Iraqi artifacts that were looted - I hate the looting of these ancient artifacts - things from the Symerians, from 600BC and MUCH older....I'd love to one day do extensive study of archaeology and be part of an exploratory dig.....right now I'm off to sleep and wait for the call to go back and pick up mummy and papa. It's been a longgggggg day and night and it's only morning now.

- Nishi

Happy Columbus Day! Wish I could see the parade!
Monday, October 13, 2003
07:38 a.m.
woke up at 5am to drive to the airport to drop my ricky off. I'm so sad now. My folks will be home tonight but sisters are gone now and whole house is empty. I love Ricky so much - one day I'm gonna end up marrying him - I'm very happy my parents like him and my sisters adore him and he likes everyone :) We had a great time this weekend. The party Friday night was awesome - just my sisters and our sig. others so total of 8 and it was SOO much funnnnnnn. We have to do it again.

Ricky told me last night that my sisters and I are all so good - we're well adjusted invidivuals and a very close knit tight family who have our lives together and have good boyfriends - he was telling me how he has known so many people with such difficult lives that when he sees how well my sisters and I behave with each other and carry on with our lives and make decisions it's a good thing to be a part of he said. :)

That night we went to a Haunted House - the one at New Rochelle was lame because when we got there we saw all these kids with their parents so were like "NUH UH" and decided to go to the Haunted House at PLAYLAND. It cost $13 - WAAYYY overpriced but was fun :) The halloween "monsters" working there were VERY good :) That makes me remember that that today is one of my best friend's, Caralyn's, birthday - she LOVES Halloween and October - so for her bday I got her a tape of "THE LITTLE PRINCE" - an 80's cartoon she LOVED to watch :)

Next day, my sisters made breakfast and later I went to my 2nd voice lesson in Portchester with Frankie Patterson - she's a famous black singer from the 60's and WOW was she beautiful back then - she still looks amazing - she doesn't look 58 - she looks like mid-40's! SHE has students she placed on Universal Records and Arista!!! I sang her one of my songs and stayed with her for over 2 hours - we talked a LOT and she told me she can definitely publish me - meaning put 10 of my songs on a CD and get the musicians etc together. I'm going to wait till I start working before I move ahead with that. But I'm SO excited! :)

I'm going to see both voice lesson people - the woman i saw in White Plains was an outsanding teacher and Frankie is just an amazing musician and person - the former will help me get full control of my vocal talent - the latter will do both that and get me a cd and maybe, maybe even have it picked up by a label :)

Saturday night we all went out to a club called CREAM ( or CREME ?) on Columbus Avenue between 71st and 72nd in the city. I was surprised by how many Indians showed up cause it was supposed to be mixed - we all danced up a storm - wound up wearing a 1-shoulder golden/tan sleevless stretch top and black pants and heels - Ricky looked hot in this gorgeous silk black short sleeved shirt - getting there was such a hassle as was getting back - we went to the "Chicken & Rice" stand on 54th Street I think and wound up seeing indians fight - Indians ALWAYS seem to fight every club night = they just get in each other's faces - I was like "cool, free entertainment ;)" The Chicken & Rice stand food is always SOOOO GOOOD. It's like a tradition with every Indian after clubbing go to the chicken and rice stands on 6th Avenue somewhere between 51st and 56th and it's SOOOOO yummy - get it spicy! :D

We didn't get home until 6:30am! Slept till like 11-ish and got breakfast and cleaned up the whole house and spent Sunday afternoon and evening at New Roc city at the arcade and the pool hall - I SUCK at pool but sometimes I get good. Ricky and I had gone through the wood trails behind my house and met this really cool neighbor named Jim walking his doberman - he's a retired NYC Police Chief and we had fun talking to him - he showed us AMAZING views on the trail of the lake and the town - SOOOOO freaking beautiful - and told us how we can ice skate right behind my house on the lake! Amazing huh? ;)

I just got back from the airport and am so exhausted - and missing ricky like crazy. Am going right back to sleep. See ya guys later :)

- Nishi

Friday, October 10, 2003
11:22 a.m.
Eddy!!! Sanoj!! NITZZZZZZZ *HUG* LOL! Sanoj I got ur IM about your taking voice lessons :) We gotta sing sometime together :D Eddy!!!!! I'm soooooo shocked to see you whenever you comment :) *HUG* how're u????? Everytime I hear from you it makes me nostaligic about the old days. What about YOUR voice huh? ;) *HUGG* I'm always happy when you stop by! and NITZ!!! *big hugs* another person i LOVE hearing from! when are u coming back to NY? I miss u SO MUCH and can't wait to see you again! I'm doing really well :) How're YOU? What's up? How's the job search in Fresno goin? Miyu-chan yeah ya think? ;) I banned her IP anyway. *HUG* You weren't trying for the scary layout? HAHAHAH my mistake :D so sorry *HUG* Lady awwww that's so cute! What do u sing to them?? I'll keep doing my very best and you do too! :)

Caro-chan! The voice lessons went GREAT! She's going to teach me piano too! :D We did SO many warm up exercises and so much stuff that after I came home I was able to immediately do this song I had trouble getting perfectly on demand - WOW I was freaking amazed what knowing how to stand, breathe, hold my face and neck, and opening up properly all DID to make me sing perfectly. EEEEEEEEEE :D SO FREAKING HAPPY!! I have another lesson with another woman tomorrow - I've gotta make up my mind whether to stick with the woman yesterday or evaluate the woman tomorrow......

Ricky surprised me by phoning me yesterday afternoon and I heard airport stuff in the background and KNEW he was coming for the weekend! My sisters wanted to go to a haunted house and have a small party just us and our sig. others tonight so all 8 of us are haning out tonight :) I hope the haunted house here is good though!

Before I went to get Ricky from JFK one of my friends came over and I let him listen to one of my songs I recorded yesterday called "All These Tears" and he really liked it but one song he really wants to help me with is a club/dance song I wrote - he says he has a DJ friend who can help put that one song to music for me and play it at a club! :) He's got great hook ups because he's part of some Indian frat - Sig something I forget but always hear about it.

Tomorrow we're going to see INTOLERABLE CRUELTY and go out to a club at night - some Indian party no clue which is in the city.....gonna wear this killer strappless dress :) Haven't gone clubbing in AGES and am SOOOOOO ready to let my hair loose and dance up a storm :D

Gotta get ready for the party now! I;m listening to NICKELBACK's SOMEDAY - the lyrics are SO me at this part: "Someday somehow I'm gonna make it all right, but not right now, I know ur wondering when...." I told Ricky "I'm gonna make it" just now and he goes "Yes you will and I'm going to be there to exploit it ;)" HAHAHAHAH :) Love him :) See ya guys later :D

- Nishi

Thursday, October 9, 2003
11:06 a.m.
hey Tanya I didn't ask for ur thoughts on my goals so keep em to urself alright? I will be working in a studio - recording these songs to a tape is the 1st step so my friend can hear them and begin working with them BEFORE the studio process. I'll never give up so-called "pipe dreams" and live by "realistic" goals like you - you have real problems if you want to attack someone's dreams and hopes on their online journal. FYI being happy with what you have is imposing limitations on yourself - it has nothing to do with being greatful or ungreatful - I am very greatful for all I have but that doesn't mean I stop there - I'm going to keep going for everything I possibly can. God gave me certain abilities and certain gifts: intelligence, compassion and the ability to write and sing - making the most out of EVERYTHING HE GAVE ME is HOW you SHOW greatfulness. Don't u DARE tell me what's slapping God in the face or not - *I* have been the one praying and talking to God about my goals and dreams - not you. So, "no offense" but back off - I am extremely determined to make sure I stick to my dreams and goals and even *IF*, *IF*, I don't ever make it - at least I've tried and in trying I am very, very happy than going on 'realistically' as simply an attorney with no other creative outlet and no attempt to ever make a dream come true.

With that aside, guess what guys :) I have my first voice lesson with a woman in White Plains today at 1pm. I have another with another woman this Saturday at 3 in Portchester and if I decide neither of these women are good enough teachers for me, I have a 3rd appointment with another woman in Riverdale. I know I said in the post below I'd start after I got a new job but I had spent all day Tuesday searching for vocal instruction places in the phonebook and narrowed it down to 4 - I'm still waiting to hear back from the final 4th and decided now is as good a time as any to just start evaluating teachers at least.

I can't believe I'm finally taking real voice lessons! I've been reading everything I can about proper singing technique to increase range, sound, clarity, vibratto all these things. There's so MUCH that goes into singing. You think u can sing well and sing songs nicely but still not have the right grasp on singing properly and if u DID u could sing SO MUCH BETTER than you already do.

There's this guy who wrote a review for this vocal-coaching book and what he said below is SO TRUE!!

How to Set Your Voice Free

I'm looking for that "middle voice" and a vocal coach can help me find it. I'll be able to finally sing my songs perfectly EVERYTIME and ON DEMAND.

ON THE ATTORNEY/JOB HUNT TRACK: I spent yesterday afternoon signing, folding, stuffing and sealing 192 resumes/cover letters. Took me 2.5 hours and my wrist was so sore afterwards. And that was just Los Angeles. I still have 390 NYC ones left to do. Good God. I hope I find a new position as an attorney at a firm which does something I truly enjoy this time 100% and for which the hours will be 9-5 or 9-6 so I can have the evenings to focus on voice lessons, piano lessons, writing, and karate which I want to start soon too.

Lasltly, YAAAAAAAAAY FOR ARNOLDDDDDDD!!!!!! I'm SOOOOO happy he's governor!!! I may be a democrat but I sincerely believed Arnold would be the best choice for governor for CA! VERY HAPPY! :D REBECCA must be ecstatic :) I know how much she wanted Davis OUT ;)

Memory welcome back babe! *HUG* You have to tell me all about Greece ok? ;)

- Nishi

Tuesday, October 7, 2003
11:04 a.m.
Caro-chan, Miyu-chan and Alex you guys are so great :) Thank you :) You guys make it sound so easy but it's so hard. I'm scared the CD may never even happen now. I talked to my friend Neil yesterday and it's not certain when we'll ever be able to get together to work on the songs & recording. He did let me know though that on the 1st tape I sent him my voice was out of control and I needed to have the proper techniques behind my talent in order to control the voice and perform better - I told him I never had a voice coach and he recommended I should think about getting one. So today I'm going to call up some vocal coaches I found in the phone book here in New Rochelle. I hope they don't cost a fortune. I'll start voice lessons once I start working.

I worked for 3 hours last night with this new tape recorder I got from Radio Shack with a built in Mic. It's TONS better than the crappy 10 year old cassete player recorder I used to just sing into the speakers with. With that hideous old tape recorder I made a very horrible tape for Neil and I sang myself hoarse for 2 days in order to make that tape. I'm ashamed of it and I want to re-record the songs better and have him judge this second tape. I've been reading everything I can about vocal training and care and learned a lot and with constant warming up and rehearsing I think I sound tons better than when I made the first tape :)

I broke down sobbing to God last night - there's this song I sing just for him, it begins "Jehovah God I call on you to listen to my song" it's a slow haunting song and I made it up in the summer of 1998 when my 1st love and I had broken up and I needed God's help. So whenever I truly need Him, I sing that song and I sang and sang to Him for like 1/2 an hour crying throughout. But afterwards, I felt so much beter. I really felt like He heard and I hope He will answer my prayers and help me. I've always put God at the forefront of my life and seek Him in everything. On Sunday night after I had written the post below about the convo with my sister, I was about to turn in when I started writing a story. The story is symbolic about seeking out help from God when you need it and that He will be there to help you if you will just seek Him out. I've posted the story before. Alex I used to post drafts of my lyrics until my sisters told me they were really good and shouldn't be left online where someone could steal it and claim it as their own. I could never bare it if music that I had written, usually with so much of myself and my tears invested in it, was sung or claimed by another. I don't want anyone ever singing my songs but me - those songs are ALL me in some small way or some large.

Anywayz the story is below - it's very, very, very short but it satisfied me. Usagi is the main character from Sailor Moon manga and I used her as the voice for this story. The story is about seeking God when you need Him. I'm going to spend the day trying to get 200 of my resumes/cover letters to law firms in NYC and Los Angeles done. If I do 200 a day I'll be done by Thursday. Also need to study CHINESE and rehearse and record another song or two, and jog for an hour (haven't jogged since this past Friday and I'm feeling it!) and need to water the garden. Enjoy the story and see you guys later.

Believe/The Tree
By Nishi Rajan

" . . . they say if you go to that tree and whisper in its ears, any wish you want will come true . . . "

Staring at the distant tree 1 mile from her house, Usagi tried to remember where she'd heard such a story. "Can't be true.", she thought. Still, she wondered what would happen if she told the tree what she most wanted.

Each day she passed this tree on her walk home. Each day she wondered. "What's the use if I go? What if nothing happens? I'm so scared it'll fail, I'll fail." And so Usagi ignored the tree.

Each night she cried, hoping that what she wished for would desperately come to pass. Each day she waited.

One day, she could take no more. Waiting had proven nothing. With tears streaming down her eyes, she ran and ran. Ran without seeing. Ran without fully knowing, until she came to a stop in front of the tree. Falling to her knees, she sobbed.

She told the tree everything. Her wishes, her hopes, her dreams. She cried and spoke till she was exhaused and lay at the foot of the tree. Unable to speak any more, she had spoken everything she could, she stared up, through the boughs and leaves. The tree was truly magificent. The sun glittered through its branches and its shade was cool. Everything was in this tree and everything came from it.

Usagi sat up slowly. How much time had passed, she didn't know. It didn't matter. She sat facing up to the tree and with pleading eyes, spoke.

"Kami-sama if you can hear my voice please make it come true." Usagi whispered.

Softly, the leaves moved. A breeze came down the tree, through its shafts and tips and through Usagi's hair, gently gliding across her face.

"Believe." Came the answer.

===================================================

I cried to my sister and she made me feel better
Sunday, October 5, 2003
10:09 p.m.
So I've been down all night - partly due to hormonalness and woman's things and I was down about my life, my music/singing/writing where it was going, how it's at a stand still, how I'm just preparing to practice law again and nothing else is opening up for me and I talk to my sister Mekha (1 of my 3 younger sisters - I'm the oldest of 4 girls) and this is a great convo we had which made me feel 100% better

SelenityHime: i'm depressed
mysister'sSN: y?
SelenityHime: really down
SelenityHime: agh just feellike life sucks right now
mysister'sSN: awww im osrry to hear that
mysister'sSN: ive had a cpl of days like that too.
SelenityHime: yah?
SelenityHime: *sigh*
mysister'sSN: whas got u down, antyhing specific?
SelenityHime: i have 577 resumes to sign, stuff, seal and stamp
SelenityHime: hping I get a job i like
mysister'sSN: aww if i was there i would help:-)
SelenityHime: wishing my music cd could get started but Neil's so busy he doesn't tell me anything
SelenityHime: nothing feels like it's moving fwd
SelenityHime: i just want things to change
SelenityHime: i want my life to be what i want it to be
SelenityHime: *sigh*
mysister'sSN: i kno.. it sux... but itll happen, keep ur chin up:-)
SelenityHime: i've been reading this singer/song-writer book
SelenityHime: everything in it is so gret - talks about the whole experience - from how it feels writing a song, to the emptons singing it - everything rang true for me
SelenityHime: and tells u all about playing gigs,booking etc
mysister'sSN: cool
SelenityHime: mekha i so *badly* want to make it
SelenityHime: i've never wanted anything like this
mysister'sSN: aww i kno.. u will
SelenityHime: i sit and i cry praying to God to make it happen
mysister'sSN: so then it will
mysister'sSN: worry not child, for God holds the answer:-)
SelenityHime: i hppe so
mysister'sSN: hehehe
SelenityHime: at the train station
SelenityHime: i was day dreaming as I waited
SelenityHime: i was like i'll have a 12 million yearly salary and ill give $1 million a piece to M&P and u guys
SelenityHime: $5 total, keep the other 3-5 for savings and home, life etc and the other 2 would go to charities
SelenityHime: i was like thinking - M&M&N wouldn't have any debt, they could finance their grad studies, M&P would have no debt, pay off the house and cars
SelenityHime: i was like I wanna really make that h appen
SelenityHime: maybe i'm just really hormonal cause I'm perioding
mysister'sSN: lol me toooooooooooooooo

then we got side-tracked by food and pigging out during our periods ;)

SelenityHime: Makkie all my hopes are on Neil...if he and I could just get together and record 1 song a week or 1 song every 2 weeks it'd make me so happy. I don't know any other musicians I trust as much as him.
SelenityHime: i'm 26, i'll be 27 in 3+ months
SelenityHime: then I get married at 28 and my life isover
SelenityHime: i wanna make it before I get married or by the time I do *sob*
mysister'sSN: aww baby dont worry.. honeslty, if its meant to be itll happen, no matter how old u are..
SelenityHime: meant to be
SelenityHime: *sigh*
mysister'sSN: *sigh*
SelenityHime: what're u sighing for?
SelenityHime: ur life is made
SelenityHime: ur pretty, smart 4.0 student, with psych written all over ur happy future
mysister'sSN: lol
mysister'sSN: whatever
SelenityHime: and u'll eventually find some amazing guy and be happy ever after
SelenityHime: i'm doomed
mysister'sSN: lol i hope its that easy
mysister'sSN: u are not... just bc one thing isnt falling into place and the time u want it to? be patient ... who knos it may happen tomorrow.. or next month.. if u want it that bad, itll happen..
SelenityHime: can i copy andpaste that into my profile and journal and on my forehead?
mysister'sSN: lol ofcourse
SelenityHime: mak, can u support me and believe in me?
SelenityHime: and keep encouraging me for real cause u really believe in me?
SelenityHime: i'm so freaking down i can't stand it
SelenityHime: anyway go study sweetie *HUG* u cheered me up
mysister'sSN: ofcourse sweetie.... u have an AWESOME voice, u kno that-- u ahve an AMAZING talent in writing songs... songs that really mean somehting.. its not easy for people just to think of words that make sense and then think of an original beautiful tune to go with those words... but u have that talent, u have that ability
mysister'sSN: who cares when ull be discovere, just kno that one day u will
SelenityHime: *cries* thank u
mysister'sSN: when u least expect it
SelenityHime: okie :-)
mysister'sSN: GHod really hears ur prayers, have faith in HIm and urself
mysister'sSN: :-) mwaaaaah
SelenityHime: mwahhhhhhhh
SelenityHime: i love you :-D
mysister'sSN: hehe i love u too
SelenityHime: we so corny
SelenityHime: :-)
mysister'sSN: i knoo hhe i love it
SelenityHime: ok go studyyyy byeeee
mysister'sSN: kk byeeeeeee
mysister'sSN: cheep up!!
mysister'sSN: cheer*
mysister'sSN: hehe sowwie
mysister'sSN: byeeeeee

I'm off to bed now and gonna pray to God. I feel happy - I know Mek believes me in me sincerely and that makes me feel so much better. I love my sisters :D

- Nishi

Saturday, October 4, 2003
03:53 p.m.
ahh they fixed things :) findlawjob.com is sending me 75 White Plains attorney firms for free AND crediting me for the insurance defense litigation firms I received since I definitely don't want to be in that field. I have a feeling I'll be working again come November......I'm gonna miss this time off but hopefully I'll be working in an area I enjoy 100% or at least 80%.

I have auctions ending soon! The NEO QUEEN SERENITY DOLL as well as plush dolls from sailor moon and lots of Ribon, LaLa and HanaYume manga!! http://cgi6.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewSellersOtherItems&userid=selenitynomegami :D

I came up with a new song in the shower last night (I know, I know ;) but I get my best songs singing in the shower!) and while writing it I came up with this weird line which just fit the song and titled it that....it's called "Petals in the Sea" - really poetic and symbolic title - the song is about this girl who loves this guy incredibly and she's making love to him and while she makes love to him is remembering how she fell in love with him, etc etc - really beautiful song but I can't title it anything else except "Petals in the Sea."

I told one of my church friends who lives near me about the firm I worked for downsizing and letting me go - he's cool and I don't think he'd let anyone know - I kept it secret from anyone who lives in this town and esp from church people just cause it's a private thing - weird how I can talk about it on a journal that viewable to the whole online world but can't tell people in real life right? ;) I just don't want to deal with telling them, hearing their reactions, just not something I wanna talk about.

I'm hoping my friend Neil and I can put a cd together by the end of this year, latest by my birthday. I asked him this in an IM I sent him today......unless I have that cd I can't make anything come true......I hope he can do it....he's an amazing musician but I'm so worried that he may be too busy to help me.

Gotta go order and pick up food and pick up my dry cleaning and rent something from Blockbuster. See ya guys later!

- Nishi

SO VERY VERY ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, October 4, 2003
10:48 a.m.
oh my god I am so very very angry right now. Those f---ers!!! I used findlawjob.com to locate firms asnd organizations that practiced fields I was interested in - fields like: Legal Ethics&Professional Responsibility, Nonprofit&Charitable Organizations, Government, International Law, Trusts&Estates/Probate/Wills

What I got???? I see the firm I just finished working for on the list - they practiced INSURANCE DEFENSE LITIGATION!!! Do you see insurance defense as one of the areas I requested?? WHAT targeted firms were they sending me????? I PAID to get a firm I just finished WORKING FOR??? I paid close to ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS for their service and what I find out is I'm paying for fims I don't even WANT???????

ADDITIONALLY, my order CLEARLY stated New York cities of New Rochelle and New York City - New Rochelle is MISSING. What they instead did was send me 390 NYC firms - NO New Rochelle.

I wrote them a VERY angry email and will be calling them in 1 hour. I am NOT wasting my time and postage signing, stuffing, and sealing resumes and cover letters that go to firms which don't even practice the areas I ORDERED. I told them I want the New Rochelle listings and a refund of all the firms that have NOTHING to do with my practice areas and I want ONLY the NYC, New Rochelle, and Los Angeles firms that SPECIFICALLY practice the areas I ordered and paid a a thousand dollars to be shipped to me.

F---ers!! I never curse! They're making me curse! A--holes!!!!!!!!

In other news, my mom comes back from India today. We're going to pick her up this afternoon from JFK. I've lost about 5 pounds since Labor Day weekend - pretty good :) It's cause I've been jogging nearly every day but I still eat like a horse LOL - can't do without my cookies and hot cocoa and naan and other yummies but I make sure to work out to balance.

I watched BEND IT LIKE BEKHAM and it was a good movie :D Stereotyped in a lot of ways in that the same bad vices are focused on too much in modern English versions of Indian families - but it has a strong basis in truth - a lot of it was true - but my mom NEVER forced me to learn cooking although she'd roll her eyes and wonder when I'd learn when I was a teenager - now I learned to cook cause I wanted to - beef curry, chicken I can do it all ;) And as for marriage, my folks want to see me secure and "taken care of" by the time I'm 28 - that's the year *I told them* I'd get married. And my cousin did marry an Irish guy named Kelly - sweetest guy on earth! They have 2 gorgeous children now. But I can see how it is a little awkward at family things at first to see the "white face" among all the indians - Indians automatically don't act like themselves then people they're not close to or familiar with are around - throw in a white guy who's suddenly a new family member and they DEFINITELY can't be themselves - it's just awkward getting used to it until you DO get used to it and the whiteness doesn't even matter and you don't even see it anymore. My sisters and I don't see any difference in Kelly - he's cool to us :D

ANYWAYZ, those @##$%$#%$%^^& better call me and FIX this damn mess. I'm in credit card debt because of them!!!!!!

- Nishi

Thursday, October 2, 2003
11:40 p.m.
Barbie of SWAN LAKE and the Enchanted Forest was SOOOOOOOOOO good! SARAH BETH would have loved it - if ur reading this Sawah go rent it!!! Remember how we watched Rapunzel when it aired? This one is even better! :) After watching it I went on Ebay and found the most GORGEOUS freaking Barbie as Swan Lake doll and as Rapunzel and of course I had to buy it. These will be my advance christmas gifts to myself! No more spending now till I get a job! :) (PICTURES BELOW)

I also have below some other acquirees from Yahoo! Japan in the past few months which I never put up. These include a KODOCHA CLOCK, the new Kodocha manga release in Japan with lots of new images, MIRACLE GIRLS TALKING TOMOMI / TONI DOLL (need the Mika one) as well as rare SHITAJIKI of Miracle Girls YAAY finally have it :) Also included are gorgeous NAOKO TAKEUCHI color pages from MARIA!!!!!!!!!!!! :D LASTLY, WILD ACT manga Shitajiki or is it clearfile by Rie Takada and VAMPIRE GAME I don't what they are but they're rare images by JUDAL! Both Wild Act and Vampire game are great new manga licensed by Tokyopop!

I feel very productive today - recorded 3 of my new songs on tape, completed 3 chapters of "The Ghost that Haunted Usagi" a dark comedy for halloween for usamamofics, and jogged for a solid hour! AND I even studied chinese.

Now for the pictures of the goodies.

I'm gonna watch Bend it like Bekham now. Night guys :)

- Nishi

Wednesday, October 1, 2003
09:43 p.m.
mmmm I love this....I feel like I'm back in college or law school (oh only if!!) I'm in my room with a fast cable modem connection by bringing up my dad's cable modem at night AND I bought a connector/switch thing to allow me to watch TV and be online too :) Watching Angel now - still can't believe Cordelia and Angel were a couple - lord how Buffy and Angel changed - blech. Anywayz, I rented Bend it liek Bekham and Barbie as Princess of Swan Lake! :) Gonna watch the latter tonight and the former tomorrow. Sipping hot cocoa after a yummy dinner of beef curry and rice. I had sushi for lunch today - california rolls and avocado rolls mmmmm :D LADY!! ur back online :D *HUG* Please write more in ur blog? I miss reading about u! and thank you for your comments :) *HUG* Miyu-channnnn :) CARO-chan!!! huggles u both :) thanks guys! You guys should do a picture session to ya know ;) Caroline used to have all those cool pics of herself in one of her first brightest-star.net layouts and I thought that was awesome. Aerielle awww thank you!!!! Seriously we're not all that - they're just good pics. But thank you anyway :) *BIG HUG*

I'm off to watch my movie :) Night guys!

- Nishi

Monday, September 29, 2003
10:31 p.m.
Guess what? It's picture time!!! But first about my day - spent it driving my dad all the way to Newburgh - was ok cause I went to the Newburgh mall and browsed and got a nice manicure and pedicure and eyebrow wax for very cheap! We didn't get back home till almost 5 whereupon both papa and I went and worked out - I did an hour's worth of jogging all over my neighborhood - dang uphills are really getting better for me. Some sleezy kids on the middle school bus outside of Albert Leonard or whatever school shouted "yah baby" from their bus window at me - MIDDLE SCHOOL kids mind you - kids these days I swear! LOL! Also don't forget the many many SAILOR MOON DOLLS and MANGA I have up on auction at http://cgi6.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewSellersOtherItems&userid=selenitynomegami and if anyone's interested in Magic Knights Rayearth VHS eps 1-20 for $25 let me know as well as Full Moon wo Sagashite eps 1-51 on VCD playable on your computer and I think I paid $30 for it(?) can't remember - make an offer - same goes for my Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne VHS tapes COMPLETE series - haven't watched them in 1-2 years, would be sold AS IS cause i have no clue what viewing condition they're in - am also selling my FRUITS BASKET VCDs COMPLETE SERIES - excellent condition.

Ok pictures! These were taken LABOR DAY WEEKEND 2003 (last weekend of August, 1st of Sept) by Ricky with his digital camera and the shots of him and me were taken by either my sisters or random NYC people who were kind enough to take the pics :)

I like this pic - it's so "me" caught unawares - I'm off in my own world. This is behind my house at the lake - I'm trying to show off the lake.

This time I'm looking at the camera - Dunkin' Donuts cup in my hand - yummy hot chocolate :D

Ricky and me at the lake behind my house :) say EEEE before the camera auto-flashes!

Ricky taking a pic of me while we have lunch at SWEET n TART on Mott Street in CHINATOWN - one of my most fave places to eat there. Eating Shrimp wanton...and oh what the heck was the purple jelly and mango thing called? That's what that is - it's freaking GOODDDDDDDDDDDDD. I suck at using chop sticks but use them no matter what - I gotta somehow get better.

Ricky and me later that night around Times Square.

Me in a white salvar in the woods behind my house - I love being in the woods - this is a cool pic.

Ricky and me in the woods :) He's got a goofy face in this one. I was wearing a salvar cause guests were over for our house blessing.

Me and my sisters!! From left to right are: Mili (20 this October), Nithi (22), me, and then Mekha (20 this October). My sisters and I all LOVE this pic - I'm supposed to have 4 copies made and then more for my folks.

Ricky showing me how to play pool - he's good at pool :) (New Roc City at New Rochelle)

Mekha, Ricky, me and Mili at New Roc City in New Rochelle playing pool.

Hope ya enjoyed :) Night everyone!

- Nishi

Sunday, September 28, 2003
09:50 p.m.
I'm having a HUGE sale on ebay - check out my auctions at: http://cgi6.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewSellersOtherItems&userid=selenitynomegami = I'm selling my NEO QUEEN SERENITY doll, my sailor moon plush dolls (just a few) and a ton of my Ribon manga collection as well as my FRUITS BASKET manga stickers and VCDs and my FULL MOON wo SAGASHITE VCDs. Thank you everyone for your hugs and thoughts....*HUGGGSSS*

My dad called my mom in India and he told me they'd had the funeral and she sounded fine. I hope so. I've been bust taking care of my dad since mummy's in India - whew it's like a full-time job in itself - making him salad and dinner and monitoring him and being with him when he exercises because of the clogged arteries and his complaints lately of so many things - I think 1/2 of which are due to the fact he's on so many different medications - one for being borderline diabetic - he's not but just borderline so he takes this stuff call "glucopage/metformin" to ensure he doesn't get diabetes or anything and I think this is causing a lot of his complaints cause in addition to this he takes like 3-4 other heart medications I think. I'm so scared of something happening to my mom and dad now......

Chinese class was so much fun today :) 2 friends of mine there, Chelsea and Louie and I went to this malaysian restaurant on Elizabeth Street off of Canal called PANANG - good food :D I brought lots of left overs. I'm getting so good at chinese now :) I'm spending at least an hour each day memorizing and studying and practicing the writing.

I finished writing another sad rock song about someone seeing their 1st love after many years and the emotions they go through - called "All These Tears" - I cried so much writing it cause I focused on how it'd be if I saw my 1st love now and what it'd be like - as it is I haven't seen him but just working it out in a song made me know how I'd react.

LYdiaaaaaaaaa :) when you coming back to the city? Lemme know cause I miss you and wanna hang out ASAP! :D Missy thanks :) hope you blog hop back here soon :) nice to meet you! BIG HUGS to Rachel, Miyu-chan, Lady and Dana thanks guys. I checked this journal yesterday and you guys made me feel so good. I love ya'll :) Tabitha that IS weird! That's almost exactly like my mom. *HUGGGGG* my heart goes out to her. :(

Good night guys. I have to be up early to drive my dad to Newburgh - as long as he's complaining of lightheadedness and weird pains (even though he's told his doctor) we have to make sure to help him in every way including driving. God I pray he gets ok and my mom too.

- Nishi

Friday, September 26, 2003
12:55 p.m.
wow lots has happened this week - sorry for not updating. My grandfather in India passed away yesterday. My dad and I broke the news to my mom when she came back from work yesterday afternoon and it was heartbreaking. She had been hearing how he was suffering and she'd already booked a ticket for today to go see him and comfort him - so she could see him alive but now he's passed away and she's so upset she couldn't see him one more time before he died :( We had a prayer at our house last night - so many people showed up to give their condolences to my mom - at LEAST 30 people I think. Before I had found out about his passing I had been writing this very slow and haunting song about death and grieving and I'm going to dedicate it to my grandfather and finish it in his name. He was 73 and had oral cancer.

We're driving my mom to the airport today.

See ya guys later. Callie good luck! *HUG*

- Nishi

Sunday, September 21, 2003
11:58 p.m.
I got up early today and went to Chinese class - stepping into Chinatown off the subway always feels good :) After grabbing a sweet roll and a drink from Ren's Tea Time, I went to my 1st day at the morning class and met some really nice people :) I got a chinese name - it's Jinni - Jin because my last name is Rajan and Ni because of Nishi :) In chinese it means "beautiful girl" :) Lots was going on in the city today - Little Italy was having a huge food fair and up and down 5th Avenue there was a huge book fair!

Periodically I think every one on this earth goes through cycles where they are on an upswing, plateau and then get sad. Last night was my sad moment. I got really depressed thinking how I'm preparing once again to work as an attorney when it's not really what I *want* to do with my life. After crying and talking to Ricky about it I took action - the crying helped me get over the sadness and made me get back into that cycle where you're ready to "take charge again" and make improvements. It's after the sadness that you decide to not let yourself cry or be sad and take control of your life and that's what I did. No one can change your life but YOU and YOU control your entire happiness. On this note I thought "what could I do now?" - I already recorded 22 songs roughly by myself on a tape, wrote more, and am waiting on Neil to begin the actual full recording process - what more could I do? So I then decided I needed to learn more about the music industry I'm trying to get into - I knew that reading about it would help me stay focused on the goal and it's key to understand the music business before you go into it.

So after today's chinese class I went to Barnes and Nobles and got 4 books on the music industry - one about 1700 places to market your songs which is for song writers and I found a great place in Los Angeles that showcases song writers every Tuesday night - I just need to call :) Another book written just for song writers and I sat down on the carpet of B&N and read the 1st chapter identifying with so much of the doubts, the fears, the dreams.....the other 2 were about the music industry and everything I need to know about it - from getting a manager, to royalties. For every $16.99 CD that is sold, the artist only makes a measly .80cents and that's BEFORE your manager takes HIS cut - why only 80cents? A lot is due to the MP3 piracy but a lot is also due to the fact that you have to be established and selling millions to really make it big in royalties and be able to live off your music - so many people take cuts from the cd sales.

One of the nice things I read in the song writer book was how to many song writers - writing and singing are their passions and because it's so hard to make a living out of that they often work in careers that are interesting to them but aren't what they truly want and which they're not truly happy doing. BINGO - that was me with stars and banners. KNOWING that - knowing so many other people in this world are in careers they're not truly happy with while working on singing and writing/song-writing made me feel so better inside - they're struggling too to make their dreams come true - I'll struggle along with them and work as a lawyer until, if, and when my dream comes true and God willing I can make a living out of my music and writing.

I think I'm on the upswing portion again :) Must be strong and remember that I control my own future and happiness.

I jogged with my mom today - she's so cute my mom! When she jogs she looks like a duck from behind with her butt waggling - it makes me laugh so hard - my mom's the cutest :) I might be hanging with my twin sisters on Tuesday in Long Island. I spent yesterday working on Max Lovely .com adding in more images and made winamp skins and added manga information. We'll see. I'm off to bed. Memory hiya :) *HUG* thanks again :) Did you catch the Emmy's tonight? Rachel *huggles* how are you? what're u upto this week? Hope your weekend was good!

- Nishi

P.S. While it's true I don't want to be a lawyer, I do want to use my law school education and legal knowledge in human rights and social and peacy policy - neither of those requires you work as an attorney but require your ability to write and legal know-how. Such positions only go to very qualified candidates.....I want to achieve something like that by mid-30's.

Saturday, September 20, 2003
02:59 a.m.
WOO HOO! I designed and bought new domains! Everybody say hello to MaxLovely.com, MaxLovely.net, and MaxLovely.org!! :D Right now the .ORG site is working - dunno why .com and .net won't forward yet so visit the .ORG for now :) I hated the layout I came up with last night so made the much better ones (in my own opinion) below :) The first is the main page and the 2nd is the Image Gallery. I'm still working on the other pages. These new Max Lovely domains will be chock full of manga summaries, translations when I get ahold of them, and images, images, images! :D I already made 4 winamp skins which I'll put up tomorrow.

I jogged the past 2 days and was SO SORE today! Although I helped mummy cook and unpack everything we brought back from the house the night before lord was I beat! On Thursday night one of my cousin's cousin and his family joined my mom and dad and me on s trip to the old house. Turns out this cousin is going to buy our old house! He's only 24 but is getting married in November to a girl he's known for a year. Wow. I'm amazed. He's a cutie though and it's a shame to see cute guys settle down so young ;) hahaha :)

ANYWAYZ, I had this really amazing dream last night. I dreamt I was walking in something like the basement of this new house and was going up the stairs when I asked myself these 2 questions in this dream - do I want to practice law or sing? And instantly this stage opened up in front of me and I was like "SING of course!" and I started belting out some song. It was amazing because this is the 2nd or 3rd dream I've had lately of singing in my dreams and it's such a great feeling. Unfortunately, I need to make a living and help my folks for the time being and law is the best avenue - hopefully I'll find a law-related job doing something I truly enjoy until I make singing on stage a reality and not just a dream.

It felt so good to design and work on a domain again. I use a totally different creative side that was really out of work for the past 7-8 months :) Caroline I hope you'll look into Max Lovely :) Hope you like these new layouts better :D RACHEL and JANEEN thanks you guys :) I love Emeraude too :D

I'm off to sleep now - night :)

- Nishi

Thursday, September 18, 2003
01:14 a.m.
Whew done! I made a manga scans image gallery for the Ribon manga MAX LOVELY!! The mailing list will have translations and summaries for Max Lovely as well as updates on when I get new scans. Right now there are 19 color manga images from the Ribon color inside pages. If you like this series as I do join The Max Lovely Mailing List and visit the shrine below :)

It's slow loading cause it's on UsagiandMamoru.com's server which is so slow - I'm switching it soon as I get a new job! Click on the image to go to the new shrine.

I jogged 2.5 miles today - so hungry right now. We're going to the old house tomorrow afternoon to get more things packed and moved over here. Hopefully I get my tv back and can get it hooked up - my parents are watching ASIANET all the time now every evening - no chance of catching FRIENDS or the Awards show this Sunday unless I get my tv hooked up! :)

Don't forget to go to the TOKYOPOP SURVEY WEBSITE (link in the entry posted below this one) and request Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne, Gals!, and Delicious! :D

Rachel thank you *HUG* Callie-chan I've read Saint Seiya - it's good but not shoujo enough for my likes although I love Athena's character :)

Night!

- Nishi

Wednesday, September 17, 2003
01:05 p.m.
You guys know how much I LOVE to read my favorite Japanese manga translated to english by Tokyopop or Viz right? Well Tokyopop has a new survey out where YOU can recommend 3 titles which they should license. This worked in getting titles such as Fruits Basket licensed. Please go to http://www.tokyopop.com/news/surveys/survey.php?surveyid=1001 and request the following for me: (1) Gals! by Fuji Mihona, (2) Kamikaze Kaito Jeanne by Arina Tanemura and (3) Delicious! by Yui Ayumi Hopefully if a lot of people request those titles, Tokyopop will license them and this time next year we can be reading them in English - those 3 manga are SO GOOD.

Also, I created a new list for MAX LOVELY a manga series running in Ribon. I'll be designing a new website for it tonght as well. The list will hold scans, summaries and/or translations of the series and all the latest information available. Go to The Max Lovely Ribon Manga Mailing List at YahooGroups :)

The Sailor Moon manga is being re-released on Sept. 22 in Japan in 12 huge volumes with new color pages and updates according to Naoko Takeuchi! It's on sale for US $3.50. I'm hoping to order them.

Have you guys been reading the latest Kare Kano manga? In Japan they're up to Act 83 and on the Kare Kano Love Mailing List I've posted up the spoilers for those acts - really startling nd good stuff is happening. Wonder how long it'll take Tokyopop to catch up! :) I'm still reading the newest Volume 5.

I'm accepting FAN ART design layouts for UsagiandMamoru.com's Halloween Celebration in October! If anyone of you out there can draw and scan in your work - draw Usagi and Mamoru in a halloween theme and send the scan to be83398@yahoo.com :) It'll be used in a layout on the main page of UM.com from October 15-Nov. 1, 2003.

I'm going to go jogging today and probably help my mom cook and do MORE cleaning. See ya guys later :)

- Nishi

Tuesday, September 16, 2003
11:20 p.m.
I just got back from my sisters' in Long Island. Mekha and I had made plans to go shopping and get a manicure and pedicure at the Roosevelt Field Mall. The lady who did my nails at "Nail Pro" did an average job but the color I selected looked great - OPI in this lilac color. Mek and I saw the most adorable puppies and dogs at the Pet Store there - there was this adorable Pekingese and Yorkie and Yorkshire Terrier - so small and CUTE - I was going nuts wishing we could adopt but the terrier was $2100 - jeez. We hit Charlotte Russ and Forever21 - I got a white longsleeved shirt with cute words on it and a white zip-up hoodie in this soft cashmere-like fabric. We also went to this candles shop where I got a gorgeous bag-kinda-thing with a fringe and pearls and soft brown velvet=like fabric to hold a bunch of candles (tea lights?) I bought in French Vanilla (smells like cake mix :D) and Fresh Linen scents. Lastly we went to Macy's where we sprayed all sorts of different perfumes on each other - hating everything and REEKING of stuff so much we couldn't smell a damn thing after that. Mek wants me to come sleep over next Tuesday - we'll see :) It'll be fun if I can!

I got a call from a wonderful friend today on my cell and I have to call him back tomorrow :) I had such a nice time hanging with makkie - I miss my sisters so much! Anyway, driving 80 I got back home in 40 minutes - whew! I finished a new song today called "Close Your Eyes My Love" - it's a song for a person who has lost a loved one - it's about life, death, redemption and forgiveness of wrongs, and about being strong and moving on. I cried writing and singing it cause the words were so powerful. Hope I don't cry singing it in public ever! ;) Ah well - I'm an easily emotional girl so I prolly will.

Thanks everyone for your comments about the layout :) *HUGS* to Aerielle (I love your name), Caro-chan, Lady and Callie-chan! :) Binu are you serious? Oxford??? Wow - congrats!!! *HUGS* Nishi ur like the 16th Nishi I've met since I began this journal - u sound a lil weird but that's a good thing - sometimes ;) Nice to meetcha! :)

Pretty boring day - aside from writing that new song, I just slept till 10am, watched tv, organized my closet (such a great feeling now when I open it up and see everything color-coordinated and organized by types of clothing) - let's see how long I can keep it that way - I say at the tops a week ;) LOL!

I'm off to spend the night talking to Ricky now :) Night everyone!

- Nishi

Monday,, September 15, 2003
11:58 p.m.
Well it took me all night but I finished making a new layout. I really want to design for larger resolutions. 800x600 is limiting. The new layout features Emeraude from Magic Knights Rayearth. The image is actually from a pull-out poster that was broken in the center but I manipulated it until I could piece the 2 halves together and worked like heck to make it into a layout. With all the html bugs to work out it took about 6 hours worth of work. Whew.

The theme for this new layout is making my dreams come true :) I want it to constantly remind me to take steps to make those things come true!

My sister Mekha is so cute. When she asked me to stay with her at Hofstra yesterday I couldn't say no and now she said Tuesday was the best day to hang out - we wanna hit the mall, get manicures and pedicures and just hang out. But when I asked my dad if it was ok to take the car he had to raise a bunch of reasons on why the answer was no - I'm going to keep pushing it till I can go. Living at home is so hard. I love my folks SOOOOO much but they make it so hard to just go out and have fun sometimes - in college and law school I was so used to just coming and going as I pleased. Here maybe it wouldn't be a problem if I had my own car but they worry about the gas, the tolls on the freeway to Long Island yeesh.

Anywayz, we went to Yonkers to go furniture shopping. I need a beautiful desk for my computer for the window that looks out onto the lake. GOD it's so freaking GORGEOUS! I love standing there and looking out on it and waking up to it. That's the best thing about this new house.

I gotta hurry and finish this up cause Ricky's calling me at 1am. I miss him like crazy. He's coming down in October (hopefully) and I'm going to L.A. to see him November 22 for USC's game against UCLA. GO TROJANS! :) I love USC - u have no idea! I wish i could've gone to a school with that much spirit, pride and love for their school.

I'm spending the rest of this week doing the job search and working on my songs. I'll talk to my friend before the end of the week as to when we'll be meeting up to record the songs and work on music. I've been coming up with so much new material. Can't wait to have tomorrow and Wednesday to myself so I can just sit and write the lyrics.

See ya guys later *HUGS*

- Nishi

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Name: Nishi
Age: 26
Where: New York
Faith: Christian
Sign: Aquarius
AIM: SelenityHime
ICQ: 21380169
Email: be83398@yahoo.com

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My Websites
A Dream I Dream
My personal page with pictures of me and everything I love!

TooyaandAya.com
Devoted to Touya/Tooya and Aya of Ayashi no Ceres!

UsagiandMamoru.com
My favorite and best couple ever! Sailor Moon's Usagi and Mamoru (Serena and Darien)

MiakaandTamahome.com
My tribute to Fushigi Yuugi's main couple who always have my heart, Miaka and Tamahome!

Max Lovely.com
A site all about the Ribon Manga series MAX LOVELY - has images, summaries and more!

Nishi Selenity's Treasures
My collection anime and manga collectibles and merchandise - dolls, posters, everything!

Nishi's Anime Cel Gallery at Rubberslug
Displays my anime cel collection from series such as Sailor Moon, Marmalade Boy and more!

My Ebay Auctions | FOR SALE
Things I'm selling or on auction

Anime Mailing Lists I Run and Own
Usagi and Mamoru ML
My most popular ML devoted to Usagi / Serena and Mamoru / Darien of Sailor Moon

Usagi and Mamoru Fan Fiction ML
Just for Usa Mamo fan fics!!

Naoko Takeuchi ML
Devoted to Naoko-sensei and all her works! Has latest news on her life and sailormoon news!

Tooya and Aya ML
For Ayashi no Ceres Celestial Legend Aya and Tooya / Touya

The Max Lovely Mailing List
To discuss the manga Max Lovely by Erika Kurahashi with posts on updates to images and manga summaries / translations

Maron and Chiaki ML
Devoted to Maron and Chiaki / Jeanne + Sindbad of Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne

Yuu and Miki of Marmalade Boy
Everything on this great couple!!!

Emeraude and Zagato
List for Magic Knight Rayearth's lovers Princess Emeraude and Zagato

Kodocha - Sana and Akito Hayama
For Sana-chan and Akito of Kodomo no Omocha!

Saint Tail - Asuka Jr. and Meimi ML!
For Asuka Jr. and Meimi of Kaito St. Tail!

Kare Kano Love
A Miyazwa and Arima ML - discuss everything Kare Kano here!

Archived Entries
1/1 - 2/21 | 3/5 - 3/30 | 3/31 - 4/18 | 4/19 - 5/10 | 5/13 - 6/22 | 6/22 - 7/29 | | 7/30 - 9/13 | 9/14 - 10/11 | 10/12 - 11/12 | 11/13 - 12/18 | 12/19 - 2/5 | 2/6 - 3/17 | 3/17 - 4/21 | 4/24 - 6/19 | 6/20 - 8/4 | 8/6 - 9/14 |

Friend's Journals

Lydia
Rence
SarahBeth
Natsuki
Diana
Ailinon
Eowyn
Wind-chan
Manda

Caroline
Rebecca
Kris-chan
Miyu-chan
MoonKlutz
Zbet
Adrianne
RameoG
Louise
Leanna

Laurelchan
Aisha
Janeen
Danielle
Jenna
Hemal
Callie
Reena
Crystal
Lady

Personality Quizzes I Made
The Royalty Quiz
The Woman of Beauty Quiz
Woman of Legend Quiz

Interesting Blogs I Read!

Barbie
InTheZone

ExoticSaint
Jenchan

Ashaluna
Oei
Avatrix

Favorite Actresses
Nicole Kidman
Demi Moore
Gwyneth Paltrow
Reese Witherspoon
Kate Hudson
Julia Roberts

Magazines etc I read:
Vogue
Cosmopolitan
Jane
Shape
Fitness
Allure
US Weekly
The Economist
Discover
National Geographic
Time
New York Times
Commondreams.org

Things I Support

The Chibi Usagi & Mamoru emoticons used in my journal are used with specific permission of these webmasters. Do not take or use without their permission.

Favorite Manga and Anime
most everything in Ribon and Nakayoshi!
Ayashi no Ceres/Ceres Celestial Legend
Basara
Delicious! (Yui Ayumi)
Fruits Basket
Full Moon wo Sagashite
Fushigi Yuugi
Gals / Super Gals!
Kamikaze Kaito Jeanne
Kare Kano
Kodomo no Omocha
Magic Knights Rayearth
Maria (Naoko Takeuchi)
Marmalade Boy
Max Lovely
Mint No Bokura
Miracle Girls
Random Walk
SailorMoon
Saint Tail / St. Tail
Tokyo Mew Mew
Vampire Game
Wild Act

MY WISH LIST
If anyone's thinking of getting me a gift for my birthday or christmas or whenever ;)

Saint Tail Plush Keychain of St. Tail

Kodocha TokyoPop translated english manga vol 10

Kare Kano TokyoPop Translated Manga vol 6 and on!

Delicious! manga volumes 2 + 3

Ceres Celestial Legend 5+

Vampire Game Vol 3+

Basara Vol 2+

Wild Act Vol 3+

Nakayoshi / Nakayosi manga issues:

December 1987 and January 1998
December 1989 - May 1990

Ribon Manga issues

November 1998 - August 1999

My Adoptees
Shown are adoptees from Sailor Moon, Full Moon wo Sagashite, Star Wars Attack of the Clones, Lord of the Rings, and Emeraude from Magic Knights Rayearth, X-Files, the child-like empress from the Neverending Story, St. Tail!, The Labyrinth, Satine from Moulin Rouge, and HARRY POTTER!

My Desktops

Words I live by:
Man is never so tall as when he kneels before God - never so great as when he humbles himself before God. And the man who kneels to God can stand up to anything. -Louis H. Evans

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. - Eleanor Roosevelt

"All human wisdom is contained in these two words: wait and hope." - The Count of Monte Cristo

"The winds of God are always blowing but it is up to you to set the sails." - UNKNOWN

moon phases